Afraid of hurting girls

[Huffman]

I'm afraid of hurting girls. This is a problem because I find myself passing on a lot of "opportunities". I mean the kind of girl that you find kind of sexy, but wouldn't enter a LTR (because she's below your standards).
I even get approached by these "nice girls", and I actually wouldn't mind most of them. But I don't pursue, and I don't call dates because I know that:
1. I'm not going to be exclusive with her
2. I'm gonna break her heart. Especially when she's a virgin (or so I guess).

My first GF was such a girl (more AFC than me, haha!) and she was totally devastated when I left her... it was a huge drama! I don't want that again.

Especially in my social circle, girls I've known for some time, they're giving me the signals. I want to do all of them!! But I'm afraid to pursue, because I don't want drama with my friends!

Is it all just in my head? I'm really too nice! But at night I am alone...

 

[WhatdoyoumeanAIDS]

if those girls are above 18, that means they're adults, so then its those girls responsibilities to decide whether or not they'll commit with you. If they do, they're fundamentally taking a risk, but that's her problem.

i think your overthinking it; most girls get over things a lot faster than guys; you don't see that slowing down the girls from dumping the guys eh? It goes both ways, just don't do things that are fundamentally mean or evil.

 

[Kenny Powers]

Ah this seems like a nice topic that certainly won't cause any controversy...

Already been discussed to an extent here
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=179570

Personally I usually have no problem hurting a girl, especially if she is attractive. To get over a guy a pretty girl just needs to walk into a bar. Also, 95% of them wouldn't hesitate to hurt you.

That being said there are some good ones! But be careful, just because a girl isn't that attractive doesn't make her one of the good ones. There's this 5 who likes me and I've always tried not to lead her on cause I'm friends with her and like her as a person. Recently she got a bf but has still been flirting with me, even a little bit if he is around. This made me realize that even though she is nice to me, overall she isn't really that nice and would hurt this poor guy in a minute and then do the same to me when she got bored. Therefore, if I ever did find myself attracted to her (she would have to drop like 20 pounds haha) I wouldn't hesitate before hurting her.

Just because a girl is nice, a good person or even your friend does not mean she won't hurt you!!!!!!! You have to be very careful before determining if a girl is really worth giving a damn about. If she shows signs of someone who strings along and hurts guys it means she is capable of doing it to any guy, even you.

 

[Huffman]

I like this, and I like the discussion in the other thread!

Now let's suppose the girl in question is really nice, and a little shy, and (maybe) has never had sex before. Can I really just get her into bed and she'll be okay with it? As soon as I'm making the moves she'll be thinking true love and whatever Disney has put into her head...

So the consensus is to have a "talk" as soon as possible, so she doesn't get false hopes up?

P.S.: I mean this is really for nice/shy girls that I just want because I'm horny! I meet other girls too, girls with confidence and experience, and I have no pity for them because they know what will happen! But they keep flaking/drama/whatever, and are generally a lot of work.
The nice girls would be such easy picks, and I'm horny lol...

 

[Jariel]

This is so familiar! Even to this day I find myself worrying about hurting a girl. I still find it hard to play cool or back off when I know I should because I don't want her to get anxious.

Like you, I've avoided sleeping with girls I don't think I can stay with long term. How I overcame this was just to raise the sexual flirting when getting to know girls. If they're shy, then I leave them alone, but if they're sexual and respond to dirty talk, then I consider them fair game.

It sounds harsh, but compassion has been one of my toughest obstacles in becoming successful with women. I'm a genuine nice guy, I care about others, but sometimes you just have to act against this instinct.

 

[Jariel]

Also, 95% of them wouldn't hesitate to hurt you.

That, right there, is one of the most important things to remember!