OK I have always been a beta type of guy. I am very smart, a little good looking, rich etc. and can generally get what I want without having to "take" it from someone else. But as I get older and a lot of the girls I would like to date are dating someone else I am starting to re-evaluate.
My problem is this. I am attracted to a girl who likes alpha traits.
Since most women don't mind a guy who is mildly alpha I have decided to become more alpha.
I am basically doing this for an AFC reason. I want a specific girl and she has a bf and he is the jerk type. The boyfriend is very very very concerned about me as I am her ex of 4 years and he wasn't the reason we broke up 2 years ago. He strikes me as the jealous loser type, he asked her if she was still seeing me for like 3 months after I stopped talking to her once (she told me when I talked to her after 3 months).
Early in their relationship I called and asked her to a movie and she tells me she is still dating him and to call back in two weeks and she will be broken up with him by then. So two weeks later when he was there I called a couple of times and left messages cause we had a specific date for that day and we were going to plan it by phone (I didn't know he was there probably ****ing her lol). I am pretty sure she didn't tell him we had a date so he thinks I am calling her all the time. Another time I call and he is there she says not a good time to talk and we hang up, he calls me up from her house and tells me not to talk to her ever again I ask to talk to her and he says she doesn't want to talk to me but I insist and tell her I won't talk to her anymore but she is pissed and my take is she not pissed at me but rather at him for forcing the issue. The next day I see her and she says hi djnomore (not pissed) I say nothing...but I stopped calling after that and he thinks its cause he was alpha. Next time I see her I ignore her and she is visibly pissed.
Fast forward 9 months, called her for her b-day and told her I wanted to know that she ok and life good etc. Her general reaction is life isn't good but she has to face it herself you can't face it for me. She is still with guy but doesn't say anything positive about him or mention him at all. When I said I missed her acknowledged that it took her a long time to get over me but that she over me now (didn't sound like it but she was clear about not wanting me back). She doesn't want me calling but gave me email. Sent her an email on some issues of hers that I never encouraged her to face when we dating and said lets meet as my B-day pressenet for drinks and conversation in a few months. I am cool not contacting her again or at least not till next year.
So I see her bf at the gym and he is giving me the whole alpha I hate you vibe. I don't want to do the ex who wants to fight the current bf vibe. Basically I want to be alpha enough that I can see the two of them and not run into the alpha pissing contest even if that is what he wants. He seems to give off the boyfriend who wants to fight the ex vibe. How can I give him the vibe that I am totally unconcerned with his threats without making any threats of my own? If it comes down to it I can take this guy pretty easily but I don't want to do that as the girl won't like it. He also wants to stop just short of physical combat as the girl won't like it. But he thinks I am beta and she thinks it too (said I lack confidence ), so status quo isn't really working for me. He is physically a bit stronger and stronger looking but I have a background in martial arts and can take him if need be.
I see him at the gym seperate from her at times and he does the staring thing. So changing the relationship with him can occur without her present. He postures at the gym enough that I don't need to do anything to get him to act for me to re-act. I would prefer not to be the one who starts anything as that isn't where I want to be. I don't want to fight him but I am not afraid to do it if he starts it. I just want him to know that he can't posture with impunity regarding fighting. My ex is not a cheater but she seems like she would like to have another option other than this guy for a LTR. She is very submissive though and I wonder if he is intimidating her in the relationship as that seems to be the only way he can act towards me and his jelousy fits abusive personallity.
Anyway any thoughs would be appriciated. I know its AFC to want a single girl but the too beta is a trend with me that has cost me the relationships I most treasure (not just this one) so I want to fix this problem before I meet the next girl I really like. There is enough residual emotion from the ex that I am not totally pissing in the wind on that score either (although I am partially pissing in the wind lol). She has never described him in a positive way to me and clearly misses some aspects of our relationship. But I suspect she has said some pretty negative things about me to him as well.
OK here is what I want.
1) Best strategy for getting the girl. I am thinking it is not callling but being friendly when I see her which I will 2-3 time a year. She has said several times that she will call me. When I first met her she had a bf and a rocky relationship with him. She broke up with him and we dated for a short time then she got back with him and broke it off with me but called me months later when she was single. She is not a cheater and she had told him about me.
She was a FB for a long time but we have similiar humor and we really like each other on one level. I cheated on her which is part of where her anger is comming from. She will be in my top 10 life time women for a long long long time even without the oneitis.
2) I want a strategy that doesn't optomize for this girl at the expense of any other girls. I have oneites here but i have a few girls that I am dating so I am not totally AFC just 80%.
3) I want to communicate to this guy that he can marry her and live happily ever after if he wants but if he ever hits her I will beat him like a drum. Honestly if she was happy with him I think I could move on but she really seems like she isn't. They break up a lot but that is a function of her and her issues cause she did it with me and guy before me too.
4) I want a good long term strategy cause she knows my cousin and I will be seeing her in the future. This is the only woman I have ever been into who I can fall out of love with and then want to get back together with. If this guy were out of the picture my long term odds are actually pretty good. Unless I am too AFC/beta to take advantage of them.
OK flame away guys...
My problem is this. I am attracted to a girl who likes alpha traits.
Since most women don't mind a guy who is mildly alpha I have decided to become more alpha.
I am basically doing this for an AFC reason. I want a specific girl and she has a bf and he is the jerk type. The boyfriend is very very very concerned about me as I am her ex of 4 years and he wasn't the reason we broke up 2 years ago. He strikes me as the jealous loser type, he asked her if she was still seeing me for like 3 months after I stopped talking to her once (she told me when I talked to her after 3 months).
Early in their relationship I called and asked her to a movie and she tells me she is still dating him and to call back in two weeks and she will be broken up with him by then. So two weeks later when he was there I called a couple of times and left messages cause we had a specific date for that day and we were going to plan it by phone (I didn't know he was there probably ****ing her lol). I am pretty sure she didn't tell him we had a date so he thinks I am calling her all the time. Another time I call and he is there she says not a good time to talk and we hang up, he calls me up from her house and tells me not to talk to her ever again I ask to talk to her and he says she doesn't want to talk to me but I insist and tell her I won't talk to her anymore but she is pissed and my take is she not pissed at me but rather at him for forcing the issue. The next day I see her and she says hi djnomore (not pissed) I say nothing...but I stopped calling after that and he thinks its cause he was alpha. Next time I see her I ignore her and she is visibly pissed.
Fast forward 9 months, called her for her b-day and told her I wanted to know that she ok and life good etc. Her general reaction is life isn't good but she has to face it herself you can't face it for me. She is still with guy but doesn't say anything positive about him or mention him at all. When I said I missed her acknowledged that it took her a long time to get over me but that she over me now (didn't sound like it but she was clear about not wanting me back). She doesn't want me calling but gave me email. Sent her an email on some issues of hers that I never encouraged her to face when we dating and said lets meet as my B-day pressenet for drinks and conversation in a few months. I am cool not contacting her again or at least not till next year.
So I see her bf at the gym and he is giving me the whole alpha I hate you vibe. I don't want to do the ex who wants to fight the current bf vibe. Basically I want to be alpha enough that I can see the two of them and not run into the alpha pissing contest even if that is what he wants. He seems to give off the boyfriend who wants to fight the ex vibe. How can I give him the vibe that I am totally unconcerned with his threats without making any threats of my own? If it comes down to it I can take this guy pretty easily but I don't want to do that as the girl won't like it. He also wants to stop just short of physical combat as the girl won't like it. But he thinks I am beta and she thinks it too (said I lack confidence ), so status quo isn't really working for me. He is physically a bit stronger and stronger looking but I have a background in martial arts and can take him if need be.
I see him at the gym seperate from her at times and he does the staring thing. So changing the relationship with him can occur without her present. He postures at the gym enough that I don't need to do anything to get him to act for me to re-act. I would prefer not to be the one who starts anything as that isn't where I want to be. I don't want to fight him but I am not afraid to do it if he starts it. I just want him to know that he can't posture with impunity regarding fighting. My ex is not a cheater but she seems like she would like to have another option other than this guy for a LTR. She is very submissive though and I wonder if he is intimidating her in the relationship as that seems to be the only way he can act towards me and his jelousy fits abusive personallity.
Anyway any thoughs would be appriciated. I know its AFC to want a single girl but the too beta is a trend with me that has cost me the relationships I most treasure (not just this one) so I want to fix this problem before I meet the next girl I really like. There is enough residual emotion from the ex that I am not totally pissing in the wind on that score either (although I am partially pissing in the wind lol). She has never described him in a positive way to me and clearly misses some aspects of our relationship. But I suspect she has said some pretty negative things about me to him as well.
OK here is what I want.
1) Best strategy for getting the girl. I am thinking it is not callling but being friendly when I see her which I will 2-3 time a year. She has said several times that she will call me. When I first met her she had a bf and a rocky relationship with him. She broke up with him and we dated for a short time then she got back with him and broke it off with me but called me months later when she was single. She is not a cheater and she had told him about me.
She was a FB for a long time but we have similiar humor and we really like each other on one level. I cheated on her which is part of where her anger is comming from. She will be in my top 10 life time women for a long long long time even without the oneitis.
2) I want a strategy that doesn't optomize for this girl at the expense of any other girls. I have oneites here but i have a few girls that I am dating so I am not totally AFC just 80%.
3) I want to communicate to this guy that he can marry her and live happily ever after if he wants but if he ever hits her I will beat him like a drum. Honestly if she was happy with him I think I could move on but she really seems like she isn't. They break up a lot but that is a function of her and her issues cause she did it with me and guy before me too.
4) I want a good long term strategy cause she knows my cousin and I will be seeing her in the future. This is the only woman I have ever been into who I can fall out of love with and then want to get back together with. If this guy were out of the picture my long term odds are actually pretty good. Unless I am too AFC/beta to take advantage of them.
OK flame away guys...
