Alright, I need some help..

[GaryUranga]

Long story but it would be really good for people to help out, So about 2 years ago I was the shy guy who wouldnt talk and was always akward around the girls, dreamed of dating that 1 girl and obsessed over her but never was brave enough to even TALK to her, anyways.. since then I decided I needed to change and gain control of myself and become who I wanted to be, it was mostly done because I still wanted this girl and I just wanted to change so I could get her (quite lame). So I kept figuring out things, ways to do them, been a long way, on like september last year I figured that SHYNESS was on my way of this, so I started loking for ways to overcome it and I found out I have/had this thing called "Social Anxiety" which is basically an awful akward feeling in social situations, its not that easy to get over of, but yeah Ive been defeating it slowly, found out affirmations positive thinking and booting your self confidence are really work defeating this problem, Ive read David Deangelo's stuff and its done wonders, chicks show interest, some aproach me, etc etc. But the shyness factor still sticks there, to attract the chicks Ive kept the whole "mysterious" factor around.

Anyways, due to the shyness, Im not all that great at making friends with people because Im akward around them, Ive worked on this, right? and its been turning around I now think Im more capable of theese things BUT those limitations are still there, Im not all that great at 1 on 1 convo its something to just keep working on.. not that easy. Because of all this my conversations skills with girls arent sharp, besically because they arent with anyone.

Ive changed my whole thought pattern with affirmations, well most of it, I still cant get to think that I dont need anyone else in order to be happy, but that part of it is still there, I know alot of people have had this sort of change here too so Id like some advice on this.

And another thing, my friend is coming back home from miami for like a week and were going to be hanging out wit hhim a lot, he knows this chick who is hot and all of her friends are also hot, Id REALLY like to get in there and hangout with this girl after Ive met her, I can attarct her.. but generally when its just my time to speak up and joke and tell stories or whatever my lack of confidence on this kicks in, what kind of affirmations should I do for this? I go from thinking sometimes that I can be totally confortable around theese people to thinking that I'll be all akward, I really need a boost of confidence to do all theese things right now, any advice? Itd be cool to also become friends with a bunch of this people who I barely know (but weve seen each other before) because theyre a hot girl mine.

 

[chinmi]

I can't tell you much, because I haven't gotten over my shyness a 100% yet myself. I'm posting mainly just to let you know that you're not alone in this.

However, I did improve and I'm still improving, so maybe it's ok to share some of my thoughts.

Having read your post, I noticed you work a lot with 'positive affirmations' and 'thought patterns'. That's good! This is a way to build confidence when it's not naturally there. However, in my eyes, self-confidence and self-realization must at all times be in sync! Self-confidence is good, but when you lack the foundations on which it is built, it's fake and it won't solve anything.

In your case, are you sure that the problems you have to overcome currently are related to self-confidence, instead of a lack of social skills? This is an important question, because only the former will benefit from a confidence boost (the board is filled with topics on this... grooming, dressing, cologne, ...)

You want to be able to tell jokes/stories.. but are you even able to do that? Stupid question perhaps, but I noticed that you already put a lot of work in overcoming your shyness problem through affirmations and with results.. and this might lead you to believe self-confidence is the key to everything.

My point is, perhaps you need to work on the root of the problem and there might not exist a quick solution for that?

and finally, something that went through my mind when reading your post... your focus on improving self-confidence seems to imply that maybe you care too much about what other people think? I mean, self-confidence helps in confronting people. But why does it have to feel like a confrontation at all?

 

[GaryUranga]

If by the root of the problem you mean social skills then, yes. I definetly need work on that, theres no "easy" way to do it.. though I think that having the right aproach when doing this is really important, a lot if not all shy people always see socialization as something annoying they have to do, its important to go into it thinking differently. BTW, got any fun ways for this (that wont necessarily terrify you)

and for the second thing, yeha i think I care too much of what other people think of me, how do I get rid of it?