An AFC NEXTing too early and too soon.

[michaelhctam]

I am an AFC, there is not lie about that :nono: and I try to be as humble as I possibly can with you DJ's, although as intimidating as you all can be I will stand my ground if you all diss me .

Any ways, I think I screwed up what could have possibly been a very good relationship with an HB8

I showed interest in her but she said she was not attracted to me,

"but I won't think any less of you and I really hope we can still be friends.
I really have respect for you for your courage and honesty, and I really hope you're not too disappointed - you'll make some girl really happy someday" ::crackup:

So I kind of interpreted this wrongly and so I nexted her (as an excuse to stop persueing her) but I know this is AFCish to do that so early as a macho excuse to wuss out.

So now I think her 'respect' in me is really wandering atm....how can I make this situation less awkward?! Whenever I see her its really awkward because I feel like a total A-hole and I think she is starting to see my AFCness....

HELP ME

 

[BluEyes]

ignore her. move on.

The more attention and respect you give her now, the less attention and respect you have from her.

 

[jonwon]

I showed interest in her but she said she was not attracted to me,

"but I won't think any less of you and I really hope we can still be friends.
I really have respect for you for your courage and honesty, and I really hope you're not too disappointed - you'll make some girl really happy someday" ::crackup:

This is womanize for:

Your too much of a nice guy and i dont find you attractive, i may fancy you, but you dont have a chance in hell as i prefer some MAN to make me feel like a women and you just dont cut it bud i.e there is no spark. But i am more then happy to have you tag along and pay me compliments mr nice guy, yes you will do just great making me feel good whilst i dangle my puss* two inches to your face and keep you begging for more, but you will never get it and i simply want to use you to feel good about myself.

Thats what she says, in translation.

i.e. move on and learn from this site, mr nice guy

Dumping her was the best thing you could have done, dont give in to the nice guy again! you are starting to get it in check dont let it re-surface, keep working on you.

 

[Thomas94305]

I don't quite agree about moving on.. there's a lot you can learn from this.. use this situation to learn about women, and have some fun in the process.

For starters, internalize this.. "you owe her nothing.. you owe no apology for expressing interest as a man." So, when I'm around her, I'd act totally unapologetic about things. If she respects me, and can actually fulfill my requirements as a friend, I'll consider her.. in parallel to that, I'd move on romantically. I'd ask others out, and when I get dates, I'd tell her about it. Assert your independence from her. She may turn around, get jealous, and pursue you. She may just get wierd, you can next her at that point. In any event, you're learning about women for your own sake, you're practicing independence and not buying into a woman's shyt, and there may be some laughs in it for giving a woman what she asked for and watching her gag on that. If she offers TRUE friendship, then that's cool too.

 

[The challenger]

i whud next her if i was u
maybe talk to her once a month but get into this mindset- "I WILL NOT TRY AT ALL WITH THIS CHICK NO MATTER WHAT SIGNALS SHE GIVES" because the signals WILL be fake and will only be there to keep u around to compliment her

just go for the next girl... ur chances with this one are 0%

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

You committed the cardinal sin of attraction: you literally TOLD her your feelings. Divulging your feelings will ALWAYS hurt your chances unless she is ALREADY attracted to you. So it is the worst move you can possible make besides never approaching a girl in the first place.

Why is it such a bad thing to say? It is such a bad thing to say because of what it IMPLIES. What it implies is that you are basically trying to "force" attraction instead of naturally building it. Why would you have to EXPLICITY state that you like her if attraction was already being naturally built. If you have to actually say it, then that means your actions were lacking and you're trying to make up for it with words. Basically, your actions and words are most likely not congruent, which creates AWKWARDNESS.

Think about it. You go up to a girl saying "I like you" to just have her sit there and say nothing? No, you do that because you are expecting her to say "OMG I LOVE YOU TOO!" and jump on you and ride away into the sunset. It doesn't work like that. Think realistically.

You did a very, very common AFC move which so many of us have been guilty of in the past. At least you have this resource to set you straight. I never had one when I made that first bad move 5 years ago.

 

[Jay Jay]

The above posts are good.

So I'll just deal with your question about things being awkward.

Don't worry about it. There is absolutely no reason to be awkward about telling a girl you like her (although as mentioned above, tactically its not the best thing to do...).

In fact her response shows clearly that she respects you for being up front with it. While on one hand telling a girl your feelings isn't the best for building attraction and sexual tension it doesn't make her have contempt for you. She will think you are a sweet nice guy and like you for it.

You feel like an arsehole for nexting her? Don't. You gave her the opportunity to be in your life. She passed it up. What? Do you think she expects you to keep begging for her attention. **** no!

As long as you are not an arsehole in your interactions she won't think you an arsehole.

For Example.

I met this magnificent woman... Laura... ahhhh Laura... she was sooooo nice.... So so cute! She...

Sorry.

Basically I met her through mutual friends a few times, we had a great time and I got her number. But then she didn't answer or return my calls. I nexted her.

I saw her again about six months later. Once again we hit it off. I wasn't ashamed of liking her, being rejected by her nor nexting her. There was no awkwardness at all. I asked her for her number again. She was like "Don't you have my number?" I was like, "yeah but I erased it when you didn't return my calls." She hit me playfully called me and arsehole.

I got her number and a date (it turned out flakiness was part of her makeup unfortunately... but I still love her!... in an "if only she wasn't such a flake" kind of way).

So just be normal. Don't feel bad. Don't be so hard on yourself. Its cool.

JJ

p.s.

Don't be intimidated by anyone here. We are all students in this life and it is only those who think they have it all figured out who should get flamed. It is those who ask questions who become the masters.

 

[michaelhctam]

This is womanize for:

Your too much of a nice guy and i dont find you attractive, i may fancy you, but you dont have a chance in hell as i prefer some MAN to make me feel like a women and you just dont cut it bud i.e there is no spark. But i am more then happy to have you tag along and pay me compliments mr nice guy, yes you will do just great making me feel good whilst i dangle my puss* two inches to your face and keep you begging for more, but you will never get it and i simply want to use you to feel good about myself.

Thats what she says, in translation.

i.e. move on and learn from this site, mr nice guy

Dumping her was the best thing you could have done, dont give in to the nice guy again! you are starting to get it in check dont let it re-surface, keep working on you.

HAHA! :rockon:

I totally agree with that man, I had several nights of difficult sleep wondering if she was thinking about that (AFC hrrm? )

I think I still have that AFC mentality that if I act distant and a-holeish then she will start treated me badley aswell.....:trouble:

But I dont want to become this womans emotional tampon....I am a man you know? I dont want her to put a leash around my fvcking neck, friends? :box: fvck off.

So what shall I do then Jonwon? Try her friends or something

 

[michaelhctam]

I'd like to thank you guys (Jay Jay,TillTheEndOfTime, Thomas94305, BluEyes, The challenger) for replying to this thread (yeah....I am Mr. nice guy but only to fellow men trying to better themselves )

Your advice really helped me out, I stoped giving her compliments and I always end the conversation now....I basically treat her like sh!t now...and now she is starting to understand I am not a pushover.

You guys really helped me out when I felt down, and gave me alot of insights that I previously wouldent think about.

I dont have any brothers, but I consider all those on this websites my brothers.

 

[jonwon]

HAHA! :rockon:

I totally agree with that man, I had several nights of difficult sleep wondering if she was thinking about that (AFC hrrm? )

I think I still have that AFC mentality that if I act distant and a-holeish then she will start treated me badley aswell.....:trouble:

But I dont want to become this womans emotional tampon....I am a man you know? I dont want her to put a leash around my fvcking neck, friends? :box: fvck off.

So what shall I do then Jonwon? Try her friends or something

Dont do anything, you already have an understanding.

But be careful, dont become the guy that has a stick up his Ars* either, which is normally the next transistion from nice guyness. (what i mean is dont hate her or women, just learn what you need to do and rise over it, you cant control you can only BECOME)

As some already said, showing intent is not normally a bad thing, i would listen to the other posters they give solid advice.

But ultimatly this girl will mess with your head at this stage, so playing her i would advice against it, when confronted with an hot as* women and trying to play her takes a better man then even i can admit to being.

Move on, plenty more just reflect and learn.

 

[Kev07]

you did the right thing, don't trip.

and a step that you can do to step out of afcness is to not treat us like we are better than you.

 

[michaelhctam]

So I'll just deal with your question about things being awkward.

Don't worry about it. There is absolutely no reason to be awkward about telling a girl you like her (although as mentioned above, tactically its not the best thing to do...).

In fact her response shows clearly that she respects you for being up front with it. While on one hand telling a girl your feelings isn't the best for building attraction and sexual tension it doesn't make her have contempt for you. She will think you are a sweet nice guy and like you for it.

You feel like an arsehole for nexting her? Don't. You gave her the opportunity to be in your life. She passed it up. What? Do you think she expects you to keep begging for her attention. **** no!

As long as you are not an arsehole in your interactions she won't think you an arsehole.

For Example.

I met this magnificent woman... Laura... ahhhh Laura... she was sooooo nice.... So so cute! She...

Sorry.

Basically I met her through mutual friends a few times, we had a great time and I got her number. But then she didn't answer or return my calls. I nexted her.

I saw her again about six months later. Once again we hit it off. I wasn't ashamed of liking her, being rejected by her nor nexting her. There was no awkwardness at all. I asked her for her number again. She was like "Don't you have my number?" I was like, "yeah but I erased it when you didn't return my calls." She hit me playfully called me and arsehole.

I got her number and a date (it turned out flakiness was part of her makeup unfortunately... but I still love her!... in an "if only she wasn't such a flake" kind of way).

So just be normal. Don't feel bad. Don't be so hard on yourself. Its cool.

JJ

p.s.

Don't be intimidated by anyone here. We are all students in this life and it is only those who think they have it all figured out who should get flamed. It is those who ask questions who become the masters.

Thank you for your P.S....

I just dont know what to say to her from now on you know what I mean?

Any suggestions?

Any comeback I can say to this rejection?

 

[michaelhctam]

:woo: :woo: :woo:

 

[mrRuckus]

You committed the cardinal sin of attraction: you literally TOLD her your feelings. Divulging your feelings will ALWAYS hurt your chances unless she is ALREADY attracted to you. So it is the worst move you can possible make besides never approaching a girl in the first place.

Yes, keep your mouth shut mr original poster. Just get 'dates' and then in her pants without ever saying you're interested. They always end up being plainly obvious when they reach a level of real interest in you so you don't have to do anything. Telling her how you feel does nothing but creep them out. Usually if you have to ask if a girl is interested, she isn't.

 

[Lust]

Thats not AFC at all. Nexting is fine, giving up is not.

Know the difference.

 

[michaelhctam]

She treats me like an a-hole now, and her male friends in my school really disrespect me now.

WHATS GOING ON?!

What can I do to solve this problem?!

 

[jonwon]

She treats me like an a-hole now, and her male friends in my school really disrespect me now.

WHATS GOING ON?!

What can I do to solve this problem?!

whats going on.

this is whats going on:

LISTEN and LEARN:

The male friends are AFC chumps trying to win HER APPROVAL by suplicating to her and showing her they AGREE with her, in essence these and WUSS boys who are simply trying to SCORE POINTS.

Your not, your a guy who does not need to score points by worshipping puss* or some womens personal issues.

Also she hates you now since your DIFFERENT to these Wuss boys, she cant understand why you dont suplicate like the rest, she has no idea why her charms are not working, she does no know you COME HERE and have a HIGHER understanding.

Walk around with a smile and a knowldege that you have one up on her.

Why do you want to interact with her anyway?

If you really need to get better, forget about her forget about her manipulative tactics, she is still dangling the pus** 2inches to your face and your still following it, did you not pick up anything.

and if you did become back in her good books, where do you think its going to lead? It will only lead to you being another wuss like the train of bum boys she has following her around, dont be a CHUMP.

Best thing to do is forget about her and work on more women, letting this chick effect you is a bad way to go.

solve the problem, let her get on with it.

Being different is not normally a good thing, it can have a negative effect.

YOU HAVE to be true to what you believe in even surrounded by chumps.

It is hard to not slot back in, but this women is not good as slotted you into Friend zone, now your not accepting it she is using other tactics to mess with your head, seems this women as princess theory.

Solve it is to forget about her or her train of puss* worshipping fans trying to score points, they only add more social value to you anyway the more they play you down, i.e your not like them.

If she treats you like a A-Hole treat her with the same RESPECT, dont let women walk all other you due to there princess ideals, this women seems spoilt, on a pedestal and a little full of her self. what does she expect, your not some chump to be mates with a girl you want to date, that is reserved for loosers, is she trying to make you one of her loosers? you going to accept that?

No so forget about her.

 

[The Sperminator]

What exactly did you do? Did you ignore her, act like an a hole to her? I'm sure shes just wondering why you aren't paying attention to her anymore and is angry bc she thinks shes all that. Girls love attention and when they don't get angry. Now she has all of her stupid puppies/guy friends who are in love with her and think by doing her little chores they will get some but never will come after you. She probably wasn't thinking about you before but now that you act like you don't like her shes mad but at the same time curious. Now you are on her mind. If shes attractive this probably hasn't happen to her before. If I was you I would ignore her unless she approaches you and even at that don't act all happy and giddy that shes talking to you just act normal like you could care less. Honestly the chances are slim that she will ever like you but at least you don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that shes all that. But maybe just maybe she could possibly be attracted to you now that you don't want her. Girls are weird like that they want what they can't get.

 

[michaelhctam]

whats going on.

this is whats going on:

LISTEN and LEARN:

The male friends are AFC chumps trying to win HER APPROVAL by suplicating to her and showing her they AGREE with her, in essence these and WUSS boys who are simply trying to SCORE POINTS.

Your not, your a guy who does not need to score points by worshipping puss* or some womens personal issues.

Also she hates you now since your DIFFERENT to these Wuss boys, she cant understand why you dont suplicate like the rest, she has no idea why her charms are not working, she does no know you COME HERE and have a HIGHER understanding.

Walk around with a smile and a knowldege that you have one up on her.

Why do you want to interact with her anyway?

If you really need to get better, forget about her forget about her manipulative tactics, she is still dangling the pus** 2inches to your face and your still following it, did you not pick up anything.

and if you did become back in her good books, where do you think its going to lead? It will only lead to you being another wuss like the train of bum boys she has following her around, dont be a CHUMP.

Best thing to do is forget about her and work on more women, letting this chick effect you is a bad way to go.

solve the problem, let her get on with it.

Being different is not normally a good thing, it can have a negative effect.

YOU HAVE to be true to what you believe in even surrounded by chumps.

It is hard to not slot back in, but this women is not good as slotted you into Friend zone, now your not accepting it she is using other tactics to mess with your head, seems this women as princess theory.

Solve it is to forget about her or her train of puss* worshipping fans trying to score points, they only add more social value to you anyway the more they play you down, i.e your not like them.

If she treats you like a A-Hole treat her with the same RESPECT, dont let women walk all other you due to there princess ideals, this women seems spoilt, on a pedestal and a little full of her self. what does she expect, your not some chump to be mates with a girl you want to date, that is reserved for loosers, is she trying to make you one of her loosers? you going to accept that?

No so forget about her.

You know what Jonwon? I absofvckinlutely agree with you 110% I should just ignore her and move on to other fish! I will just ignore the wusses that give me evil glares (because I will be the one walking away with the knowledge)

I HAVE to interact with her beacuse we basically go to the same dancing lessons together and there is a dancing competition coming up and I will HAVE to eventually see her again (which is sh!t I know)

Come to think about it, her charms are not working for me because each time she tries to say something to me I just ignore her and tell her i'll talk to her later in a very sarcastic and d!ckheadish way.

I dont care what she thinks about me! I got other women to approch...geez, I cant believe I am obsessing about her so much.....thank you Jonwon.

"and if you did become back in her good books, where do you think its going to lead? It will only lead to you being another wuss like the train of bum boys she has following her around, dont be a CHUMP"

YES YES YES.......So you suggesting I should just ignore her? What will her friends say? Isnt this all social proof things? She might ****block me from other girls....(I heard this is what girls do)

geez one thing leads to another!

Thank you Jonwon.

 

[jonwon]

You know what Jonwon? I absofvckinlutely agree with you 110% I should just ignore her and move on to other fish! I will just ignore the wusses that give me evil glares (because I will be the one walking away with the knowledge)

I HAVE to interact with her beacuse we basically go to the same dancing lessons together and there is a dancing competition coming up and I will HAVE to eventually see her again (which is sh!t I know)

Come to think about it, her charms are not working for me because each time she tries to say something to me I just ignore her and tell her i'll talk to her later in a very sarcastic and d!ckheadish way.

I dont care what she thinks about me! I got other women to approch...geez, I cant believe I am obsessing about her so much.....thank you Jonwon.

"and if you did become back in her good books, where do you think its going to lead? It will only lead to you being another wuss like the train of bum boys she has following her around, dont be a CHUMP"

YES YES YES.......So you suggesting I should just ignore her? What will her friends say? Isnt this all social proof things? She might ****block me from other girls....(I heard this is what girls do)

geez one thing leads to another!

Thank you Jonwon.

If you really want to mess this chick up or not be bothered, this method is a sure way to kill two birds with one stone.

Since you have to speak to her or meet her again.

this is what you try.

Dont be effected either way, dont show her your angry, botherd, concerend, resentful, moody, jealous, happy.

Just talk to her like you would talk you your sister or brother, i.e impartial and not really bothered, or talk to her like some student you met in the hall who wanted to say 'hi'.

To make this not effect you, is hard.

but dont chase her, dont follow her, dont try to make excuses to be with her, if you find your in a situation with her, just treat it as your in a situation with a total stranger.

but this is not easy and this girl sounds like bad news, i think she as been bitten by you and she does not like it, so it seems she is using means to wonder why your not like the other chumps.

i would avoid her, but if you have to spea to her treat her like you treat others, impartial or not even bothered if she was there or not, she as simply nothing to offer you!

That is until she steps of her pedestal and meets you on her level, you dont want to be friends it cant work, she it seems want's the attention from you, dont give it to her, treat her like some spoilt kid or at worst just a normal person. If you show any negative traits e.t.c it will only validate her attention need since she can see your effected by her putting you in friend zone.

Your a cool character, this stuff is like water off a ducks back! So what she tried to put you in friend zone, you know this you know more then her, remember that when you see her and see right through her.