An interesting but dangerous solution...

[Bricka]

I've posted before about my trouble with a recent one-itis. I realized that I couldn't catch myself from falling in and was tough as hell to break out(although I think i'm mostly out of it by now). Right now, my solution to getting out of one-itis has been to sarge other women, or atleast think of other women. In the long run I think this is futile since you're basically just transferring your feelings from one woman to the next.

So here's what I was thinking. I need to solve 2 problems; 1) Not knowing when one-itis feelings are creeping up. and 2) Not knowing how to get myself out of there, effectively just letting my emotions play out until it wears off.

To solve them, this is what I am proposing: Try to repeatedly get yourself into one-itises, and then get myself out. Over and over, until it becomes as easy as snapping your fingers. This will hurt, a lot, and it's dangerous because you inviting emotions that you can't control which is risky.

I really really hate having a one-itis, because it makes me feel like **** and I start analyzing and over analyzing every tiny little thing, including when she's not around and has nothing to do with her, all in the name of seeing if i'm being as good as i can be(and the answer is almost always no, thinking that I could have done 'this' or 'that' , i.e. filled with regrets).

I want to annihilate this once and for all.

What do you guys think? is this wise or just downright stupid?

 

[reset]

To solve them, this is what I am proposing: Try to repeatedly get yourself into one-itises, and then get myself out. Over and over, until it becomes as easy as snapping your fingers. This will hurt, a lot, and it's dangerous because you inviting emotions that you can't control which is risky.

Oneitis sucks though. How many years are you going to repeat the same mistakes over and over again? I believe one or two good oneit's should do the trick.

Oneitis comes from not having a good sense of who you are as a man. I can't speak for other guys here, but for me oneitis was me thinking I had found a girl to save me from all the BS in my life that had nothing to do with women to begin with. You get the oneitis, it ends, and you're right back to where you were before the girl: the type of guy who sees a girl as the answer to all his problems. "Problems" you have the responsibility and ABILITY to handle.


THAT'S what needs to get fixed. Of course, at the very least, getting involved in dead-end oneitis enough could lead you to say "gee, maybe I should try something ELSE".

You don't just "get" oneitis. You have to be the type of person who falls into that to begin with.

 

[Bricka]

I AM the type of person that easily falls into one-itis. I think it's because of all the romantic bull**** I grew up with.

There are other factors at play here too. For example, seeking validation from a woman. I do this, and I know how bad it is, and i'm trying to weed it out. Good interaction = me happy, unsatisfactory interaction = me unhappy. Which is absolute bullsh!t.

Heres a question for you, I'm currently working, involved in multiple sports, working on starting up my own company(still building the product, solo for now since I have the expertise to build it although it will take a while), yet I still feel as if i'm not doing enough, as if I dont have enough worth yet, that there is something missing, and I believe i'm looking for a woman to fill this void. I know this is wrong, but I can't seem to pinpoint exactly what the hell is causing me to feel this way. I've read a lot of articles on this site about being a man, doing your own thing, not needing validation from anyone. Yet I still fall into that trap.

I have a feeling this may be the root cause of myself falling into one-itises so easily.

Oh, and if you haven't noticed by now, I do quite a bit of self reflection(or is it inner reflection? whatever)

 

[reset]

Self reflection is good. What's also good is that you HAVE pinpointed the problem. You think there's something fundamental missing from your life and you believe a girl will fix that for you. You're in good company, lol.

What is causing you to feel that way is you deciding that there is something missing in your life.

That's awfully tempting. Damn, wouldn't it be nice if a girl just solved all your problems for you and the two of you would go off happily in the sunset together? Like Jerry MGuire says "you...complete me."

Again, when something like this happens you're once again forced to confront the things that you wanted to escape from in the first place. And the TRUTH is, (this isn't easy to take) that women don't want a guy who makes them their world. It's a huge turn off. She wants to enter into your world. And your world is a good one when you walk around thinking "damn I feel good. I've created quite a life for myself."

It's the difference between DJ and AFC (average--meaning lots and lots of guys feel this way.)

I know the feeling though. I still think about my "last" oneitis all the time but at least I'm just making this inner plunge and deciding to correct the things in myself that caused me to latch onto her like a drowning man who thought he found a life raft.

Waking up from the Matrix is scary and for me, I felt very sick. I still feel sick. And what makes it tough is when I review threads here and see all the stuff I did wrong in other posts, like "oh right. Gee I wish I had known that before. Oh ok, I TURNED the girl off by acting like a wuss. Hmm. Better fix that"

But eventually your mindset changes and the stronger guy comes out. I know I'm not the same dude now as I was when I fell into the oneitis several months ago. I've learned too much and have had the courage to face the things in myself that caused it. You can't "Go back" once you wake up.

I believe that if you say "I am going to change" and are serious about it, things will pop up in your life to show you a new way.