AFC Husband

[Lexington]

If a woman doesn't have a job, then she'd better be cooking and taking care of the domestic duties. If she does have a job, then it's understandable.

 

[jophil28]

I don't think the issue is whether or not the guy likes to cook or is good at it. Sure, plenty of men are.

The issue was that they had company that waited an hour and the princess did nothing but wait until the AFC got home.

I have friends where the guy is a former professional chef and does the cooking. And frankly he's a perfectionist and takes his time. But while he's cooking the wife puts out snack, hors d'oeuvres, etc., takes cares of the kids so dad can cook, sets up the table, entertains the guests, etc.

There is the question of the division of labor within their marriage.
As Davewe pointed out above, she played the "princess" and did nothing to accomodate her guests or show hospitality to them.
She could not even lower her Royal azz to thaw out the meal ingredients.

That is called "lazy woman" syndrome where I come from.

 

[backbreaker]

Jophil is right.

I mean there are times when I cook.. anything fish related, i won't let my fiancee touch unless we want extra dry/crispy. but i'll be damned if i have to come home and unthraw it and cook it when she's been home all day.

we sat there and drank for like an hour.

 

[jophil28]

Now the wife, doesn't have any kids, did not work the entire day, sat home and drank pretty much all day long, could not even bother to freaking unthaw the damn food.
.

I don't think that this thread is so much about who does the cooking and who doesn't .
Perhaps it is more about how BB was disgusted by what he saw as a complete capitulation into domestic servitude by a 'man'. It may be that what BB observed was an extreme example of a whipped guy who operates on the "keep the little women happy" principle in the belief that his willingness to take over every task will please her and will guarantee that she will be "his" forever.

Men often believe this without thinking it through.

What evidence is there that a woman responds to fawning worship like this with loyalty and GRATITUDE ? In fact, it is my experience that gratuitous generosity repels others. Why? Probably because the recipient senses that they are being indirectly manipulated into "owing" the giver at some future time of the giver's choosing. Who wants to be indebted in that way...

Gratitude is also a weak emotion - oftentimes replaced by exploitation of, and contempt for the slave.

 

[backbreaker]

wow jophil you are so right. i'm dealing with that in business now.

i had hired someone when i first started this new company and he really did alot of good work and i was very grateful. and now his work has been slacking as more work is coming in.. but me being thankful.. let it slide. let it slide.. let it slide...

until he got pissed becuase now someone has convinced him it's my fault his work ****ing sucks, so he takes the work from our client server and quits.

i should have fired his ass 3 months ago. lesson learned. you can only be so grateful.

 

[jophil28]

until he got pissed becuase now someone has convinced him it's my fault his work ****ing sucks, so he takes the work from our client server and quits.

i should have fired his ass 3 months ago. lesson learned. you can only be so grateful.

Yes, your early gratitude and praise "trained" him to believe that his work was above fault. Then, when his work deteriorated , you showed a willingness to "let it slide" - that further confirmed to him that HE was not at fault. He saw no need to improve or change his ways because you were in essence, approving of his poor work.
However, problems in the workplace do not emerge from thin air - someone is always screwing up, and so when someone suggested that it might be BB who is the villian , the 'fault' was transferred to you and then he decided to take the work from the server ... well , you know the rest.

The lesson here is to ONLY praise work that is actually performed.
Using undeserved or unearned 'praise' as a motivator is always counter productive,. You are in fact trying to entice better performance from someone who has not yet earned your approval or approbation.

We often do this with women too - giving compliments as an enticement or a 'sweetener '. AFC's do this habitually hoping that the woman will date him to receive more and more compliments.

However, in effect all he achieves is a kind of emotional slavery to her ego needs. He has placed her on a pedestal of undeserved worship and wonders why she exploits him and eventually LJBF's him.