Am I reading this correctly?

[SecondHalf]

Another two month relationship, another woman who doesn't know what she wants (maybe?).

So I've been dating this woman who I met on line for a couple months. Very nice lady, very smart, not bad looking and my age.

Sex is good, interest level has always been high and I was thinking we on the verge of a committed relationship.

We joke around with future talk (especially the unrealistic kind) now and then and that's fine. However, today, she took something seriously (which was nuts) and responded a little distant. This was immediately dealt with to remind her that getting to that live in / marriage mind set takes years for a couple of divorced people.

Fine, done, all is well. However while we were talking about this and she was feeling kind of foolish for jumping to such a conclusion, she said a little too much.

What was said is that she needed to figure out if her heart was beating fast for me, or the contrast I am to her ex-husband.

When I thought about this, it started to bother me.
I start to think that this is another woman who doesn't know what she wants. My gut says that eventually, she'll seek greener pastures and I'll have wasted a lot of time.

The last thing I want is to continue a shallow relationship with a woman my age and not close to being in my shape. If I go for shallow, I want to do shallow with a younger woman with a hard body.

How would you guys perceive that comment, and more importantly, how would you react to it?

SH

 

[Desdinova]

Here's something you're going to learn after dating a shipload of women... No woman knows what she wants. Women want the man to lead because they just can't do it. When they make decisions, they consult their emotions. If their emotions are in a neutral state, they're lost. If their emotions are on the negative side, they'll make the other choice and vise-versa.

What was said is that she needed to figure out if her heart was beating fast for me, or the contrast I am to her ex-husband.

Her ex-husband was likely on her brain earlier that day. If you had brought up the topic on a day where she had a lot of fun with you, she wouldn't have said this.

A woman's emotions command her decisions and thoughts. What's good on one day won't be good on another day.

 

[SecondHalf]

So your thoughts are to just ignore it and not worry about it.
I'm a little gun shy with these women.
I bolt at the first sign of trouble (likely often too soon).

I'm on the fence about this one though.

The statement says to me that she's not sure if she'd be settling.
And ... f*** that!

SH

 

[Desdinova]

So your thoughts are to just ignore it and not worry about it.

That's not what I said. I explained why women say 5hit like that. What decision you make based on her ability to belch after feeling emotional indigestion all day is entirely up to you.

I bolt at the first sign of trouble (likely often too soon).

Any woman with an ex-husband is going to show signs of trouble. Any single woman in her mid-30s is going to show signs of trouble too. You need to figure out what you can and cannot tolerate in a relationship and avoid the women who have those traits you do not want. If ex-husband baggage is unacceptable, don't date former brides.

 

[Slickster]

It's always about her IL.

If her interest level was through the roof she would NEVER say something like this to you.

It sounds like she's stuck thinking about her ex and probably not over him. I'd hold off on getting too committed to this one until she can prove she's ready to move on in a healthy way.

 

[Three]

These guys are right: Women are always confused. Especially these days. Too much perception of choice.

In this case, all women (and men, too) who have been married or in a long term relationship will make comparisons and have doubts because the last relationship didn't work out.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about it, but make sure there's enough space for you to control the frame. If you just want sex and companionship, don't spend every waking moment with her. Take your time and enjoy things and continue to build your own life. Don't forget: This is YOUR party.

 

[Zunder]

What was said is that she needed to figure out if her heart was beating fast for me, or the contrast I am to her ex-husband.

Mate - if she said this then it is OVER.

Got that .......... O V E R.

And you should end it before she does.

Fvck me - if a woman said that to me nowadays I would have told her to fvck off there and then.

 

[SecondHalf]

Thanks for all the responses.

I'm pretty sure it's not that she's not over the ex-husband, he was a nut and turned gay half way through the marriage (man, can I pick 'em - although, I only found this out recently).

I suppose I'm just sore about it. I struggled with this one to begin with, then ... settle, then this. Ironic?

Think it's either got to be shallow dating with her or nothing and I don't think I'm willing to do shallow dating with this one.

The armor keeps getting thicker. Sadly, I think there will come a time where I'll truly be untouchable.

SH

 

[Desdinova]

The armor keeps getting thicker. Sadly, I think there will come a time where I'll truly be untouchable.

Welcome to my world. There's a lot of lousy women out there and it's not getting any easier as we get older.

 

[Colossus]

If her interest level was through the roof she would NEVER say something like this to you.

I dont really agree with that. Like Des said, women really dont know what they want, in a general sense. They might know they want to have kids, or want a certain pair of shoes, or like guys with blue eyes; but in terms of what they respond to, it all comes down to her ever-changing feelings and subsequent behavior.

As to what she said, I would certainly not invest anything emotionally until she gets that sorted out; which probably isnt going to happen anytime soon. So this may just be best treated as a casual thing or dropped entirely.

I can affirm that there is indeed some baggage with divorcees, but this will vary considerably from woman to woman. BEST case scenario, there will just be certain triggers for her that you need to avoid, like yelling or throwing sh!t or whatever her ex-husband did. Worst-case scenario....well, anything you can imagine really. Ex-spouse baggage runs the gamut.

 

[5string]

4 out of 5 voices in her head say she doesn't know what she wants.

Typical estrogen induced rhetoric.

The other guys gave you sound advice.

 

[SecondHalf]

Got a text this morning wondering what my silence was about.
Played ignorant.

Not sure if I passed one of squirrels "Active" sh1t tests or that she's so self absorbed that she didn't think about anything outside of her little box.

Regardless, reduced to plate status.

Next!

SH

 

[5string]

Got a text this morning wondering what my silence was about.
Played ignorant.

Not sure if I passed one of squirrels "Active" sh1t tests or that she's so self absorbed that she didn't think about anything outside of her little box.

Regardless, reduced to plate status.

Next!

SH

HA! The hamster in her head is spinning!

 

[Findog]

Another two month relationship, another woman who doesn't know what she wants (maybe?).

So I've been dating this woman who I met on line for a couple months. Very nice lady, very smart, not bad looking and my age.

Sex is good, interest level has always been high and I was thinking we on the verge of a committed relationship.

We joke around with future talk (especially the unrealistic kind) now and then and that's fine. However, today, she took something seriously (which was nuts) and responded a little distant. This was immediately dealt with to remind her that getting to that live in / marriage mind set takes years for a couple of divorced people.

Fine, done, all is well. However while we were talking about this and she was feeling kind of foolish for jumping to such a conclusion, she said a little too much.

What was said is that she needed to figure out if her heart was beating fast for me, or the contrast I am to her ex-husband.

When I thought about this, it started to bother me.
I start to think that this is another woman who doesn't know what she wants. My gut says that eventually, she'll seek greener pastures and I'll have wasted a lot of time.

The last thing I want is to continue a shallow relationship with a woman my age and not close to being in my shape. If I go for shallow, I want to do shallow with a younger woman with a hard body.

How would you guys perceive that comment, and more importantly, how would you react to it?

SH

Never give more than you are getting in a relationship. If a woman is giving you X, make sure you are giving back X, or X minus a little bit. NEVER make the mistake of giving back X plus whatever.

 

[SecondHalf]

Never give more than you are getting in a relationship. If a woman is giving you X, make sure you are giving back X, or X minus a little bit. NEVER make the mistake of giving back X plus whatever.

I typically give 50/50.
A courteous habit I have to break.

Bit my tongue on my feelings, had a good weekend.
Made her yodel about 4 times Friday/Saturday!

I'm starting to really think it was the "squirrels" active shyt test.
Matters not, went out Saturday for a few to pick up broccoli and got a number from another in the checkout line at the grocery store (younger, hotter).

Imagine, my "in" was asking a magazine viewer what's happening with Jennifer Aniston and her new boyfriend (like I give a rat's a**)

Onwards and upwards ...

Thanks guys for the opinions.

SH

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

I typically give 50/50.

I've always found Pareto's law useful here, the 80/20 rule.

20% effort, 80% success and vice versa.