Am I a narcissist or womanizer or both

[tryst type]

Hi guys. So I'm looking for some help. I've come to realize that when I'm in a serious relationship and emotionally attached all sexual attraction/desire fades and it's very hard for me to get turned on enough to want to have sex with my partner.

However if the same woman was new and we weren't attached my desire sky rockets and I have no issue getting hard and being sexual.

It's a problem for me because I prefer something long term and my current gf is great. Very supportive, good communicator, great morals. Probably my best relationship so far.. However as stated my sexual desire is fading and I find myself hoping she'd rather cuddle than wanting sex.

It doesn't matter how attractive a woman is because the end result is always the same I've noticed. However if the woman seems to be more physically appealing and lacks a good personality then I tend to be more into her sexually longer.


Any help would be appreciated!

 

[Glumix]

Isn't she attractive ? Or feminine ? After how long does your sexual desire fade ? And what is your GF doing about it ? Did you actually had any sexual desire for her or did you just settle for her because she was available ?

There is a Blue Pill mindset that tells it is men problem if they are not turned on by ANY women. It's not your problem to turn you on, it's her job.

 

[tryst type]

I was attracted to her and had no problem getting aroused by her in the beginning until things became serious between us.

That's the pattern with me, once it goes from casual dating to something serious and long term and emotions build up its like I trade sexual desire for "affection"

No problem if I see a stranger who I know nothing about and fantasize about her sexually

 

[Colossus]

Get your testosterone checked, for one.

Two, you are gonna have to learn how to get aroused by one woman if you plan on staying in relationships. Of course it's more exciting with a new girl. But you cant just hop from girl to girl until you die, despite what you might read here.

I suspect porn may be a culprit here, too. How often are you looking at /watching porn?

 

[tryst type]

I do watch porn often and I get lost in the fantasy of hooking up with a "slut" it does arouse me more than having sex with someone I care about.

 

[Ronaldo7]

A similar scenario occurs to me.

I do still get aroused by my girlfriend (she did get new boobs), but i often start having desires with other women.

Variety is always good to have.

 

[BeTheChange]

I doubt it's anything to do with his lo termine testosterone levels. Being round and only having sex with one woman actually decreases your testosterone levels naturally, which seems to be nature's way of saying "if you don't use your manhood in the most virile way I'm taking it away from you".

No way is one woman going to turn you on in the same way after a certain amount of time. Sexual interest is going to wane. You should read "Mating in Captivity". Eye opening.

Monogamy is a sexual prison for most men. You just have to make the decision as to whether sexual boredom is a worthwhile trade off. Or you could just cheat. Ironically introducing another female into your rotation is likely to lead to more sex with your girlfriend with the testerone boost that occurs from this.

 

[tryst type]

Yeah I remember being with an older woman years back who was super sexy to me. Had that secretary look to her 24/7 and even that got boring to me when feelings started becoming part of the equation and it was becoming more serious.

When it ended, a year later I saw her and the same original sexual urges were present. Is it normal for that to occur? When I'm emotionally involved the sexual drive wanes badly

 

[BeTheChange]

Not sure if it's specific to emotional involvement any more than just seeing the same naked body every night for months/years.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

These feelings happen to a lot of guys. To keep it from happening, keep on objectifying them. You could have a bad ass body babe with good brains, and still trying to be on the ***** c arousel because you "fell in love". Just look at it as good puzzy and keep hitting it, and it never has to change. If you don't want to dawg women out have a ruleset that provides sufficient treatment, even if you are in there mostly for the good puzzy.

But yes, many men say once they love them and feel affectionate a lot of the lust sexual attraction decreases.

 

[Reyaj]

The feeling of the OP is almost exactly how I feel and what I posted about in my Cheating (Have my Cake and Eat it too) thread.

There is definitely psychological here, at least with me. For example as soon as a girl meets my parents I feel weird about the sex... like she is part of my family and I shouldn't objectify her or something... Makes me want to just go out and bang some different girls

 

[tryst type]

Ultimately it does come down to "objectifying" as sad as that may be.

 

[Glumix]

What is for you the opposite of objectification ?

 

[tryst type]

Caring and affection in a non-sexual context

 

[Bible_Belt]

When your world looks kinda weird and you wish that you weren't there....
Just close your eyes and make believe and you can be anywhere

 

[Glumix]

Caring and affection in a non-sexual context

I think the problem is how you define a LTR. A LTR has a sexual context. She is your girlfriend, not your mother.

What if you stopped looking for care and affection from your GF? Wouldn't she be more desirable?

 

[tryst type]

That's true. I'll try to change my outlook. But it seems to naturally occur where the desire slowly turns in caring. Kind of smothers the lust