An old flame who is getting married...and I have a weird "jealous" feeling about it..

[MR109]

This isn't a big deal...just wanted to get an opinion on it...

I found out on Sunday an old flame of mine is getting married. Her and I always had a good connection, and everything started really fast when we met 5 years ago. As much as I liked her, she never wanted to take anything farther than lovers.

I really cared about her, but it always seemed like she took it for granted. (she would run back to ex-BF's who didn't treat her well).

We would hook up every year...nothing serious...and it always ended a couple of months after it started. I think I was someone she would contact "because" I cared...in order to make herself feel better. Don't get me wrong...there was a friendship there...it was just weird...and I cared about he more than she cared about me. 5 years later, our friendship grew...but nothing towards anything I ever wanted.

Last time I spoke with her was 11 months ago. It ended horribly, with both of us acting like children, fighting and arguing over email of all things.

And..for the past 11 months, I had always felt guilty about how it ended.

On Sunday, I contacted her out of the blue...and she responded really well...excited to hear from me...and in a few paragraphs, she ended up apologizing for everything she ever said last year (the yelling, arguing and fighting).

My intention in contacting her was to get some closure...sort of a way to get rid of this guilt I had been carrying around with me...until she revealed she was getting engaged this weekend to a guy she has been dating for the last 8 months, and is moving out of state soon. My first reaction was "HOLY CRAP! WOW...Cool...!"...my second reaction was a split second later was the oppopsite..i felt a sense of loss...

We started emailing a bit a few sentences here and there...and she gave me her new number.

Not sure why...but I called her a few days later, She didn't answer, but as I left a 2 sentence message, I felt like, "what the fvck am I doing??"

I have not contacted her since.

I really cared about her...so a part of me was really happy she was able to find someone she wanted to marry (regardless of what happened between us in the past)...the other part was a bit of jealousy.

I have not emailed or called her since Tuesday, and a couple days ago began writing a quick letter to her, congratulating her on her engagement (which is official on Sunday).

Haven't sent it yet.

In a way, it was a "wish you the best in your life" sort of note...my plan was to send it and just walk away, so I don't get crappy phonecalls about how great her new guy is.

She emailed me again tonight, telling me she will try to call me this weekend.

Did not respond...

I am not sure if it is best to send the letter, and just walk away...not responding to her emails or phone...or to simply just let it end naturally (she is moving out of state...getting married...and wanting to have a baby with this guy. So most likely she won't contact me and that will be that anyway).

hmmm...

Any thoughts on this one?

 

[jophil28]

My intention in contacting her was to get some closure...sort of a way to get rid of this guilt I had been carrying around with me...

Quit reading pop psych crap lit. Quit looking at Dr Fill and quit getting all worked up about "getting closure" or some other trendy nonsense.
You opened a can of worms, my man. Let it go with her, bite down on a round,and walk away onto the next adventure with someone else.

 

[MR109]

Ha! I love it!

yeah I know...felt like a can of worms was being opened...

Thanks...

I like your quote, by the way...makes sense...

 

[Arcturus]

I get a bit of a jealously prick when I see an old toy getting married. As alpha men being territorial is only normal and sometimes that comes across as emotional. You do not need closure, it will not make you feel better, you are just picking at a scab over old wounds. If she calls, feel free to have a discussion, but otherwise just wish her the best and go full no contact.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I get a bit of a jealously prick when I see an old toy getting married. As alpha men being territorial is only normal and sometimes that comes across as emotional. You do not need closure, it will not make you feel better, you are just picking at a scab over old wounds. If she calls, feel free to have a discussion, but otherwise just wish her the best and go full no contact.

I know that you probably didn't mean to revive this old thread, but check in the bottom left corner of each post so that you know when the post was made. The OP of this thread posted this about 7 years ago hahaha. The last time he logged into SoSuave was about 5 years ago. Just something to keep in mind buddy.

Also, welcome to the forums!

 

[Julian]

This is pretty beta here bro. She basically used u like a tampon and you got attached to her. ouch. sorry bud.


You need to change your thinking. Every girl I smash...well I know im not marrying her. How long she sticks around is up to her. And when she finds some dude to marry...well you know what bro be happy for them. Good for them. I just have the satisfaction of knowing my creamy load has graced all of her body and orifices and shes already been sexually ravaged by me soooooo yeah lol.

 

[El Payaso]

Oneitis.

 

[Von]

Old thread... but the issue remains....

It's normal to be a ''bit jealous/envious'' cause the person moved on for X reasons (good or bad) and you feel you are still at the same place, or have emotions towards that person that blocked somewhere while someone else brought down those walls.

Why him/her and not me? Competitive attitude.

Times will make that feeling fade, if not you got a problem

 

[RangerMIke]

You need to get to the point where you believe that you are the prize. You guys broke up... it's her loss. Start acting like it.

One more thing. When relationships fail, it is usually the fault of the woman. You do not need to have any freaking guilt, women will shame and guilt you, but the simple truth is either she broke up with you because you would not change to suit her, or another dude came along that made her 'gina tingle. So she either lost interest or she involved herself with you knowing you were not compatible with the idea that she could mold you into something else. Had she succeeded in 'changing you' you would have been fvcking miserable... would have become passive aggressive and the relationship would have ended.

Stop contacting her now. Ignore her attempts to reach out to you. Stop thinking about her... keep your mind occupied with other things other women works the best.