Alpha decision with beta second thoughts

[GADavid]

This is mostly venting but here goes.

The girl I was seeing was one I had on a pedestal for literally years. She sat on the fence when it came to me. In February we stopped talking. 3 months later I had transformed myself physically and mentally. I went from scrawny to being respectably built. We ran into each other and she noticed. We jumped right back into a relationship but I did zero initiating. She was out of sight, out of mind. Mentally I knew it could end at any time, for any reason like it had in the past, so I put in zero effort and was unattached.

A few months later and I let down my guard. Started getting hopeful that it'd work out this time. Expectations from my end. Beta backsliding at its worst.

Most recently I caught her in a lie. She would never admit it, even when faced with the evidence. The old me would have made a fight over it. This time my guard is back up in full. She lied to me about this, she likely lied to me about other things. I don't trust her and the anxiety is not fun. This time I'm just dropping her from my life. If she asks, I'll tell her I didn't like how things we going between us and if it's not fun, I don't want to pursue the relationship.

It's honest and I do not see the need to confront her and have an argument. No good comes of it. The only problem is that I still have that immature drive to make her know that she hurt me by lying to me and it's her fault. I think my way of outwardly dealing with her and my choice to end the relationship is the right thing to do, but I dislike that I let her get to me. I suppose the best thing is to take the high road and not let her know that she did get to me again and not bother with the argument phase.

Im tired of her lies. I don't think she deserves to know me any longer. Just wish I could me the choice and then forget about it and move on quickly. The second guessing my approach sucks

 

[GADavid]

There is about a 1% chance I'm wrong about her having lied. But Man, I just shouldn't have gotten to the point that I care if she lied. So either way I need to take a huge step back from this person

 

[3agle 3yes]

Here's a question, why did you jump into a relationship with her in the first place?

You CAN f*ck plenty of women and NOT have a relationship with them. In fact, I'm a firm believer this should be every man's default.

...I did zero initiating...I put in zero effort and was unattached.

To me, putting in zero effort is no different to putting in all the effort.

Both are overly emotional responses.

What you want to do is put in superficial effort. (i.e. initiate with her but don't go on "dates", don't have a relationship and openly see other women).

In other words, tell her you ARE interested, but she is NOT the only one.

If you don't want to get attached, it helps to raise your standards on qualifying women. IMO the best way to do this is to judge women on more than just looks.

 

[GADavid]

Here's a question, why did you jump into a relationship with her in the first place?

You CAN f*ck plenty of women and NOT have a relationship with them. In fact, I'm a firm believer this should be every man's default.

To me, putting in zero effort is no different to putting in all the effort.

Both are overly emotional responses.

What you want to do is put in superficial effort. (i.e. initiate with her but don't go on "dates", don't have a relationship and openly see other women).

In other words, tell her you ARE interested, but she is NOT the only one.

If you don't want to get attached, it helps to raise your standards on qualifying women. IMO the best way to do this is to judge women on more than just looks.

I jumped at the chance to be close to her again because I thought she was worth being with. Total bullshyt and I knew better. I guess I'm not good at a middle ground between not giving the time of day and being totally enthralled. I like this idea of being superficial because I think 99% of women are superficial while pursuing their own needs

 

[om1xr]

I like this idea of being superficial because I think 99% of women are superficial while pursuing their own needs

First; It is about NOT GIVING A ****! girls are natural at that because their actions are directed by their emotions.

Second; most people don't change, so why going back to a desert if you are looking for water