Affirmations for shyness and poeple with supposed APD

[Boricua_33015]

Last nite I was doing alot of thinking while I was sitting in a lounge chair while on vacation after I had just toked a joint. I dont usually smoke with other people because weed just enhances my shyness into a panic attack. But when I smoke by myself, for some reason, my mind gets open and I could just thinkg about stuff for hours and hours on end solving problems, discovering things about myself that I didnt know, realizing things and such.

Now, I was thinking last nite about how I could have developed this "disorder".

Well, I was remembering all the times which I was publicly humiliated. I realized that my shyness has alot to do with humiliation. I realized that most people that are shy, probably had either alot of public humiliation, more than most people, or some kind of abuse from people that makes them mistrust people. In my case, all the humiliating events that happened to me looked like something that came straight out of a movie, even freinds told me this when I told them about it. And I had ALOT OF THEM.

Well, I had so much humiliaion and fear, for such a long time, that it got kind of ingrained in my subconscious. Whenever I could sense that someone is around me, like an instinct, I would just panic, and expect them to do something to humiliate me, without any second thought. It was the first thought, or the first thing I felt when I encountered people, FEAR.

I would think that when Im around groups of people, that I am like the center of attention and that everyone is making negative comments about me and laughing at me. It became so bad that I started being dillusional, and really paranoid. Even when people werent talking about me, it would really feel like they were and I would walk around humiliated and nervous as if they people around me were talking about me, when really the people couldnt give 2 sh1ts about me, maybe even not have noticed me.

Nowadays, I still do get the first thought or feeling of fear, but I have to fight it off, with other thoughts. Its not completely gone. Like I would say in my mind "Im confident" but then another voice says "no your not! look I think hes laughing at you!" or something along the lines of that.

I have been able to fight this off, so now its not much of a problem. My problem now is, while Im in a conversation with somebody my mind becomes blank. The shyness gets so intense that I cant connect with people, I cant bond with them. It feels like I have this sheild over me, my mind becomes blank it becomes hard for me to think. Sometimes I stutter and lose my train of thought. Sometimes I would blank out during a sentense and say something completely different that what I wanted to say, as if I was speaking unconsiously. This is hard because when I talk to people, like others, that can have an instant connection with poeple, I cannot. I think anything I say, something negative is going to be thought of it. Its f*cking frustrating as hell. I dont CONSCIOUSLY think this, I SUBCONSCIOUSLY think this, I cant control these subconscious thoughts, because I dont realize I have these thoughts. Its more like feelings that come with these thoughts are brought on to me and I cant control these negative feelings.

I want to try affirmations. Maybe If I repeat some affirmations a gazillion times a day for three years then maybe my subconsious will beleive them.

One problem though, I dont know much about affirmations, so Im asking all you DJs to make like a sort of list of Affirmations. Specfically for shy people, wanting to be a DJ. To be loose around people and not so stiff. Maybe it can be universal, for everyone who wants to be a DJ. I dont know, but please just dont give me the wrong affirmations because I heard that affirmations cant have any negativity whatsoever, not even a negative word, because the subconsious mind can confused easily. So if you dont know much about these affirmations then dont make a list because you might be sending the wrong message.

Thanks, it would really help.

 

[Mr. Mystery]

When your talking to people and you come to the point where you can't think of anything to talk about, tell them about how you have been shy your whole life and are working on beating it so you can meet new people and start to really enjoy your life.

Most often you will get a good response, they will suggest that some things for you to do to beat it and you will be talking to them and having a conversation. Soon enough you'll get to be more comfortable talking to people and you'll start to expand the conversation to other topics and then eventually you will be able to not even mention your shyness, or you could comment on how you "used to be" shy and all that great stuff.

Mr. Mystery

 

[Microphone Fiend]

I skipped around and read most of your thread, and affirmations DO help. But lemme just tell you that I think affirmations are just ways to relay stuff in your mind.
I read this somewhere and if you gimmie ur e-mail, I can send it to you, it makes a helluva a lot of sense when you think about it....
"When you get into a new situation like meeting new chicks, your mind doesn't think but replays information of past times, the problem with people with bad experiences is that whenever you get into a new situation you think of the old one, and this leads to you chickeneing out" The key to defeating this is to think positive things when you get into a new situations (such as affirmations) or if possible just think of a past approach was has gone exceptionally well

With that said go to pickupguide.com and maniac has like 50-100 affirmations posted there and I can email 2 u if u want

 

[HappyHobo]

This sounds like a case of low confidence and emotional scarring

In my case, all the humiliating events that happened to me looked like something that came straight out of a movie, even freinds told me this when I told them about it. And I had ALOT OF THEM.

To me it sounds like you have been emotionally scarred from past situations with your peers. For the reason that you have "Alot of them" and could also be the reason why you keep perpetuating your fearful shy behavior.
When somehting happens to us... and we dont put an end to it
It will just keep happening and happening, most likely b ecause we have made that into a habit.


The end to all humiliationg FIRST is this...
You must realize what happened back then... was BACK THEN and there is nothing you can do to change that. The only thing you can do is forget about it and focus on NOW the present. You have to forgive yourself for how you were and commit to a NEW YOU.

When you have done this reply back and I will give you the next step.

 

[Boricua_33015]

I can say that I already have accepted that whatever happened in the past is the past. I remember that I would cry about stuff that happened in the past. But I realized that I just had to accept it Now I dont even think about them anymore, and if I do, ill just be like yea it happened.... so what, its not happenening now so why worry about it.

so.... what the next step?

 

[LouieVaton Don]

I know what its like.

I understand fully where you are coming from, and I know the fact that you really want to be involved in some type of meaningful relationship is killing you, but you are more than capable of turning things around, forget about now, clean your slate and start again. You dont need a drill sargeant to tell you when to eat, sleep, drink, piss do you? You have to motivate yourself to become better, no one else can help you but you. Stop worrying about what others think
, do what you know is best for you. Those are words you must remember.

A technique im using now to helping me overcome the confines of negative self-talk I thought I might share: Whenever you recognize it when it starts, override the subconcious thought with a stern inner voice which clearly implies the opposite of whatever negative thought you have. Do it until it becomes a habit, its already gotten me braver. Try it.

 

[krd]

You seem to be further along than me, in the sense that you are able to put past situations behind you. I'd say that's at least 1/3 of the battle. I've built up such a backlog of negative or embarrassing situations in my mind, some from even 3 or 4 years back, that I literally cringe everytime one of them pops into my head.

The only thing I can say is that you need to get out there. And you need to do it ALL THE TIME. Once or twice a week is not enough for someone who is very shy. You need to put yourself in situations that don't give you much choice but to interact with people. Problem is, there aren't always that many opportunities around.

I'm thinking it might be a good idea to get a job (if you can find one in this day and age) as a salesperson at a store or something. The challenge is to not come across as shy during the job interview so that they'll be more likely to hire you. If you're in high-school or college, you can always get involved in a student organization. There's always volunteer work, although if you're not passionate about the cause (or aren't too crazy about the people you are working with), it may be tough to want to continue (even more so for someone with APD).

Actually I am considering the very same thing you are as I am typing, so this is sort of a brainstorm for me. I actually was part of a student organization at one time, and I believe it helped me become a more social person for a while. But in the summer, the oportunities are much fewer. I may look into doing that again in the fall. Unlike riding a bike, it's a skill that you can definitely forget. That's why it's important to practice as often as you can.

 

[A1SteakSauce]

Shy Man's Guide to Dating

There is actually a book by this title, it is very good b/c it does include affirmations. It makes you do all these exercises similar to what the DJ's are doing here. The author is credible as he was extremely shy but successfully dated a lot of women using the techniques.

Some of the stuff is complete AFC (buying flowers, etc.) but I think you'd like the affirmations part of it. They did work for me to some degree but it's like anything else, if you don't make it a habit you forget to do them.

Note: Telling people you are shy is not a great idea. Acting like you are not shy works much better.

A1

 

[Walden]

Bohica, you're the one creating this 'disorder'.
Can you remember a time in your past when you talked to someone and had a lively , enjoyable conversation?

Sure you can! That already proves that you don't have some disease preventing you from being sociable , you're just shy (like I was).

Shyness is normal. Shyness is curable.

Thesre's lotsa great suggestions here fior how to cure shyness -use them.

I don't rate affirmations so much.One training thing the military use for guys in scary situations is they teach you that you should daydream over the situation but with you acting out exactly as you should ie cnfidently and boldly.

This programs your mind that this is how the situation should go and viola nine outta ten times it will go that way.

Whereas if you tell yourself you have APD it gives you an excuse not to be better. Think of how much it will suck to spend the rest of your life with APD.

Now think of the things you'll be able to do as a smart , confident ****y DJ.

Right no go get out there and start appklying what you see oin this site (try the DJ boot camp if you want it's heaps of fun )

Good luck
Mike.

 

[HappyHobo]

Originally posted by Boricua_33015
I can say that I already have accepted that whatever happened in the past is the past. I remember that I would cry about stuff that happened in the past. But I realized that I just had to accept it Now I dont even think about them anymore, and if I do, ill just be like yea it happened.... so what, its not happenening now so why worry about it.

so.... what the next step?

If you truly have packedged up your past and dumped it into the depths of the ocean then you are ready for the next step and we will proceed...


From what i read your behavior is this:

Nowadays, I still do get the first thought or feeling of fear, but I have to fight it off, with other thoughts. Its not completely gone

You do not view yoruself as unstoppable like you can do anything... meaning you have not developed confidence.

I would think that when Im around groups of people, that I am like the center of attention and that everyone is making negative comments about me and laughing at me

You do not view yoruself as great .. as a friend of another... you feel that everybody is out to get you... you feel like you are an outsider or outcast.

In both of these situations... it deals with your image of your OWN SELF. You do not have a POSITIVE one. And THis affects how you feel about other people, which woudl probably explain why it is so hard to be aroudn them.

So step 2 is ... get your mind off everybody else... forget about them.. who are THEY to judge YOU? The only person that can judge you is YOU. Nobody else.

If you feel that you are amazing.. who are they to say your not?
It is only when you accept what they say that you are NOT amazing.

Develop a postive image of yoruself and view yoruself differently then you have been doing. When you believe and see yoruself as great confident and unstoppable then you will start to feel that way. Take that feelign with you no matter where you go.. no mater what the environment is.

If any more questions on this... ask.
when you have done this. i will tell what step 3 is.

 

[Boricua_33015]

ok, I have developed PARTIAL self confidence during the school year. I would walk around like a confident alpha male. I think of a song in my mind and let it play, it helps me get a rhythm for when I walk. I am confident, so long as that I dont make any contact with anyone, meaning no eye contact, and no verbal contact.

If I am walking and an attractive girl is walking the opposite direction as me and we happen to glance at each other, I hold that gaze until she looks away. Fighting off any negative feelings. I dont know if these feelings are fear, but its certainly an uneasy anxious feeling I get.

If its a guy I dont look away the moment our eyes meet, because I dont want to show that I am intimidated. I look away in a calm manner, not in a jerky break neck kind of way. But still, when I look at a guy in his eyes, I think my face uncosciously shows hostility. I dont want to show hostility, but guys these days take as much as a "wrong look" to be a reason to fight. Should a raise my eyebrows as a silent "hey!" or nod? Please answer this, I dont want to seem gay either, but I also dont want to show hostility.

I used to panic when my eyes would meet up with someone elses! I was like "OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN NOTICED!!"

Now, I still feel my instinct, WANT to look away but I fight it off and dont look away right away. In spit of all the negative feelings I get.

Now, when it comes to TALKING to someone, if its somebody who I have never talked to then I would stutter, and hesitate to say things and also blank out during conversation.

If its somebody I have talked to before, and have experienced at least some kind of rapport, I would still be uneasy. But not as much as someone who I havent talked to before. But I would make the conversation short. I may WANT to make the conversation longer, but since I am not skilled in making conversations longer, I dont know how to make transitions into another subject, thus ending the conversation short and simple, and to the point, with nothing else to say.

 

[Boricua_33015]

so I should gain more confidence? I because I am confident, just not while talking to people, mostly because of lack of social skills.

 

[Bill]

APD is real, check with your psy for reference. Don't call it "supposed" or any such diminutive, it's a real disorder with real people who really suffer from it. And yes, APD can be a pain when it comes to chicks; no easy shortcuts, and rarely will the sole "just be a man" powersentence work.
Respect to all of you guys.

 

[Boricua_33015]

i have been diagnosed with this APD. I just dont beleive that its some sort of DISEASE or something. It just has to do with depression, low self esteem, bad habits, and negative feelings when it comes to coming in contact with people. I think it can be treated with mental conditioning of some sort, no matter how long it takes. We dont need to take pills.

When I went to the psy, man all I did was tell him about my shyness and then he just said 'YOU HAVE APD, LET ME GIVE YOU A PRESCRIPTION TO SOME PILLS". He did this with no second thought. I think he just wanted to get paid.

 

[ChevyLover]

Man. I used to be the shyest guy I had ever met. I don't really remember how I got over it, I just did. I guess I just decided after a while that life is too damn short. If someone is going to make fun of me for something I say, I'll let them know they are a fvcking a$shole and move on. Its such a waste of life to be shy man. I regret it soooooo much you wouldn't believe.

Let me tell you a little story. Ok there was this girl. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl - I was completely infatuated with her as a shy afc. Anyways, I had a couple good friends and we went to her house like every day this one summer. I was so shy I barely ever said anything to her. Just kinda gocked like a chump. My best friend who always got the hotties and everything, was always trying to get this girl. I figured I had no chance so I never attempted to make anything of it. Whenever we went to her house, she flirted with me all the time - squirted me with the water gun, held my hands and flapped them to the side and just always gave me way more attention than the other guys.

One day we went to a place to swim. My best friend was still trying to get her bigtime. He told her to swim with him across the place and I was sick and didn't want to go in the water cuz I didn't want to get more sick and shiat. She spends the WHOLE time trying to get me to come into the water. She never spent any time with anyone else the entire time we were out there. I finally agree that I will wade in the water. She jumps on me to get me to go in. Tells me I'm so muscular and shiat. Then later she goes for a walk with me and asks me to break a stick she finds on the ground.

I was a shy mofo but holy fvck was I dense. I never dreamed this girl would want to go out with me, but look at all the signs she gave me. Most beautiful, perfect chick I have ever met.

Me and my buddies stopped going to her house because my best friend gave up trying to get her. She started going out with a jerk. A couple of months later, when I was still shy, she comes up from behind me in the hall and puts her arms around me and shiat out of the blue. I made nothing of it, told her "see ya later" and left.

Well now I'm not shy anymore. But guess what? SHE IS FVCKING DEAD!!!!! Yeah - she died at the age of 16 in a car crash - was looking at her deck or something changing the song, and she rolled her car, never had a seatbelt on, and fvcking died.

Point of the story is, don't waste your fvcking time or any chances by being shy. It is a retarded excuse for not being happy, and that single mistake could have*(fvck that DID) fvcked my life right up. What if I had been going out with this girl and was with her in the car, told her to put on her seatbelt before we left, or changed the song myself?

I have to live with that shyt, but man - DON'T waste your fvcking life being shy. WHO GIVES A FVCK what people think of you????!!?! Life is too damn short. Have fun man. Talk about whatever the fvck you want to talk about. Walk up to someone and tell them they are the gayest piece of shyt you have ever seen. Who cares??? What is the worst thing that someone might say to you? What is the worst thing that could happen? You could die. That is the worst.

Make as many friends as you can. LIVE!

Who cares what people think? Talk to a perfect stranger the same way you would talk to a parent. You don't studder or worry wtf your mom is gonna say when you talk to her do you? Respect people, and let them into your life. LET THEM BE YOUR FRIEND. You dictate your relationship with someone whether you want to believe that or not. If you open up to someone, they will open up to you in the same way.

But remember this man. Forget shyness. That shyt will only make you regret. If you want to live regretting shyt your whole life, go for it, but for fvck sakes, listen to me when I tell you its definitely worth it to take risks. Might be nerve racking at the time, but after you face your fears the feeling you get is definitely worth taking the risk.

I just wish, even though it would have been an afc thing to do that I had just asked her "Will you be my girlfriend" or "will you go out with me" or some stupid shiat like that. Who knows - she might have said yes! Who knows what might have happened if I wasn't so shy. Don't close all the open doors in your life man. Walk through them and go exploring. Good or bad, take it. At least you will know.

CL

 

[krd]

Originally posted by Boricua_33015
When I went to the psy, man all I did was tell him about my shyness and then he just said 'YOU HAVE APD, LET ME GIVE YOU A PRESCRIPTION TO SOME PILLS". He did this with no second thought. I think he just wanted to get paid.

Although I wouldn't rule out the possibility of medication, I would be leery of a doc who meets with you for five minutes and just sticks you with a bunch of pills. If you still intend on seeking professional help, you should probably start looking for another psy.

 

[digitalrat]

Originally posted by ChevyLover

One day we went to a place to swim. My best friend was still trying to get her bigtime. He told her to swim with him across the place and I was sick and didn't want to go in the water cuz I didn't want to get more sick and shiat. She spends the WHOLE time trying to get me to come into the water. She never spent any time with anyone else the entire time we were out there. I finally agree that I will wade in the water. She jumps on me to get me to go in. Tells me I'm so muscular and shiat. Then later she goes for a walk with me and asks me to break a stick she finds on the ground.

I was a shy mofo but holy fvck was I dense. I never dreamed this girl would want to go out with me, but look at all the signs she gave me. Most beautiful, perfect chick I have ever met.

Me and my buddies stopped going to her house because my best friend gave up trying to get her. She started going out with a jerk. A couple of months later, when I was still shy, she comes up from behind me in the hall and puts her arms around me and shiat out of the blue. I made nothing of it, told her "see ya later" and left.

Well now I'm not shy anymore. But guess what? SHE IS FVCKING DEAD!!!!! Yeah - she died at the age of 16 in a car crash - was looking at her deck or something changing the song, and she rolled her car, never had a seatbelt on, and fvcking died.

CL

Damn, that story would motivate me not to be shy. What a hell of a twist at the end. I didnt expect that.

 

[digitalrat]

Originally posted by Boricua_33015
i have been diagnosed with this APD. I just dont beleive that its some sort of DISEASE or something. It just has to do with depression, low self esteem, bad habits, and negative feelings when it comes to coming in contact with people. I think it can be treated with mental conditioning of some sort, no matter how long it takes. We dont need to take pills.

When I went to the psy, man all I did was tell him about my shyness and then he just said 'YOU HAVE APD, LET ME GIVE YOU A PRESCRIPTION TO SOME PILLS". He did this with no second thought. I think he just wanted to get paid.

Try working at this more. If you want to go to a good psy for APD, let me know and I'll have a friend look around for you.

 

[Boricua_33015]

CL, man that story is crazy! I was thinking about my shyness one time and thought of that same thing would happen to a girl. Then I thought to myself, damn, that would be some crazy sh*t. Now I know somebody who that actually happened to...... man that is.... I dont know what to say.... heh im goin shy lol.....

But see, the thing is, I DO take the risks of talking to people, and girls that I like. Its just that almost EVERYTIME I end up making a fool of myself because I am so uneasy and all sorts of negative feelings are going through me.

DigitalRat: YOU WOULD DO THAT FOR ME!? Sh*t, its kind cool that you would help me like that but I dont need a psychiatrist. I dont want to see any psychiatrists, they always resort to medication. Every psychiatrist (ive seen 3) I have seen precribed me to pills. I have a psychologist though, I just havent seen him in months because I havent reminded my dad to make an appoitment with him. I should, I have alot to talk about. But hey thanks for the offer. I appreciate it.

As for the affirmations.... where are they? I made this post asking for some affirmations dammit! lol

 

[MVP]

DON'T waste your fvcking life being shy. WHO GIVES A FVCK what people think of you????!!?! Life is too damn short. Have fun man. Talk about whatever the fvck you want to talk about. Walk up to someone and tell them they are the gayest piece of shyt you have ever seen. Who cares??? What is the worst thing that someone might say to you? What is the worst thing that could happen? You could die. That is the worst.

Make as many friends as you can. LIVE!

Who cares what people think? Talk to a perfect stranger the same way you would talk to a parent. You don't studder or worry wtf your mom is gonna say when you talk to her do you? Respect people, and let them into your life. LET THEM BE YOUR FRIEND. You dictate your relationship with someone whether you want to believe that or not. If you open up to someone, they will open up to you in the same way.

But remember this man. Forget shyness. That shyt will only make you regret. If you want to live regretting shyt your whole life, go for it, but for fvck sakes, listen to me when I tell you its definitely worth it to take risks. Might be nerve racking at the time, but after you face your fears the feeling you get is definitely worth taking the risk.

I just wish, even though it would have been an afc thing to do that I had just asked her "Will you be my girlfriend" or "will you go out with me" or some stupid shiat like that. Who knows - she might have said yes! Who knows what might have happened if I wasn't so shy. Don't close all the open doors in your life man. Walk through them and go exploring. Good or bad, take it. At least you will know.
CL

That was beautiful. I never had such a crazy story happen to me, but all the emotions you went through about being shy, I used to go through them too. Being shy is useless. Be brave, go for it, and enjoy.