Alright it's time for me to be entirely honest with myself

[bigdave17]

My lack of dating life has been entirely focused on 2 problems


Defeatism - feeling like dating is impossible and women have insurmountable standards so I rarely approach
Desperation - wanting it to happen so badly that I come across desperate as hell around women


When I am just being myself - entirely outcome independent (don't care at all if people like me or not, don't want anybody's approval) - I'm immensely charismatic. This is why I make friends everywhere I go and my customers love me so much - I come across extremely genuine


So how do I fix these 2 problems? I kinda of understand how to fix desperation and I've already started to work on that - the big thing is to trust myself and to keep reminding myself that it will happen when I least expect it. I don't know how to overcome defeatism - everytime I see a really cute girl at a gym, I automatically tell myself this long story of why she would never date me - even as I'm better looking than 98% of the men at my gym in terms of the overall package.

I think my defeatism comes from putting the ***** on the pedestal - feeling like women only want a man who is impossibly perfect and just extremely exaggerating their standards beyond hell. How do I stop doing that?

 

[ohrein]

The best solution for most fears is to slowly keep pushing yourself past your comfort zone. Smile at a woman one day. Say hi to a woman another day. Ask a woman the time the next. Just keep taking baby steps until you're comfortable with it. I know you said it was defeatism but I don't buy that.

Desperation is harder to deal with because it means you're not satisfied alone which is going to cause a lot of other problems like oneitis, clinginess and jealousy. Gotta be happy by yourself first. It's been a while but I think I got over desperation by just filling my schedule up with life improving activities and making sure I spun plates. Multiple women means you're less desperate, although oneitis can sneak in with your best one.

 

[skinnyguy]

My lack of dating life has been entirely focused on 2 problems


Defeatism - feeling like dating is impossible and women have insurmountable standards so I rarely approach
Desperation - wanting it to happen so badly that I come across desperate as hell around women


When I am just being myself - entirely outcome independent (don't care at all if people like me or not, don't want anybody's approval) - I'm immensely charismatic. This is why I make friends everywhere I go and my customers love me so much - I come across extremely genuine


So how do I fix these 2 problems? I kinda of understand how to fix desperation and I've already started to work on that - the big thing is to trust myself and to keep reminding myself that it will happen when I least expect it. I don't know how to overcome defeatism - everytime I see a really cute girl at a gym, I automatically tell myself this long story of why she would never date me - even as I'm better looking than 98% of the men at my gym in terms of the overall package.

I think my defeatism comes from putting the ***** on the pedestal - feeling like women only want a man who is impossibly perfect and just extremely exaggerating their standards beyond hell. How do I stop doing that?

You showed why you’re failing with women in this post. By saying that you’re better looking than 98% of men at the gym, you’re admitting your own Narcissistic personality disorder.

You’re also an incredibly serious person who cannot take a joke. Just have fun with dating and find some male friends. I’m thinking you think other males are inferior to you so you don’t hang out with them. All you need is a social circle and things will be fine.

I’ll tell you where you will have success - San Francisco. Asian girls love arrogant white guys out here. Maybe the suburbs of Chicago is just a bad place for you

 

[bigdave17]

You showed why you’re failing with women in this post. By saying that you’re better looking than 98% of men at the gym, you’re admitting your own Narcissistic personality disorder.

You’re also an incredibly serious person who cannot take a joke. Just have fun with dating and find some male friends. I’m thinking you think other males are inferior to you so you don’t hang out with them. All you need is a social circle and things will be fine.

I’ll tell you where you will have success - San Francisco. Asian girls love arrogant white guys out here. Maybe the suburbs of Chicago is just a bad place for you

I'm not arrogant - saying I'm better looking than 98% of the men at my gym is just being realistic (although that may be a stretch but I'm definitely in that 90-98 range depending on what day I'm there). Very few men have my combination of athletic muscular physique, pretty boy features in the face but still masculine/rugged looking with a great dark complexion
I'm not really white - more in line with Spanish/Italian/Greek/Middle Eastern Christian people in terms of how I look and act. I'm all about family, friends, loyalty and respect. I try to be great in how I treat my loved ones
Find male friends? I have about 15-20 awesome male friends that I've known for a long time. I have a phenomenal social circle

I actually vastly prefer the company of men over women. Very few women are anywhere near as interesting/engaging as my male friends are

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Which chicago suburb? I'm from chicago

 

[RichardTheFrog]

I actually vastly prefer the company of men over women.

Maybe that's your problem?

I may be anti-women sometimes, but I definitely don't like hanging out with other guys. This site is the most I talk to other guys, and you see how that goes.

 

[bigdave17]

Maybe that's your problem?

I may be anti-women sometimes, but I definitely don't like hanging out with other guys. This site is the most I talk to other guys, and you see how that goes.

you're ****ing insane. Men are awesome to hang out with

You don't like to hang out with intelligent and interesting people?

 

[RichardTheFrog]

you're ****ing insane. Men are awesome to hang out with

You don't like to hang out with intelligent and interesting people?

I just did 4 years in prison.

I like my space to myself. Lol.

 

[sosousage]

Which chicago suburb? I'm from chicago

isnt chicago full of foreigners anyway

 

[PeasantPlayer]

isnt chicago full of foreigners anyway

Chicago is a very diverse city its actually 1/3rd hispanic 1/3rd black 1/3rd white. And the rest are Indian, Asian, etc

 

[btownbuck2012]

so I rarely approach

There it is.

Fix that and watch your problems disappear.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I'm not arrogant - saying I'm better looking than 98% of the men at my gym is just being realistic (although that may be a stretch but I'm definitely in that 90-98 range depending on what day I'm there). Very few men have my combination of athletic muscular physique, pretty boy features in the face but still masculine/rugged looking with a great dark complexion

BUT when you're a p*ssy and "rarely" approach none of that sh*t matters as you have clearly experienced....start interacting with more women and making attempts to escalate and your life will change. Stop this "I'm better than most people" crap because it's irrelevant when you're the only one who thinks so and you have no results.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I kinda of understand how to fix desperation and I've already started to work on that - the big thing is to trust myself and to keep reminding myself that it will happen when I least expect it. I don't know how to overcome defeatism - everytime I see a really cute girl at a gym, I automatically tell myself this long story of why she would never date me - even as I'm better looking than 98% of the men at my gym in terms of the overall package.

You feel that way because you've never had success with women like that. You say that you've got no problem sleeping with them which, again, I'm going to call you out as lying and trying to act cooler on this forum or something weird, but that's whatever.

So here's the deal. You've got to drop this "it'll happen when it happens" and "when I'm outcome independent everything will be OK", etc. You have got to take action. You've got to start talking to these women even though in the early stages of this process I can absolutely guarantee you're going to make a fool out of yourself. But you must push through and continue to try. That "outcome independence" that you have with your customers isn't some random act of chance - rather it's you being comfortable in that environment. The only way to get comfortable in an environment (in this case talking to hot women) is to spend more time in that environment which you are currently doing none of. Once you spend more time, ideally some time everyday, interacting with and talking to HOT women you will start to feel more comfortable with them over time. But it's not an overnight thing. You can have that outcome independence that you have with your customers with hot women but you have to stop being a p*ssy about it and just start doing it.

Also, the guys who really need to amp up the "game" when they talk to women are average looking guys. In fact, a handsome man running game on a woman will probably turn her off because he is coming across as too high value which is going to make her insecure and or upset given her past experience with players and pump and dump types. That's why for a guy like yourself who is good looking, or so you say, literally just talking to them about their exercise routine or stuff going on in Chicago is likely to peak their interest in you. At that point you need to learn how to escalate, I.e. get her number, set a date, invite her for a drink after you're both done working out, etc.

So when are YOU going to stop being a puss and try some of this stuff?

 

[zekko]

I'm not arrogant - saying I'm better looking than 98% of the men at my gym is just being realistic

Man, I wish I was half this self deluded. I believe in being grounded in reality though.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

read up all you can about victim mentality and social conditioning..
the real killers ^^

transforming is ****ING HARD.

read Brian Tracys famous quote that changed my life.

"I am responsible"

anything bad happening in your life is usually your responsibilty.

even if your brutally victimized and you have full right to be angry upset, you are responsible for your actions and reactions.

Victor frankl, holocaust survivor was able to live a happy life after 5 years of the worst conditions ever because he chose to not be a victim (;

 

[bigdave17]

Chicago is a very diverse city its actually 1/3rd hispanic 1/3rd black 1/3rd white. And the rest are Indian, Asian, etc

I'm technically from Eastern Europe but I'm very heavily Americanized and I can get along with people from any demographics

 

[bigdave17]

BUT when you're a p*ssy and "rarely" approach none of that sh*t matters as you have clearly experienced....start interacting with more women and making attempts to escalate and your life will change. Stop this "I'm better than most people" crap because it's irrelevant when you're the only one who thinks so and you have no results.

who said I'm better than most people? saying I'm better looking or earn more money than 99% of people or whatever doesn't make me a better person. That's all superficial stuff

You feel that way because you've never had success with women like that. You say that you've got no problem sleeping with them which, again, I'm going to call you out as lying and trying to act cooler on this forum or something weird, but that's whatever.

So here's the deal. You've got to drop this "it'll happen when it happens" and "when I'm outcome independent everything will be OK", etc. You have got to take action. You've got to start talking to these women even though in the early stages of this process I can absolutely guarantee you're going to make a fool out of yourself. But you must push through and continue to try. That "outcome independence" that you have with your customers isn't some random act of chance - rather it's you being comfortable in that environment. The only way to get comfortable in an environment (in this case talking to hot women) is to spend more time in that environment which you are currently doing none of. Once you spend more time, ideally some time everyday, interacting with and talking to HOT women you will start to feel more comfortable with them over time. But it's not an overnight thing. You can have that outcome independence that you have with your customers with hot women but you have to stop being a p*ssy about it and just start doing it.

Also, the guys who really need to amp up the "game" when they talk to women are average looking guys. In fact, a handsome man running game on a woman will probably turn her off because he is coming across as too high value which is going to make her insecure and or upset given her past experience with players and pump and dump types. That's why for a guy like yourself who is good looking, or so you say, literally just talking to them about their exercise routine or stuff going on in Chicago is likely to peak their interest in you. At that point you need to learn how to escalate, I.e. get her number, set a date, invite her for a drink after you're both done working out, etc.

So when are YOU going to stop being a puss and try some of this stuff?

the problem is I rarely see any decent/natural opportunities to make it happen

We were playing darts today today at a bar and these 2 girls came up and started playing next to us- that's what I mean by natural opportunity. Neither girl was decent at all - and as you can expect, I never have situations like that with anybody decent

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I have many eastern European friends, very "manly" They are an interesting bunch as they're usually "Alpha" but in their culture getting married is important and actually pushed upon and they look down on women

 

[bigdave17]

I have many eastern European friends, very "manly" They are an interesting bunch as they're usually "Alpha" but in their culture getting married is important and actually pushed upon and they look down on women

I was born in Eastern Europe but I've been in US 75% of my life

my morals and values are an interesting mismash of US and Europe

 

[btownbuck2012]

who said I'm better than most people? saying I'm better looking or earn more money than 99% of people or whatever doesn't make me a better person. That's all superficial stuff




the problem is I rarely see any decent/natural opportunities to make it happen

We were playing darts today today at a bar and these 2 girls came up and started playing next to us- that's what I mean by natural opportunity. Neither girl was decent at all - and as you can expect, I never have situations like that with anybody decent

Your excuses are the same old crap you've been spouting for months now. Grow a pair of balls and start implementing the advice you're receiving or stop posting. I'm done with this. Good luck.