AFC's who get women...

[edger]

I find it interesting how women will stay with their boyfriend's/husband's regardless if they're AFC. Yea, there will be those of you who will say they get with these men for their money or stay with them for financial security, but come on, we all know women will generally ONLY give their intimacy to men who have their game down tight and fit the DJ profile. Doesn't matter how much they make. We know you don't need to make a lot of money to get laid or to develop relationship with a woman. I myself have seen many many dudes who have had sh*t, develop long term relationships with hot women. But to be more specific, how do these AFC's get with these women in the first place if they're AFC's to begin with? This is where it gets confusing...it's yet another contradiction to what we know and to what's preached here.

 

[Wolves]

Because it's easy.

AFCs are easy to control and they aren't hard to please. More often than not AFCs will attract manipulative, controlling women who would much rather have a "pet" than a real relationship. Also, AFCs are generally the "safer" choice. Because of their low self esteem/self respect, AFCs wouldn't dare cheat on or leave their women; they'd be too afraid of not being able to get another one.

 

[edger]

Because it's easy.

AFCs are easy to control and they aren't hard to please. More often than not AFCs will attract manipulative, controlling women who would much rather have a "pet" than a real relationship. Also, AFCs are generally the "safer" choice. Because of their low self esteem/self respect, AFCs wouldn't dare cheat on or leave their women; they'd be too afraid of not being able to get another one.

Of course, but AFC's don't make women "wet", they aren't attracted to men like that, and if they don't make women wet, then what would be the purpose of her being with him?...right?

But the general consensus is that most women aren't attracted to AFC men...or so it's supposed to be, as I'm beginning to think otherwise these days.

 

[Wolves]

Why do you think so many married couples have problems with their sex life?

 

[edger]

Why do you think so many married couples have problems with their sex life?

And that's where the question of why do these women stay with their men if they're NOT sexually attracted to them comes in. Most would argue it's because they need support financially. I personally can't think of any other reason. But no woman is going to stay and live with a man she's unhappy with. A woman will next a guy so fast if she doesn't wanna be with him. Yea, she'll cheat behind his back, but most women will opt out and leave.

 

[Tazman]

Women will have sex to please themselves (just like we do), whether it be with a guy that makes them wet (which is always preferred), or a guy who is there and is convenient at the time, especially if she's already in a relationship with him, it just makes him "safe" to get off with. Some women prefer to be with a guy who makes their lives more comfortable financially and/or emotionally and they aren't willing to give that up or risk losing it by cheating or leaving the relationship for better sex.

They could even be getting something else on the side but maintaining the current relationship (sex) to keep the peace and to curb any suspicion.

Some women won't have sex with a guy unless they are really sexually attracted, it all depends on the woman and her circumstances.

Pretty much the same thing goes for men. I know some guys that are having sex with women they don't really like (definitely not their first choice), simply because it's there and available. I won't lie, I've done it myself.

 

[d9930380]

I agree with everything that Wolves says. That's the reason women **** all round them when they are younger, because they're going for the ones they like sexually. Then they look to settle down and have a family and therefore they look for otherthings than sex. The guys who are great at sex normally CAN'T keep a relationship going - they are basically just sex toys. I know that doesn't sound like a bad deal but these guys get left by girls they love more so - unless they use an AFC friend to save their asses, I've had to do that a few times with a few mates.

I know - yes I am an RAFC. The problem is I've just accepted it and now I'm looking for a girl that wants a good guy, it seems easier than trying to be something I'm not. And as long as I'm not a wuss (I've learnt from past mistakes) then I should be OK. I have no interest in being a player, although I do tend to make sure I screen all the potentials before proceeding with ANY sort of relationship.

I read an article by a women who has turned lesbo just after turning 40, she says the problem is with men, you either have a good relationship but the sex is crap, or you have great sex but the relationship is crap however with another women you get the best of both worlds. I agree with Tyler Durgen's reason for the problem: "We are are a generation of men raised by women."

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Good topic (finally). Why would a woman stay with an AFC? A lot of reasons actually, but there are some commonalities.

First, there's the guy that was once the Jerk, who had been attractive enough, or played the role well enough, to get involved with a woman who successfully "changed" him. And in an effort to better identify with what she's convinced him (and herself) that he ought to be living up to, he reverts to being an AFC in the relationship. She can't complain because he's changed into what she thought she was supposed to want in a guy, but he's turned into the kind of guy she'd never have been attracted to if she were to meet him while single. So she stays with him up until the point that she meets another Jerk who she wants to fukk and eventually 'fix' him too.

Second, lets not forget that some of the most wealthy and physically attractive men also happen to be the biggest AFCs you'll ever meet. The wealthy man and the attractive man have little to prompt them to re-think their own behaviors. I once worked with this guy named Jake who was model quality good looking. He had no trouble with attracting women, and most would simply approach him, but Jake was probably the biggest AFC tool I'd ever met. He used to constantly complain that he couldn't get a girlfriend or keep a girl interested in him, even though he was tapping beautiful women every weekend. Once he opened his mouth and spilled his life story out on the restaurant table on the first date these girls would run for the hills. He literally had ONEitis for ANY girl he was dating at the time and swallowed hook, line and sinker the soul-mate mythology. He tried to be friends, tried to be sensitive, tried to be funny, tried to be savior and every other AFC technique in the book, but all this did was push these women away from him. They enjoyed being fukked by the guy, but when he started up the ice cream cones and puppy dogs, cuddle b!tch sh!t they moved on to other guys. In other words AFCs aren't all computer geeks and being attractive doesn't insulate you from internalizing stupid, feminized romanticisms.

 

[speed dawg]

It's really quite simple. Attraction sparks the relationship. So after AFCness has quelled all attraction, if there's other positives there, a girl may stay with an AFC. My gf's dad is the biggest AFC there ever was. He got divorced because of it, now he's remarried to a somewhat good looking milf, and I don't know how he's kept her. She'd live if they split, but he'd prob'ly commit suicide. Who knows why she's still there, I think it may be lack of options, financial security, etc. This is her 3rd husband, so she may very well leave someday. I don't know, but they seem to be very in love with each other.

you either have a good relationship but the sex is crap, or you have great sex but the relationship is crap

Why can't you have both? I like to consider myself a great catch because I'm independent, confident, and can hold my own in bed. I don't get this logic that only AFCs are in relationships. It comes down to what you want. I've debated myself on whether or not my current relationship is worth it. You've got the friendship, companionship, and my own other values vs. being carefree, random fukking of being single. You choose what you want. I like being in a relationship and that doesn't make me AFC. I wish marriage wasn't a legal thing nowadays or I'd already be married.

If we broke up, I'd move on and get over it, but I'll be depressed for awhile anyway because no amount of being single or being confident can make up for a steady companionship over time.

 

[lee36044]

Hey Wolves, that sex life problem you mentined? That generally comes from loss of interest which usually happens because of the AFC behavior! But women are just as good as we are at convincing themseleves the lies they tell are truth! So the whole thing drags out with the woman convinced that the security is worth the unhappiness for however long it takes her to finallly decide enough is enough. Usually with the AFC not having a clue there is even a problem until she is walking out the door!

Rollo said it best .... at some point these babes spot some new guy they want to fukk and it's bye-bye Mr. AFC! It may take years for them to get there but it almost always happens. Then they'll trade you in in a heartbeat. To hell with security and who cares about what the AFC may feel! She needs to be happy and nothing will stop her because her interest was gone years ago!

I've fallen into that trap enough times to know. Same root cause every time ... I let them tell me what they wanted me to be instead of continuing to be the guy they met and fell for.

Mistake number 1: Changing to be what they say they want!

Mistake number 2: Believing anything they say with their mouth has anything to do with what attracted them to you or will keep them with you!

There is one time when the general rule of just being yourself really does work. It's when you've already hunted and caught the one you want to try to spend a lifetime with. But just being yourself in this case really means continuing to be the DJ self that attracted them in the first place. Not all of the principles apply once you settle in but enough do to keep her interested and happy for a lifetime if you apply them right

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Superman vs. Clark Kent

It's the Superman vs. Clark Kent syndrome (sorry, but I gotta post this again). Superman can leap tall buildings, is faster than a speeding bullet, and can bend steel in his bare hands. The guy's bulletproof! One day Lois sees him doing all this crazy sh!t and gets all hot and bothered for him. Supe and Lois hook up for the hot superhero sex.

Then Lois falls in love with him and he with her, and the change begins. Why should Superman be out fighting for justice all the time while she's at home alone? Why isn't he more attentive to her needs? Why is he so uncompromising? He should really get a day job at the Daily Planet and settle down instead of being such a 'tuff guy' all the time. All that sh!t is so infantile, macho, egotistical d!ck-measuring and what about her needs anyway? He's always off flying around saving the world - not enough time for her. He really 'ought' to settle down and accept some real responsibility.

Before long Superman becomes Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper and all around sensitive guy. Not as exciting to be sure, but Lois is loving it.

A year or two later Lois wonders where the man she fell in love with went, he's really gone to pot and she's missing the 'romance'. He never whisks her away anymore or does that steel-bending trick that she thought was so cute, where did the passion go?

Then along comes Batman, he's built, he's dark, he's an uncompromising vigilante with purpose so unlike her Clark - he's a 'bad boy' who takes life on his own terms. Until one day Clark comes home after a 16 hour shift to find Batman riding Lois to glory, in the throes of passion in the bed he paid for with his steady salary from the Daily Planet. Clark cries (as he was taught to because Lois said she liked the sensitive types) and says, "how could you, after all I've done for you?"

To which Lois replies, "I couldn't help myself, he IS a superhero afterall!"

 

[speed dawg]

Rollo,

I'd like to hear some of your own experiences. You say you have a good marriage, and that you were an AFC at one time.

What are some ways that you have stayed "a superhero"? How have you kept yourself from not reverting back to past AFC ways? I mean, do you never do anything for your wife?

You have to settle down sooner or later. My job is my life, it's how I make my living. Not everyone can be a superhero, you know. I realize the point is too stay the confident guy that she fell in love with, but you do have to compromise some things for the relationship.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

heh,..I bet you never watch Justice League in the same way again.

SPEED, who's saying I haven't let a woman 'fix' me before? I'm human too. I don't pop off on this forum because I've done everything right, but because I've gotten it wrong more often than not. But this is exactly why I know how to maintain a frame now, I learned from experience.

What are some ways that you have stayed "a superhero"? How have you kept yourself from not reverting back to past AFC ways? I mean, do you never do anything for your wife?

You really want to know the 'secret' to killing your inner AFC? Stop thinking in binary terms like this. Of course I do things for my wife (all the time actually) but that's not the point. You have to stop thinking in all or nothing extremes. Rather, stay balanced and maintain the frame without making it appear you're controlling.

One thing I learned after a few 'fixings' is that the more I tried to recreate myself and my personality to the likings of a woman the less i seemed to like myself. Does that mean I'm an uncompromising A-Hole in all I do now? No, but I have a clearer perspective on what keeps me attractive to a woman (my wife in this case) and most times this is being the person I chose to be even if aspects of my personality drive her crazy. It's the resistance to being changed that's a challenge and is attractive. It's the guy who can withstand all this effort to be 'fixed' by a woman - who only momentarily thinks she's prefer you to change in a particular way - who will maintain his attractiveness to her.

Most guys (AFCs in particular) don't have the sack to tell a woman "no" for fear of losing her intimacy, when in fact the telling her "no" is more of a turn on than aquiescing to her desires. They're scared. Scared not only of not gettin' any that evening, but potentially having to go out and risk more rejecton with women if she should leave him. That's not a relationship, that's blackmail, and women are more than willing to resort to it.

It's not that you need to be a 'super hero', but rather you need to be in charge of who you're going to be on your own.

It's not wrong to settle down, but it is wrong to "settle for less." No woman's vagina is worth compromising your ability to decide who you want to be. People want to tell you to just be yourself, but then allow themselves to have their identities molded by their insecurities and fears.

 

[speed dawg]

Interesting. I find myself torn between actually doing my own thing, which is attractive and trying to do things that make me seem attractive. In many ways I'm still a r-AFC. Seems guys try too hard not to fukk up rather than just enjoying women for what they are.

I wasn't calling you out, I was genuinely interested. My father has never done a romantic thing for my mother, yet they're still together. But at the same time, guys with seemingly good marriages say they do it because they put women up on a pedestal. Women have this sh1t ingrained in them forever.

 

[DoubleA]

Well!

In other words AFCs aren't all computer geeks and being attractive doesn't insulate you from internalizing stupid, feminized romanticisms.

AMEN!!

I see nice guys that women always talk about how good looking they are..but these guys get taken faster than PS3's on Black Friday.

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's a duck. I guess an AFC is an AFC regardless of race, color, or creed.

I been away a awhile..it's good to be home! :rockon:

- DoubleA

 

[blueguy]

I think marriage is the biggest +plus that AFCs have in their favor that give them the advantage to infatuate women. Girls fall in love with marriage and get tired of going from one relationship to another where their guy won't commit to marriage. They become scared of never getting married. This is a case where they'll settle for less than they've had before. Unfortunately, once they're married to them, they realize they could have had better and over time become unattracted and resentful.

 

[edger]

He tried to be friends, tried to be sensitive, tried to be funny, tried to be savior and every other AFC technique in the book,

Huh..since when is being "funny" AFC? I can see it being AFC if a dude is trying too hard to be funny and the girl catches on that he's trying too hard, but aside from that, I don't think I'm following ya on that one. I can also see it being AFC if you're ONLY being funny WITHOUT the ****iness tossed into the mix. Is that what you're getting at?

 

[d9930380]

You can still be sensitive tender and kind. You just CAN'T be weak. I agree with Rollo, women use blackmail (fear of not getting sex or of breaking up) to get a guy to agree with her or to do things for her.

Before I fell for a girl I was a guy who wouldn't do **** for anyone unless I wanted to and decided to but not because someone wanted me too. I've realised that's actually a good thing lol especially with women.

I had a mate who had a girlfriend who basically threw a *****y hissy fit when she was totally in the wrong. Later I asked him why he backed down and he said because he didn't want to be single. I responded that I wouldn't give a ****, I still wouldn't allow no women to act like that. Well I relayed this story to one girl who I knew (attractive, sought after) and after you could see her interest climbing, she apparantly hasn't shut up about me. Girls DO know what they want - they will also tell you that if they have boyfriends, just not if you are a "potential", she has no interest teaching you and it's a test. She wants to see your manly qualities, after words she even made a remark that she thought I had a big ****. Act like a man and she will think you can **** like a man. This isn't saying that the odd kind gesture out of the blue when she hasn't asked won't do you harm.

As for seemingly AFC guys, you don't know what goes on in private. He might bite his tongue so as to not make a scene or embarass her but behind closed doors go through her for it.

 

[DoubleA]

Tommasi

You got your comparsion twisted for the Superman v. Clarke Kent.

In actuality, Lane likes Bruce Wayne.

He's a pretty boy BILLIONARE with EXTENDED OPTIONS because of the consumate plates he spins.

Kent is a average joe who works with her, from SMALLVILLE.

Holla.

DoubleA

 

[DoubleA]

Oh yeah...

To most women Batman is classified as a creep.

- DoubleA