So I was listening to an audiobook recently and the "PUA" in it said that the AFCs never get mad and that the DJs always get mad. I disagree with this because I'm a big time AFC and I get mad constantly. I'm constantly angry and yelling at others. I also know several DJs who take a whole lot before they actually get even a little mad. So what do you guys think? When would a DJ get mad and when would he not get mad?
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"AFCs never get mad and DJs always get mad" - I don't agree with this at all
- Thread starter Demystify
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ThatMysteriousGuy
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Why would a dj EVER get mad, that's an oxymoron.Demystify said:So I was listening to an audiobook recently and the "PUA" in it said that the AFCs never get mad and that the DJs always get mad. I disagree with this because I'm a big time AFC and I get mad constantly. I'm constantly angry and yelling at others. I also know several DJs who take a whole lot before they actually get even a little mad. So what do you guys think? When would a DJ get mad and when would he not get mad?
DJ's don't lose their composure.
Proselytiser
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AFCs let anger hijack their entire thought process and deteriorate into a writhing ball of emotional instability, they bottle up their anger so it comes periodically as outbursts and most of the time is misdirected. They don't resolve anything and consequently their anger festers into resentment and jealousy issues.
DJs keep their composure, know how to self-regulate their emotions and know when it is appropriate and how to express anger. Once the situation has been resolved (or once their anger has served its purpose) the anger does not linger.
DJs keep their composure, know how to self-regulate their emotions and know when it is appropriate and how to express anger. Once the situation has been resolved (or once their anger has served its purpose) the anger does not linger.
I dont know where you heard that, but its innacurate. Dj's are supposed to be unreactive for the most part. What that possibly means is that DJ's will stand their ground when a woman pulls bvllshyt, while an AFC will act like everythings OK, cuz he's scared to tell her off when she disrespects him. DJ's are not afraid to let her know she's fvcking up, as opposed to an AFC, who kisses her ass, while she doormats him.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
SmoothTalker
Master Don Juan
This is of course wrong.
Perhaps what he was trying to say was that AFC's always get mad (because a girl's **** gets to them) but never express it or do anything about it, because they're whipped nice guys.
DJs should generally not get mad because they don't care too much about a particular girl and are nonreactive, but if they do get legitimately angry they're not going to hide it because they don't care about keeping the girl's approval?
Even that's not entirely true, but much closer to reality.
Perhaps what he was trying to say was that AFC's always get mad (because a girl's **** gets to them) but never express it or do anything about it, because they're whipped nice guys.
DJs should generally not get mad because they don't care too much about a particular girl and are nonreactive, but if they do get legitimately angry they're not going to hide it because they don't care about keeping the girl's approval?
Even that's not entirely true, but much closer to reality.
ThatMysteriousGuy
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THE FOLLOWING IS FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND THIS AND THINK IT IS ABOUT SUPPRESSING EMOTIONS, IT IS NOT, IT'S MOSTLY ABOUT ALWAYS STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF AND NOT GETTING RUN OVER BY PEOPLE. THIS HELPS PREVENT NEGATIVE EMOTIONS FROM BUILDING:
When bullshait is going on or about to start, a DJ takes a logical and calm approach thus being able to take the "right path" to solve the problem immediately in a "Big Picture" way. He doesn't fear always taking care of the problem NOW and doesn't care what people think about it at all. And, in most cases it's very easy to solve the problem in a subtle way without bringing a lot of attention to it and, if at all possible, in a way that prevents it happening again. The problem just "appears" to go away without him seeming to really give it much thought at all or being effected. The problem is like a buzzing fly that he bats away and immediately forgets about.
Random example of stopping a frustrating problem "nipping it in the bud" DJ vs AFC
HB: Buy me a drink
AFC: Sure, what do you want. HB drinks, chats, wanders off. AFC is annoyed
HB (later): Buy me a drink AFC
AFC: Well, um, (trying to stand up for himself a tiny bit)...
HB: What's wrong, don't you like me anymore? I thought you were a blah blah blah (thrusts breasts out, whatever)
AFC: (he weakens, gets more trapped, and doesn't know why and he's getting more upset inside) Ok
(later) HB: Hey, I'm back, you're such a great guy, why don't we go out for dinner sometime
AFC: Um, ok, hey do you want another drink?
he's hooked, can't stop, she'll flake whenever she wants, he'll get progressively more mad and be frustrated all of the time not realizing that everything was doomed in the first 10 seconds. HE'S the reason he's mad, not her, and he can't see that at all!
DJ
HB: Buy me a drink
DJ: No, that doesn't work for me. I'll let *you* buy me a drink. (or any "No" or "Resisting" variation of course)
HB: (flustered, off balance, she didn't get power, DJ starts building attraction or she's acts like a biatch about it and he moves on)
AFC who's watching: (gets very mad and hollers inside his head about evil women always going after good looking/rich men/jerks etc...)
Being "mad" in this context is a state of frustration from not standing up to people (also not accepting concrete reality, but that's another topic) and it builds up. A DJ gets "angry" when bullshait with other men is going on and all other options don't work...like some drunk won't stop bumping into him or his lady, then he briefly shows reigned in anger while saying "this bullshait IS going to stop, go stumble around elsewhere" or whatever with a steady voice full of confidence and authority. He then immediately goes back to what he was doing without any leftover anger...as if it never happened. The intensity of that reigned in Anger has a huge impact and solves almost all issues without actual violence. He never gets angry with a woman. If she's pulling bullshait and will not stop, his attitude is "ok, enough, NEXT" and that's it. A man with a strong reality and complete conscious control over his emotions/actions is extremely rare and he damned well knows it. She's the one missing out on a good thing.
This type of reigned in anger actually impresses women and makes them EXTREMELY ATTRACTED SEXUALLY vs "i'm going to kick his ass" stupid shait (some women have a sexual attraction to that but they are Bad News and should be avoided) And, she knows it's never turned on women so she feels even more secure and safe.
The AFC doesn't take action to stand up for himself and demand respect at all times. This builds and builds until it's far too late to rewind the damage it does to relationships. So, he's almost constantly in a state of Fear/Mad and doesn't see that the roots started in any particular situation because he did not take care of every single issue as it came up. He might get mad and (for example) yell at his girlfriend for hanging on other men provocatively....but she's just puzzled and gets pissed because he let it go 10 times before and now he's changing the rules of behavior he expects from women. And, of course, now that she's pissed, she'll do it 10x more on purpose, AFC gets mad 10x more often, and then a post appears here "my girl is screwing around, how do i get my girl back and get her to stop acting like a *****, she's making me mad"?
NOTE: AFCs allow very bad behavior during their "quest" to get a piece of ass and a girlfriend as well. Then, they try to clamp down on that behavior but it's far too late. They then get mad/frustrated/whine about that same behavior that they previously rewarded.
James Bond is a good example for controlled emotions which are appropriately unleashed when he chooses. His emotions are always under some sort of control yet he's not an unfeeling robot. His "nice, sensitive, passionate guy" part is let loose with high intensity temporarily out when he's seducing/making love/afterwards and then he's right back to "doing his thing his way" like that "nice" stuff is in a completely separate reality....which it is.
When bullshait is going on or about to start, a DJ takes a logical and calm approach thus being able to take the "right path" to solve the problem immediately in a "Big Picture" way. He doesn't fear always taking care of the problem NOW and doesn't care what people think about it at all. And, in most cases it's very easy to solve the problem in a subtle way without bringing a lot of attention to it and, if at all possible, in a way that prevents it happening again. The problem just "appears" to go away without him seeming to really give it much thought at all or being effected. The problem is like a buzzing fly that he bats away and immediately forgets about.
Random example of stopping a frustrating problem "nipping it in the bud" DJ vs AFC
HB: Buy me a drink
AFC: Sure, what do you want. HB drinks, chats, wanders off. AFC is annoyed
HB (later): Buy me a drink AFC
AFC: Well, um, (trying to stand up for himself a tiny bit)...
HB: What's wrong, don't you like me anymore? I thought you were a blah blah blah (thrusts breasts out, whatever)
AFC: (he weakens, gets more trapped, and doesn't know why and he's getting more upset inside) Ok
(later) HB: Hey, I'm back, you're such a great guy, why don't we go out for dinner sometime
AFC: Um, ok, hey do you want another drink?
he's hooked, can't stop, she'll flake whenever she wants, he'll get progressively more mad and be frustrated all of the time not realizing that everything was doomed in the first 10 seconds. HE'S the reason he's mad, not her, and he can't see that at all!
DJ
HB: Buy me a drink
DJ: No, that doesn't work for me. I'll let *you* buy me a drink. (or any "No" or "Resisting" variation of course)
HB: (flustered, off balance, she didn't get power, DJ starts building attraction or she's acts like a biatch about it and he moves on)
AFC who's watching: (gets very mad and hollers inside his head about evil women always going after good looking/rich men/jerks etc...)
Being "mad" in this context is a state of frustration from not standing up to people (also not accepting concrete reality, but that's another topic) and it builds up. A DJ gets "angry" when bullshait with other men is going on and all other options don't work...like some drunk won't stop bumping into him or his lady, then he briefly shows reigned in anger while saying "this bullshait IS going to stop, go stumble around elsewhere" or whatever with a steady voice full of confidence and authority. He then immediately goes back to what he was doing without any leftover anger...as if it never happened. The intensity of that reigned in Anger has a huge impact and solves almost all issues without actual violence. He never gets angry with a woman. If she's pulling bullshait and will not stop, his attitude is "ok, enough, NEXT" and that's it. A man with a strong reality and complete conscious control over his emotions/actions is extremely rare and he damned well knows it. She's the one missing out on a good thing.
This type of reigned in anger actually impresses women and makes them EXTREMELY ATTRACTED SEXUALLY vs "i'm going to kick his ass" stupid shait (some women have a sexual attraction to that but they are Bad News and should be avoided) And, she knows it's never turned on women so she feels even more secure and safe.
The AFC doesn't take action to stand up for himself and demand respect at all times. This builds and builds until it's far too late to rewind the damage it does to relationships. So, he's almost constantly in a state of Fear/Mad and doesn't see that the roots started in any particular situation because he did not take care of every single issue as it came up. He might get mad and (for example) yell at his girlfriend for hanging on other men provocatively....but she's just puzzled and gets pissed because he let it go 10 times before and now he's changing the rules of behavior he expects from women. And, of course, now that she's pissed, she'll do it 10x more on purpose, AFC gets mad 10x more often, and then a post appears here "my girl is screwing around, how do i get my girl back and get her to stop acting like a *****, she's making me mad"?
NOTE: AFCs allow very bad behavior during their "quest" to get a piece of ass and a girlfriend as well. Then, they try to clamp down on that behavior but it's far too late. They then get mad/frustrated/whine about that same behavior that they previously rewarded.
James Bond is a good example for controlled emotions which are appropriately unleashed when he chooses. His emotions are always under some sort of control yet he's not an unfeeling robot. His "nice, sensitive, passionate guy" part is let loose with high intensity temporarily out when he's seducing/making love/afterwards and then he's right back to "doing his thing his way" like that "nice" stuff is in a completely separate reality....which it is.
You guys make good points. I agree with what SmoothTalker said about AFCs never expressing their anger. They express their anger to themselves or on message boards like these. The only time I've expressed my anger to a girl recently is when she hooked up with some other guy instead of me. I said to her "DID YOU HAVE FUN HOOKING UP WITH SO-AND-SO?" in an angered voice. That was probably the worst possible time to get angry.