Girl in my crowd just out of a long term relationship. We have always flirted etc and there is a mutual attraction but i never made a move. I felt she did not want to ruin the friendship dynamic of the group if things didnt work out. Anyways I decided to be a challenge to her by not giving her the same attention as normal and made sure she knew that i was dating other women(friends would fill her in to what i was up to). Last week as we were all leaving a club to go to a friends house, i hooked up with a girl giving me the eye all night. She texted me several times as to what i was up to. Plan working so i thought..The same club this week she was all over me and I did f*** all, waiting for the right moment!?!! I then went to the bar, came back and she was with some guy who she eventually hooked up with. She made sure she danced and kissed beside me and although I tried to bury my feelings it hurt like hell. U reap what u sow I suppose and my tactics backfired! One crumb of comfort as I left, she grabbed me and gave me a lingering hug and a kiss on the lips in front of the guy but i still left feeling like the ultimate AFC. Now ive got another girl on tow at the moment who she knows nothing about but i still want her! Any thoughts guys on what i should do next?
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
AFC strikes again!!
- Thread starter Marco
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
TooColdUlrick
Master Don Juan
you have oneitis. stick with this other girl. you really didn't do anything obviously AFC. but, making up a strategy to "get her jealous so that she'll come around" is not the mindset you should have. in that sense, it is AFC.
keep doing what you're doing, especially with this other chick. better still, more of them.
if the first girl really does like you, she will eventually become insanely jealous of you having fun with another girl. she'll let you know most likely, in at least subtle ways. if this happens, and it probably won't, don't chop your own b@lls off, and supplicate.
play is smooth, DJ. the ABSOLUTE last thing you want to do is go AFC because you have the same circle of friends. this will be your kiss of death forever! the chicks will laugh about you behind your back and you will never have their respect, even as friends.
keep doing what you're doing, especially with this other chick. better still, more of them.
if the first girl really does like you, she will eventually become insanely jealous of you having fun with another girl. she'll let you know most likely, in at least subtle ways. if this happens, and it probably won't, don't chop your own b@lls off, and supplicate.
play is smooth, DJ. the ABSOLUTE last thing you want to do is go AFC because you have the same circle of friends. this will be your kiss of death forever! the chicks will laugh about you behind your back and you will never have their respect, even as friends.
Thanx for the advice. If I was to make a serious move on this girl and she disses me whether politely or otherwise, I feel I would be crushed if im honest (Oneitis/AFC stuff). I would break away from the group because a. it was my friends and her friends meeting up b. I was definately part of this 'group' because of her!Infantile stuff I know but that is the way I think I would react!!!! So from ur advice and my gut feeling i MUST chase other women!! Hypothetically speaking 
if u were in my shoes how would u react to her possible knockback? I feel i must find out and be done with it
if u were in my shoes how would u react to her possible knockback? I feel i must find out and be done with it TooColdUlrick
Master Don Juan
by "knockback" you mean when she kissed you on the dancefloor? this doesn't mean anything by itself, because the dance floor to a chick is the only place where socitey says "it's okay to be a slut". that's why chicks like to dance!
the fact that "you must find out and be done with it" is your exact problem! that's classic oneitis. dealing with oneitis takes experience. getting rid of it is sometimes very hard. look at this as a great opportunity to get some (experience that is). to become a DJ, you MUST overcome oneitis. the ONLY way to do that is to continue to date other women. you will soon find out that the first chick isn't so special afterall.
again, date the second one, but keep flirting a bit with the first one. don't compare the two. date another one (at the same time!), and so on. if the first one likes you, she'll let you know it. (she'll send you signals).
DONT GIVE UP YOUR SECOND ONE! DATE THEM ALL IF YOU CAN!!
you're doing okay, man. what complicates it is that you have the same circle of friends. ask yourself this, if you go chump on her by telling her how you feel or something, is this worth losing those friends? losing their respect?
drumroll please.... no chick is worth your self respect. period. end of story.
the fact that "you must find out and be done with it" is your exact problem! that's classic oneitis. dealing with oneitis takes experience. getting rid of it is sometimes very hard. look at this as a great opportunity to get some (experience that is). to become a DJ, you MUST overcome oneitis. the ONLY way to do that is to continue to date other women. you will soon find out that the first chick isn't so special afterall.
again, date the second one, but keep flirting a bit with the first one. don't compare the two. date another one (at the same time!), and so on. if the first one likes you, she'll let you know it. (she'll send you signals).
DONT GIVE UP YOUR SECOND ONE! DATE THEM ALL IF YOU CAN!!
you're doing okay, man. what complicates it is that you have the same circle of friends. ask yourself this, if you go chump on her by telling her how you feel or something, is this worth losing those friends? losing their respect?
drumroll please.... no chick is worth your self respect. period. end of story.