After eye contact + smile, how do I approach her?

[Guitar_Whizz]

Hey fellow DJs. I have been perfecting making eye contact with girls and then smiling. I can do this virtually anytime, anyplace, and immediately start getting girls interested in me. However, although I get their interest non verbally, I am struggling to approach them after this.

Some examples:-

1) I'm walking towards the girl on a street. I look at her, she catches me looking, I smile, she smiles back, we walk past each other, I turn around and see her looking back at me. I wave at her, she gives me every sign that she's interested.

OK, SO HOW DO I APPROACH HER NOW AND WHAT DO I SAY!!!

2) I'm sat down (either in a cafe, bar or on a train, etc). I spot a hot girl nearby who is also sat down. I look at her, she catches me looking, I smile, she smiles back. This happens several times.

OK, SO HOW DO I APPROACH HER NOW AND WHAT DO I SAY!!!

I am NOT lacking confidence. I can manipulate ANY situation and get a girl's interest in me non-verbally. But I need to know how to take it from there to an actual approach. Please give me some advice.

 

[waldo]

It's easy, just walk towards them and ask them something relevant to the situation you're in.

For example when walking in the street say "hey, do you have the time?" or "Hey, I'm looking for xyzshop, do you know if there's a store round here?", or even "Hey, I'm looking for <insert street name here>, could you give me some directions?"

More than likely she'll know what your up to and if she's interested she'll play along, once you've got an answer its cruicial to keep the conversation going for a bit, then after about a minute ask where she's heading, then ask for the name....

Of course this is easy in theory, but near impossible for a lot of us in practice. You need to condition yourself for the worst case scenario, which is that she'll freak out a little and move away from you. This may happen once in a while but its very unlikely, if you can cope with this risk then you'll have no problems.

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

Thanks for your reply. I will try those things out that you suggested. I'm also from the UK, what have your experiences been with cold approaches in the UK?

 

[waldo]

I've found that if you do it without thinking, for example really needing to know the time and asking someone straight up then it can work really well.

Problem is unless you can pull it off totally smoothly (I'm sure very few men can), then the girl will figure out what your trying to do and immediately put up a shield, from that situation I reckon it would be pretty hard to get a number, unless she was really interested.

I had a friend tell me at the weekend that a really wierd guy had come up to her in ASDA and said "I bet you *won't* go out with my friend will you?", she apparently told him where to go and said she felt a bit freaked out. I think a lot of girls are taught to be wary of strange men etc, so you've gotta keep that in mind.

As for my own success, on a uni campus I've ended up talking to complete strangers, but usually like I said when I've not planned it, and its just happened. I do remember talking to a girl in a lift once though, I remember thinking it'll be ok cos nobody else would see, kinda odd I know but I'm sure I came over calm and confident, and we chatted a fair bit. I didn't get the number but that's another story.

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

Hi waldo, you mention that girls may be a bit wary of strange men, well this is exactly why I try to get her interest in me NON VERBALLY before approaching. That way, you've already pressed the buttons inside of her that trigger attraction. Then when you approach, it's a slightly warmer approach than a totally cold one.

The guy in ASDA obviously went in without getting a non verbal go signal first, hence his failure.

I think it's important in the UK culture to establish interest non verbally at first, since we are quite a closed off society in some ways.

 

[DJBen]

Eye contact and smiling is very important... as is not doing much C+F to begin with.

This weekend has seen me get about 4 numbers, and I'm on track for another one tomorrow [girl off the bus I talked to a bit this morning] not to mention a date on wednesday.

If you're out a lot, I like to make a point of smiling to loads of people and looking for a reaction of any sort. If it's neutral/good I'll ask them the time, or where PlaceX is and get on my way.

I usually see some of them a few days later in a pub/club and I make a point of bumping into them and doing the old 'hey, we've really gotta stop meeting like this' in a mega-cheesey way. They'll either laugh or be awkward - either way you know where you'll stand.

Dont be afraid to be obvious. As long as you're not bothered/nervous when you do it, you'll be fine.

Getting rejected is half the fun

 

[Slickster]

Hey man, if they are giving you good EC and a smile and they're looking back again then you have to be able to read that as interest.

From there half the battle is won. She wants you to come and talk to her. What you say isn't so critical at this point. Its tough to give advice about what to say because each situation is so unique. Pimpologist has a good post in the bible about conversation.

This works for me. When looking for openers you have to survey the scene around you. Forget about her and find something from the situation that may be interesting to talk about. It might be a tree. It might be a picture on the wall of the coffee shop. A song on the radio. Some crazy looking guy on the street wearing yellow pants. It could be anything. What I find is that "odd" topics of discussion get you the most mileage and even if you don't get her number or a date you will be remembered.

When they say a picture is worth a thousand words then the real life environment we all live in must be worth a million.


To me your stumbling point isn't not knowing what to say. Its having the courage to say something at all.

Good luck.

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

Ok, thanks for everyone's excellent advice. It's also nice to get some responses from some UK Djs too.

Slickster, I think you are right....I just need a little more courage to say something to the girls I get interest from. In a few minutes I am going to get off this computer and go into town to see if I can actually make some approaches today.

I'll let you guys know what happens!

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

here is my own C&F answer

hey, i caught you checking me out and thought i would come and say hi.

 

[DJBen]

Avoid canned stuff. And that isnt yours.

Not to mention that stuff doesnt work well in the UK. Go to a pub at lunch and get EC+ a smile from someone. Then go over and say that. See how it goes.

I've tried and tested it, maybe it's just the way I say it

 

[waldo]

Originally posted by DJBen
Avoid canned stuff. And that isnt yours.

Not to mention that stuff doesnt work well in the UK. Go to a pub at lunch and get EC+ a smile from someone. Then go over and say that. See how it goes.

I've tried and tested it, maybe it's just the way I say it

Hehe

I think in the UK it helps if the person has seen you before, and so doesn't think of you as a complete stranger. With the way girls get drilled into their heads from a young age not to talk to strange men, it's hardly surprising they're reluctant to speak to us DJ's. (Even if deep down they want to)

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

well i tend to approch girls say at school, that i have seen befor, so we know each other by face but have never talked before.

so basicly a semi cold approch, and this kind of line works well for that.

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

In my experience, not all UK girls are wary of strange men. It's all in the way you act. And I think getting the non verbal interest breaks down their barriers very quickly from the experiences I've had lately.

Earlier today I went into town, big shopping area, and there were lots of HBs, plenty of saucy college girls etc. While walking, I made an effort and got EC + smiles from 3 or 4 different girls, all of who looked back at me once I'd walked past them.

BUT, the same thing happened as before. I still couldn't approach. On the street, while walking, it's near impossible to make any of the suggested approaches without it looking obvious. I mean, if you've already walked past the girl, and she's some distance behind you, then you wouldn't go up to her and ask the time or directions because there would be people closer to you that you could ask instead.

Do you see the problem???

I think it's better if you're both stationery, then you can approach after EC + smile far easier than while walking. I don't know, but I'm feeling pretty disappointed today, as I STILL CAN'T SEEM TO APPROACH, despite all the non verbal signs I am getting.

 

[affliction]

2 years on this site & no approaches? Come on, Guitar, there's no excuse for this. There's no magical advice you're going to get from this thread that is suddenly going to empower you with the confidence to approach.

Let me give you some advice that I've come to realize tho. Have you seen my two threads about approaching?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=62229
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=62416

I totally ****ed up & I am still pretty clueless, but the most important thing I learned is that your first approaches are inevitably going to be a ****ing mess. But the longer you put them off, the more hotties you're going to miss out on. Remember all those girls you passed by yesterday? Think of it like this...if you had started your approaches 6 months ago...a year ago..whatever...then you would have been able to approach these girls like it was nothing.

The longer you keep stalling, the longer it's going to take you to become successful w/ these approaches. You gotta start somewhere, dude.

 

[blue17]

for street pickups, why not pickup a girl walking your direction?

Just walk slightly ahead of them.....maybe take a glance to see if she is good looking. If she is hot, then turn your head slightly and give her EC + smile. If she reciprocates, you can approach/talk to her as you're walking together. It's a perfect situation as you have an easy 'exit' excuse (say you have to change streets or something) if things don't pan out in the conversation.

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

Originally posted by blue17
for street pickups, why not pickup a girl walking your direction?

Just walk slightly ahead of them.....maybe take a glance to see if she is good looking. If she is hot, then turn your head slightly and give her EC + smile. If she reciprocates, you can approach/talk to her as you're walking together. It's a perfect situation as you have an easy 'exit' excuse (say you have to change streets or something) if things don't pan out in the conversation.

Great idea, I will try this!

 

[Sardaukar]

If you've good eye contact and a smile that's as good a sign of interest as any! It doesn't matter what you say to her as long as you say it, and makes her FEEL rather than think.

Generally good down to earth advice here so far. Good luck man. Don't be afraid to experiment.