Am I wrong to be annoyed about this?

[ayaya]

I've been with my gf for about 3months now.. I'm 17, she's 16. This girl fell in love with me.. and the feeling is more than mutual. It's a bit of an LDR but we manage to see each other 2-3 times a week (usually). A few weeks ago she went on a Med cruise for 12days and we barely had contact. Anyway, she made a lot of new friends there particularly this one guy.. my age, whom she seemed to get on really well with. She even told me they got "really close," but she says it's purely friendship and she would never consider him in that way.. even if single ;/

Anyway, he lives in NJ and we live in the UK. It's a £500 plane flight just so see him, so about $800. Pretty hefty for a 16yr old who earns $40/week and spends most of it, particularly when they talk whenever they want on the phone/AIM anyway..

She wants to go see him next year. I don't want her to. I think it's stupid, she can talk to him whenever she wants anyway and its a big cost for her to save up. She says her views on friendship are different to mine, phone/net "aren't the same" and she wants to see her friends in person.

I'm 99% sure that she didnt "do anything" with this guy on her holiday, and prolly wouldn't anyway if she went to see him now. But I still hate it. Another thing is that she's had to take on a lot of extra work recently (it's our summer holiday at the mo), meaning she might not be able to see me as much as before. The worse thing is the way she doesn't seem to understand, or care about my feelings :/

I'm trying not to be insecure or paranoid about this but it's getting to me. She says she's still in love with me but I dunno.. things are different between us now. She did a lot of thinking on holiday and apparently "realised a lot of stuff," such as not planning your life right now and enjoying every day.. etc. She was really obsessed with me before she went away and I loved it.. now it's just not the same ;(

 

[Luscious]

Hey, looks like you're new here...

Anyways, I gave your story a good read, and although there's hope...let's play the cold hard truth game.

WHY would she talk/obsess so much about ONE GUY, who she spent about a week with?

Don't listen to what she says. They either got naughty, or she wants to get naughty with him. PERIOD.

A woman won't sit there and pine away over a guy like that, if he's just a friend. Trust me on this one. I want you to succeed, and I don't want you to get hurt, but if I was in your shoes, I'd stand up for myself, and tell her either to cut him out, or else you're gone. Period.

She's basically using you for a crutch, until she can be closer to him. He's the fling, you're the clueless 'constant' she can always fall back on. Don't reward her for being a manipulator - give her the boots.

Like you said...

She says her views on friendship are different to mine, phone/net "aren't the same" and she wants to see her friends in person.

The truth is, she can't fool around with him, or jump his bones, over the phone/internet. She wants him. Sorry.

Dude, you're 17. COME ON. You don't need to be taking this kind of stuff, she's NOT YOUR WIFE, she's not even a WOMAN...she's a GIRL, who is yanking your chain, and leading you on. You DON'T need her.

You deserve a LOT better than the stuff she's pulling right now.

Dump her - and go out and hit on every chick you see after that. I don't care if they're ugly, strangers, deformed - if she's a woman, approach her and talk to her. Get over this chick, get new chicks.

Read the bible, too. Top right corner of the webpage.

Hope this works out for you.

 

[ayaya]

Thanks.. I really dunno tho. From everything she and other people have said, I don't think she wants to "get naughty" with him at all.. he's apparently quite ugly and it's just the way she is with all her friends, wanting to see them in person and that.

I might take your advice about telling her "him or me," tho. I dunno, the thing is.. what if I'm worrying about nothing? What if he IS nothing but a friend, and then I do something like that? Won't I just look like a really pathetic, jealous, insecure bf? :/

I'm 99% sure she wouldnt cheat even.. from everything she's said about her past for one thing. She's been screwed over by guys before (altho never cheated on), and I know her views on cheating are the same as mine. We may only be young, but it's way to serious to just "dump her" like that and start hitting on other chicks. She's my first love and I'm hers.. I've given everything to this girl, and likewise.

She's actually a pretty perfect gf otherwise.. I've never met anyone like her before. She's everything I've always wanted, hence me not wanting to just move on like this ;(

I've read the bible anyway, I've been on this forum for a while just never needed to post before.

Thanks for the help..

 

[ayaya]

A few more things im gonna mention.. not trying to overly justify anything but anyway:

- She won't be seeing him until April next year.. we'll have been together 11months by then. Is it really worth acting on it now when I could have another 8months (or more) of happiness with her?

- I remember reading in an email to this guy's friend something she wrote: "i was really happy on holiday.. it was like i had a best male friend (him), best female friend (some cruise chick) and a bf.. with no shìt." Seems like he's in the friend zone anyway..

- She's going to visit other (female) friends from her cruise too.. several times before then. One in particular lives in Glasgow, about 250 miles from here (she has no car or anything).

Anyway that's enough from me now

Ta

 

[Luscious]

I told you what I'd do, if I were in your shoes.

I can't be your mind and conscience, man.

The decision is ultimately up to you - just don't sit there for hours/days/weeks thinking about 'what to do'. It'll kill you inside. Do what you gotta do, and do it soon, no matter which way you're going.

I can't give you any more help than that.

 

[Zelemont]

The only time I have considered travelling to see a girl is when a girl who was my best friend through elementary school asked if I wanted to come visit her in Vegas. I didn't because I didn't want to buy a plane ticket, and I hate her brother.

If she truly doesn't want to fvck him, you can still be sure that he wants to fvck her, but its all up to you. They say if you love them, set them free...

 

[ayaya]

I think im just gonna wait until she gets home from work tonight and finish where we started, let my feelings be know and make sure she understands im not gonna sit her and get screwed over. Then I'll let it settle for a bit and see how the next 8months unwravel.. something's bound to change before then anyway. I really want to be with this girl at the moment, breaking up isn't really top of my agenda

 

[PiHiPlaya]

Stop your whining.

Read the bible, you little afc you!

Now it's time for advice...

She's infatuated with this guy 1. Because she can't have him 2. Because he is fresh in her memory...

How about tonight you do something spontaneous instead of sitting her down and talk about eachothers feelings like you are on some Oprah talk show?

You gotta base some part of the relationship on trust... if she said she doesn't want him, she doesn't.

And By april, you'll be broken up! I guarantee it! You'll prolly read the bible and see shes not worth it!

 

[ayaya]

I've read the ****ing bible.. please, you dont know **** :/

 

[Daneelo S]

Your actions speak so loudly I cannot hear a word you say. IM not saying shes goin to go c this guy and fuk him but honestly man look at her actions and fuk every word she tells u. I mean this girl is goin to prbly work 2-3 times more jus to save for a plane ticket to see this guy, and while shes working more shes sees you less, it seems shes more determined to see him instead of you, and shes putting more effort into him rather than u. Basically dont listen to her words let her actions speak then things will become more clear and i guarentee u will be more able to make a descion then.

 

[die4me]

Originally posted by Daneelo S
Your actions speak so loudly I cannot hear a word you say. IM not saying shes goin to go c this guy and fuk him but honestly man look at her actions and fuk every word she tells u. I mean this girl is goin to prbly work 2-3 times more jus to save for a plane ticket to see this guy, and while shes working more shes sees you less, it seems shes more determined to see him instead of you, and shes putting more effort into him rather than u. Basically dont listen to her words let her actions speak then things will become more clear and i guarentee u will be more able to make a descion then.

Exactly, watch her actions, and not what she's saying. Make your decision based on how she acts around you. Good luck.

 

[Julian]

ayaya, i got 1 word for you, DENIAL.

 

[ayaya]

we broke up.

 

[Sato21m]

why how was it?