Am I emotionally damaging my friend?

[cfdagola]

Alright so here it is. I rather appreciate my friend we've been close for some time. And she values my opinion heavily. however lately she's been in a pretty awful off and on again relationship. The guy is a tool but she loves him or at least she thinks she does. but he definitely loves her. If she told him to cut his fingers off at the first knuckle or she would break up with him he'd do it in a heart beat.

I've been steadily warping her opinion of him using general psychology tricks. I build him up make her appreciate him more but at the peak of that appreciation i ask her key targeted questions to make her doubt everything about him. (example: "...He's a great guy i know he is, i got nothing bad to say about the man. So do you have fun with him? yeah? that didn't sound to positive i mean it shouldn't be that hard to answer if you have fun with him like where does he take you? oh he doesn't take you anywhere. hmm... well i mean maybe that's just his way.")

I get in her mind and make her realize that she's more independent than him. I do this by building up her success and contrast that to his massive failures but not in a negative light. then i ask more key targeted questions. (example: "good job on that raise! you're really making it happen i'm proud of you! by the way how's your guy i know he's been working hard did he get a raise yet? no? ohh.. why's that? i mean i know its tough working in a crappy retail job but still i know he's trying")

and i also got her to admit she's somewhat codependent and she doesn't like to be but she doesn't know how to "fix" it.

Yesterday however she broke down on me and started crying. then she texted me late at night venting that i put so many thoughts in her head to make her question her entire reality as far as her personal life and she feels she's making all the wrong moves. But she also admitted that she needed it.

Honestly i just want her to break free from the chains that bind her and grow into herself more and just be independent away from this clingy dude who's suffocating her and bringing her down. And obviously its working but I think its coming at a cost.

I don't want to hurt her emotionally i'm just trying to make her see the big picture and she's starting to see it finally but its coming at a cost. Am i abusing her or helping her is the moral question though.

 

[Fugitive]

So firstly lets face it the reason you're doing all this is not because you want to be such a great friend to her but because you want her to be yours.

Secondly you've allowed her to friendzone you which means she see's you as a beta and probably doesn't find you attractive.

Thirdly you think you're being really clever by getting into her mind but she wasn't born yesterday and she knows what you're doing by putting thoughts in her head. If they break up then most likely you will get blamed by her. Additionally it gives your game away, obviously you're trying to get her to break up so she's "free" so you can get with her. She knows this and therefore you're availability has made you unattractive already.

Basically you've shot yourself in the foot. Your best option is to withdraw from playing the supportive beta p*ssy and go no contact. Your absence may make her feel like she misses you and wants you back in her life which may make you attractive to her and make her dump him. If it doesn't work then take it as a sign that she really doesn't like you in that way and move on and stop trying to ruin things for her and concentrate on finding a woman who makes you happy. Hopefully when you do find that woman she won't have a guy friend trying to break you up. As they say what goes around comes around

 

[cfdagola]

So firstly lets face it the reason you're doing all this is not because you want to be such a great friend to her but because you want her to be yours.

Secondly you've allowed her to friendzone you which means she see's you as a beta and probably doesn't find you attractive.

Thirdly you think you're being really clever by getting into her mind but she wasn't born yesterday and she knows what you're doing by putting thoughts in her head. If they break up then most likely you will get blamed by her. Additionally it gives your game away, obviously you're trying to get her to break up so she's "free" so you can get with her. She knows this and therefore you're availability has made you unattractive already.

Basically you've shot yourself in the foot. Your best option is to withdraw from playing the supportive beta p*ssy and go no contact. Your absence may make her feel like she misses you and wants you back in her life which may make you attractive to her and make her dump him. If it doesn't work then take it as a sign that she really doesn't like you in that way and move on and stop trying to ruin things for her and concentrate on finding a woman who makes you happy. Hopefully when you do find that woman she won't have a guy friend trying to break you up. As they say what goes around comes around

I'm just gonna stop you right there lmao.

First off me and her we've been down that road. some things aren't meant to be and she's one of them. We're just friends and it's a mutual thing. But i've already done my fair share of dirty deeds and public sex with this chick in all sorts of places that i can literally recall her taste from memory.

Secondly to this day. she still gets jealous and insecure when she's around my other female friends because almost all of them are prettier than her. especially this new chick who i have coming around that she knows i'm into and is into me. Will it go anywhere with new chick? who knows probably not considering the new chick is 12 years younger than me. so that blows your "she doesn't think i'm attractive" outta the water and your beta theory. You assume to much.

point is she still asks me my status, still wonders what cute girl i'm talking to now etc... and constantly worries that i'll "stop talking to her". If I really wanted her back All i would have to do is apply DIRECT effort to her and I would have her. BUT I DON'T

Timing is everything when two people have chemistry but our timing didn't match up. Now that i got that out of the way. the point of the matter is. She needs to ditch this clingy leech of a guy who's slowing down her progress.

Because Unlike about 90% of the dudes in here I do have female friends I care about as if they were one of my closest guy friends. And yes it comes un attached to any hidden longing sappy a$$ feelings of being in the friend zone and never tasting the inside of her thighs. Because here's a secret every chick i'm close to. I've already banged. there's only 4 women who i don't talk to anymore (including the most recent) because they were LTR'S that broke up with me the rest were flings but were cool women to hang with. So we just kept hangin.

I'm just a bit worried I may be hurting her emotional well being in the process. I don't WANT her to do anything she doesn't want to do. she's free and welcome to do what she wants. including not listen to me bro, but if what i'm saying is causing her to cry and question her decisions then i'm worried that i'm pushing her to hard. Just because she has boobs and a vag doesn't mean I can't support her and clap for her while she tries to better herself. that kinda mutual respect isn't only reserved for men its a two way street. We're all human.

And i would do the same thing if one of my guy friends was being dragged down by a leech of a woman to.

 

[Epimanes]

If its no big deal.. Why are you so defensive? Denial is the first sign lol.

Why not just let her live her life instead of purposefully fvckin with her head? Why waste your time? If you her friend you should be supporting her relationship instead of trying to sabotage it with mindless dribble.

Let her be and go find a woman for yourself.

Epi

 

[Fugitive]

Because Unlike about 90% of the dudes in here I do have female friends I care about as if they were one of my closest guy friends.

Because here's a secret every chick i'm close to. I've already banged.

Just wondering do you bang your closest guy friends too?

We're just friends and it's a mutual thing.

Nah son. She dumped you and convinced you to get into her friendzone LOL.

It's clear as daylight that you're hooked on this chick and she's turned you into a beta orbiter . Most guys realise when this happen to them but as Epi said you seem in denial.

Just because she has boobs and a vag doesn't mean I can't support her and clap for her while she tries to better herself. that kinda mutual respect isn't only reserved for men its a two way street. We're all human.

So you're the nice guy clapping for her but trying to f*ck with her mind to break up her relationship. Sure you sound like such a great friend

 

[cfdagola]

If its no big deal.. Why are you so defensive? Denial is the first sign lol.

Why not just let her live her life instead of purposefully fvckin with her head? Why waste your time? If you her friend you should be supporting her relationship instead of trying to sabotage it with mindless dribble.

Let her be and go find a woman for yourself.

Epi

i was on the defensive to dispense with any grey area and move past the whole "beta orbiter" and "next" stance that is prevalent on sosuave

i was more or less attempting to move past that so I could get some insight on the current situation.

 

[cfdagola]

Just wondering do you bang your closest guy friends too?


Nah son. She dumped you and convinced you to get into her friendzone LOL.

It's clear as daylight that you're hooked on this chick and she's turned you into a beta orbiter . Most guys realise when this happen to them but as Epi said you seem in denial.


So you're the nice guy clapping for her but trying to f*ck with her mind to break up her relationship. Sure you sound like such a great friend

the only actual point you've made and it does give me some insight is your last point. the rest is all assumptions based on yours and the general experience of this forum.

Your stance is. leave her be no matter what the situation. and never keep female friends.

as to your last point. outside looking in style, I can see what i'm doing isn't the best. and I should just support her regardless of what she does. It makes sense. and so it'll be. I won't interfere anymore and just let things run its course.

Only thing about that is I already had one friend kill herself after ending her 8 year on and off again relationship which went nowhere. she went into a depression although she was the one that ended it and now her brains stain the wall of her moms house. I stayed silent on the warning signs however at the time because like you now back then i felt. "wasn't my job". But she confided in me and i knew something was up but kept to myself about it. Because i didn't wan to get to deep in the friend zone. How selfish was I? Very... and i regret not telling someone about her issues.

devils advocate point here, if what i've said had no resonance then why is she so distraught? hmmm. I'm gonna go ahead and assume the points i brought up with her were just points she wasn't willing to see. what she does with it is up to her as you say. But an added point to that is. if all i was is a chump in her eyes as you say. Why take my words so literally and deeply? hmm..

I suppose there are two minds I won't understand a PUAs and WOMENS thanks for your "helpful" insight. Then again i was never here to be a PUA I was always here to gain introspection into how you can use certain qualities to improve your overall life. Not flash bang chicks on the daily in 3 moves.

 

[Fugitive]

No that's not my stance at all. My stance is if you're a genuine friend you don't f*ck with your friends mind and you don't f*ck with their life regardless of whether they are female or male.

If you genuinely feel that guy is no good for her then in a dignified way you should talk to her HONESTLY about it. Sometimes in life you give genuine advice to people and its like a gift to them, then it's their choice whether to take that gift or not but you have played your part either way.

And for the record if you're in a position of trust as a friend and you make points to Angelina Jolie that Brad Pitt is a loser then by nature as a human being and even more so as a woman, it will make her think deeply and potentially get upset or take comments to heart even if they are not necessarily true.