"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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An Interesting Message

Boxcar Ego

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Now, a bit of background before I begin: I met this girl in my senior year of high school, and we proceeded to casually date for a couple of months. We made out a few times, but nothing beyond that. At any rate, the split was, let's say, less than amicable. I was struggling with severe depression/anxiety at the time, and in conjunction with her emotionally turbulent past we probably had enough issues to fill that warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. I acted like a jackass, and she a b!tch. We dropped all contact shortly thereafter.

Fast forward to today, about a year and a half later. I happened to spot her on Facebook (one of those mutual friend of a friend deals) yesterday and shot her a quick message to see what was up. It was brief, lighthearted, and friendly. Now, I'm leagues ahead of where I was a year ago, so there wasn't any real investment in a response. Fire and forget, really. She replied back promptly this morning, much to my surprise.

"Hi There: So...I don't know how to say this without sounding like a jerk. I don't know what inspired finding me so suddenly.
But I figure explaining rather than ignoring is the better of the two evils.

After what you wrote in my yearbook at the end of last year, I felt a little bit like there was no getting away from this relationship that we've had.
Especially when it brings back memories about how you told me I was "wrong" and such when we broke up. (Again, old me=jackass)
I'm afraid, Boxcar Ego. My issues with men have only gotten worse and I've had to do this exact same talk with someone else the other day and I'm pretty sure they hate me for it.

I don't want to be a jerk. But I'm trying to make as many non-issues as possible. You can have whatever response to this that you like, but I'm sticking to my guns here. You're handsome, smart, nice and funny, but I am afraid. Of relationships, of what you expect of me (I wasn't expecting anything, but all right), and what I give of myself to not even just you, but everyone.
I hope you are doing well, and like LBCC. I know I did for the most part. "

Yeah, not quite what I was expecting. I don't have feelings for her anymore, but this one's still thrown me for a loop. Thoughts/suggestions?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Chromeo

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She probably still thinks your an AFC, if you wanna have some fun, your gonna have to hang out with her and show her how youve changed.

either dont respond if you dont think its worth it

or

respond light heartedly again, I would disregard everything she said and just ask if she wants to get some coffee or something.
 

Ease

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She's talking pure ****.

Its tempting to fall for it and explain how she is wrong about everything, but that would be playing into her game.

Send her something that will knock her flat onto her ass. Either dont reply and have her waiting anxiously for days, or reply with 1 sentance. 'ok cool, do you still have [mutual friend]s number?'
 

Boxcar Ego

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Ease said:
Send her something that will knock her flat onto her ass.
Yeah, I had a feeling it reeked of bull. It was laid on just a little too thick. Now, I'm leaning towards simply ignoring her outright, but what sort of response did you have in mind? The line about the mutual friend's number wouldn't fly, seeing as I already have the digits of most of our shared social circle.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Joe Stud

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Reply: "Geez, I ask you what time it is, and you tell me how to build a clock!"
"I had a few drinks, and saw your name come up, and thought I would give you an opportinity to buy me dinner"
 

Obameros

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Haha wait, you can have some fun with one man. Just pretty much disregaurd everything she just said and respond with something like:

"That's cool...It's great to hear that you've been doing well.[< hahaha] (insert a few lines about some interesting stuff that's been going on in your life, but nothing about relationships. Something odd/interesting or open ended that she can catch onto to continue the convo).

then end it with a:
"Well it's great to talk to you again, tell so and so I said hello, ttyl"

There's a 100% change she's going to respond with an elevated interest of meeting up with you. You didn't give any closure to the bull**** she just spewed at you, leaving lots of tension. Depending on what she says after this, try to set a casual date (coffee).

When you get to this point, let me know. But don't try to get into anything serious with this chick, she obviously still has some dramatic issues especially if she's coming out of nowhere with all of this bull**** about her lack of success with men. I'm just giving you tips on how to finally "hit it and quit it" and finish what you started.
 

Joe Stud

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obameros, u r right. if he doesnt address her spew, and brushes it off-taking the high road... she will want to re-engage. no doubt.
 

Kailex

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Joe Stud said:
Reply: "Geez, I ask you what time it is, and you tell me how to build a clock!"
"I had a few drinks, and saw your name come up, and thought I would give you an opportinity to buy me dinner"
Funny, because I thought pretty much the same thing.
I'm surprised a few people missed that.

OP says HI to this girl.
Girl responds with an essay on how she's afraid of men.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Time to head for the hills, Boxcar. This one is a nut. And anyone who acknowledges having issues with men... well, definitely isn't a keeper, specially if all you were doing was trying to be cordial...
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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