Am I wrong? (LTR stuff)

[DJZ]

Well, thanks to the board, I have been dating this chick serious for about 1.5 months now. Already met her whole fam and stayed with them for a week etc, etc. Anyway...

The other day around 12 she calls and says she wants to do something. I suggest we do something like wash our cars and she agrees. She said she would call when she was on her way over.

A little while later she calls and says she's about to leave. I was in the car on the way to a buddies house to pick up some things I'd left over there and so she asked me to call her when I was on the way back to my place so she could meet me there. When I get to my place, I'm about to call her and she calls me and says that her friend (that doesn't like me) called her and she thinks they are going to go do something, but I can come if I want.

Now this pissed me off, b/c we had plans (albeit small plans), and now she makes plans with someone else and gives me the consolation prize of being able to tag along if I want.

This is like the 2nd time she's done this so it really bothered me. I told her I wasn't going to be in a relationship with someone who didn't treat me the same way I would treat them. I always put her first and would never break plans with her 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet up, just bc one of my friends called up and wanted to hang out.

She apologized and everything seems cool now, but I am not so sure. I wonder if I should have just pretended like it didn't bother me and let it go?

 

[bootlegger]

I say you should have pretending like it was no big deal.
Its a way you would have Takenback power

instead, she is in power now.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by bootlegger
I say you should have pretending like it was no big deal.
Its a way you would have Takenback power

instead, she is in power now.

gotta disagree with ya bootlegger..

Why should he shut his mouth about anything that she does he doesnt like? the more stuff she can get away with earlier, then, the more she will likely do it in the future. The more you keep quiet, the more she will assume that it was ok.

Personally, I nip this type of sh*t in the bud early before it becomes a habit. But, you have to tell her in a way that makes it seem that you aren't jealous or insecure. If you come totally off the handle, then, she'll lose respect for you.

I would have said straight up - You know..this type of stuff maybe acceptible in your past relationships..but..I'm not some puppet like the other guys you've dated.

There ARE ways to let the LTR chick know that a behavior is unacceptible, and not lose power

Hold to your guns and stand up for yourself. Don't suplicate and don't pedistal her. Show her that you aren't the type of guy that's a push over. If she wants a push over...she's dating the wrong guy...

 

[DJZ]

Thank you for the replies. I feel like I might have flown off the handle a bit, though. I didn't type all the stuff I said to her, but another thing I told her was that I was not afraid to end the relationship right now if she felt she needed to be free. She said no she wanted the relationship and she was happy she was with me.

I just felt like I was b*tching at her for 15 minutes (we talked about it for about that long, mostly me talking) much like a woman would when a guy wants to hang with his buddies. I certainly don't want to be that way, but I'm not going to have my girl break plans with me everytime her friend calls her up and wants to hang out.

 

[the_great_gaia]

- Ok. So she changed plans with you, that is a bit fvcked up. but all that needed was for you to sincerely put her in her place, you would've kept power and respect. But also, you would've let her know that what she did was no big deal; it's her lost. Hopefully, you didn't tag along with her and her friend like a 3rd wheel. But face, a female is going to do whatever she wants.

- You told her that you're not afraid to end the relationship right then? Mistake. It seems like insecurity mixed with empowering, but with her response, it seems like you have SOME control, but she'll begin to wonder...