Am I overpursuing

[ignue121_2]

I have a few plates, but only one plate I'd pursue a LTR with. I've been talking with this girl for the last month via facebook, txt, phone and have hung out with her ~6 times (We have both been out of town the majority of the month). I can tell she is pretty shy when it comes to dating, but IMHO has sent me a bunch of "take a step closer signals" ie proceed one baby step a time.

I seem to do the majority of initiating contact (except when I pull back a bit, then she seems to pursue) She has invited me over to her house for food + movies (her roommate was there the whole time) so I know she is not totally disgusted by me.

I know there is alot of talk in this forum about not being needy/making the woman want you, but am I over pursuing and how does one draw the line between over pursuing going after what you want. There seems be roughly a 1:1 contact initiation rate.

It's been a month now, Id like to make my move now so I don't get FZ'd.

 

[MisterMcGee]

"so I know she is not totally disgusted by me. "
Why would she be? If anything, this is a red flag in your post and makes me wonder if this type of mindset is poisoning your interactions with this girl.

 

[ignue121_2]

"so I know she is not totally disgusted by me. "
Why would she be? If anything, this is a red flag in your post and makes me wonder if this type of mindset is poisoning your interactions with this girl.

Good point.

Perhaps I should have chosen my words better. Not to sound arrogant, but I am a pretty good looking guy and she always comments on how much we have in common/makes it a point to spend time with me etc.... So I know my presence does not make her want to vomit. She MUST be attracted to me, but I just don't want to cross the line of pursuing to being needy and driving her away.

 

[jdon23]

Good point.

Perhaps I should have chosen my words better. Not to sound arrogant, but I am a pretty good looking guy and she always comments on how much we have in common/makes it a point to spend time with me etc.... So I know my presence does not make her want to vomit. She MUST be attracted to me, but I just don't want to cross the line of pursuing to being needy and driving her away.

You missed his point completely. Don't have the mindset, "At least she is not disgusted to be with me." This is counter-productive and it shows you are qualifying to be with her. Instead say, "I KNOW I'm the guy she wants to be with IF she meets up to my standards." You have to be a chooser.

If you think in terms of the woman as a COMPLIMENT to your life, instead of a primary focus, you will be A LOT more calm and collected. This the mindset the community preaches in order to shy away from neediness.

As long as she is showing you good signs and behavior, there is no reason to question your over-pursuing of her. However, as a "rule" you shouldn't see a woman more than once a week. This will show her that you have a life and have options.

After a while though, you don't need to follow guidelines. You will understand that the rules of this community were just used as a baseline for behavior, and eventually have to be over-looked in order to fully grow as a man.

 

[ignue121_2]

You missed his point completely. Don't have the mindset, "At least she is not disgusted to be with me." This is counter-productive and it shows you are qualifying to be with her. Instead say, "I KNOW I'm the guy she wants to be with IF she meets up to my standards." You have to be a chooser.

If you think in terms of the woman as a COMPLIMENT to your life, instead of a primary focus, you will be A LOT more calm and collected. This the mindset the community preaches in order to shy away from neediness.

As long as she is showing you good signs and behavior, there is no reason to question your over-pursuing of her. However, as a "rule" you shouldn't see a woman more than once a week. This will show her that you have a life and have options.

After a while though, you don't need to follow guidelines. You will understand that the rules of this community were just used as a baseline for behavior, and eventually have to be over-looked in order to fully grow as a man.

Excellent point man. Basically, I should do the interviewing and not be the interview. Right now, I am dating 2 other girls, so yea, I do have other options (this girl is the 1st on my list though) Basically, I should take control and be the man and take charge.

 

[jdon23]

Excellent point man. Basically, I should do the interviewing and not be the interview. Right now, I am dating 2 other girls, so yea, I do have other options (this girl is the 1st on my list though) Basically, I should take control and be the man and take charge.

See, you already know the answer! It was deep inside you all along

 

[ignue121_2]

aaa

 

[ignue121_2]

It is fine to gently pursue a woman as long as it is moving forward or 'escalating' towards your ultimate goal of her spreading her legs for you. The problem most guys have is they chase hard without any positive movement on her part. If she isn't willing to move forward as you escalate, then you need to pull back so she knows if she isn't on-board, you will choose to spend your efforts on other plates. Then let her chase you for a while. You have got her hooked a bit whether you know it or not. Don't be afraid to ruffle her feathers by spending more time on other chicks. When she asks why you haven't been around much, just say you've met a new friend and she is super fun to hang out with. It will only make your value go up in her eyes.

This chick has lots of options, and she wants a guy who has lots of options as well. Stay cool and start/keep gaming 3 or 4 other hotties. It will take the pressure off and make you more attractive. Good Luck.

Good points. I have other options (who are totally pursuing me. IE, they have brought up that we should go on a date, they come over whenever I call them and I am in total control. I have 2-4 OTHER girls than this one who are options, whom I routinely see/hook up with.) However, this girl is def #1 on my list.

Last night I asked her if she had plans for the night and right away she responded back that she just had homework and a few errands to run, but that we should meet up, so we ended up hanging out for a few hours last night. It is midterms for both of us, so spending time doing movies/dinner etc.... is out of the question really.

Right now I know she is interested in spending time with me and is definitely interested in learning more about me and is becoming more comfortable with me every time we meet, but it is slow going and IDK if I am getting friendzoned. I've been doing Kino (confidently putting my arm around her sometimes), but she really doesn't respond (she does not pull away at all, but does not pull noticeably closer to me). She is pretty religious so I'm guessing the going will be slow.

When you say that she doesn't respond in moving forward, then what do you mean?