Am I being controling

[hell695]

hey i just want some opinions on this ok

Me and this girl have been dating for 4 months now we have see each other often and there plenty of sex and great things there is only really 1 thing thats gets in the way from, that is the fact that from time to time she smokes pot she's not like a pot head or nothing but I'm totally agianst pot i think it fries your brain so i asked to quit smoking it is this really being controling? because it upsets me when she does smoke it

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

Yes and no.
It's cool to ask her to stop if you don't like.
She can choose to continue or stop.
If she continues you can choose to end it or keep going.

The bottom line is you shouldn't be with someone who upsets you.
In these types of situation, the person with the most power is the one willing to walk away the fastest.

Have you really researched the effects of smoking pot every once in a while?
It's not going to "fry" her brain.

My honest advice to you is first really research the effects of marjuania on average smokers (independent scientific research not funded by gov.)


If you still feel upset by her smoking then give her an ultimatum only if you are prepared to end the relationship.
If you are not prepared to end it then she has the power and one of three thing will happen:
1. She is a high quality girl whith high IL and will change to accomodate you
2. She will continue smoking pot and tell you to deal with it or pack up
3. She will end it right away.

For what it's worth, I would much rather be with a girl who smokes than one who drinks.

 

[hell695]

i already asked and she said that she would stop and well as for the upseting part it does but in this case the positives far far out weight the negetives and i already did the research i dont buy all of it i know ppl who have fried brains from pot use mind you they did use it more but my really fear is that she'll become addicated

 

[Acq]

marihuana, unlike tobacco, does not make you addicted physically. Dont fear that. And as long as she does not get high multiple times a day I would not fear that her brain may become "fried".
Also, pot intensifies pleasure of sex quite greatly, especially to men.
Try smoking it once and have sex, you will be plesantly surprised by the fact that you will experience a very strong erection, you will last for an hour if you want, and when you finally come, this could be the best orgasm of your life.

 

[decades]

don't "Ask" her to stop. Instead, simply tell her that you don't think you will have a long term future with any woman who smokes pot. This is called setting a boundary. You are stating a fact and telling her what you want and what you don't want. It's now up to her to decide what to do. If she doesn't quit all you have to do is say HEY you were aware of my desire to be with a woman who didn't smoke pot, so you have a way out once you stated your boundary.

 

[Mavrick]

If it bothers you that much, find you another woman. If you ask her to stop and she doesn't want to doesn't mean you're controlling. It means she doesn't meet your standards and you should find a woman that does meet your standards.

It's all up to you how you want to live your life and who you want to live it with.

 

[Interceptor]

You're not obligated to be with her and stay with her.
And this also applies to her. She doesnt have to comply and stay with you either.
I think it is perfectly fine, and fair to ask her to stop smoking pot. If you can ask her from a genuine, sincer, and loving manner, then it is up to her. And if she decides not to, then you have to decide if it is worht it to stay with someone who doesnt really uphold the same values as you.
And you have to decide if your values are really valueable to you or not.And use this knowledge in any future relatioships.
See, one thing that is extremely important here..

You KNEW she smoked pot when you two got together.
And yet you ACCEPTED it.
Now, it's no longer acceptable. Because you're 'hooked' on her.

For many men this is common. They GO IN KNOWING what she does and what she's like, but they ignore it because of the pvssy.

This is what happens to men who get dazed and confused by the pvssy, and suddenly 'forget' their values.
Next thing you know, they're in a relationship with a woman who doesnt have the same values as he does , now he wants to change her.
Very common scenario.

You need to know yourself.
YOu need to set the frame by subcommunicating your values and what you LIKE and what you will NOT tolerate.
And you do not have to do this OVERTLY all the time.

Try not to get in relationships with less than suitable partners, and then change 'the rules' on her.

She's allowed to be whoever the Hell she wants to be.
Dont lose your self control and values, and identity for the pvssy.
This is extremely critical. I can only hope that men her fully realize the impact this will have on their lives in the future.