AFC + shyness = no dates

[Quaker_Oats]

I'm new, so bear with me. I happened upon this site and its archives about a few months ago, maybe less, and have found it immensely useful in terms of learning how to interact with women and for building up my confidence with women. So props right off the bat for this site, it's excellent!

Now, as for my situation... I haven't been at this for very long, so I'm definitely a beginner when it comes to this. And AFC doesn't even begin to describe me and my dealings with women. Cutting to the chase, despite what I've learned, I still find I'm incredibly shy with girls I think are attractive. It's ridiculous. You'd think for a grown man of 25 that I should well be past this stage in my life, yet for some reason (which is irrelevant), I'm not. Being shy with hot chicks making approaching them a nightmare. I don't even know what the hell I'm so afraid of. They're just flesh and blood like me, but you'd think they have a gun or something, judging by the way I freeze when it comes to the thought of approaching them and chatting them up.

And to compound matters, in the past (and you will literally tear me to shreds for this), I have had hot chicks throw themselves at me, in a manner of speaking, yet what do I do...? Nothing short of outright ignoring them and their IOIs! Now, if this had only happened once or twice, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but after several times in the past, and rarely ever acting on it, I have to conclude that I'm a total idiot for not doing anything in any of these cases. I'm certainly not trying to use it as an excuse, but it is definitely due to being so damn shy that has caused me to not make a move in these cases, let alone just approaching some HB out of the pure blue.

That's basically where I'm at. I'm tired of getting nowhere with women and being the typical AFC, and I need to get out of my comfort zone and just overcome my damn shyness; I'm just not entirely sure HOW. Since I'm new to this stuff, relatively, I need to start studying up and using what I learn here in the real world. I'll be expecting you guys to kick my ass into shape, as I sorely need it! Sometimes I really hate myself for all the missed opportunities I've blown with hot girls.

If one thing can be learned here, as I'm sure most of you know, it's so much better to just take a chance and get rejected (as I have before) than to never make a move out of fear, and live with regrets. Lastly, my question is simply this: Any tips or advice for me, a dumbass AFC who is struggling with extreme shyness with hot girls? I'm open to any and all suggestions that you may have. Thanks a lot, guys.

 

[Answers]

I know what you mean by not knowing what to do when women like you! I was the same. With me it was because deep down I felt unliked even though I had high enough standards. This was a subconscious thing so I wouldn't feel comfortable around women or anybody for that matter!

What I done was work on that mental blockage by consciously focusing on my good points. I'm also changing the way I look at things by seeing myself as being high value etc

 

[EFFORT]

Please read my thread ego V confidence. I wrote it to help guys like you.

Also check out my thread the difference between bad boys, pimps and the AFC.

I am only on this site to help guys like you. I was there once too.

Thats a good post remotecontrol but its not going to do much for this guy. He'll read it, understand it, yet still lock up in field.

Quaker what you need to do is take ACTION. Heres the plan.

http://www.bristollair.com/lairlist/#Canada Join the lair closest to you and go out with the guys at least 3 times a week to approach women, they'll get you in sets. Its mandatory that you join a lair, if you want to get this area of your life handled then you'll join a lair.

 

[dre007]

is it just attractive girls that you are shy around? start being more sociable with your close friends, try to engage in conversations more often so you brush up your social skills. approach HB averages and try and talk to them and make conversation.
work your way up, its normal to feel pressured by approaching an attractive woman. just work on flirting with average looking girls to get your confidence up in order to approach the HB 8+

 

[Quaker_Oats]

I know what you mean by not knowing what to do when women like you! I was the same. With me it was because deep down I felt unliked even though I had high enough standards. This was a subconscious thing so I wouldn't feel comfortable around women or anybody for that matter!

What I done was work on that mental blockage by consciously focusing on my good points. I'm also changing the way I look at things by seeing myself as being high value etc

Yup, same here. I too have somewhat high standards, yet I definitely feel like they will not like nor accept me. And having been rejected more than a few times in the past has only confirmed that theory, sadly.

I do need to see myself as having high value, and in one sense... I do. I try focusing on seeing myself as the prize and as someone that deserves the best and as someone who has a lot to offer any girl, but when the rubber hits the road, I still tend to unconsciously carry around a lot of inner inferiority and that seriously affects my game and makes me not want to approach. It's a real problem.

I probably fear rejection a great deal as well. Well, that a bit, but more so... being humiliated. I fear that more, actually...

Please read my thread ego V confidence. I wrote it to help guys like you.

Also check out my thread the difference between bad boys, pimps and the AFC.

I am only on this site to help guys like you. I was there once too.

I did check it and thank you.

You're right; being shy is a form of self-centered egoism, if you think about it. It's dangerous too, because it's a self-defeating egoism. I know all of this, and I agree with you entirely, but it doesn't change anything when I am out in the real world, however. I still feel trapped and bound by being so damn shy with them. I hate it. And it's as you said, I fear embarrassment and making a fool of myself even more so than anything else. I definitely care too much what other people think. Not sure why, I've always been that way.

Thats a good post remotecontrol but its not going to do much for this guy. He'll read it, understand it, yet still lock up in field.

Quaker what you need to do is take ACTION. Heres the plan.

http://www.bristollair.com/lairlist/#Canada Join the lair closest to you and go out with the guys at least 3 times a week to approach women, they'll get you in sets. Its mandatory that you join a lair, if you want to get this area of your life handled then you'll join a lair.

Also true.

I'd love to get together with some buds and join a place like that, but the closest one is several hours away from me still, so that's out. I wish they had something a bit closer to where I live.

Even so, I'm not ready to throw in the towel and give up. There has to be a way (or another way even) to fix this problem! I just need to find it.

is it just attractive girls that you are shy around? start being more sociable with your close friends, try to engage in conversations more often so you brush up your social skills. approach HB averages and try and talk to them and make conversation.
work your way up, its normal to feel pressured by approaching an attractive woman. just work on flirting with average looking girls to get your confidence up in order to approach the HB 8+

Yes, just the hot ones. Namely, the ones I like at least. If I'm not attracted to a girl, I can talk to her at ease and I'm great. No trouble at all. I'm actually quite the conversationalist with most people, male or female. The trouble comes in when it's a hot girl and/or someone I'm interested in. Then I freeze right up and suck. I guess I feel I'm not good enough for them or something, or "Why would they want someone like ME?" Naturally, that's not a good way to think. But nevertheless, I do.

As I said, my social skills are good even with so-so looking chicks, but when it comes to the ones I'd actually consider dating, it's a whole different ball game. It's probably just the way I'm thinking or how I look at it, but even so, I can't just change the way I feel or think like a switch (wish I could!), so I feel pretty much helpless and screwed. Not a fun experience, let me tell you.

I also tend to avoid conversations with "regular" girls I am not interested in, because I see no point in talking to them. There's nothing worse than flirting with someone and getting her interested, only to have to turn her down. I hate that, and yes, that has happened more than once in the past. So I gotta be careful, because (when I'm comfortable, that is) I'm a natural flirt. I've got a lot going for me, but this damn shyness around the ones I like screws me over everytime! It is so bad I don't even make the approaches, as I said, even when they're signalling for me to! How dumb is that? Then I go home and kick myself all the way for being a coward who is too afraid to simply chat up a hot chick! I'm truly the pinnacle of stupidity, I feel, at times.

Anyhow, does it make a difference if I told you guys that this is primarily (though not always) at school? I attend university, so most of these chicks I'd be thinking of approaching or that have shown interest in me are from school. That's my main field to work with. I wonder if that could have something to do with my lackluster results, or would that not matter? I'm just thinking out loud right now.