ebracer05
Senior Don Juan
What's up guys?
I haven't posted any field/date reports in a long time because I've been in a relationship for quite a while now. And it's been going great. I mean... it's going so good I can't really believe it. And that's probably what's bothering me. I am starting to get concerned I'm going to lose frame or mess something out and ruin this relationship.
This girl is the result of my "world series of dating" I started last semester in college. Starting last summer, I cold approached a huge number of women and throughout the rest of the year generated at least 70 dates. I spun plates from that group and kept about 5 or so in rotation but could never find anyone I felt anything for that made me even want to be monogamous.
Well then I met this girl. I talked to Slickster about it maybe 3 months in to our relationship because I felt exactly like he did. I honestly knew after the first date that this girl is the girl I am going to marry. It was also the first time I feel like I legitimately accessed and understood what Pook meant when he said to get in to a raw sexual state when you're with a woman in his "Ohh La La" essay. To my credit, even though I felt like it, I didn't go all AFC on this girl. The only thing I did that you guys would say was "wrong" was spending too much time together. We have hung out 2-3 times per week since we met.
This girl cooks and cleans for me and is the best cook I've ever experienced. I'm not even kidding. She learned to cook from an old order Mennonite and it's obvious. I can't describe how good the food is. She waits on me hand and foot. She has never told me no, about anything. She will give me her opinion, but she gives me 100% deference in everything. Sexually, it's a freaking dream. This girl is sooooooooo beautiful it's sickening and her sex drive is about as ridiculous as mine. She seeks my advice about her life, she's told me she will never leave me and any time I want to discuss anything about our relationship, she gets massively freaked that I'm about to walk, and guys, you can just tell by the way she looks at me that she really really loves me. It's so obvious people comment on it when we go out.
Anyways, I want to marry this girl. I am going to be moving next year and I have never felt this way in my life before, ever, but I feel like I will be making an ungodly level of a mistake if I do not take her with me. I obviously do not have a sober mind at all times, but I do my best to surround myself with worthy mentors and try not to make decisions in the midst of mental inebriation. But I feel a conviction within my core, beyond anything I've ever felt before that this is THE woman for me. And that's really the best way I can describe it.
I love her. And I don't derive my life from her, I get flack from my friends and even my parents that I don't pay enough attention to her. I don't think I've called her in 2 weeks now and I only text her a few times per week. What she does is the life I already had and takes everything to a new level. She doesn't make me happy, but she makes me happier than I've ever felt before. And when I make love to her... I mean... I like sex by virtue of the fact that I'm a guy, but I have never had sex like this before. It's not like she's even that good anyways, when we first met she wasn't. It's everything she is and the passion behind it. It doesn't get any worse, just better and more intense. We went on a several mile hike tonight, came back home and just f*cked for like... 3 hrs or so and would have kept going if my leg wasn't bothering me. You can kiss someone and then you can kiss them. And from the first time we ever did, I've never received a passive kiss.
Anyways, like I said, I mean... just freaking read this.. I'm getting paranoid about losing my frame and falling in to some AFC mode. I don't think I am but if I'm going around concerned about it, I am going to come across sketchy even if there isn't a problem. Actually, the best way I can describe the way I'm feeling, of all things, is like when I was addicted to Xanax. The difference is, with this girl I still have my life and am not compulsively indulging in her every day. But like the Xanax, I feel like I'm losing control and I'm about to get sucked in to something that's going to kill me.
The way I see it, life has enough crap in it and when good things happen, you need to seize them and make them yours. I've failed to act way too many times in the past when good things came in to my life and I don't like that at all.
I'd like to know how I can get all of this reframed in my mind, not necessarily so that I don't want to get married any longer, but so that I don't feel possessed by the idea. I almost feel compulsive about it, like I've gotta get this wrapped up today. I also want a better sense of confidence that I'm not on the verge of wrecking this, that I'll be fine, and I need to sit back, chill, and freaking enjoy this.
I haven't posted any field/date reports in a long time because I've been in a relationship for quite a while now. And it's been going great. I mean... it's going so good I can't really believe it. And that's probably what's bothering me. I am starting to get concerned I'm going to lose frame or mess something out and ruin this relationship.
This girl is the result of my "world series of dating" I started last semester in college. Starting last summer, I cold approached a huge number of women and throughout the rest of the year generated at least 70 dates. I spun plates from that group and kept about 5 or so in rotation but could never find anyone I felt anything for that made me even want to be monogamous.
Well then I met this girl. I talked to Slickster about it maybe 3 months in to our relationship because I felt exactly like he did. I honestly knew after the first date that this girl is the girl I am going to marry. It was also the first time I feel like I legitimately accessed and understood what Pook meant when he said to get in to a raw sexual state when you're with a woman in his "Ohh La La" essay. To my credit, even though I felt like it, I didn't go all AFC on this girl. The only thing I did that you guys would say was "wrong" was spending too much time together. We have hung out 2-3 times per week since we met.
This girl cooks and cleans for me and is the best cook I've ever experienced. I'm not even kidding. She learned to cook from an old order Mennonite and it's obvious. I can't describe how good the food is. She waits on me hand and foot. She has never told me no, about anything. She will give me her opinion, but she gives me 100% deference in everything. Sexually, it's a freaking dream. This girl is sooooooooo beautiful it's sickening and her sex drive is about as ridiculous as mine. She seeks my advice about her life, she's told me she will never leave me and any time I want to discuss anything about our relationship, she gets massively freaked that I'm about to walk, and guys, you can just tell by the way she looks at me that she really really loves me. It's so obvious people comment on it when we go out.
Anyways, I want to marry this girl. I am going to be moving next year and I have never felt this way in my life before, ever, but I feel like I will be making an ungodly level of a mistake if I do not take her with me. I obviously do not have a sober mind at all times, but I do my best to surround myself with worthy mentors and try not to make decisions in the midst of mental inebriation. But I feel a conviction within my core, beyond anything I've ever felt before that this is THE woman for me. And that's really the best way I can describe it.
I love her. And I don't derive my life from her, I get flack from my friends and even my parents that I don't pay enough attention to her. I don't think I've called her in 2 weeks now and I only text her a few times per week. What she does is the life I already had and takes everything to a new level. She doesn't make me happy, but she makes me happier than I've ever felt before. And when I make love to her... I mean... I like sex by virtue of the fact that I'm a guy, but I have never had sex like this before. It's not like she's even that good anyways, when we first met she wasn't. It's everything she is and the passion behind it. It doesn't get any worse, just better and more intense. We went on a several mile hike tonight, came back home and just f*cked for like... 3 hrs or so and would have kept going if my leg wasn't bothering me. You can kiss someone and then you can kiss them. And from the first time we ever did, I've never received a passive kiss.
Anyways, like I said, I mean... just freaking read this.. I'm getting paranoid about losing my frame and falling in to some AFC mode. I don't think I am but if I'm going around concerned about it, I am going to come across sketchy even if there isn't a problem. Actually, the best way I can describe the way I'm feeling, of all things, is like when I was addicted to Xanax. The difference is, with this girl I still have my life and am not compulsively indulging in her every day. But like the Xanax, I feel like I'm losing control and I'm about to get sucked in to something that's going to kill me.
The way I see it, life has enough crap in it and when good things happen, you need to seize them and make them yours. I've failed to act way too many times in the past when good things came in to my life and I don't like that at all.
I'd like to know how I can get all of this reframed in my mind, not necessarily so that I don't want to get married any longer, but so that I don't feel possessed by the idea. I almost feel compulsive about it, like I've gotta get this wrapped up today. I also want a better sense of confidence that I'm not on the verge of wrecking this, that I'll be fine, and I need to sit back, chill, and freaking enjoy this.