Guys, it is very important for me to get some feedback on this one. I have been in such a rut in the dating department that I need some help her with this one so please read.
Last week while at a party for my graduate class, I met a couple of schoolmates who were underclassmen. I kind of had my eye on one of them (Karen) for a while and decided that I was going to make a move on her. Just as I was about to, my buddy informed me that the other one “was feeling.” I asked him how did he know and replied by saying that she told him that she was “feeling me.” I will call her “Pam.”
Anyway, I decided to make a move on Pam instead because she was closer to my age than the other chic and we were really developing a good rapport during conversation.
She seemed very down-to-Earth and pleasant.
My other buddy, a woman, came up to me and told me Karen told me that she also was into me and suggested that I try to get with her instead but I decided to go with Pam instead because of the Rapport.
I decided to ask Pam out to a school dance the following night since I didn’t plan on attending and thought this would be a cool first date that we both could get into. She accepted. Well we went the following night and had a great time but one of my classmates made a joke about how much space was in between us one time when we were dancing. Since many faculty members also attended the dance, I thought that maybe Pam was just uncomfortable dancing so close or maybe this was a sign that I was teetering on the friend zone.
Around midnight, we left the dance and went back to my place. She told me how handsome I looked in my outfit as we sat around talking. She began talking about her family and a couple of bad relationships she had in the past. She stated that she doesn’t think that she is probably ready for a relationship and thought that maybe she should just date right now because she has a busy schedule which I understand since I have a similar schedule. She said that she probably would look more for a relationship once she takes her licensing exam this summer. I wondered if this was her way of telling me exactly where I stood but we continued to have a nice conversation until she left at about 2:30 am. I walked her to her car while she told me what a great time she had and she gave me a nice hug goodnight. She called me during her 30 minute drive home and we talked for a few more minutes before I told her that I had to go. She also called me the following afternoon and we talked for a few minutes before I had to get off of the phone.
She called me on my birthday a few days later (she didn’t know it was my birthday). She said that if she had known she would have gotten me a card or cooked me a nice dessert. Well, we went out last night to a lounge to listen to some Jazz music and she brought me a little birthday card and a gift. We had another great time getting to know each other. During this “date” she talked about another lounge we should visit next time and she told me what amazing teeth I have. Once the lounge closed, we returned to my place. We talked some more and watched music videos.
During this time, we had developed such a good rapport and were not afraid to touch each other. I debated should I try to make a move on her because of what she told me last week but, like I say, we seem to have great rapport. I didn’t want to ruin our rapport if she thought of me as a friend because currently, I am lacking in the female friends department because I turn away from many female friendships if I cannot be intimate with them but I hate not having a bunch of women to call up when some buddies are visiting from out of town and stuff. So although I really would love to get with this sexy, beautiful woman in an intimate way, I am willing to accept a friendship with her because she just seem to be good people.
So after I walked her to her car she said “I had another really great time” and she gave me a hug. Everything felt so right that as we were coming out of hug, I gave her a quick smooch of the lips and told her to call me once she made it home.
So here comes the meat.
She called me after she made it home and the conversation went like this:
Pam: Well, I have to say that I was really caught off guard by that kiss.
Me: Oh? Did it offend you?
Pam: No. It didn’t offend me but…
Me: If you have something on your mind, express it.
Pam: I just really wasn’t expecting the kiss.
Me: Oh, okay. Well, I will talk to you later.
Pam: You’re getting off of the phone now?
Me: Well we can talk some more if you want. It seems as if you have a lot on your mind?
Pam: Well, when you kissed me I was thinking “now what is this supposed to mean?” [she said it as if she was surprised that this happened although I would touch her, asked her out on yet another date, and gave her a couple of compliments on some of her nice physical features]
Me: It was just a kiss.
Pam: I just didn’t know how to look at that.
Me: Look at it as being just a kiss.
Pam: Okay, I willl look at it in that way. Like I say, I just really wasn’t expecting that.
Me: Oh, okay then, good night.
My thinking is this: if someone is really into you in an intimate way, they wouldn’t be so caught off guard by a kiss and they certainly wouldn’t call you up to tell you so. They would just be glad you kissed them and look forward to the next one…at least in my experience. It seems as if she wanted to make sure I didn’t have any ideas to cross any boundaries.
Now, I don’t want this to get lost in a debate on how I should have handled this situation. I just need some extra insight into whether I am in friend zone territory or not. If I am, like I say, I would have no problem making a woman like this my friend although I really would prefer to be laying her. Again, please, do not get into how I should have done this or that instead of doing this or that. It only obscures my whole purpose of writing this.
Last week while at a party for my graduate class, I met a couple of schoolmates who were underclassmen. I kind of had my eye on one of them (Karen) for a while and decided that I was going to make a move on her. Just as I was about to, my buddy informed me that the other one “was feeling.” I asked him how did he know and replied by saying that she told him that she was “feeling me.” I will call her “Pam.”
Anyway, I decided to make a move on Pam instead because she was closer to my age than the other chic and we were really developing a good rapport during conversation.
She seemed very down-to-Earth and pleasant.
My other buddy, a woman, came up to me and told me Karen told me that she also was into me and suggested that I try to get with her instead but I decided to go with Pam instead because of the Rapport.
I decided to ask Pam out to a school dance the following night since I didn’t plan on attending and thought this would be a cool first date that we both could get into. She accepted. Well we went the following night and had a great time but one of my classmates made a joke about how much space was in between us one time when we were dancing. Since many faculty members also attended the dance, I thought that maybe Pam was just uncomfortable dancing so close or maybe this was a sign that I was teetering on the friend zone.
Around midnight, we left the dance and went back to my place. She told me how handsome I looked in my outfit as we sat around talking. She began talking about her family and a couple of bad relationships she had in the past. She stated that she doesn’t think that she is probably ready for a relationship and thought that maybe she should just date right now because she has a busy schedule which I understand since I have a similar schedule. She said that she probably would look more for a relationship once she takes her licensing exam this summer. I wondered if this was her way of telling me exactly where I stood but we continued to have a nice conversation until she left at about 2:30 am. I walked her to her car while she told me what a great time she had and she gave me a nice hug goodnight. She called me during her 30 minute drive home and we talked for a few more minutes before I told her that I had to go. She also called me the following afternoon and we talked for a few minutes before I had to get off of the phone.
She called me on my birthday a few days later (she didn’t know it was my birthday). She said that if she had known she would have gotten me a card or cooked me a nice dessert. Well, we went out last night to a lounge to listen to some Jazz music and she brought me a little birthday card and a gift. We had another great time getting to know each other. During this “date” she talked about another lounge we should visit next time and she told me what amazing teeth I have. Once the lounge closed, we returned to my place. We talked some more and watched music videos.
During this time, we had developed such a good rapport and were not afraid to touch each other. I debated should I try to make a move on her because of what she told me last week but, like I say, we seem to have great rapport. I didn’t want to ruin our rapport if she thought of me as a friend because currently, I am lacking in the female friends department because I turn away from many female friendships if I cannot be intimate with them but I hate not having a bunch of women to call up when some buddies are visiting from out of town and stuff. So although I really would love to get with this sexy, beautiful woman in an intimate way, I am willing to accept a friendship with her because she just seem to be good people.
So after I walked her to her car she said “I had another really great time” and she gave me a hug. Everything felt so right that as we were coming out of hug, I gave her a quick smooch of the lips and told her to call me once she made it home.
So here comes the meat.
She called me after she made it home and the conversation went like this:
Pam: Well, I have to say that I was really caught off guard by that kiss.
Me: Oh? Did it offend you?
Pam: No. It didn’t offend me but…
Me: If you have something on your mind, express it.
Pam: I just really wasn’t expecting the kiss.
Me: Oh, okay. Well, I will talk to you later.
Pam: You’re getting off of the phone now?
Me: Well we can talk some more if you want. It seems as if you have a lot on your mind?
Pam: Well, when you kissed me I was thinking “now what is this supposed to mean?” [she said it as if she was surprised that this happened although I would touch her, asked her out on yet another date, and gave her a couple of compliments on some of her nice physical features]
Me: It was just a kiss.
Pam: I just didn’t know how to look at that.
Me: Look at it as being just a kiss.
Pam: Okay, I willl look at it in that way. Like I say, I just really wasn’t expecting that.
Me: Oh, okay then, good night.
My thinking is this: if someone is really into you in an intimate way, they wouldn’t be so caught off guard by a kiss and they certainly wouldn’t call you up to tell you so. They would just be glad you kissed them and look forward to the next one…at least in my experience. It seems as if she wanted to make sure I didn’t have any ideas to cross any boundaries.
Now, I don’t want this to get lost in a debate on how I should have handled this situation. I just need some extra insight into whether I am in friend zone territory or not. If I am, like I say, I would have no problem making a woman like this my friend although I really would prefer to be laying her. Again, please, do not get into how I should have done this or that instead of doing this or that. It only obscures my whole purpose of writing this.
