Am I wrong to only want a love-based relationship????

[thatguy]

Lately I have become very cynical of everything that's happening around me in regards to my work, bills, stuff I HAVE to do, etc. Basically, I do it without regard to it as "problems" and without discussing it with my folks or friends unless something really pisses me off.

With my girlfriend, I only want to talk about us -- our love, sex, time together, plans, recreation, nights out, etc. I don't care about her everyday problems - and I never talk about work or anything that I encounter that's non-related to my free time and to her. So - I listen to her and agree with her and help her with advice, etc., but I become bored and a little frustrated that I pretty much keep quiet when she's talking waiting for her to say something about us rather than her day.

We've been together for 8 months and we love each other and everything is great, but this is what I've been feeling lately. Am I wrong?

 

[Chewy Bagel]

You're a guy and you want to chat about your relationship? I remember reading that a guy thinks that talking about the relationship means that there is something wrong and women think that chatting about the relationship means that things are going well...

Are you sure you're not a woman posing as a man?

 

[thatguy]

Originally posted by Chewy Bagel
You're a guy and you want to chat about your relationship? I remember reading that a guy thinks that talking about the relationship means that there is something wrong and women think that chatting about the relationship means that things are going well...

Are you sure you're not a woman posing as a man?

Funny, but that's not the reason -- it's because I am pretty much happy with a lot of things in my life and the only one that I *think* I'm lacking is love and safety in a relationship...

 

[NMMWCR]

If what you got going with this girl is wrong, you don't want to be right...

It's a beautiful thing when you have a woman who is friend, lover, and confidant all at once. Consider yourself damn lucky, brother. 99.99% of the women out there aren't mature enough to hold up their end of that bargain.

 

[seulaxplaya]

whatever floats your boat. but remember if your arent satisfying her shell get it from somewhere else

 

[Player_Supreme]

Are you wrong? yes... in your approach

1. how can you claim to be her friend if you don't want to know anything about her or her day.
2. your getting stuck on the us issue and missing the little things that makes a relationship.
3. your woman will end up bored with you real soon if you don't change your tune...you do the same things...at the same time...on the same days...ends up in boredom land...watch when the arguments start.
4. your being selfish and selfcentered...only wanting to talk about what you want to talk about and not taking a real interest in her.
5. all she is, is just a body whom your spending time with. a girlfriend is more than that...yeah yeah I know coming from me it's a surprise...


I think that a relationship is a special friendship where two people "really" care about one another and are actually interested in the other person, not their own selfish self interest. When I was in one, even though I am kinda dominating, I took an active interest in what my ex was doing...I learned as much about M. A. C. make up products that she sold as she did....I knew what was going on in her company when they got bought out...I helped her prepare presentations.. and raise up to the management level...I helped her study her way through school...all this cause I was truely interested in helping her as a person.....then I became more like you....and became interested in only "me"...and now you see why she is called an "ex"...


In conclusion...you are not wrong in wanting a love based relationship...just your approach to it. You want a narrow world of just you and her....but life is bigger than that.

 

[squirrels]

I would love to find a girl I could "get it all" from. I don't meet many of that caliber, though.

Probably just not looking/trying hard enough.

 

[thatguy]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme

I think that a relationship is a special friendship where two people "really" care about one another and are actually interested in the other person, not their own selfish self interest. When I was in one, even though I am kinda dominating, I took an active interest in what my ex was doing...I learned as much about M. A. C. make up products that she sold as she did....I knew what was going on in her company when they got bought out...I helped her prepare presentations.. and raise up to the management level...I helped her study her way through school...all this cause I was truely interested in helping her as a person.....then I became more like you....and became interested in only "me"...and now you see why she is called an "ex"...

There WAS a time when this is how we were - but she never cares to hear what I'm saying about my day and if she does the conversation quickly turns to her again... you know maybe this relationship isn't so perfect as I had thought...

 

[John Juan]

not sounding like easy street to me. if she's not AT LEAST as interested in what you're up to as you are in her, then that's an imbalance that will only worsen. some of the stuff in your original post sounds kinda desperate. i'd say back off a little bit, don't be a sponge for her to pour on all the time, focus on doing some things for yourself/ on your own and see if things improve. if not, end it!
-jlc

 

[THA REALNESS]

duh

this is a no-brainer,ur conversations r based on ur relationship,and ur afraid she's not really listening or wouldn't want 2 listen 2 ur side?duh! ,bring up the subject next time u speak 2 her!


p.s. what will u do if u find out u are right and she doesn't really care about ur problems?

 

[BobbDobbs]

She sounds like a chatter box. Most women love to chatter, but even among them there are extremes.

I don't know if you can cure chatter boxes or not by confronting them on it. I do know that chatter boxes can continue to be chatter boxes until the day they are planted in the ground.

If they aren't talking about what happened today, they are talking about what happened last year, or last decade, or back in the day ... and if you have any sort of ltr, you will have heard it all for the 500th time.

 

[tiburon]

Tiburon to the rescue

DUDE i hate to brake it to you ...but you are going downhill with this girl fatser than a profesioonal skier! YOU BETTER SHAPE UP OR BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES!

You are giving her WAY TO MUCH ATTENTION! What is that stuff about talking about your love for her , sex, your relationship......what is this?Didnt they teach you those are sacred conversations that should never NEVER be started by a MAN! This is the message you are giving her everytime you talk about that crap:..."I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HONEY AND ALL I CARE TO TALK ABOUT IS US AND US "..and this is her reaction :...." WELL MY DAY IS WAS PRETTY COOL, I WENT TO THE MALL, etc. ",
Man realize her interest on you is declining fast...thats why she doesnt talk about that stuff. I AM NOT SURPRISED the interest is declining after all you do i show her you are heads over heals and she is your only way to have fun and relieve that stress from your life. SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE GOING AFTER YOU , NOT YOU AFTER HER! The conversations about love, sex , relationship between you guys should be started by her and then always let her keep on adding to it (in other words dont get carried away and let the AFC with oneitis come out of the box)! You need to become a challenge before it is too late! No more love talks , and start chilling with friends and start taking th eattention away from her! SHE WILL FEEL IT! Then she might start getting more curious about your life . ALWASYS try to be a mystery..keep her interested, and dont EVER tell her your probles with your job, if you are sad , depressed etc. Why? Well lets just say you never see SUPERMAN, VAN diesel in a movie crying about their probles ..YOU ARE A MAN>>YOU ARE TOUGH...your mother families adn friends can help you with your problems.

"
Are you wrong? yes... in your approach

1. how can you claim to be her friend if you don't want to know anything about her or her day."
I think he gets the point wrong she already talks only about her!

"2. your getting stuck on the us issue and missing the little things that makes a relationship."
I really feel thi is irrevelant when you have her as an attention freak!

"3. your woman will end up bored with you real soon if you don't change your tune...you do the same things...at the same time...on the same days...ends up in boredom land...watch when the arguments start."
Agree - you need to change with the love talks...

"4. your being selfish and selfcentered...only wanting to talk about what you want to talk about and not taking a real interest in her."
**** men if you take more interest in her ..you are AN AFC FOR REAL and you are doomed...you actually need to stop being so interested in the relationship and let her be more interested in you by becoming a challenge.

"5. all she is, is just a body whom your spending time with. a girlfriend is more than that...yeah yeah I know coming from me it's a surprise..."
Hey this guy for some reason made a case out of defending your gill.....but trust me if you start treating her anybetter by thinking you are an ASS ..you are going to get dumped really soon...IF anything YOU ARE WAY TO NICE..lol talking about love and relationships!

"I think that a relationship is a special friendship where two people "really" care about one another and are actually interested in the other person, not their own selfish self interest. When I was in one, even though I am kinda dominating, I took an active interest in what my ex was doing...I learned as much about M. A. C. make up products that she sold as she did....I knew what was going on in her company when they got bought out...I helped her prepare presentations.. and raise up to the management level...I helped her study her way through school...all this cause I was truely interested in helping her as a person.....then I became more like you....and became interested in only "me"...and now you see why she is called an "ex"..."

Actually the reason its called an ex was because he was also to NICE in the beggining and when he wanted to get some in return she was way too spooiled and ....SURPRISED..you get dumped!

Tiburon

 

[thatguy]

Tiburon, if I show less interest - SHE does too. Her policy is "well, if you don't like me, you don't want me? - WHAT CAN I DO, it's like that..." That pisses me off, when I would be like "Well, you don't like me - what can I do so that we can be happy?"

Then yesterday during the power out I had mine still on and asked her to come over. She said "i don't wanna stay inside - if you just want to stay inside and watch a movie, I can stay here [at home]." That was another thing that pissed me off - I said "so you're saying that it's the same for you to be home alone as being at home with me?" She said "no no, i just don't wanna be inside, with you or without you..."

grr how many times do I have to think of dumping her ass and not going through with it?!? She's not worth my time and energy...

And for those who say "dump her NOW" -- it was hard enough to find one whom I liked [and still do except a few things] -- i don't meet chicks at bars or clubs -- i don't like the sort, but oh well...

I LIED ABOUT THINGS BEING GREAT. I LIED TO MYSELF FIRST!

 

[Quick]

I never thought I'd say this, but (gulp), I..... agree.... with..... Tiburon. (i need to go wash off my typing fingers.) Just kidding, Tiburon.

It sounds like you have a girl that was always self-centered, and that you've made the problem worse by indulging her. That's the same problem I made in my first LTR. I was a nice guy, she was selfish, which made us a perfect match. I was always giving and she was always taking. The problem was, when I decided I wanted to take just a little bit myself, she grew resentful. She really wasn't interested in my day or my outside life, but i listened to every single detail of her mundane, drama-filled, escapades at the office. I tried to change the dynamic, but that's who she was as a person. If I wanted to receive, I needed a new girlfriend.

You should do what Tiburon said, regardless of her attitude. Actually, because of her attitude. When you pull away, she'll pull away too. But if you stay strong, one of two things will happen.

1. She'll come back to you asking what she needs to do to please you. You set your new ground rules

2. She stays away because she's unwilling to have a relationship except completely on her own self-centered terms. In which case, good riddance. You're free to find a more caring girl, and establish a give AND take dynamic from the beginning.

From my viewpoint, it might be too late to turn this relationship into one that is pleasant for you. It's already been established that it's all about fulfilling her needs, and she won't want that to change. Honestly, I don't think feels that much for you anymore, if she ever did. Regardless, stopping all those actions immediately and pulling back is the only way. Stop calling her for a while.

How's your sex lives? Declining at all?

 

[Quick]

Desperation is never a good reason to stay with a girl. Read the DJ Bible, and figure out how to attract a new girl, and set up a pattern that fulfills your needs. Are you going to marry this girl because you think it's too hard to find another one? Besides, from the relationship you describe,she's going to dump you soon. It's better to be the dumper than the dumpee. Makes it easier to move on.

 

[tiburon]

Quick is right...

You either stay strong and see how she reacts....(just as Quick explained )or you live a miserable live by giving always into her needs. This is the only real way of testing the interest this woman has for you or if she care for the relationship at all. I THINK WE HAVE AN IDEA THAT THIS IS NOT THE CASE< BUT JUST DO IT AS A TEST.SHE FAILS SHE GETS DUMP, SHE RECAPACITATES ITS YOUR DECISION , BUT REMEMBER SHE MIGHT RETURN TO BEING HERSELF AFTER A WHILE< AND THATS WHEN YOU HAVE TO STAND STRONG!

If she stays away fore more than a week after you have turn off all contacts i suggest you dump her....chances are she cheated on you by then ! BUt nevertheless shows too little interest and care for the 8 month relationship. Get someone better!!


Tiburon