Alright I'm going to be brutally honest with you guys

[bigdave17]

my biggest thing holding me back with women in my life is the following

When I was in high school, I was fat and mocked for my lack of dating succcess. I internalized that super hard and convinced myself that I would never meet anybody and was not worthy of ever having a relationship. I developed an absolutely ungodly awful attitude towards dating

Long story short, I've overcome a lot of my self esteem issues but my main 2 or 3 self limiting beliefs are still there

1)Hot women are never interested in meeting anybody. If I approach and ask one out, I'm really annoying them to death

2)I can never be good enough. Hot women have impossible standards and want a man who is impossibly perfect in every way. This is why I push myself so obsessively hard for success in all facets of my life

3)I don't feel like I deserve a girlfriend because I feel like I need to be totally perfect to meet someone

How do I overcome these self - limiting beliefs?

 

[MountainSlide]

I would characterize those thoughts as mental garbage. On top of that they’re not even based in reality. IMO if you feel like you’ll be annoying to them, that would indicate that you’re trying to extract value from the woman rather than add value. Because if you’re adding value in the conversation and they’re having fun, how could you be annoying? You’re putting the p*ssy on the pedestal man. Why would a woman want perfection? Only if she’s a narcissist, and you definitely wouldn’t want to date anyone like that. You’re imperfect, I’m imperfect, they’re imperfect. There’s not a person on this planet that’s perfect. And thank god for that because it would be boring as hell if everyone was perfect.

 

[resilient]

Learn to detach from the outcome. Enjoy interactions for what they are. More sets = more experience = more calibration. Stop expecting others including yourself (most especially) to be perfect. Practice gratitude man. You won’t look at yourself and the external world with a negative lens.

 

[RangerMIke]

You can not make things happen with chicks that are not interested in you. Do not believe the PUAs that tell you that any man can get any chick as long as they behave and act in a certain way.

Don't try to be perfect... just be the best you can. The first step is to abandon bad habits and adopt good ones. This takes discipline, the best way to build a disciplined life is to start and maintain a healthy and productive routine.

Be the very best man you can be, not to get chicks.... but because that will make your life better. Workout, eat healthy, and avoid heavy drinking and drugs because that is the best way to protect the only body you will ever have. Work on your career and personal finances because that is the best way to maintain your independence and long term stability. The positive byproduct of all this is a larger percentage of women will be interested in you, because how you look and your resources are the two major things that attract women.

After that... well it's a numbers game... just keep trying on women until you find one that fits, if that is what you want. But if you are going to try and make a LTR work, then the single most important thing you can do to maintain this is not to let her emotional machinations pull you off your path, she will expect you to sacrifice for her benefit, wants and needs.... and while if you want to have a LTR, you are going to have to compromise.... but make sure it is a compromise... and she is putting effort into you as well... but you can't get comfortable... you have to keep working out, taking care of yourself, and your career. If she gets in the way of any of these things, then you need to get rid of her.

 

[Ranger]

All I do and did was come to the conclusion that it’s all make believe. The entire system is make believe. It’s set up to artificially raise the value of women so that more men take themselves out of the breeding game and forces them to wait until she’s done breeding with other men.
The if he’s lucky, when the time comes, he will have the privelidge of helping her raise her mongrels.

The whole thing is her make believe world. Her and her little handbag and the cute little zipper on it.

You need to see the humor and absurdity of the whole illusion.

 

[sazc]

Counseling

 

[Soflobro#3]

Counseling

Most modern psychology and counseling is watered down to be made gender neutral. It's not going to benefit men because of the feminist ideologies that have been incorporated. A redpill psychologist would probably help him. Therapists are a joke. They're not very smart.

This forum is kind of like counseling already, this what the men do here, we counsel each other. He's not that bad, he just needs practice.

 

[Soflobro#3]

my biggest thing holding me back with women in my life is the following

When I was in high school, I was fat and mocked for my lack of dating succcess. I internalized that super hard and convinced myself that I would never meet anybody and was not worthy of ever having a relationship. I developed an absolutely ungodly awful attitude towards dating

Long story short, I've overcome a lot of my self esteem issues but my main 2 or 3 self limiting beliefs are still there

1)Hot women are never interested in meeting anybody. If I approach and ask one out, I'm really annoying them to death

2)I can never be good enough. Hot women have impossible standards and want a man who is impossibly perfect in every way. This is why I push myself so obsessively hard for success in all facets of my life

3)I don't feel like I deserve a girlfriend because I feel like I need to be totally perfect to meet someone

How do I overcome these self - limiting beliefs?

By starting with women you don't feel intimidated by and working your way up. To need more casual interaction with women period. Obviously not fat or old ones, but ones that are just ok.

 

[Ranger]

Most modern psychology and counseling is watered down to be made gender neutral. It's not going to benefit men because of the feminist ideologies that have been incorporated. A redpill psychologist would probably help him. Therapists are a joke. They're not very smart.

This forum is kind of like counseling already, this what the men do here, we counsel each other. He's not that bad, he just needs practice.

For the very first time, I am going to agree with you soflobro.
This is so true that they will sink you more than ever.

 

[Soflobro#3]

For the very first time, I am going to agree with you soflobro.
This is so true that they will sink you more than ever.

I would always flirt with and bust the ball of the female therapists in rehab. Id make them blush. It was entertaining for me because that sh@t was so boring. Even one of the other patients there caught her acting shy and said "you like him" referring to me.

My one gif buddy from rehab had a therapist who had litteral healing crystals in her office, and she was refusing to sign the paperwork he needed for his dui, so he could get his job back as a salesmananger at a franchise car dealership. This was a nice fully private rehab too and i imagine this woman with healing crystals ws making between 45k and 60k a year working here. What a waste of money. I could have done a better job then her because it's easier to see someone else problems from the outside looking in. It be hard for one to see themselves because of this.

Anyways female therapists are a joke for men. They cant relate. Even the ones who are the best at relating to men still can't really help much.

 

[highSpeed]

All I do and did was come to the conclusion that it’s all make believe. The entire system is make believe. It’s set up to artificially raise the value of women so that more men take themselves out of the breeding game and forces them to wait until she’s done breeding with other men.
The if he’s lucky, when the time comes, he will have the privelidge of helping her raise her mongrels.

The whole thing is her make believe world. Her and her little handbag and the cute little zipper on it.

You need to see the humor and absurdity of the whole illusion.

Definitely agree with you, although not often. The one thing that I would add to your point is seeing it or being raised by your father to know that right out of the gate. If you know and have internalized all of this right out of the gate, your life is going to be way more enjoyable.

 

[Von]

He needs Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with a Male Therapist

It helps for people who grew up under Narcissitic Parents, BPD, ADHD influence.

I'll be doing it myself since my parents are Narcistics / BPD attitude and I got ADHD with Narc tendencies.

If this forum helps him to vent so he can be a succesful and happy man... Good for him.

I think he has Narcissim traits with ADHD, OCD, and fear of his homosexuality.... Me and OP have alot of relate too....

Why I am writing this? I keep writing over and over what's on my mind... my todolist, my thoughts etc.. especially in a Study/Sitting Environmment.
There are time... I rewrite the same TodoList 5 times in a day.. just to empty my brain.

 

[Soflobro#3]

For the very first time, I am going to agree with you soflobro.
This is so true that they will sink you more than ever.

reee!

 

[Ranger]

Why I am writing this? I keep writing over and over what's on my mind... my todolist, my thoughts etc.. especially in a Study/Sitting Environmment.
There are time... I rewrite the same TodoList 5 times in a day.. just to empty my brain.

Journaling. I do it every day.

 

[bigdave17]

bump

 

[davidcarr]

How do I overcome these self - limiting beliefs?

Everyone deals with the same fears and thoughts that you do: inadequacy, fear, anxiety. The difference is, they take action anyway. They face their fear head on and take action. Yes, they get rejected a lot but they are ultimately successful.

One girl I was dating put in over 100 job applications. She only got 1 job offer. She now makes nearly $100K per year. Everyone gets rejected. That's how they become successful.

 

[sangheilios]

I grew up with an emotionally abusive father and stepfather and in my teen years had no friends and was tormented throughout high school. In those years I was constantly ridiculed and the sense of nothing being good enough was deeply embedded into my brain and lasted well into my 20s.

I can't give you an exact plan, but what helped was starting to workout in my late teen years and also getting really good paying job +saving up tons of money at a young age. Into my late teens and early 20s I had developed into a physically very attractive and just all around good dude, but wasn't in a place to pursue women or relationships. My only advice would be to take care of your body, read a lot/educate yourself, take up some new hobbies/interests, get a career or job that you genuinely enjoy or have a passion for and get a good group of quality male friends. Avoid alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, loser guys, deadend/meaningless jobs and you should be fine. Maybe even consider moving, I'm from the east coast and moved to AZ, this allowed me to create a new life for myself and leave everything behind, both literally and figuratively.

 

[bigdave17]

I grew up with an emotionally abusive father and stepfather and in my teen years had no friends and was tormented throughout high school. In those years I was constantly ridiculed and the sense of nothing being good enough was deeply embedded into my brain and lasted well into my 20s.

I can't give you an exact plan, but what helped was starting to workout in my late teen years and also getting really good paying job +saving up tons of money at a young age. Into my late teens and early 20s I had developed into a physically very attractive and just all around good dude, but wasn't in a place to pursue women or relationships. My only advice would be to take care of your body, read a lot/educate yourself, take up some new hobbies/interests, get a career or job that you genuinely enjoy or have a passion for and get a good group of quality male friends. Avoid alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, loser guys, deadend/meaningless jobs and you should be fine. Maybe even consider moving, I'm from the east coast and moved to AZ, this allowed me to create a new life for myself and leave everything behind, both literally and figuratively.

you must be new here

I make nearly 200K, am in great shape and plenty attractive, have tons of good friends

and I still feel its not enough. I still feel that women want an ungodly perfect man

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

The simple solution is the one you most certainly WON'T do.

Start being social, but not with people where it's easy to be social with.

Start being social (approaching, starting conversations, etc.) with people where you FEEL NERVOUS before doing so.

If you can't do that, you'll NEVER GET THE GIRLS YOU WANT.

If your body is weak, you improve it with exercise.

Exercise is repetitive motion that is NOT COMFORTABLE.

If your social skills are weak, you must improve them with exercise.

Exercise is repetitive behavior that is NOT COMFORTABLE.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I still feel that women want an ungodly perfect man

They don't. They only want a DECENT man who is confident enough to stroll up and say HI.

Not cower in the corner waiting for it to be easy.