After 1st date I feel AFC ways trying to creep in

[Rounder]

Long read I know - but any thoughts would be appreciated. I'm posting this not just for this SINGLE instance, but so I can further my confidence and grow out of my old AFC ways.


I know what I should do, but following through is harder than I thought - here's what's transpired so far - I'm laying this out because this is an area I really need to work on - I get excited too fast and want to push.

Had a 1st date on Wednesday. We went bowling - from the time I picked her up til the time we got done was just under 2 hours.

I met her through a friend while at bar with a large group of people 2 weeks ago. I'd brought a girl with me who was getting quite drunk and I started talking to this HB7 (that was in our group). After a while I put her name in my phone and handed it to her, she looked at me, almost a shocked look, and put in her number. After a couple of minutes and we were laughing, I texted her phone and said "was it good for you?" (probably should not have done that)

She texted me the following day (Saturday) to ask if that was my text - she said her phone had gone dead the night before so she didn't get it while we were at the table. A total of 4 texts were exchanged.

Called her on Thursday - said I had a few minutes to chat, talked for about 10 minutes or so.

I texted her on Friday evening - she was taking a bath, I immediately took it to sexual remarks and after a few texts I said - "Texting is ok, but talking is better - I will call you and figure out a time to get with you". She responded immediately with "When are you calling?"

I didn't respond and called her Sunday evening. We set things up for Wednesday (11-26). She called me on Monday during her lunch. Just talked for a few minutes.

I texted her on Tuesday and said "Call me on your lunch" - she did. When I got her on the phone I said "Well I see you can follow directions!" She said "yes I can" - (she is a teacher of a 1st grade class) - she said "Class - can Miss HB7 follow directions?" I heard them scream "Yes".

After a couple of minutes she asked me if I was calling to cancel our date, haha. I took that as a good sign but also a strong possibility that she is needy.

So Wednesday was good, I hugged her, kissed her cheek and helped her into my Jeep. Our time bowling went well, I put in kino at the right moments and at one point nuzzled her neck, gave her a few baby kisses on her neck and one right next to her mouth, she was giggling.

So as we're leaving she said "what next?" - I said I planned to drop her off but we could grab a drink somewhere - I should have pushed for taking her to her place - but she volunteered a "movie" at her place.

I immediately kissed her and she was all over me. Couple hours later she was naked on her bed.

So yesterday morning she texted and then called me, convo went very well.

Today is where I'm going to have my biggest problems. I am already aching to call her. As I sat here thinking about it I know I need to wait.

This is where my AFC ways are trying to sneak in - I get this fear in my head that she'll "forget" about me or something.

I have to think logically and not let those emotions take over. So plan is to make a plan for when to contact her and I will not deviate from it.

No texting today or calling today - unless she initiates it and if it's a text I will only respond with at most 2. Same for Saturday.

I will want to call her tomorrow but I think I'd be better off calling her Sunday evening. Set something up for Thursday evening or so.

 

[slaog]

I'm not a fan of planning how many times you'll call text a woman. Just do what feels right. At the moment you know it's best not to call her so don't.


I think the reason you feel a need to contact her is because of this fear inside you of losing her. Its obvious she likes you so no need to worry about that. What you have to worry about is yourself becoming too attached to her.


Don't put her on a pedestal and see yourself as being the prize and having higher value. If you have a prize mindset you won't be worrying about things like the number of times to contact her.

 

[Rounder]

Slaog -

I feel like I've handled her/the situation pretty well so far. Most of my dating life has been to meet someone and push hard. Ugh.

I made a "plan" because that would prevent my emotions from taking over and force me to follow through.

I need to experience the success of doing things the right way rather than "my old way". Old habits die hard. I'm making a conscious effort to change and perhaps posting this was similar to an AA member calling his sponsor.

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

[slaog]

Slaog -

I feel like I've handled her/the situation pretty well so far. Most of my dating life has been to meet someone and push hard. Ugh.

I made a "plan" because that would prevent my emotions from taking over and force me to follow through.

I need to experience the success of doing things the right way rather than "my old way". Old habits die hard. I'm making a conscience effort to change and perhaps posting this was similar to an AA member calling his sponsor.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Yeah, posting definetly helps because it helps you see what you're doing wrong and where you can make improvements.


If you keep making a conscious effort to break your old habits then you will. I've come along way in the past 15-18 months. :rockon:

 

[st_99]

So did you have sex with her or not?


I agree with what the other poster said. Forget rules, just do whatever
you want when it comes to contact.

 

[Rounder]

So did you have sex with her or not?

No, did not have sex, pretty sure I could have if I pushed hard enough. I already knew she wanted to see me again and it will happen.

 

[GuanYu]

pardon me if I sound like an *******, but didn't you say she was naked on her bed? How could you not have sex in that predicament?

I can't remember which post I got it from, but one rule is to never let a chick go un-fvcked if she's in your bed and especially if she's naked in her own after inviting you over to her place. You may want to be more persistent with physical contact and not worry too much about calling her and stuff.

Once you give her one good lay, she'll be calling/texting you more often. Really, the women are suppose to do that stuff more since they're all chatty and stuff. You shouldn't call/text her more than she does.

 

[st_99]

pardon me if I sound like an *******, but didn't you say she was naked on her bed? How could you not have sex in that predicament?

Thats what I was wondering. What the hell were you waiting for?


Naked in bed and nothing? Damn dude, you gotta take the that pu**sy if its being dangled in front of you.

 

[Rounder]

pardon me if I sound like an *******, but didn't you say she was naked on her bed? How could you not have sex in that predicament?

LOL....Yeah I know... However, she was already talking about a 2nd and even 5th date.

I knew if this came up I'd catch hell for not sticking it to her, hahaha!!

I'm good, it was fun, I learned alot, my life is changing almost daily now, I'm very different than I once was. My confidence is going up and I'm learning how valuable spinning plates is. I have to see my ex-wife soon because I still owe her some money and have a few of her things at my house still, she will definitely see the change in me and it will be quite funny.

I'm talking different, walking different, look better, having more fun....I think I am happier than I've ever been in my life. This board is part of that. I have learned so much but have so far to go. I enjoy challenging myself though!

I can easily identify problems in my marriage as well as problems in my parents marriage. I can see why they are divorced as well!

Have a great night guys!

 

[Rounder]

Are you afraid of success?

That's a possibility yeah - I won't deny that. Not just in this area of my life either. It's something I'm aware of.

Do you have a sex drive? Are you sexually confident?

Yes and Yes - although I don't seem to get some great feeling of satisfaction by having sex with a girl the first time I go out with her.

In college I passed up a couple of opportunities for one nighters and I've only had a few one nighters in my life. Like I've said in other posts - I use to be the "relationship guy".

Were you making out with her to the point of her being naked then just stopped? Something doesn't sound right here.

We were both taken care of - however, this is another spot where some old AFC ways were taking hold of me - I was thinking in the back of my head that this girl could be relationship material and I don't want to start out with her pissed at me.

2 things wrong with that - I should not go on a date with any kind of thoughts of a girl being "relationship material".

And I need to spin more plates. As I've started to spin plates I realize what a wonderful thing it is. That fear of "going without" suddenly goes away. That girl you "can't let go of" suddenly becomes far less important. You get to shop around while still having plenty of pvssy to fall back on.

Thanks for making me face these issues.