Am 20 years old and I need some advice.

[scorpionrap]

Hello, am new here as you can see, i've looked into alot of threads before but this is my first one,
So, I'll become in 20 in a month, and i;ve never had an actual girlfriend, sad but true, the weird part is, that i've been told by lots of people that am good looking, am tall, and a great dresser (also people tell me that), they always tell me that i look like a foreign person regarding my looks, since most guys here are ugly, anyway, I have no confidence in my self since am super skinny, I am well built, wide shoulders muscluar shape, nice hair, but being skinny has kept me from believing in myself in every aspect, however the first try was in 9th grade, there was a girl that i liked very much, and as i think about it now she liked me too, she kept asking me to dance with her in parties, kept sitting next to me in class, and asked me once if i ever had a girlfriend and i told her "yes" and made up a girl, I didnt ask her out because i was extremely shy and didnt believe she liked me, so after that there was some girls who was more forward but i just refused to date them because of my "ego" i just didnt like them very much and didnt like how they looked. anyway i dont wanna make it longer, am 20 years old soon and still have no relationships experience and of course no sexual experience either, I still get girls complimenting me and "wanting" me and staring at me, but i just never have the guts to approach them, specially that i dont have a car and the transportation is terriblem and that am of course skinny although i've been working out for 4 months and made great transformation, but the magic secret about my low self confidence is that i have SCOLIOSIS, a spine syndrome which is very noticeable on my back if i wear tight shirt or shirtless, am really shy about that.

could you guys help me out, i feel really lonely all the time!
one last question, if i do get to "do it" should i lie about being a virgin ?

thanks in advance.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Stop evaluating your personal appearance, you are you and at your age you look similar to lots of other people your age. Any girl that is friendly enough to initiate conversation a couple times, you need to ask out and possibly try to lay. It's gonna be awkward for both of you, just be nice and sincere and keep trying to take her clothes off in the nicest way possible. Never let a girl feel that she has you, never admit defeat. Always be secretive about yourself and your life. Never be shy about your sexuality. Always game multiple women, and only stop if you feel like stopping for that special girl that asked you for exclusivity first. Wear condoms. Youtube the G-Spot videos (female not male). And never ever allow yourself to catch oneitis for a girl.

 

[Groovy]

If you're good looking that's great man! Just get self confidence... it's easy. Why do you have scoliosis? You need to take care of your health... to me it seems like that is what is the root of your low self confidence. Girls like you... I advise you to take advantage of that. Let's try to get that one that you really liked. What's the story with her now?

I want to know, what's your diet? And how do you work out?

No, don't lie. NEVER lie.

 

[MM92]

I'm 20 soon. Don't wanna get old

How are you still a virgin?! If you get a chance then take it. Don't mention you're a virgin. Just go with it and unless you make a big mistake you won't get asked.

 

[Desdinova]

am good looking, am tall, and a great dresser (also people tell me that), they always tell me that i look like a foreign person regarding my looks,

I need to tell you this right now... Just because men place a high priority on the physical appeal of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean that women do the same. In fact, women are more interested in the personality of the man than his looks.

I lost my virginity on my 20th birthday and there's guys here who have lost it later than that. I think early 20s is this message board's average for losing the v-card.

You need to work on your personality and your confidence. You also need to forget about your physical flaws and work on fixing your personality flaws.

Do yourself a favor - go down to the bottom of the page, click on the DJ Bible link, and read. Then, go out into the real world and put that knowledge to use.

 

[alxrose04]

Desdinova stated a very very very very important point that I think we forget. Girls almost the opposite of guys. We love a big chest and girls love big confidence. And where does that come from? That comes from loving and being proud of yourself. You say you've been in the gym the last 4 months? Well that's AWESOME! Take off your shirt every once and while, look in the mirror and say "WOW, I look great!" You've earned it.

As for the virgin thing, she'll only have a problem with it if you do. If you carry yourself like it's no big deal and are comfortable in your own skin, she'll step back and be think "Wow, he doesn't act like a virgin."

And like Desdinova said, work on your personality flaws. Once you have those down, you'll be doing wonders.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It sounds to me like you are afraid to get hurt. I would like to tell you that won't happen, but it will. Women will repeatedly rip out your heart and stomp on it. You might think that would kill you, but it doesn't. You actually grow back stronger each time. But you don't get to be stronger if you don't ever let yourself get hurt.

 

[MM92]

It sounds to me like you are afraid to get hurt. I would like to tell you that won't happen, but it will. Women will repeatedly rip out your heart and stomp on it. You might think that would kill you, but it doesn't. You actually grow back stronger each time. But you don't get to be stronger if you don't ever let yourself get hurt.

This man is genius, one of a few you can actually take note of on here. This is coming from my experiences and older man i know and have spoken to

 

[juicywa]

but before your heart is ripped to shreds, you get to feel the best feeling in the world... l'amour... love .. the ultimate roller coaster ride.

one day you're feeling on top of the world, the next day you're on bottom of the barrell.

 

[scorpionrap]

wow thank you guys so much for the replies, I have been working on my talking and confidence lately, and it has gone up pretty well, i feel much more confident in public, like i dont care who listens to what i talk, something i cared about alot in the past, i dont care how they think of me, as for the women i am more laid back with the talking, less nice (but in a nice way, like am lazy/teasing) which is very good, i touch girls more, i talk as much as i can about sex and sexual topics, and there are effects, I havent asked anyone out yet (i never did in my life) but i dunno, i feel like i dont wanna pick any girl, because she's my first i want her to be my exact "Type" or smth like that, every time "no, she's X" "no, she has Y" and make execuses its like i want her to be perfect, but i dunno i still think about having a "perfect girl" as my first, you know, like my type.. and if she asks should i tell her that i am a virgin ?
i really dont want to, cause then girls start thinking that there's a problem with me, and try to dig in more in me. thanks everyone!

 

[ka_mate]

Hey so Scorpion I see you have a feeling that you want to wait for the perfect girl before asking her out and don't want to ask less-than-perfect girls out.

Go with me on this seemingly unrelated metaphor for a way of solving this problem.

Think about the first time you rode a bike or skated or skied.

Were you perfect the first time you did it?

Hell no!

You felt and certainly would have looked unbalanced, uncomfortable and awkward on the bike before inevitably falling over and failing. But then you got back on the bike and tried again and slowly but surely you started to fall down less often and began to develop a bit of confidence. Slowly but surely you began to think "Hey I can do this whole bike riding thing". This is a process everybody goes through.

Learning to ride a bike and asking girls out well successfully have this process in common. You must fail and look awkward and uncomfortable and fall over a few times before you are successful.

The point of explaining all this is thus...

How do you expect to be confident and experienced enough to successful ask out and date the 'perfect' girl when she comes along?

Remember the first bike you ever rode. It was probably a second hand, cheap, small, kids bike.

Now imagine that upon seeing this bike you decided that it wasn't good enough for you and instead of trying to ride it you turned your nose up at it. Imagine that you spend years turning your nose up at perfectly fine bikes because you are waiting for the "Perfect Bike"

Then one day you see it...

It's a beautiful $5000 road bike, streamlined, made of carbon and a beautiful combination of red and black that radiates power and speed. You are taken aback by it, breathless in its presence. You announce to the world "This bike is perfect"

And lo and behold you mount the bike, your first time on a bike and guess what happens.

You crash immediately to the ground unable to even get one rotation of the pedals in before you overbalance and fall, damaging the bike and yourself in the process making it impossible for you to ride that bike again today.

Once again, girls and bikes are very similar. If you wait until you meet the 'perfect' girl before you make any sort of move (asking out/kissing) then you will undoubtebly crash and burn with her.

You owe it to yourself and this 'perfect girl' who you will eventually meet that you practise "riding" before you meet her. It may feel like you're going through the motions but if you've asked 10-15 girls out before you ask out the 'perfect girl' you will be much more comfortable and confident when it happens and this can only improve your chances.

Practise with "less-than-perfect" girls simply so that you can perform when the time comes.

So instead of falling over on the beautiful bike you clip your shoes in and take off, your legs pumping like pistons and you ride powerfully, the wind whipping past you and a smile on your face as you confidently ride off into the night

 

[ka_mate]

As for the issue of disclosing your virginity to a girl. Don't tell any girl that unless she asks but if a girl asks well we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

Right now, you want to focus on asking a girl out. Once you've asked a girl out, dated her for a bit, kissed her and started to escalate more sexually, THEN we can discuss the virginity issue

 

[Aristippus]

Hey. No worries. Guess what? Your "problem" isn't really all that unusual. You're the good-looking guy who is shy when it comes to meeting women. I think that can seem like a very big curse if you're in that situation because people probably think you're getting lots of action. At the same time you probably feel like being attractive but not having a girlfriend is like a slap in the face, especially if you see guys that are less attractive than you and/or with zero personality, even loser types with a girl/girls while you are wishing you were with someone.

Maybe you even feel like the curse is double because you won't get any sympathy. At least the ugly guy without the girl (in his mind) might get some kind of sympathy. First thing is, you're not strange or unusual. The good-looking guy who is shy when it comes to meeting women is more common than you think. The good thing is, deep down you know that with the right knowledge and some effort you can change your situation.

Don't worry about your "virginity". You don't need to volunteer that information and it's really none of her business anyway. I want to give you a few ideas to help to ease the tension a little so you're not on the defensive when meeting women. If you're always feeling like you have to be on the defensive, you'll find ways to push girls that like you away. You're basically rejecting THEM before they've even had a chance to get to know you.

There are 3 basic things I'd like to share with you from experience. You need to decide how much about yourself you want to reveal and stick to that. When I first met my wife, she knew much less about me than she knows know. And there are still things about me that she doesn't know! She might find out one thing tomorrow, another in a year. It doesn't matter. What matters is we have a great relationship.

So the first thing is, don't reveal too much about yourself too early on. You can tell women about things you like and yourself but there's no pressing need to tell a woman things you might (or might not) even tell your best friend. ESPECIALLY if it's just some girl you're beginning to date. You can reveal more personal information on a need-to-know basis. For example, if you had an STD, ANY woman needs to know that. Whether she's a woman you're getting ready to sleep with for the first time or a woman you've slept with before.

No one needs to know you're a virgin. It's nothing to be embarrassed about but it's also not necessary to volunteer the information, especially if you're not comfortable with letting other people know. I know people talk about building confidence etc etc. But I'm also a big believer in the idea that if you are embarrassed about something, then simply don't volunteer the information. You have enough to think about right now without having to worry about whether or not she's going to tell the world about something you're not comfortable with. Reveal the more personal details of your life once a woman has earned your trust over time, but not before then.

So #1: NEVER REVEAL TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFORMATION EARLY ON.

She hasn't earned it. She's NOT your best friend. She's some woman you hardly know. You might want to see if she is the kind of girl you'd like to get to know better but she doesn't have the right to know every little detail. She's not your wife. She's nothing other than an acquaintance. And even if she becomes your girlfriend, girlfriends have to earn trust OVER TIME.

#2: FIND LOW-RISK WAYS TO DETERMINE A WOMAN'S LEVEL OF INTEREST

You said you KNEW a girl from the 9th grade was interested in you. I have very low expectations for a 9th grader. Kids and teens are awkward when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex (and so are some adults). But my expectations are ZERO for a 9th grader. A 9th grader will usually trip over himself and fumble. Some of them that get dates, if i could see them in "action", would still seem very pathetic and goofy in their interactions because of lack of maturity and lack of skill and experience. So don't worry about a missed opportunity from the 9TH GRADE. There is a little learning you can gain from that though. HOW did she show she liked you?

**I'll quote you: "as i think about it now she liked me too, she kept asking me to dance with her in parties, kept sitting next to me in class, and asked me once if i ever had a girlfriend and i told her "yes" and made up a girl, I didnt ask her out because i was extremely shy and didnt believe she liked me,"

When a girl or woman keeps looking for you, and sitting next to you and asking if you have a girlfriend, those are pretty obvious signs she likes you. There are lots of behaviors that show a woman has high interest. Girls with HIGH INTEREST are what you want. Behaviors are how you can tell if a woman is interested. What stopped you (and actually it was a good thing that you didn't know how to move forward) is you knew she liked you but you didn't know what to do about it. You didn't know what to do about it so you failed to move forward. This is good. You were forced by circumstance to avoid possible teenage pregnancy and ruining the rest of your adult life.

There are other signals as well that she's interested, but this post is getting too long and we'll have to save that for another time. But the other important thing is.........

#3 HOW TO MOVE FORWARD WITH EASE

You don't have to move in for the kiss. Guess what? If you practice moving things forward the easy way, you can avoid rejection and know ahead of time whether or not she wants you to kiss her. If she gives you 5 or 6 "I like you and am attracted to you." signals and you move forward in small steps, by the time you've moved forward in 5 or 6 small steps, you KNOW she likes you and would welcome a kiss from you.

This sounds like a lot but can happen very quickly. I'm saying once you've practiced noticing her signals and learn how to move forward quickly and get it down, you can usually pick up on 5 or 6 things that show she likes you a lot and then move forward in 5 or 6 small steps (i'm using these numbers as examples, not as absolutes), within an hour of meeting her in some cases. You can usually wind up at the very least holding hands with a woman you just meet and sex within the first few dates. But there's no rush. I'm just telling you what can realistically happen.

So some ways to move forward. If she enters your personal space, you can smile when she does. If she scoots closer to you during conversation, stay there, don't back away like you're nervous, and simply smile. Let her invade your personal space and inch closer to you a few times, then you can inch a little closer to her. If she is continually touching you during conversation, let her touch you and make eye contact, then touch her on the shoulder gently, in a friendly, casual way. No groping! Just friendly, non-sexual touch. Just a gentle brushing or touch on the shoulder for a couple of seconds and then you just let her keep coming to you.

Let her keep invading your space. Let her keep touching you while making warm, friendly eye contact. Let her "accidentally" brush up against you as she keeps inching closer. After she's done this enough, you can just gently either rest your index finger on her hand (she will probably grab your finger and hold it, kind of like a baby does) or you can hold her hand. See, this is how to move forward SMOOTHLY and with minimal effort. There's nothing to reject because you only move forward in small increments AS SHE IS MOVING IN ON YOU. She is the aggressor and you're just encouraging her to reel you in. You welcome her advances and then move forward WITH HER. It's like a dance. I know this was a long post but I hope this helps!

 

[scorpionrap]

thank you very very much, i read every word, i'll try and work like that, btw there are girls who keep touching me, when we shake hands for example she keeps holding my hand and not let go, sometimes she when she shakes hands she moves my hand towards her leg and rub it on her leg a little bit, this is in fact a sign she likes, on the other hand when i sit with her and her friends, she keeps talking with them about her exs and current guys she likes infront me, showing her friends messages he sent and asks them what to reply infront of me, so what the hell does that mean..
plus there are girls who smile to me at work, alot of girls keep looking at me when i enter work every day, and i dont talk with anyone of them when i dont know them, i one sit beside a girl i didnt know and she was very friendly and started talking to me in a friendly way all the shift time 7 hours, and at the same times there were 3-4 girls around me (its a call center) that every time i look at any one of them i catch them staring, and when i do i just look back at my screen, i notice girls that i have never talked, that when i do they get super excited and try to help me as much as they can if i ask them a question for example about work,
mmm.. there's some girl who's really cute and keeps looking at me too, we were standing in the lobby waiting for our rides home at 9 pm after work, both standing still, i was listening to music with headphones, and we stood there for about 20-30 minutes without talking a word and hardly looking at each other (atleast me) and her ride got before mine, so as she was walking by me suddenly she stopped and asked me if she i want a ride home, and we live in totally different places (Far away) and that was her dad, and this the first time we talked to each other, i told her like "oh thank you very much but my ride is abou to arrive and smiled" nothing happened after that of course as always, she still looks at me, but if i wanna approach her at work what would i say, specially that am approaching her out of the blue like i want something...

 

[Aristippus]

Hey Scorpion. You're welcome. I'm going to respond to a couple of things you posted in your reply to help clear things up..... I'm adding bold and italics to prove a point.

"btw there are girls who keep touching me, when we shake hands for example she keeps holding my hand and not let go, sometimes when she shakes hands she moves my hand towards her leg and rub it on her leg a little bit" "this is in fact a sign she likes me"

You got it. Those are MAJOR signals. The only thing she could do to be any more bold is to send you an engraved invitation. When she talks about ex's and guys that like her, there could be one or more of a few things. For one, women like male attention. And also some women talk about guys that like them as an ego boost.

What I'm saying is that just because she talks about other guys doesn't mean she's not interested in you. She's been giving you signals but you haven't moved forward so she isn't going to just put her social life on hold. Or put her love life on freeze mode waiting around for someone she is interested in but isn't dating and who hasn't moved things forward.

Don't worry about that though. If you look at the overall pattern of a woman's behavior toward you...I'm talking about behavior PATTERNS....or multiple behaviors that show she's interested, that's a good start. What happens sometimes is a guy sees a bunch of green lights and then one or two behaviors that confuse him pops up, and he wonders if she's interested.

There are some women out there that will flirt with every guy she comes in contact with to the extreme and tease every guy. These women are a waste of time and I consider them low quality. Their signals of interest have no meaning. But that's a relatively low percentage of women. I'm going to assume for now this isn't the case with her. The average woman will talk about guys that like them or their ex's to their friends. And a lot of women will talk about guys that like them to prove they are attractive. In moderation this is a fairly typical female behavior. A woman who is into YOU will rarely talk about her ex or exes, and will occasionally, not constantly, but occasionally mention someone who hit on her or thinks she's attractive.

The main thing is, just pay attention to the signs of high interest and move forward. You'll get a feel for what typical female behavior is versus behaviors taken to excess which are warning signals that she's one of the types of women to avoid. Just notice her consistent, overall, prevailing BEHAVIOR PATTERN. Don't obsess over one confusing behavior or one instance where she doesn't move forward and then ignore the tons of other behaviors that show she likes you. We aren't obsessed over being liked by one particular woman. We are simply looking for the women that already like us and want to spend time with us.

We weed out the women with low interest. We don't waste time with them. And we enjoy the women who love us. This means the women who like you have an instant, automatic reaction to you. THEY CANNOT CONTROL IT BECAUSE NATURE PUT THAT INTO THEM. Just like you can't control it when you see women that are attractive to you. The idea is that there are enough attractive women out there who will react positively to you because you can't fight Nature! Your only goal is to find them.

 

[Aristippus]

One quick piece of advice when it comes to women you work with. I'd suggest not dating women you work with. That doesn't mean you can't befriend them and practice your conversation skills with them and practice looking for their behavioral and body language signals. You can flirt with the etc etc, but I would avoid dating women you work with.

Maybe you can even meet their friends but the main thing is, you have a great opportunity to practice every day. Take what you learn there and make it a part of you in your day to day life. About conversations, just talk to them like you would an old friend. If you're stuck with what to say, then just remember a fun or interesting conversation you had with a good friend, recall what you were talking about, and just write down as much about the conversation as you can remember. The topics, etc. You don't have to say anything special or smooth. Just have good, comfortable conversation and be a good listener.