Am I handling this well?

[Lostsoul85]

I don't get why you guys are advocating such a rush to have sex.I hear from people in real life that good relationships were formed by being friends first and getting to know someone before having sex with them.Why does there need to be an x amount of dates or you are out?If you are both coming from the frame of I am getting to know this person instead of oh I want to bang her so let me through some innuendo in,kino and try to escalate to my place.Too me showing proving that i am sexual by being agressive and using sexual inneundo sounds like insecurity. If you are being aggressive because you carry the idea that if your not then you are beta. Then are you not insecure?

 

[Big Nuts]

I'm banging a 37 year old right now and the only place we go is my bed.

 

[Lostsoul85]

I'm banging a 37 year old right now and the only place we go is my bed.

That's cool if you are happy man but I don't want her as just a **** buddy.I actually like this woman.

 

[Willard]

Women want sex more than men, If your not providing it for her she will get it elsewhere.

To be successful in dating you have to be sexual, sounds like your in the friendzone already. You asked for advice and got some sound advice which you refuse to listen to.

If you want to get validation for being a AFC nice guy you can always go to a woman's forum and they will most likely tell you what you want to hear. If you want to be successful in dating you will listen to the advice you get here, your choice.

When I first started posting on this forum I didn't listen to the advice I was given, and I found out the hard way that it was correct and had I listened I would have avoided a lot of heart ache and wasted time.

Good luck

 

[Lostsoul85]

Women want sex more than men, If your not providing it for her she will get it elsewhere.

To be successful in dating you have to be sexual, sounds like your in the friendzone already. You asked for advice and got some sound advice which you refuse to listen to.

If you want to get validation for being a AFC nice guy you can always go to a woman's forum and they will most likely tell you what you want to hear. If you want to be successful in dating you will listen to the advice you get here, your choice.

When I first started posting on this forum I didn't listen to the advice I was given, and I found out the hard way that it was correct and had I listened I would have avoided a lot of heart ache and wasted time.

Good luck

You can express your attraction and intent without "making a move"

I was sexual with her in the beginning when she said she was getting old I said no we are going to replace that with young and sexy.I know I did too much because the next date after we made out I tried to kiss her again and got turned away.She later asked me what are you doing with an odd older woman on a Monday night? I responded we'll I'm an odd guy myself.She said i can see that and i mean it in a good way.This was a test to see if all i was looking for was sex.Guess, what i didn't back down, i went for another kiss at the end of the night as she walked me to my car and she cut it short.Since then i have backed off.So in essence, all of the ground work had been laid out.She knows I WANT to **** her.No question about this.So if she knows i want to **** her why not give her the space to try and **** me.Not saying she will do it but come on guys with this high energy alpha business.Especially being an introvert like her they are used to being pushed their whole lives, why not let them be who they are?

 

[Juan Don]

seems like you have everything figured out. but i agree with the majority here you strike while the iron is hot and you are too formal with conversation. you say you want to wait and give her time and she knows that you want to **** her. but you dont know that man. actions speak louder than words. women change their minds like a flick of a light switch.

 

[Willard]

This chick is wacked, drop her find someone who doesn't have low self esteem and mental problems.

What do even want from her? Marriage and kids? Stop wasting your time with this lost cause.

Your 28, you can find a virgin if you want. This isn't about being alpha, this is about dating like a normal person, If you haven't banged her after 6 dates it's never going to happen.

 

[narcissist]

This chick is wacked, drop her find someone who doesn't have low self esteem and mental problems.

What do even want from her? Marriage and kids? Stop wasting your time with this lost cause.

Your 28, you can find a virgin if you want. This isn't about being alpha, this is about dating like a normal person, If you haven't banged her after 6 dates it's never going to happen.

No point in trying to get through to him.. He isn't listening to us.

Let him make his mistakes. He'll be back.

 

[Lostsoul85]

Thanks for the advice guys, I will take it from here...

 

[thunder_god]

I don't get why you guys are advocating such a rush to have sex.I hear from people in real life that good relationships were formed by being friends first and getting to know someone before having sex with them.Why does there need to be an x amount of dates or you are out?If you are both coming from the frame of I am getting to know this person instead of oh I want to bang her so let me through some innuendo in,kino and try to escalate to my place.Too me showing proving that i am sexual by being agressive and using sexual inneundo sounds like insecurity. If you are being aggressive because you carry the idea that if your not then you are beta. Then are you not insecure?

Friends first, then relationship later? Perhaps in a sound world where women aren't ****ed up, but in reality, trying to go for the friends first will only land you in the friendzone. If you want her as your lover, you have to take her as your lover, or someone else will. As much as we'd all like to be a hopeless romantic, it ultimately comes down to who's sleeping with the girl, and if you aren't sleeping with her, some other guy will. So just make sure its you.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Women want to be excited and challenged. You are doing neither and she's reacting accordingly.
The slow burn approach is doomed to failure 99% of the time. Pretty much everyone here has been in your shoes, acting like a trapdoor spider waiting for your prey to willingly walk into your lair, and pretty much everyone has ended up in the friend zone or with a broken heart as she skips off to bed with some tattooed biker.
You have to be more wolf than trapdoor spider and in all truth, women deep down want to be taken by a strong, confident man who makes her melt.
I'll be blunt, you sound like you're boring the hell out if her and nothing makes a woman's vagina dry up quicker than that.
You've received some very basic, sound advice from experienced men who know what you're going through.
Don't be so hasty to to toss it aside.

 

[Kailex]

I didn't read any of the other responses, because I wanted to have a completely unbiased opinion. I didn't even read any of the OP's responses either. It's unnecessary.

Based on what I read... I think the OP is taking a little TOO long to initiate anything. She's 37. She's expecting the 28 year old to be this younger, exciting, more virile guy. I get it, you might be trying to take things slow, but all you are doing is setting a ridiculous precedent for future interactions. At this point you are measuring shoulder touches?

6 dates in?

Anyways, regardless of that, she seems pretty honest about trying to see you but I wouldn't doubt that you are her Plate C while you are considering her Plate A. The zoo interaction was probably 100% legit, she DID offer you the tickets, but the bar deal probably wasn't. She probably had a better offer than a man who 6 dates in, hardly has made a move.

The big mistake is listening to her spiel about a guy who had sex with her on her first date. It was the first one. After that, you were in the clear.

The problem with playing the long game with an older woman is that you are doing exactly what she ISN'T looking for. The problem with waiting so long into it to make moves is what happens if you made it to Date 10 and you get LJBFed? You wasted 9 days of your life to end up in the same scenario as if you had "moved too quick" by Date 3. That's time, money, and effort wasted.

I'd rather get cut short by a woman in Date 2 than by Date 10. And trust me, I have a journal hidden here that makes me cringe at the thought of even going back to read it. I've been that guy, who thought I could stand out by being "different" and playing the long game. At 37, TRUST ME, she WANTS to brag to her friends about the hot young 28 year old that excites her passion and makes her feel young, but based on what I read... she probably isn't.

Just keep us updated, one way or the other... but I have a REALLY bad feeling about this.

 

[MtnMan]

Women want to be excited and challenged. You are doing neither and she's reacting accordingly.
The slow burn approach is doomed to failure 99% of the time. Pretty much everyone here has been in your shoes, acting like a trapdoor spider waiting for your prey to willingly walk into your lair, and pretty much everyone has ended up in the friend zone or with a broken heart as she skips off to bed with some tattooed biker.
You have to be more wolf than trapdoor spider and in all truth, women deep down want to be taken by a strong, confident man who makes her melt.
I'll be blunt, you sound like you're boring the hell out if her and nothing makes a woman's vagina dry up quicker than that.
You've received some very basic, sound advice from experienced men who know what you're going through.
Don't be so hasty to to toss it aside.

Holy crap, trap door spider is a hilarious and perfect analogy. I can just picture the confused and blue balled spider waiting and wondering why his woman never came to fvck him?
BTDT, nothing worse than being a blue balled spider alone in your trap.

 

[Lostsoul85]

T

Guys here is a timeline of my escalation attempts

-First date i played it cool and we just hugged
-second date we go bowling.After bowling i say lets go to my place and she says its too far(I'm 25 mins away)
Instead we go to her place her dad is asleep and i did initiate kiss after slowly moving in while playing cards at her place on the second date and she said she needed to take me to my car after heavy makeout.
-after that on dates 3-4 she cut the kisses short when I initiated
-then there was a month of no talking i went ghost since she didnt return my 1 phone call.She finally reached out and i went silent for a
Couple weeks
-5 date i played it cool and didnt try to make out with her
-6 date same thing. I backed off and she was more receptive.I gave have her a pec on the lips at the end and we briefly held hands i wanted to see if she would turn her face and she didnt.
So you see I was in a situation where i had to slow things down.
-she also mentioned its better that people are friends first before dating because of what happened to her ex

 

[Willard]

If you want to be her plutonic friend and hang out with her your doing a fine job. Your going backwards not forward.

I went through that same thing when I was your age except she was 22. She was using me for the attention, After we had sex with me for the only time she would give me litle kisses here and there but wouldn't make out with me unless she was drunk. If a girls doesn't like kissing you she's not into you, she likes you as a friend and likes stringing you along for the attention.

I wish I had a forum like this when that happened, I wasted a lot of time and money on this girl.

You obviously have extreme oneitis for this girl and your not going to listen to anyone, welll that's cool. Hopefully after after you get your heart ripped out when you find out you've been wasting your time with this one, you will come back and learn about the psychology of women and learn how to deal with them. Until then I feel bad for you that you choose to let this head case mess up your life right now, but I guess you want to learn the hard way.

 

[Lostsoul85]

She pays for me Everytime we go out and has prolly spent 200 on me in 6 dates.I wouldn't stick around if it was the other way around.

 

[MtnMan]

man, this situation is strange.

 

[Willard]

If she's paying for your dates and you can accept that you are just friends when you go out then more power to you. If she is causing you heartache then your best bet is to stop seeing her or at the very least start seeing other people and put her on the back burner.

Every person on this forum has had things like this happen and learn from it, hopefully you will too. Arguing with people who give you good advice is counter productive. Tell her you just want to be friends and see what happens or better yet go no contact forever, regroup and find someone who is into you.

 

[Kailex]

-she also mentioned its better that people are friends first before dating because of what happened to her ex

This is all you need to know then.

You are JUST a friend. Maybe a kissing friend... part-time, but you are in the friend-zone, regardless.

I don't care how you want to rationalize this, but she's basically telling you this is the case. You just might be Orbiter #1 to her, but that's about it. But whenever a woman says this to any man, it's essentially game over. Don't be surprised if one day she tells you about this guy she is going to go out with...

 

[RedScorpion]

I don't think saying to Lostsoul 'you should have banged her by now' over and over is productive for him. It may be hitting the target, but it doesn't explain why or what is going on at all. Lostsoul, I think what the real issue is, is that the age difference is playing too big a factor for her mind, and that it seems like you're doing the pursuing, when it should be her seducing you, fully. You may be truly interested in her, age and all, and she may like you - but the way you're approaching it is more 'conventional' (I'll say it that way).

When you're hitting her up, and pushing the interactions, I think she is taken aback by the sub-conscious fact that a 28 year old is pursuing a much older woman, 37 years, for a relationship. That alone plays a major role, and puts doubt in her mind about you (not even going into the whole 'guy should never chase/girl should pursue'). It's like an extra layer that needs to be added because of the age difference.

If you were pursuing her for sex, she could more appreciate that as normal male behavior, and be more relaxed about the finer 'relationship' details. OR - the best way, is to be aloof about the whole thing, and let her make all the moves. She NEEDS to seduce you, in order to feel normal about the exchange.

I'll tell you a short story. One of my friends is in a 'relationship' with a woman much older than him. He lives his own life. But they started hanging out as friends, hanging out literally all the time. Then I'm sure something happened when they were alone. And it gravitated from there, to even living together. They're ok together, not great. Lots of jealously from her, fights here and there. Not something I'd recommend at all. But the key is, he never seemed to 'need' her, he was always 'whatever' and was very willing to walk away, not give in to the little fights here and there. I'm certain that she charmed him slowly, and he was very comfortable in being placated. I will say though, they will never have a normal relationship, as in fully comfortable, because you just know that that person is not age compatible. And what if it works out? One person will die much sooner than the other. And no kids to boot.

So my advice to you now, is to back the hell off, be pleasant to whatever communication she puts out there, and let her do absolutely everything. Be seduced by her, and if she doesn't seem to want to get closer emotionally to you (it's the girl way) or sexually, then abandon ship. Or use her for just friends even. Go ghost on her, and if she does come back, then that's your answer, if you choose to go with it. If she doesn't - guess she wasn't that interested.

I don't recommend it though, even if you're lonely for company. Easier to eject with little attachment than much more.