"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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[AFC post beware] i hate myself for it

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Juan Don

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so i completed the no contact challenge and even months after that. no contacting the ex or anything. she then sends me a birthday card and also asks if we can talk. i know i shouldn't have. i hate myself for it. she was the one doing most of the talking. i flirted a little (wanted her to know i was still interested in her) but i kept that minimal saying like one or two things. i ended the conversation on a high note. she laughed while we talked and i told jokes. what should i do fellas? i don't plan to initiate contact. a part of me still wants her.

me:kick:
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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DMEDFISIK

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No, don't contact her. You will lose. I only support making contact when you are virtually over the girl and will be indifferent to the outcome if you make contact. In your case, this isn't the case. Therefore you must do nothing, especially if she's the one who called it off.

I only contacted my ex when I didn't really care anymore, and had other beautiful women in my life worth dating. Contacting her when I wasn't mostly over her would've set me back. And this a girl I cheated on, so we both decided to take some time apart.
 
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AW1983

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I wouldn't kick yourself too hard bud, as long as you played it cool and showed her your totally alright without her, you're good. Definitely do not contact her though.

I will say though that from very recent experience these type of encounters can disrupt your internal game for a while after. And it's almost like girls can smell an ex on you and it's like repellant.
 
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Juan Don

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thanks fellas. yeah i'm not going to contact her. it's definitely been messing up my mind. but, what if she contacts me?
 
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DMEDFISIK

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Juan Don said:
thanks fellas. yeah i'm not going to contact her. it's definitely been messing up my mind. but, what if she contacts me?
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Play it cool. How would you act if you were the prize? Don't analyze what she says. Only unambiguous actions matter. Don't let your emotions get the best of you.

Note: when you fear to lose a woman, that's when you do.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Juan Don

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DMEDFISIK said:
Play it cool. How would you act if you were the prize? Don't analyze what she says. Only unambiguous actions matter. Don't let your emotions get the best of you.

Note: when you fear to lose a woman, that's when you do.
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that's the thing. i don't know if i still have her at all? alright. i'll keep playing it cool. i was going to ask what her intentions were as i still have feelings for her. if she said she had no more feelings between us i thought to just ignore and just not communicate with her anymore. but i won't bring that up when we talk.
 
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origin138

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In addition to samspade's excellent reply, try to remember why she's your ex to begin with. You're both each other's ex for a reason. Avoid the temptation to look at the past with rose-colored glasses.
 
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