Allowing yourself to become emotionally involved

[DonJuanabe]

I've been thinking about the times I've met a girl and realized I really like her, I am attracted to her, and would like to date her. How can I describe this... in my brain I actually feel a sort of an emotional flow, not an endorphin rush, but kind of an acceptance that I am attracted to her. Every time I've experienced this I've ultimately ended up on the beating end of the beat stick.

However, there is a very different feel in my brain when I'm sort of guarded with a girl -- intentionally not allowing myself to freely feel attracted, sort of holding myself back emotionally and learning about the girl from an intentionally detached view. I feel almost compartmentalized, not flowing, very analytical.

I'm not sure if I've described this well but I'm curious if any of you have had this experience. The idea is to be very objective, even analytical, and not allow your emotions to become involved. The focus is on learning about her and enjoying whatever it is you're doing; it is not on feeling happy or excited to be with her.

Based on my experiences, and certainly my most recent one, I think I'm going to do everything I can to withhold allowing my emotions to control my view of the girl until I get a good feel for where things are going. Admittedly I like the "flowing" feel when I realize I am attracted to a girl and think we are hitting it off well, but ultimately I think that risks too much chance of losing her respect and attraction.

Thoughts?

 

[youngmack]

Your not the only one bro.. Its like everytime i do let my emotions run wild and i get emotionally involved/attached to a girl ..i get fvcked over.

But when i purposely have my guard up and not letting my emotions go i find that i am more successful with girls.

Example: i currently have two girls right now im messing with that i barely have any real feelings for and guess what? I have them both wrapped around my finger.

But i also really like this other girl who im emotionally attached to that im having trouble with.None of my best game can get me her..She dosent feel the same way about me and im having a really hard time with her...

I now realize that if i had control of my emotions since i started getting involved with girls.. i would be much more successful with them, but instead i always find some way to let my emotions get the best of me, run wild and get attached to a girl

 

[Who Dares Win]

Not sure if my case its the same of you, I actually dont chose to be unattached to girls, it just happens to me.

After many years of seeing girls stomping on my ego or bvllsh1tting me in any possible way I feel like my emotional brain is under "federal supervision" where any emotion must be approved from competant authorities.

It does happen at the most with girls but with all relationships in general, I find myself keeping the distance, not being cold or butthurt just being cold in general.
Even when I like some girl I could drop her in that same moment if any negative patters was to emerge in her behaviour.

Even if Im dating a girl and I see her with some other guy or even making out with him, I dont even get a heart beat anymore, I simply take action and fold.
And when she comes back I fvck her given the chance but still with a steel cold attitude.

Not sure if this is a good or a bad thing, I still would like to "love and get loved" one day but at the same time I realize that romantic love is either very rare or an illusion like final judment and the hell for bad boys.

 

[bigneil]

I think women experience this also and they will sometimes end a relationship to "avoid getting hurt". Once they know they could really fall for you, they hold something back.

But humans can only hold back for so long.

Here are some keys:

A) Don't let yourself fall for someone who you are not having sex with.
B) Don't let yourself fall within the first 2 months of dating.
C) Don't let yourself fall until they have confessed to having feelings.
D) Never reveal your true feelings, just convey them without words.
E) Let her lead - go 10 days without texting in between dates if you have to.
F) Don't be afraid to get hurt. The pain of a heartbreak is just like the pain of a workout. You build back up stronger, so do it on purpose.
G) Keep the small details of her life in perspective - don't care more about them now than you did the day you met.
H) Remember that she can read your emotions like a book.

 

[Desdinova]

There's nothing wrong with 'falling' for a woman. The problems happen when you allow your emotions to take over your logic, aka become a woman.

When the woman is doing something to piss you off, don't avoid calling her out on it because you love her. Let her know she's pissing you off and you don't like it. You know what happens when you do that? She gains respect for you and goes through emotional fluctuation. When you cause her emotions bounce around, it makes her more attracted to you.

There are confident ways to let her know you love her. Grab her hand, tell her firmly "YOU... come here!" Pull her toward you a little forcefully and give her a hard kiss. That is how you confidently let the woman know you love her.

If you start talking like a pvssy, then she's going to find you unattractive. If you tell her, "I really love you, and I have no clue what my life would be like if you were to leave" then you're showing that you are NOT confident in loving her, nor are you confident in your relationship with her. It will ultimately turn her off.

Women absolutely love it when their men show confidence in how they love her. It's almost as if they have their cake and eat it too. Women claim to want their men to 'show their emotions' but they want a confident man. So you must confidently show your emotions, but do so with actions instead of words.

Another thing I use to measure how much my woman is attracted to me is her insecurity. I know I'm doing a good job when the woman is just mildly insecure about the relationship and needs to occasionally verify that yes, I'm still interested in continuing the relationship. That mild insecurity shows emotional fluctuation.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I always allow myself to feel love and attraction whenever I can. I will not deny myself a passionate life. But I don't let that cloud my judgment. I have pride in myself and do not wan't to see myself fawning over any woman that is not deserving of it. You have to at least let the girl break the "acquaintance to relationship" rules first.

- If she starts calling me alot, i'll allow myself to call her more often.
- If she starts to consider me for every weekend outing, i'll start to consider her for every weekend outing.
- If she drops her people shields with me, i'll be a little more open with her.

Things like this you have to let her initiate, then you can let her have some too and see how she handles it. The relationship will either advance, and trust will build. Or she will start acting funny and we will both pull back a bit and start at square one again. I must have structure!

I make a rule of not trying to force things. I like a relationship to build without a bias. She must be naturally drawn to me, and I to her. If we keep breaking each others trust I will assume she is not for me and move on. Anyways, i'm not gonna put in the attention and effort it takes to build a relationship if i'm forcing everything. I'll cut ties early and save a couple bucks I can use on a more deserving girl or Diablo III gold (feck my monk needs gear mannn! Act 3 is kicking my arse!)

 

[mikey2012]

I've been thinking about the times I've met a girl and realized I really like her, I am attracted to her, and would like to date her. How can I describe this... in my brain I actually feel a sort of an emotional flow, not an endorphin rush, but kind of an acceptance that I am attracted to her. Every time I've experienced this I've ultimately ended up on the beating end of the beat stick.

However, there is a very different feel in my brain when I'm sort of guarded with a girl -- intentionally not allowing myself to freely feel attracted, sort of holding myself back emotionally and learning about the girl from an intentionally detached view. I feel almost compartmentalized, not flowing, very analytical.

I'm not sure if I've described this well but I'm curious if any of you have had this experience. The idea is to be very objective, even analytical, and not allow your emotions to become involved. The focus is on learning about her and enjoying whatever it is you're doing; it is not on feeling happy or excited to be with her.

Based on my experiences, and certainly my most recent one, I think I'm going to do everything I can to withhold allowing my emotions to control my view of the girl until I get a good feel for where things are going. Admittedly I like the "flowing" feel when I realize I am attracted to a girl and think we are hitting it off well, but ultimately I think that risks too much chance of losing her respect and attraction.

Thoughts?

Rule#1 Never be emotionally invested even if you get married.
Rule#2 Never forget rule#1

The reason being is if you are emotionally invested you lose the balance of power. All human relationships are built on the balance of power. For men once you lose it you will become ***** whipped and the woman even if she's your wife, will steamroll you. You will live your life succumbing to their demands for the fear of losing them. Relationships are also about constant negotiation. In negotiations the one who has to do the deal the most will get a raw deal. Unless you are prepared to walk away , you will get farked.