Am I approaching this the wrong way? (getting girls)

[jonwon]

Just want to add to this some more.

Another thing I am noticing is, escalation.

Escalating to numbers if fine, but honestly there is a point where you can bypass the numbers altogether, not always, but when I go out Its not with the intention of getting a number and I do more than ok.

As a matter of fact I can’t remember the last number I got off a girl unless there was definite sex on the cards.

When I first started out, I used to do the old numbers thing, acquire numbers all the time, even go up to random girls, no opener except for “High, give me your number and we’ll go out” – It works, does it get results? Not really.

Now I don’t even bother with a number, unless there is some serious stuff going down. What I mean is, if me and a girl are really into each other and I can’t persuade her to come back to my place, but I know she is keen, very keen, I’ll take her number but whilst taking her number I’d say “I’ll call you on so and so and you can come over to my place”. If she makes out that it will require dates to get anywhere, I won’t bother at that stage. I hate dating.

This technique works very well, I have had more one night stands then most men can dream about and the last date I went on was around 4 years ago and it was a disaster - The last one night stand I had was 2 weeks ago, which incidently was the last time I went out. It was a young student girl, slim, brunnette - where I escuated from the dance, to the kissing, to the "lets head to your place".

The current girl I am dating, I met her in a bar, no numbers then, it was me trying to get her back to my place for sex. She resisted but I knew her defences would be broken, the next hook-up, which they were. This girl had not had sex for 8 months before she met me and has had only 4 other partners, so it’s not just slappers one can screw on the first night.


And this is the point.

Esculation, not to try to get a number, the number should be the consolation prize, escalation to get them back home. Isolate, kiss, kino, all that stuff, connect and ask her to come back to your house, like your simply asking her if she wants a drink.

Some things you can use, that have worked for me in the past:

“I say we head back to mine, the nights still young and It would be a shame to see you off in a taxi”

“Let’s go back to mine for a cup of tea”

“Why not come back and see my stamp collection” – I like this one a lot and used it many times.

“Hey the bars closing, I have some drinks at my place, why don’t we continue back there”


Seriously, numbers try not to bother, there great for training wheels, but really, if you want to progress, forget numbers unless you know with out a shadow that you’re going to get something from it.

Numbers more often than not are a product of feeding ones ego, most guys including myself don’t bother with the numbers anyway, and the chances of a girl flaking is huge, especially if no comfort has been established.

I think you should read some gunwitch, the guy is about sexuality in the field rather then numbers, telling guys to not be afraid of there sexuality and to push for sex rather then ‘date’. I like that style myself and it has worked for me very well.

I am crap at following up numbers and it hardly works out for me, even though I can get at least 8-9 a night easy – it means nothing and experience has shown me you will get better results if you escalate to sex.

Also if you do manage to fuc* a girl, the chances for her to want to see you again is huge – Girls are like that, once they fuc* you, normally they want to date you, 7 out of 10 times. But there are also the freaky girls who just want sex.

One also has to be aggressive but not in an ars*hole way, but in a Alpha type taking no for an answer, but doing it with banter and ****y humour.

You
“Why don’t we head back to mine”

Her
“I don’t know, what will my friends think”

You
“Ha ha what do you think is going to happen, wishful thinking?”

Or

“Just tell them you’re coming back to see my stamp collection”

Or

Her

“Sorry can’t got to be up tomorrow early”

You

“ok no problem, tell you what give me your number and I’ll invite you round to my place”

Her

“Yes that’s cool”

Or

“Her, mm not sure”

You

“no worries” – Move on.

Also remember some women (actually a large %) want a certain type of guy, they actually want sex - Gunwitch talks about this with the secret society - When you go with the intent to get numbers, you dont slot into that and you religate yourself down the ladder - Girls deep down, in the core on a night out, even if they are not aware of it want to be seduced, taken home and fuc* all night - to be honest a large % of them do, but they have social stygma and other things going on that stops them from doing so - But when a highly sexed man comes up oozing sex appeal (where not talking about pimps in silly suits, what I mean is he isn't afraid to take the conversation and the interaction to sex) - Women respond.

But a thing of note: A good % of women do not want a sexed-up leach all other them, it has to be done with subtile humour, almost like their the ones doing the chasing, their the ones pushing for sex and your just an innocent bystander to it.

The thing is, you'd be excellent at this game, because girls already approach you, the hard work is done - The next stage is to flip this around, like their chasing you, exsculate it - expand on it and even play yourself down to make them chase some more - for example, if a girl comes over full on - grabs your hand to dance, look her in the eye and say "I'm shy" - It works like a fuc*ing magic bullet. On the other hand if she comes over, touches you, look at where she touched you with a look of "who give you permission to touch me" type look.

Make them chase, keep them chasing - the second your flipped and your doing the chasing, is where your going wrong - keep them pushing, pushing and before you know it, the way to get you more is to drop those panties. This is the sign of an high value male - Looks' can get you in the door, the time then is to knock it up a notch and the ultimate game imo, is to get the women to do the chasing, if you can get her to chase you, the battle is won.

Actually replace Gunwithc with Tyler Durdon for the Secret Society:

http://charmingrogue.com/tyler-durden-secret-society/

 

[muscleman]

Guy, thanks for all the info, lots of good stuff. Let me hit a few points:

1) I don't agree 100% that improving my build will only improve my confidence. Of course it's a huge byproduct, but it will obviously make me even more attractive. I'm in good shape, but still far from where I want to be. This guy has a physique close to what I want to accomplish: http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/timberwolf/ That level will take me at least a couple years, but I'm making huge progress already. You're built better than I am currently. A few of my muscle groups are larger/more defined, but overall I think it'll be around early spring before I can hit "your level".

2) Regarding pictures at stagettes, is it by default not allowed? Have you ever had snapshots taken and not been aware? Also, is that something you can do from the get go? I'd prefer to do more private stuff and certainly nothing for guys (as mentioned earlier), just not my thing.

3) Regarding dancing, I don't do much walking, but I can take classes, I do want to start going to clubs, and I can probably spare some practice time at my own place. I have a decent amount of space in my bedroom and one entire wall is a giant closet (all mirrored), so I can see exactly what I'm doing. Are there basics I need to learn or just loosen up and move and try to hit the beat? I also mostly listen to rock in my free time, so I guess I should acquire some rap/electronic tunes.

4) Regarding dating. I'm glad you brought this up as I've been wondering about this a lot too. The whole "no numbers" thing is good idea and my last ONS (about a month ago) was a subconscious result of this. Me and my wing were at a bar and ended up talking to these two girls, one was really feeling me, I had alone time with her, did the whole kino escalation thing, made out with her, tried to get her to my place but she said she would but had to work real early in the morning. So I got her number, asked when she's available, set up a date right then and there, and a few days later had her over to my place for "dinner and a movie". I did deliver on my dinner & movie promise, but only after some fun. However, I think I pulled this off because the attraction level was already pretty high and I spent a good deal of time with her at the bar. We literally made out for like a half hour.

Anyway, Saturday's bar hopping didn't allow for as much long-term interaction with girls, but we did get some number closes. I followed up with a couple last night and set up one sure date this week, one tentative. A few others are in the works. Here's the thing though: I'm sick of taking girls to dates and doing all the involved BS and paying for crap and all that. The one date I have this week will probably be getting a drink at a bar and hitting up a movie where I can put the moves on, but even that is getting a little lame.

I could take her to my place right off the bat, but there's a slight problem: I now have a roommate (renting out lower level to him) which isn't blocked off by doors or anything. Of course I'll notify him if I'm bringing someone over and what not, but I don't want it to be awkward. I mean he won't be on the same floor as us (there's a "main floor" with the tv and couch), but still it's not like I can just fvck her there. I'd have to take her upstairs, which I'm ok with, but I usually put on the moves during a movie - maybe I should go away from that. This is a bit of a rant fyi, just trying to get new ideas out there. I also don't know if this will work right away; I only talked to her for a few minutes when I met her so it may take some more warming up.

Basically here's what I want to do if I do end up number closing: have a girl over for dinner & a movie. That's easy. And I can put the moves on no problem when I got her at my place. One thing I'm considering is putting a small couch in my bedroom and wall mounting a small flat screen up there as well to put some room between me and my roommate and make the date feel less like there's another person right there. Plus the bed is right there

I don't know if there's enough prior work done for that to happen though as in I don't know if a relative stranger is going to be ok with coming over to my place right off the bat. At the same time I don't want to spend a bunch of $$ on cliche dates and other BS just to get some. I know I know, "fun action dates", but really wtf? There are only like 5-6 things I would be interested in doing that would be considered "action dates", and it's still fluff cause all I want is to do her. The more I think about it the more I think it's totally unnecessary.

I could really use some feedback on what I should be doing on these future date setups cause I'm sick of doing the same stuff - I just want to get past all the BS as quickly as possible; my time is valuable too.

6) Regarding bars. I know it's not the "best" place to pick up girls, but is there a best? I would assume clubs are a little better and as I mentioned a few times before we will start going there. Either way I do agree with you though - I think deep down girls who are out on the town are open to hooking up as long as you can aid them in getting past the social barriers (slvt label around friends, etc). I just haven't mastered those intricacies yet.

7) I think you're right about the numbers thing being an ego boost, but in some cases it proves beneficial (case in point Saturday night ... we wanted to meet as many girls as possible and follow up later as well as "be the life of the party", which is so far working out). I've gotten numbers from girls at the gym before. My main issue right now is negating that altogether and going right for a get together. As in, ideally I could just meet her, chat her up for a few minutes, and have her come over later that night or if she's busy a few days down ... plan it right then and there, and if necessary exchange numbers as a way to touch base, but already have things set up. Ideas?

I want to do things differently this weekend, better than all prior weekends. I'm sure I will, just need to figure out what and how. Final comment that I kinda touched on earlier: is going for "how about you come over for dinner and a movie" too much for these number follow-ups from halloween? As in, should I do some public setting thing first? I have no idea where to go for a short/cheap date as a precursor to "back to my place".

 

[jonwon]

Guy, thanks for all the info, lots of good stuff. Let me hit a few points:

1) I don't agree 100% that improving my build will only improve my confidence. Of course it's a huge byproduct, but it will obviously make me even more attractive. I'm in good shape, but still far from where I want to be. This guy has a physique close to what I want to accomplish: http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/timberwolf/ That level will take me at least a couple years, but I'm making huge progress already. You're built better than I am currently. A few of my muscle groups are larger/more defined, but overall I think it'll be around early spring before I can hit "your level".

2) Regarding pictures at stagettes, is it by default not allowed? Have you ever had snapshots taken and not been aware? Also, is that something you can do from the get go? I'd prefer to do more private stuff and certainly nothing for guys (as mentioned earlier), just not my thing.

3) Regarding dancing, I don't do much walking, but I can take classes, I do want to start going to clubs, and I can probably spare some practice time at my own place. I have a decent amount of space in my bedroom and one entire wall is a giant closet (all mirrored), so I can see exactly what I'm doing. Are there basics I need to learn or just loosen up and move and try to hit the beat? I also mostly listen to rock in my free time, so I guess I should acquire some rap/electronic tunes.

4) Regarding dating. I'm glad you brought this up as I've been wondering about this a lot too. The whole "no numbers" thing is good idea and my last ONS (about a month ago) was a subconscious result of this. Me and my wing were at a bar and ended up talking to these two girls, one was really feeling me, I had alone time with her, did the whole kino escalation thing, made out with her, tried to get her to my place but she said she would but had to work real early in the morning. So I got her number, asked when she's available, set up a date right then and there, and a few days later had her over to my place for "dinner and a movie". I did deliver on my dinner & movie promise, but only after some fun. However, I think I pulled this off because the attraction level was already pretty high and I spent a good deal of time with her at the bar. We literally made out for like a half hour.

Anyway, Saturday's bar hopping didn't allow for as much long-term interaction with girls, but we did get some number closes. I followed up with a couple last night and set up one sure date this week, one tentative. A few others are in the works. Here's the thing though: I'm sick of taking girls to dates and doing all the involved BS and paying for crap and all that. The one date I have this week will probably be getting a drink at a bar and hitting up a movie where I can put the moves on, but even that is getting a little lame.

I could take her to my place right off the bat, but there's a slight problem: I now have a roommate (renting out lower level to him) which isn't blocked off by doors or anything. Of course I'll notify him if I'm bringing someone over and what not, but I don't want it to be awkward. I mean he won't be on the same floor as us (there's a "main floor" with the tv and couch), but still it's not like I can just fvck her there. I'd have to take her upstairs, which I'm ok with, but I usually put on the moves during a movie - maybe I should go away from that. This is a bit of a rant fyi, just trying to get new ideas out there. I also don't know if this will work right away; I only talked to her for a few minutes when I met her so it may take some more warming up.

Basically here's what I want to do if I do end up number closing: have a girl over for dinner & a movie. That's easy. And I can put the moves on no problem when I got her at my place. One thing I'm considering is putting a small couch in my bedroom and wall mounting a small flat screen up there as well to put some room between me and my roommate and make the date feel less like there's another person right there. Plus the bed is right there

I don't know if there's enough prior work done for that to happen though as in I don't know if a relative stranger is going to be ok with coming over to my place right off the bat. At the same time I don't want to spend a bunch of $$ on cliche dates and other BS just to get some. I know I know, "fun action dates", but really wtf? There are only like 5-6 things I would be interested in doing that would be considered "action dates", and it's still fluff cause all I want is to do her. The more I think about it the more I think it's totally unnecessary.

I could really use some feedback on what I should be doing on these future date setups cause I'm sick of doing the same stuff - I just want to get past all the BS as quickly as possible; my time is valuable too.

6) Regarding bars. I know it's not the "best" place to pick up girls, but is there a best? I would assume clubs are a little better and as I mentioned a few times before we will start going there. Either way I do agree with you though - I think deep down girls who are out on the town are open to hooking up as long as you can aid them in getting past the social barriers (slvt label around friends, etc). I just haven't mastered those intricacies yet.

7) I think you're right about the numbers thing being an ego boost, but in some cases it proves beneficial (case in point Saturday night ... we wanted to meet as many girls as possible and follow up later as well as "be the life of the party", which is so far working out). I've gotten numbers from girls at the gym before. My main issue right now is negating that altogether and going right for a get together. As in, ideally I could just meet her, chat her up for a few minutes, and have her come over later that night or if she's busy a few days down ... plan it right then and there, and if necessary exchange numbers as a way to touch base, but already have things set up. Ideas?

I want to do things differently this weekend, better than all prior weekends. I'm sure I will, just need to figure out what and how. Final comment that I kinda touched on earlier: is going for "how about you come over for dinner and a movie" too much for these number follow-ups from halloween? As in, should I do some public setting thing first? I have no idea where to go for a short/cheap date as a precursor to "back to my place".

Women dont really care about room mates to the level we think they do, trust me on that.

Sure she will be concerned about someone hearing you two at it, but it wont stop her. I used to be in house shares for around 5 years, those where my best times for dating girls, none of them made it an issue, unless I made it an issue, i.e, dont mention it and if you do, never make out it's a problem, if anything big it up - "Yeh I live with two cool guys, it's a riot".

As for what to do when they come back:

Here is what works for me, and what I have done with great success in the past.

Movies are fine and so is cooking, also get some wine in, ask her what she likes.

Get some candles, I dont care how poor your room is or who your living with, get candles.

When you put the film on, light the candles, pour the wine. Pull her close to you. The amounts of times I'd have the room set up for her to be sat at the other end of the sofa is too many to describe. Some PUA will tell you to wait it out, but I cant be arsed with that shi* - Just put your hand behind her back and pull her towards you, alpha type, your not taking no for an answer. Or get her to sit between your legs, that way, you can kino her later in the movie when the wine is flowing, in this position, I like to try for the breasts and give them a massarge and test her comfort - I dont go for the boobs off the bat, but I will be trying to go to those places when the movie is on and she is comfortable on my lap or in between my legs.

I hate dating with a passion, detest it tbh about it, so much I'd even go so far as passing up on a chick who wanted to date.

Also I have found through experiance most girls actually hate dating too, it's a bore and a chore.

If your going to date, try to do something that results in you getting close - Bars are fine, since you can sit up close to her and establish comfort, films and movies is a bad idea - You want to be escualting either at home with a film or on a couch in a bar.

 

[muscleman]

Gotcha, that makes some sense. Yea the whole wine thing works out good, I've done it before. I would actually prefer to leave dinner for after the fun (like I did with my ONS) because women (and myself) don't really want to fvck after eating, hence why dinner dates suck (that and lack of kino). On the flipside you do have some valid points about "fun in the kitchen". I'm just gonna have to notify my roomy to stay in his area for the duration.

But anyway, the real concern with this is getting them over in the first place. If I get a number and set up a date, even after chatting them up for only a few minutes at a bar, is that enough comfort for them to accept? I really don't like going out on dates anymore either, total waste of time unless it's something I really want to do and kinda boring. Like if I want to visit the zoo, I'll take a girl there, but I'm not going to hit it up every weekend just for the sake of it. I'll do it once a year.

The reason I brought up the movies is because it used to be a good way for me to get girls to come home with me. I got 3 lays that way, all back to back. I recently went on a movie date with a girl I met at the bar and could have had her back at my place but decided against it (wasn't that attracted to her), so it still "works". Really it comes down to me going to a theater with fold up arm rests, sitting up against each other, and basically kino the whole movie. I do the whole makeout thing before the previews are up. Still, that's 2 hours and $20 though ... lol I'm cheap. Good call on the candles, I'm fresh out though I do have some suave holders.

I'm just not sure if asking a girl to come over for dinner and a movie is going to get her to not do it based on previous comfort level. It's a fine line. The one date I have set up for this week, I already specified a location and a general time, but not the activity. I was planning on a drink, and then possibly a movie right there and do my kino thing, but I'm thinking I don't really want to do that now. My current plan of action is probably more along these lines:

Go to said bar and get a drink there, kino her up, then suggest my place for a movie, dinner, and some more drinks. I got the wine thing and I'll be sure to create "appropriate seating", aka between my legs/on my lap. I'd rather have her come up to my place from the get go, but it might be a bit much. What do think? A single drink at a bar and then back .. yay?

I find myself so busy these days that I really don't have time (or the desire to make time) for BS. I'll take a girl out on a date if we get along well and after the fact as a "reward" maybe, but not as a means to an end. It's like that new Rammstein song "pvssy" ... goes something like "you have a pvssy, I have a d1ck, so what's the problem? let's do it quick"