"All my losses were lessons.."

GrowingPains

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Approached a girl on my way out of the gym. She was dressed up so I was gonna ask what she was doing dressed up in the gym.

I walked past her to fill up my 3/4 full water bottle so I could approach from the front - aka I was hesitating.

I approached.

'Excuse me'
She looks up, guy in the distance finishes his convo and steps over and answers for her 'Whats up?'

Dude was jacked. I mean I'm pretty big but he was just bigger lmao. Anyways, I was so threwn off and instantly assumed that was her bf, which it probably was but whatever.

I said 'Oh I was just gonna ask her why she's so dressed up in the gym' in a very weak voice I've never made before. It was so weird. She said she had an interview that morning and I was like 'okay' and bounced.

Lmao what the fvck was that.. it's like all my social skills and confidence went straight out the door.

Neeeever again. Next time, I persist with the mission. I could've at least introduced myself to them both and asked how they knew each other then made my decision whether to bail or make friends.

That reaction was weak. Maybe it wasn't even her bf. But if it is, my man probably caught some major SMV points after my lil beta reaction lmao good for him
 

shouldbefun

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Approached a girl on my way out of the gym. She was dressed up so I was gonna ask what she was doing dressed up in the gym.

I walked past her to fill up my 3/4 full water bottle so I could approach from the front - aka I was hesitating.

I approached.

'Excuse me'
She looks up, guy in the distance finishes his convo and steps over and answers for her 'Whats up?'

Dude was jacked. I mean I'm pretty big but he was just bigger lmao. Anyways, I was so threwn off and instantly assumed that was her bf, which it probably was but whatever.

I said 'Oh I was just gonna ask her why she's so dressed up in the gym' in a very weak voice I've never made before. It was so weird. She said she had an interview that morning and I was like 'okay' and bounced.

Lmao what the fvck was that.. it's like all my social skills and confidence went straight out the door.

Neeeever again. Next time, I persist with the mission. I could've at least introduced myself to them both and asked how they knew each other then made my decision whether to bail or make friends.

That reaction was weak. Maybe it wasn't even her bf. But if it is, my man probably caught some major SMV points after my lil beta reaction lmao good for him
If in doubt, give a compliment(& where is that from?) as an ice breaker. Or better yet, when at the gym, you could have said “Having a good day/looking sharp/?”.

If eye contact, Having a good day/fine morning isn’t it ? Then talk about plans for the day, btw you look sharp.

If you go without eye contact, just go for the compliment I guess.

Tricky situation, guy had good situational awareness.

But when they talk about interviews, you could talk about it too, I mean uni and interviews are interconnected. You could have said how did it go? Was it a long one? What was it about? Ask the guy several questions too.

But yeah, its not a pleasant scenario in your mind.
 

GrowingPains

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Dang son. Had to write about this one to get it out and move on.

"Back on my bullsh!t... back on my [betaboi tendencies]..."

Matched with this girl on Tinder today. Messaged her throughout the day, things were fun and light. Asked her what mood she was in because I'd send her a song (we were talking about an artist). She said "laying in bed and watching dog vids" ... you know.. girl sh!t. Anyways, I sent a song and said "You know.. I happen to know a guy with a bed and dog vids. What's your number? I'll put you in contact". Her previous responses were within minutes. Mine varied. But whatever that's not the point. She hasn't responded and I notice it's making me feel some kind of way. No bueno.

I could see the message coming off as weird especially since it's text and has no tonal context. I mean I laughed when I thought of it so I said it. Probably could've just gone with 'what's your number'.

Maybe she'll reply, maybe she won't but either way I got some inner game to work on.

Lessons learned from this one:

1. Still need to work on abundance mindset. I am pining over this chick... I mean she's my type. She's got that girl next door look has the juiciest body... Small waist, big tits, nice ass, the lips... I need more of this in my life lmao. Anyways, because of this I got my expectations up too high and really wanted her number. I need to learn to manage my expectations. I have some options, and I'll go create some more. Haven't gotten laid in 6 months. I feel like a starved lion. I mean I've gone on dates but only resulted in heavy petting.

2. And to not be so... try hard. The way I asked for her number was extra. There's still that urge 'say the perfect thing, be clever'. But what I'm really working on is being carefree. It doesn't matter what I say, she's either going to comply based on our interaction or she's not. There's no magic words. Just keep it simple, stupid.

It's hard to not act desperate when you're desperate lmfao. By desperate I mean that I just have all of this sexual build up that I need to get out and I can see how it affects my actions sometimes. When a girl arouses me I just go into overdrive and get outta control (say stupid sh!t). Any thoughts on how to manage this (fake it till I make it) in the meantime until I actually have plates?
 

shouldbefun

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Dang son. Had to write about this one to get it out and move on.

"Back on my bullsh!t... back on my [betaboi tendencies]..."

Matched with this girl on Tinder today. Messaged her throughout the day, things were fun and light. Asked her what mood she was in because I'd send her a song (we were talking about an artist). She said "laying in bed and watching dog vids" ... you know.. girl sh!t. Anyways, I sent a song and said "You know.. I happen to know a guy with a bed and dog vids. What's your number? I'll put you in contact". Her previous responses were within minutes. Mine varied. But whatever that's not the point. She hasn't responded and I notice it's making me feel some kind of way. No bueno.

I could see the message coming off as weird especially since it's text and has no tonal context. I mean I laughed when I thought of it so I said it. Probably could've just gone with 'what's your number'.

Maybe she'll reply, maybe she won't but either way I got some inner game to work on.

Lessons learned from this one:

1. Still need to work on abundance mindset. I am pining over this chick... I mean she's my type. She's got that girl next door look has the juiciest body... Small waist, big tits, nice ass, the lips... I need more of this in my life lmao. Anyways, because of this I got my expectations up too high and really wanted her number. I need to learn to manage my expectations. I have some options, and I'll go create some more. Haven't gotten laid in 6 months. I feel like a starved lion. I mean I've gone on dates but only resulted in heavy petting.

2. And to not be so... try hard. The way I asked for her number was extra. There's still that urge 'say the perfect thing, be clever'. But what I'm really working on is being carefree. It doesn't matter what I say, she's either going to comply based on our interaction or she's not. There's no magic words. Just keep it simple, stupid.

It's hard to not act desperate when you're desperate lmfao. By desperate I mean that I just have all of this sexual build up that I need to get out and I can see how it affects my actions sometimes. When a girl arouses me I just go into overdrive and get outta control (say stupid sh!t). Any thoughts on how to manage this (fake it till I make it) in the meantime until I actually have plates?
The only answer is one that you may or may have not heard one but it is an extremely important one in my view. There are things out of your control, this is one of them. Exercise, meditate, cold showers and don't get overwhelmed with the dreams and fantasies. I wouldn't say its beta, just call it lack of experience, and thats normal my dude. When we meet the ones we really like, we all do stupid stuff. Just don't invest in Tinder mentally. But yeah that message, wasn't the smoothest one but its alright. Just come with a mindset that getting/not getting laid does not define you, and regardless of when you'll get laid, you are a cool person, and should work on being a better human, that you are a guy who enjoys hanging out with women and enjoys human interactions. The best action is one where if it happens, its cool and if it doesn't happen, you still cool. So in other words, detachment and try to enjoy life just as it is. When I found a chick I really liked, and instead of being present, I started to react to this sexual build up, "scheming and plotting" haha just as you mentioned above, and this is when I started doing stupid stuff so in a nutshell, don't let emotions get the best of you!
I hope this helps and provides some comfort to you.
 

GrowingPains

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The only answer is one that you may or may have not heard one but it is an extremely important one in my view. There are things out of your control, this is one of them. Exercise, meditate, cold showers and don't get overwhelmed with the dreams and fantasies. I wouldn't say its beta, just call it lack of experience, and thats normal my dude. When we meet the ones we really like, we all do stupid stuff. Just don't invest in Tinder mentally. But yeah that message, wasn't the smoothest one but its alright. Just come with a mindset that getting/not getting laid does not define you, and regardless of when you'll get laid, you are a cool person, and should work on being a better human, that you are a guy who enjoys hanging out with women and enjoys human interactions. The best action is one where if it happens, its cool and if it doesn't happen, you still cool. So in other words, detachment and try to enjoy life just as it is. When I found a chick I really liked, and instead of being present, I started to react to this sexual build up, "scheming and plotting" haha just as you mentioned above, and this is when I started doing stupid stuff so in a nutshell, don't let emotions get the best of you!
I hope this helps and provides some comfort to you.
Yeah man that's definitely helpful and relatable. Thanks.

I certainly need to work on managing my expectations as I mentioned. I think you did a good job of defining it a little further and rephrasing it as 'enjoying life just as it is'.

She did end up responding, and apparently thought it was funny too. Only problem is she gave me her snapchat and I don't have snapchat lmfao. I'll just let her know and she can give/not give me her #. But anyways, we're good either way.
 

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IKO69

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That's a good way to look at it. If you have the right mindset you'll make the most of your experiences, even the failures. It's not a true failure unless you give up. So many people wallow in misery over bullsh*t that happened years ago and has no bearing on the present. You don't want to be one of these people who are chained to the past.
 

GrowingPains

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Oh yes. Hand me all the L's.

So a girl came by to get her sweater from the weekend. And to be clear, we didn't have sex. Just some very one-sided heavy petting from me. "I'm just being honest" *Future voice*. So she comes and is about to leave and so I start to ask what she's doing next weekend. I said we should do something but I blanked hard... easily could've just said drinks or ice cream. But I hesitated and thought about it too long. She ended up saying she wasn't interested in dating rn.

Translation: I'm not interested in dating you.

All good. We parted ways.

I'm not sure why I blanked so hard. But all of the behavior (this weekend included) was indecisive, not masculine, etc. And that's why things turned out the way they did. I am curious about being more dominant in my demeanor and in bed. I'll check the DJ Bible but any other resources/thought would be cool. And stoic as well as I think that'd lead to strong inner game.

Speaking of inner game... I approach women with the hope of fvcking them. So it's pretty easy for them to win me over because if they're attractive then they've already met my standard and they're judging me as to whether I'm worth it. Which is backwards. I should be doing the latter. I need higher standards. I'm the prize. I have read this before. I think this too. But why is this so hard to internalize (different from just thinking it and bring aware of the mindset I should have)? AMS said something about confidence one time that has stuck with me for a while. He said confidence comes from experience and success. And this makes sense but are you really just supposed to fake it till you make it with these things even when it comes to something like your mindset? How do you internalize it? As I'm writing this I'm going the answer is 'forged by fire' which means experience is the means of internalization. Would like to hear thoughts though.
 

shouldbefun

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Oh yes. Hand me all the L's.

So a girl came by to get her sweater from the weekend. And to be clear, we didn't have sex. Just some very one-sided heavy petting from me. "I'm just being honest" *Future voice*. So she comes and is about to leave and so I start to ask what she's doing next weekend. I said we should do something but I blanked hard... easily could've just said drinks or ice cream. But I hesitated and thought about it too long. She ended up saying she wasn't interested in dating rn.

Translation: I'm not interested in dating you.

All good. We parted ways.

I'm not sure why I blanked so hard. But all of the behavior (this weekend included) was indecisive, not masculine, etc. And that's why things turned out the way they did. I am curious about being more dominant in my demeanor and in bed. I'll check the DJ Bible but any other resources/thought would be cool. And stoic as well as I think that'd lead to strong inner game.

Speaking of inner game... I approach women with the hope of fvcking them. So it's pretty easy for them to win me over because if they're attractive then they've already met my standard and they're judging me as to whether I'm worth it. Which is backwards. I should be doing the latter. I need higher standards. I'm the prize. I have read this before. I think this too. But why is this so hard to internalize (different from just thinking it and bring aware of the mindset I should have)? AMS said something about confidence one time that has stuck with me for a while. He said confidence comes from experience and success. And this makes sense but are you really just supposed to fake it till you make it with these things even when it comes to something like your mindset? How do you internalize it? As I'm writing this I'm going the answer is 'forged by fire' which means experience is the means of internalization. Would like to hear thoughts though.
Wait I'm trying to understand this. A girl comes to your house for a "sweater". Why was it with you? Anyways you cuddle but she says no relationships. Hmm...very very strange. Should have just said I'm going to watch a movie, come join me.

Consider it a learning curve. Maybe you were too much into your head. Maybe you were stressed? Maybe there was no chemistry.
 

Spaz

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You do realise you're an expressive man don't you?

Those traits that you want to learn doesn't come naturally to you, so I strongly suggest that you just pick 1 or 2 key traits to acquire otherwise you'd come off as a fake and that will be bad for you. It'll also make you generally unhappy.

Let ur natural tendencies flow, there's nothing wrong with it, you just need to keep a lid on ur emotions and don't let it be overwhelming to women.

You already have the emotional depth to successfully connect with women, so that's not a major issue.

My suggestion : You just need to learn control and some assertiveness coupled with game that suits ur personality.

I've talked some with flowtheory, he has a general idea on how to maintain his staying power, go and share ideas with him.
 

RangerMIke

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Don't think about a chick you have not met on a date at all. If she won't meet you on a date or make things easy then don't think about her.

I really never worry about 'gaming' chicks and trying to get them on dates or to meet-up. Make your offer based on your availability and see what happens. After 30+ years of dating experience you learn from failure that chicks that make things hard early on seldom gets easier the longer you date her. It's like breaching one obstacle after another... it wears you out and gets you committed to effort, and you spend so much time thinking about this ONE CHICK that you become obsessed. Once you are obsessed your behavior drifts towards the un-attractive.

There really is nothing wrong with giving her some times you are available and see what she does with that, but it's always better to have in your mind what you want to do and invite her along. You make the offer, then she gets to decide if she likes you enough to meet you half-way. If she doesn't.... don't waste your time, just move onto the next one.... and don't get all butt hurt over it.
 

GrowingPains

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Wait I'm trying to understand this. A girl comes to your house for a "sweater". Why was it with you? Anyways you cuddle but she says no relationships. Hmm...very very strange. Should have just said I'm going to watch a movie, come join me.

Consider it a learning curve. Maybe you were too much into your head. Maybe you were stressed? Maybe there was no chemistry.
She left it at my house when she came over this weekend. I was most certainly in my head. It's fine. I'll be better next time and just keep it simple. In my head I wanted to say let's get drinks but the hesitation was because I've only recently started drinking so I haven't decided if I like it or not yet. That's a whole other thing though. Regardless, it didn't work out and it's fine.

@Spaz will do.
and don't get all butt hurt over it.
Roger that. I'm not caught up on her. Just wanted to reflect on it so that I can keep moving forward. I certainly agree with the women making it easy for you if they like you point. One girl I'm seeing now does this. It's such a different experience than with a girl you're unsure about.
 

shouldbefun

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It's all experience. Whether good or bad, experience is a great thing :) Sometimes its not up to you, maybe she didn't want to rush things, sex isn't one sided but mutual, so she must be willing for it, just as you are willing for it. She might not be for dating, but you can always keep in touch with her and get to know her better.
 
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