Am I the only one sick of hearing women say "I've been hurt in the past"?

[someguyuk]

Seriously, whats the deal with this? I work on a charity phoneline (The Samaritans) and I hear $hit you wouldnt believe happening to people. Murder attempts, drug addictions, gang rape, I've spoken to survivors of them all and it gets me thinking that these people truly are remarkable if they can recover from something like that and lead relatively normal lives.

However, a lot of the time when I speak to women, and this is true of many of my friends as well, they roll out "I've been hurt in the past" as an excuse. For example, my friend Kerrie (I didnt go after her, she's 200lbs) once turned a guy down using "But I really need to by myself right now" and "You have no idea what I have to go through"

Basically Kerrie had a lousy relationship when she was 17 (shes now 19) and she constantly uses this as an excuse when guys ask her out. Its almost as if she enjoys being miserable.

But its not just her, loads of other women do this too. And I've found it gets worse the older the woman is. My arguement is that everyone has crappy stuff happen to them, its how you deal with it that matters. You shouldnt let this crap get in the way of you being happy.

So why do they do this? do they genuinely that messed up over a bad relationship, or is it a condition reflex for turning a guy down and not having to feel guilty about it?

Any thoughts?

 

[ethnomethodologist]

Your asking her out too early... period

 

[spider_007]

your friend kerry is doing someting lot of guys and girls do: she rejects people to boost her self esteem.....

as for being hurt. Your pain hurts more then anybody elses (becasue it's yours)

 

[RedPill]

People, women especially, don't want to be mean or rude when they reject you.

Think about it... have you ever told a fattie that was into you "baby lose 60 lbs, take some lessons from foreign women on being feminine, and then get back to me." If you have, that's funny as hell, but I doubt most guys here have ever done that. Likewise, women will do the same thing. "I've been hurt" is another variation on the theme "it's not you, it's me." If she's actually interested, she won't make excuses. Just like my sig says.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

your friend kerry is doing someting lot of guys and girls do: she rejects people to boost her self esteem.....

as for being hurt. Your pain hurts more then anybody elses (becasue it's yours)

Some guy can surely argue against the "boost her self esteem" comment. Even I know that when I reject a girl that isn't right for me, I don't get the feeling that I am boosting my self esteem. The reason? I didn't pursue the request. In fact, if they are my friends, I feel worse afterwards, and awkward and frustrated the next time I come in contact with them. I had a horrible time when I was a kid, I was an AFC, who wanted to make everybody happy, and I would get sad, when it was only me that was getting in the way...

I truly understand the "let's just be friends" mentality that women have. I have genuinely used the phrase. It's not used to boost self esteem, or to shrug people off, it's used to keep the status quo. If it really was a self esteem booster, I would have accepted the invitation to be more than friends, and I would have hurt them in some way or another after I couldn't hold back my lies.

Most of the time, if they are convinced the guy won't hurt them, or leave them, than they will let their guard down. Otherwise they just stay friends...

Exciting, happy, social, and secure guys have a very calm demure about them that nobody can deny. Women open up to these kinds of guys. The ones that don't show hedonistic interest in them, the ones that seemingly want only their fair share win these girls hearts... That's where the "heartbreaker" mentality comes into play.

 

[someguyuk]

Your asking her out too early... period

Nah, it isnt that. this situation isnt specific to me, I just used one of my friends as an example. I was after something of a more general opinion on why women do it.

 

[arlanda]

I've been through some **** but I am not telling just anyone. When I find someone I trust I might tell them.

People who tell you something like she did are ****ed up in the head. A ****ing victim. It's like my 30yo sister saying "I've been through a lot of crap" as an excuse when some effort is required from her (she lives with her mother btw.) Stay away!

 

[everywomanshero]

The words are just a line, it's a cliche girl's recite. It's never been a problem. After I **** them once or twice they use the phrase and I just keep sleeping with them. Never had the line be a problem at all.

 

[Macgyver]

That's pretty much a reject notice cause there are very little people that I know that have no problems. That's okay, who wants to date a 200lb BEAST anyways!

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Avoid women who've got "problems". In fact, avoid anyone with problems. In the old days, we called them retards.

 

[Thomas94305]

Umm... diplomatic.. which ones don't have problems??

Look.. I'm in the middle of figuring this out for myself. But in the initial stages of any relationship, people will flake, and the reasons aren't stated. Or what's stated isn't accurate. I say accurate, not honest, because the person stating the reason can THINK that's it, but all she really understood is that she felt uncomfortable about something. But, try making a new male friend too. If you're looking for someone to sarge with you, or play sports, etc; try talking with a new guy, get contact information in that first conversation, and then see if you can get him to join in something. Behavior is shockingly similar to chicks. Flaking, not returning a call, etc.

I haven't decided what to do with this observation, but it points to socializing difficulties that are just beyond the male-female thing.