Always a fricking coworker

[user252009]

Why do I always get focused or hung up on a hot coworker that is always around? Sure, I do realise that we spend a lot of time at work and if that coworker is hot as well as sharing out-of-office interests as me, it gets tricky. There's energy there, but I've had a very similar situation just two years ago and it was horrible when she rejected me (after a lot of fun and flirty back-and-forth out of office), so I definitely don't want to get into that situation again. And yeah, I don't have much of social life outside of work (I have a side career that I do in my spare time), so that doesn't help.

I live in a foreign country where it's not easy to make friends if you don't speak the native language so just wondering how to protect my mind from keep getting into this situation on getting fixated on a hot girl that works close to me.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Because you're around them a lot and it naturally builds connection while also potentially accumulating sexual tension. That's why affairs with coworkers are fairly common.

 

[user252009]

Because you're around them a lot and it naturally builds connection while also potentially accumulating sexual tension. That's why affairs with coworkers are fairly common.

Sure, that makes absolute sense. I just have to get away from always getting focused on a hottie that's always sitting 10 feet away from me (and has connected with me on social media and shares common out-of-work interests as me on top of that)

 

[Gamisch]

Do not chase women at the job. Imo best option is to friendzone her, and and use her, si you can go out with her and as a wing women .

Just go out in the weekend and TALK to people.

 

[user252009]

Do not chase women at the job. Imo best option is to friendzone her, and and use her, si you can go out with her and as a wing women .

Just go out in the weekend and TALK to people.

I can't friendzone her; we don't talk enough (or hang out) that we'd be friends, and I'd always have the underlying desire to bang her. So "just friendzone her" doesn't help. Neither does the "just go out and talk to people" advice. Yes, I know I should do that, but it's not in my nature, and people here are very closed and quite honestly pretty weird quite often (so hard to connect to). I should just move back to my home country soon I guess.

 

[kavi]

Move back to your home country, get a social life there etc

Clearly you are at a disadvantage here as you seem to becoming an orbiter, falling for, and hence ego-boosting and giving power away to girls you work with.

Its ok to interact with girls at work, or in any regular environment like you are in, and have feelings with them, flirt, sexual or romantic chemistry etc but you as a man need to be very strong and experienced to 'play this game' cos it is naturally going to be easier for the woman to feel like the winner in these spots.

There is not much way around but smv, experience, game etc etc ie getting close to women emotionally and with chemistry, who is in close proximity, can be dangerous.

I flirt and do this alot with girls I am in social groups or work with, but I do this with multiple women at once and have lots of experience and hence emotional resilience to this sort of thing.

I think other than massively developing your smv, game, attitude, emotional resilience there is not much way round it other than to change your situation.

 

[eli77]

Hey I've been there most time it did not work out too good is she first with you see where goes but don't have sex this is a new normal people working from home and not giving handshakes and keeping the distance maybe it's for the better

 

[user252009]

Move back to your home country, get a social life there etc

Clearly you are at a disadvantage here as you seem to becoming an orbiter, falling for, and hence ego-boosting and giving power away to girls you work with.

Its ok to interact with girls at work, or in any regular environment like you are in, and have feelings with them, flirt, sexual or romantic chemistry etc but you as a man need to be very strong and experienced to 'play this game' cos it is naturally going to be easier for the woman to feel like the winner in these spots.

There is not much way around but smv, experience, game etc etc ie getting close to women emotionally and with chemistry, who is in close proximity, can be dangerous.

I flirt and do this alot with girls I am in social groups or work with, but I do this with multiple women at once and have lots of experience and hence emotional resilience to this sort of thing.

I think other than massively developing your smv, game, attitude, emotional resilience there is not much way round it other than to change your situation.

I have enough emotional strength to of course not act on it etc., but as the energy is there when I interact with her, I don’t even really flirt with her, there’s just this tension there. I want to get to the point (which I guess will come with time) where I’m able to shut this stuff out completely no matter how hot she might be. Is that even possible? I surely hope so.

 

[Mike32ct]

I have enough emotional strength to of course not act on it etc., but as the energy is there when I interact with her, I don’t even really flirt with her, there’s just this tension there. I want to get to the point (which I guess will come with time) where I’m able to shut this stuff out completely no matter how hot she might be. Is that even possible? I surely hope so.

You could pretend in your mind that she's part of management. I find that this works best.

Or pretend that all of your female coworkers are married.

As difficult as it is, you definitely want to avoid having crushes on coworkers. Your hands are kind of tied, so you can't properly make a move or at least not within a reasonable time window. So, at best, you can end up friendzoned and stuck hearing about her actual (outside) bf. Her outside bf has the upper hand because he was able to be more bold and direct with her (because he's not a coworker), and he doesn't remind her of work stress.

So, if you can't embrace the friendzone with these chicks like Gamish suggests, then I would just assume she's on the management team. If you also have a boss fetish, then I can't help you lol.

 

[user252009]

You could pretend in your mind that she's part of management. I find that this works best.

Or pretend that all of your female coworkers are married.

As difficult as it is, you definitely want to avoid having crushes on coworkers. Your hands are kind of tied, so you can't properly make a move or at least not within a reasonable time window. So, at best, you can end up friendzoned and stuck hearing about her actual (outside) bf. Her outside bf has the upper hand because he was able to be more bold and direct with her (because he's not a coworker), and he doesn't remind her of work stress.

So, if you can't embrace the friendzone with these chicks like Gamish suggests, then I would just assume she's on the management team. If you also have a boss fetish, then I can't help you lol.

Good idea man, thanks!