Am I "nexting" to quickly in this scenario?

[jackhamma]

Hey guys. I have been coming across the same situation more and more recently where I will number close and as I am setting up the date and we are figuring out schedule I get from the woman "Can I let you know tomorrow?" or "Can I text you tuesday and let you know my schedule!" Type of responses.

I always reply with "Let me know." or something simple.

Now the day they said they would hit me up they don't. Should I take that as a sign and move on? Or am I nexting to quickly?

Could it hurt to shoot another text, or am I just wasting my time?

Thanks!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey guys. I have been coming across the same situation more and more recently where I will number close and as I am setting up the date and we are figuring out schedule I get from the woman "Can I let you know tomorrow?" or "Can I text you tuesday and let you know my schedule!" Type of responses.

I always reply with "Let me know." or something simple.

Aaaand that's the problem: your response. There was a time where I'd say the same thing, and get the same results you're getting now. Now, if I get this response I say "I'd be easier for me to know now so I can plan out the other parts of my day/week."

Now, you may think phrasing it this way is forcing them to give me an answer on the spot - and it is. The reason I do this is because I have found through my years of dating that (a) a woman who has a strong interest in you will say "yes" to the date and rearrange everything else to make sure she can show up, and (b) most women already know their schedule in advance, and know in the moment the days that would work best for them. If a girl has a regular 9 to 5 job that she goes to every day, chances are she can find an evening where she has an hour to meet up for a coffee shop first date. So, more often than not, if you're getting these responses, it's because the girl has low interest.

With that said: you may also want to see if the way you're asking them out is causing your negative results. Are you asking them out like "so, are you free tuesday at 8?" or are you saying "so, let's go out for coffee; i'm free in the evening on tuesday or thursday, which works best for you?"

What's the difference? The first way is giving her a choice between something and nothing, whereas the second way is giving her a choice of two days to choose from, i.e. between something and something. People are psychologically designed to make a choice between two things, so you always want to make sure you're presenting something and something vs. something and nothing to better your chances at having your request be a "yes" on the spot.

Anyway... hope this helps!

 

[jackhamma]

Aaaand that's the problem: your response. There was a time where I'd say the same thing, and get the same results you're getting now. Now, if I get this response I say "I'd be easier for me to know now so I can plan out the other parts of my day/week."

Now, you may think phrasing it this way is forcing them to give me an answer on the spot - and it is. The reason I do this is because I have found through my years of dating that (a) a woman who has a strong interest in you will say "yes" to the date and rearrange everything else to make sure she can show up, and (b) most women already know their schedule in advance, and know in the moment the days that would work best for them. If a girl has a regular 9 to 5 job that she goes to every day, chances are she can find an evening where she has an hour to meet up for a coffee shop first date. So, more often than not, if you're getting these responses, it's because the girl has low interest.

With that said: you may also want to see if the way you're asking them out is causing your negative results. Are you asking them out like "so, are you free tuesday at 8?" or are you saying "so, let's go out for coffee; i'm free in the evening on tuesday or thursday, which works best for you?"

What's the difference? The first way is giving her a choice between something and nothing, whereas the second way is giving her a choice of two days to choose from, i.e. between something and something. People are psychologically designed to make a choice between two things, so you always want to make sure you're presenting something and something vs. something and nothing to better your chances at having your request be a "yes" on the spot.

Anyway... hope this helps!

Awesome. Thanks Harry.

I realized I was giving her the something or nothing option. Leaving it more in her court as of "when are you free" I usually do though say "I can do Wednesday or Friday which day is better for you?" for some reason I haven't been doing it...lowering my guard if you will.

So you are saying that I am betting off setting the plans up right away then giving her the option to let me know later? At least this way I can determine her interest level right away rather then being left in the dark..correct?

Going forward. That is what I will do!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

So you are saying that I am betting off setting the plans up right away then giving her the option to let me know later? At least this way I can determine her interest level right away rather then being left in the dark..correct?

One, never give her the option to let you know later - all date plans need to be set up when making the date, whether it's calling her up or talking about them in person. And again, a grown woman is typically going to already know if she's free.

And two, don't let her get away with giving you an excuse for a potential flaking. If she chooses a day and then says "I'll have to double check my schedule," respond back with "do you already have something else planned for that day? 'Cause if so, I'd rather schedule on a day where you know for sure that you're available. So, if Wednesday is not that day, let's figure out what day would be best" - and then, make sure you add this last part in - "for BOTH of our schedules." Remember, it's not just you taking up her time, she's taking up YOUR time too, and your schedule needs to be considered and respected.

At that point, she'll either tell you another day that works better, keep the current day she already chose, or say something like "well, I still need to check my schedule." If she says the 3rd one, it means that she either has low interest or plans to flake - so, just to make sure your brain gets it, continue to press her for a committed day and time - say "great, let's check your schedule right now (since most women either carry a planner on them or on their phone) so we can finish up making these plans." If the convo's gotten to this point, assume her response will be something like "oh no, I have to wait til I get home to check my schedule," at which point your brain should get that she is passively letting you know she's NOT all that interested, and move on to the next girl.

 

[Leprechaun2013]

Hey guys. I have been coming across the same situation more and more recently where I will number close and as I am setting up the date and we are figuring out schedule I get from the woman "Can I let you know tomorrow?" or "Can I text you tuesday and let you know my schedule!" Type of responses.

I always reply with "Let me know." or something simple.

Now the day they said they would hit me up they don't. Should I take that as a sign and move on? Or am I nexting to quickly?

Could it hurt to shoot another text, or am I just wasting my time?

Thanks!

Girls will clear their schedule when they want to go out, letting you know later is their way of saying it's not likely going to be a date. They will say yes
when you ask the first time. They will even cancel other dates if they like you more. It's waste of time to shoot another text when you don't hear from them. Don't you think they will hit you up when they say if they were interested?

 

[The_411]

Let me know from a guy is in essence is a next response because it puts the power in her hands. It also strips responsibility from her to respond.

Let me know = Let me know when it is convenient for you and we can go out.
As opposed to what Harry was suggesting which puts her on the defensive or puts her on a false time constraint.

Busting her tells her look you need to tell me.
Let me know by x,y,z time tells her hey I'd like to make plans with you but if you don't I'll make plans with someone else which is a DHV for scarcity on your part. Do note that under no circumstance do you make an ultimatum. Ultimatum's are done from a position of weakness and are DLVs.

 

[Poop1337]

Don't ever put yourself in a position where you are waiting for a call from them. It hardly waists any of your time to shoot them a text confirming a date that night. Make sure you're not planning things like dinners. Try to get them right back to your place or for drinks.

 

[jackhamma]

Let me know from a guy is in essence is a next response because it puts the power in her hands. It also strips responsibility from her to respond.

Let me know = Let me know when it is convenient for you and we can go out.
As opposed to what Harry was suggesting which puts her on the defensive or puts her on a false time constraint.

Busting her tells her look you need to tell me.
Let me know by x,y,z time tells her hey I'd like to make plans with you but if you don't I'll make plans with someone else which is a DHV for scarcity on your part. Do note that under no circumstance do you make an ultimatum. Ultimatum's are done from a position of weakness and are DLVs.

Sorry but not familiar with the abbreviations. What is "DHV" and "DLVs" ?


Also..

Thanks for the responses guys! Its definitely what I am writing that is not getting an immediate response. You are all exactly right. Leaving it in her hands is basically saying I will wait around to see when she is free. To hell with that! It should be I am busy this day and this day are you free? Well you need to tell me yes/no and set something up with me because I have other plans I can do etc.

Am I on the right track? I am really just so tired of the flakiness. I want to get it straight so when I do hit them up I know if they flake I did everything I could right on my end!