Am I Being Too Harsh? Bizarre "No Contact" Situation

[The Mad Ghost]

Okay, so I've been with this girl for over 1 year and 4 months. Pretty cool girl, very intelligent, articulate, caring etc. After all the relationships I've been, I thought, yep, this girl has it, she's not entirely your normal 9-10, but definetely something I can see myself with.

Noticed she was slightly insecure, ofcourse I've been speaking with various other girls even though I'm in the relationship. But I would play around or joke with with her with phrases like "I'm going to smash XYZ girl", "Your dumped", "I'm gonna fvck another chik" etc. I used to do this alot, not knowing that it was planting seeds within her brain, and she just snapped one day.

She so happend to snap on her friend's birthday party (funnily enough), which I said I wouldn't be attending (I was going to attend, but I was just being an *******), and from then, it's been the catalyst for a world of shyt.

She sent me an email stating that "I think we should stay away from eachother from now on.....I meant every word when I said I love you" etc etc.

So I decided to go N/C with her. I like her, hell I think I love her. I want her to bear my children, but after having "our first official big row" shes acting cold, or just really bizarrely unstable. Just yesterday she has called me 20X, I didn't pick up, because I'm following the N/C Rules, but then I'm thinking, wait a minute, isn't it me who should be trying to reconsolidate with her?

However, I asked her over the phone once "Do you want to give this another shot" and she didn't answer it with what I wanted to hear.

I'm still N/C (5th or 6th day now) but I'm confused as to if I'm in the right or wrong, this time guys.

 

[SoSuave666]

If it is as you say, it sounds like you "want your cake and want to eat it to." Men should be dominant in the relationship, no doubt, but not to the extent where it creates a schism in your relationship. The purpose of talking to other women when in a relationship shouldn't be to make your girlfriend jealous...not at the core of it's reasoning anyway. If the girl has been good to you, why punish her for it? Why not reward her good behavior instead? You can't have a great relationship with someone while running PUA game constantly. At some point you are going to have to evaluate your own behavior. We don't know the full story, obviously, but it sounds like you are just being a d!ck to be a d!ck. Take a step away from this site and it's teachings for a minute and ask yourself whether or not YOU think you treated her appropriately? If you have, and the relationship is failing, it should be apparent that it's unhealthy and time to walk away. If you want this woman to be the mother of your children, treat her as such. I'm not saying take her sh!t, but perhaps tone it down a bit. There are sacrifices that need to be made by the man in a relationship. You can't always get everything you want. Pick and choose your battles, don't just create one out of thin air for no reason.

 

[Zerro]

Well to be honest it sounds like you were being a bit of a d!ck and it was only a matter of time before she had enough of it.

If the girl has been good to you, why punish her for it? Why not reward her good behavior instead? You can't have a great relationship with someone while running PUA game constantly. At some point you are going to have to evaluate your own behavior. We don't know the full story, obviously, but it sounds like you are just being a d!ck to be a d!ck.

Beat me to it and I agree. If a chick's being good to you then be good back to her. There's a reason for the saying "give to the givers and take from the takers." Sounds like she was giving and all you did was take.

 

[SoSuave666]

Yep, and I think this brings up a great point: women deserve more respect than this site allows for. It IS ok to make sacrifices for the ones we love. There is nothing wrong with that. I admit that I have a problem doing this as well, OP, but honestly it's just part of my maturation. Women can hurt just like we can hurt. Not all of them are out to hurt us. If you have found a good one, don't be mean to her for no reason...you'll just make things worse.

 

[DJ_Dave]

Yeah, seems like you should apologise fir taking it too far and go from there. Her reaction may have been ott but it was understandable.

 

[Iceberg]

Before replying to Mad Ghost, I'd recommend looking at his posting history:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search...eronly=1&exactname=1&searchuser=The+Mad+Ghost

He's just a clown. Roll your eyes, and ignore.

...well, unless you think someone would REALLY tell their girlfriend that they're going to f**k other girls, and then get surprised when she breaks up with him.

 

[Bossman90]

Harsh is what I do. I don't think you technically did anything wrong. I do find it weird that she takes things that deep. Did you say that stuff like you were playing around or did you say it seriously? Also does she have a therapist?

 

[The Mad Ghost]

Before replying to Mad Ghost, I'd recommend looking at his posting history:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search...eronly=1&exactname=1&searchuser=The+Mad+Ghost

He's just a clown. Roll your eyes, and ignore.

...well, unless you think someone would REALLY tell their girlfriend that they're going to f**k other girls, and then get surprised when she breaks up with him.

And what about my posting history?

Are you my judge? I stopped seriously posting here at the start of last year, grew up a notch and just started self-amusing there on.

Found myself in a relationship and now I'm back, because as a man under 30 years old, I mess up, I've messed up. However, no surprise that you're still armchairing here, Iceberg.

 

[The Mad Ghost]

Harsh is what I do. I don't think you technically did anything wrong. I do find it weird that she takes things that deep. Did you say that stuff like you were playing around or did you say it seriously? Also does she have a therapist?

Yes, I was most definitely self-entertaining. I think just the correct term was "overdoing the obvious". My girlfriend knew I could get other girls, attractive, probably her best looking or most social bf shes had, but I found myself being caught up in the adoration of it all, that it started becoming my entertainment, a "theme" so to speak.

Having said this, I would always tell her it was just a joke. Combined with the fact that I run a self-improvement and dating blog, my lifes work means that I have to initiate contact with the opposite sex on a regular basis. She wants reassurance, but I'm afraid that if I "loosen up" the buckle, I'll be taken for granted. So, yes, I think there is an element of afraidness there.

But even so guys, am I wrong in the end anyway? Look how she has gone on? Our first little bit of turbulence after 1 year, and her time to and space is being coddled and told that she can do better by friends and family or something.

So what about 2 or 3 or 4 years down the line, and something else happens. Is she going to curl up and die like how she is potraying now? I would despise her, for fact that she would break up with me for the same reason 6 months down the line, anyway.

 

[The Mad Ghost]

Emails

Edit

 

[Clark Kent]

Here's alittle recap of things that have gone on from email


Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Continued.

Dude, from the email logs it seems that her tank got full and exploded after awhile. I don't think you're entirely in the wrong, or even done anything dramatic since you said you did not cheat on her, yet it seems she has been keeping it on her chest for awhile but just not making it a situation due to her feelings for you.

Is there more to this email log?