AFC,friendzone,oneitis,help...[kinda long story]

[cataxdz]

Okay, so I'm 19 YO, I was a completely idiot until like 2 years ago, I had really bad grades,I was lazy,shy,skinny,a complete moron who wasn't good at anything and had no motivation at all. My only accomplishent until that point was being kissed by the hottest chick in my school when I was like 13, we even had a ''relationship'' for one damn year (talking though messages on the phone all day long), after what I've suffered like 1 year, but I was just a kid so I forgot about her really fast after that. And that was the closest I've ever come to a real relationship.
Nothing really happened until like 5 years after that, when my parents moved me to another highschool, closer to them so they can watch over my life more and ****. In this new class I met the oneitis this is all about, we first talked after a few weeks school started,and after 1 or 2 months I was already in love with her. Got friendzoned,love became an obsession,got rejected,started drinking like hell , i froze things with her for a while,and now we just talk from time to time, guess its just classic friendzone,nothing special.
I was depressed for like 6 months after that happened,time i spent drunk and meditating over stuff that will never happen.
Now I would say I am okay, as long as I dont see her. Still think of her before I feel asleep and when I wake up,but it goes away quickly,got used to it.
In the meantime I got to the most prestigious college in my country, without much effort, just to please my parents,I didn't really care tbh, had other problems...
Now here I am, the 1st semester is over, I have only one friend except my roommate, who i can keep in touch with,the rest are far away,including the oneitis,he's an afc too with a very similar story.
What now ? I don't like going in clubs, and I'm not exactly a pick up artist ( I only know the theory ) , I don't have an active social life, and the only friends I go to a drink with, when we meet, are the ones I had in my last year of highschool,group my oneitis is in ( now you know why im not so enthusiastic meeting them in just a few days). I'm here,in my bed,with the laptop on my legs,desperately looking for directions,help,whatever, cause I have no life atm.

 

[IndeedSir]

That's not meditation, for starters. Go read up on BUDDHIST meditation. In my opinion it's superior to western meditation. Buddhism in general is excellent for mental health and happiness.

You're 19 years old man. You are still so young and this is the time in your life when you will be trying to figure everything out. That's normal, so breath and relax. I promise you as you get older and your hobbies and interests and career start to align, you'll look back at this age and laugh about it. I PROMISE. I was the exact same at your age and I'm sure most of the guys on here were too.

My advice since you're not mentally prepared for your oneitis and because you haven't realised your self worth yet is full no contact. Go read the stickied thread. Do it.

Unfortunately it sounds like you're in the very early stages of building yourself up and I won't lie to you, it takes a lot of work. I'm six years in and I'm still learning and developing myself as a person. This is normal. The good news is, if you start committing to really improving yourself, in time you CAN and WILL start to shape your life into something you want it to be. Not that it's always sunshine, but you can make it great.

Here's what you do from here. Keep reading the material. Focus on the inner game stuff. Without it, you simply won't have the confidence to pull off the rest of it. I STILL catch myself getting approach anxiety but have built a reflex in so that when it happens I immediately approach anyway, if the opportunity is there. Focus on the you're the prize mentality, you really need to internalize it strongly. This is key.

Improve your looks as much as possible. Get some decent clothes, get a haircut, pluck your eyebrows, trim nose hair, grow a beard. Whatever it is that suits you. Might take some time to figure out but do it. Ask women for help but also make sure you're being yourself.

Next is to go make some friends. Male and female. I know at that age, social circles are a bit more cut off than when you're older so try and meet people though mutual interests. Video games, chess, music, movies. Whatever. Just go talk to people, say hi, chat. There's really nothing to fear.

Find some hobbies you enjoy and do them as much as you can outside of school. Guitar, TV, rock climbing, whatever. Just something you like doing.

Once you feel like you've got some confidence, it's time to shatter it! Temporarily. Go, meet, women. Go get rejected, get laughed at, do it in front of your friends. Eventually you'll realise it ultimately doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. A lot of my friends when I'm out laugh at my failures with women. That's fine, they're the ones who don't even try. I laugh with them. They enjoy my stories anyway! I recommend doing a challenge I saw posted somewhere else. Whenever you're somewhere with women, don't leave until you get rejected 3 times. This is great. It becomes a game. It forces you to GET REJECTED before you can leave and you're putting yourself out there with a lot of women.

You have a long road ahead of you, but you're hitting this manosphere nice and early. I'm jealous. I wish I'd had it at 19. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

PEACE.

 

[cataxdz]

That's not meditation, for starters. Go read up on BUDDHIST meditation. In my opinion it's superior to western meditation. Buddhism in general is excellent for mental health and happiness.

You're 19 years old man. You are still so young and this is the time in your life when you will be trying to figure everything out. That's normal, so breath and relax. I promise you as you get older and your hobbies and interests and career start to align, you'll look back at this age and laugh about it. I PROMISE. I was the exact same at your age and I'm sure most of the guys on here were too.

My advice since you're not mentally prepared for your oneitis and because you haven't realised your self worth yet is full no contact. Go read the stickied thread. Do it.

Unfortunately it sounds like you're in the very early stages of building yourself up and I won't lie to you, it takes a lot of work. I'm six years in and I'm still learning and developing myself as a person. This is normal. The good news is, if you start committing to really improving yourself, in time you CAN and WILL start to shape your life into something you want it to be. Not that it's always sunshine, but you can make it great.

Here's what you do from here. Keep reading the material. Focus on the inner game stuff. Without it, you simply won't have the confidence to pull off the rest of it. I STILL catch myself getting approach anxiety but have built a reflex in so that when it happens I immediately approach anyway, if the opportunity is there. Focus on the you're the prize mentality, you really need to internalize it strongly. This is key.

Improve your looks as much as possible. Get some decent clothes, get a haircut, pluck your eyebrows, trim nose hair, grow a beard. Whatever it is that suits you. Might take some time to figure out but do it. Ask women for help but also make sure you're being yourself.

Next is to go make some friends. Male and female. I know at that age, social circles are a bit more cut off than when you're older so try and meet people though mutual interests. Video games, chess, music, movies. Whatever. Just go talk to people, say hi, chat. There's really nothing to fear.

Find some hobbies you enjoy and do them as much as you can outside of school. Guitar, TV, rock climbing, whatever. Just something you like doing.

Once you feel like you've got some confidence, it's time to shatter it! Temporarily. Go, meet, women. Go get rejected, get laughed at, do it in front of your friends. Eventually you'll realise it ultimately doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. A lot of my friends when I'm out laugh at my failures with women. That's fine, they're the ones who don't even try. I laugh with them. They enjoy my stories anyway! I recommend doing a challenge I saw posted somewhere else. Whenever you're somewhere with women, don't leave until you get rejected 3 times. This is great. It becomes a game. It forces you to GET REJECTED before you can leave and you're putting yourself out there with a lot of women.

You have a long road ahead of you, but you're hitting this manosphere nice and early. I'm jealous. I wish I'd had it at 19. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

PEACE.

Woh, only if you'd know how many questions I have, especially to someone that already went through all this. I thought I'm already at the end of it, and you're saying its just the beggining, I never thought of it as being such a long road.

I feel like it's better not to know what's coming, but I also think I need to know what I have to do next.

To be more specific, I already got through the improving looks process, I also improved my inner game by a hell lot, and it happens sometimes that girls fall for me without me doing anything ( girls I don't like at all ) . It's just that I don't feel like always making the effort to look my best anymore,did it for a while,but I gave up. You should see me the few times when I meet with the group of friends SHE's in, I think I make the best of myself .

Oh and, yeah, I still have approach anxiety, but I feel like I'm at "that line" I only need to see someone doing it here, in THIS specific society I live in ( cause I feel like it's different from other places, lol ) , and I would do it right away.

The no contact "challenge" doesn't really fit in my situation, first because she didn't dump me, and second because I don't feel the need to talk to her anymore, it's just that she keeps to initiate contact with me. We still talk almost everyday but only things that don't matter , and for a short time.

Yet...When I see her, the world still change and I forget everything I learnt, which is frustrating for me afterwards. Last time we met was a few months ago and altough we almost didn't talk at all ( were in a group of friends ) , I still couldn't sleep 2 nights in a row, and spent drunk 2 days in a row.

I told you this to give you a better understanding of the situation,I hope I don't bother you with it.

 

[Alvafe]

Woh, only if you'd know how many questions I have, especially to someone that already went through all this. I thought I'm already at the end of it, and you're saying its just the beggining, I never thought of it as being such a long road.

I feel like it's better not to know what's coming, but I also think I need to know what I have to do next.

To be more specific, I already got through the improving looks process, I also improved my inner game by a hell lot, and it happens sometimes that girls fall for me without me doing anything ( girls I don't like at all ) . It's just that I don't feel like always making the effort to look my best anymore,did it for a while,but I gave up. You should see me the few times when I meet with the group of friends SHE's in, I think I make the best of myself .

Oh and, yeah, I still have approach anxiety, but I feel like I'm at "that line" I only need to see someone doing it here, in THIS specific society I live in ( cause I feel like it's different from other places, lol ) , and I would do it right away.

The no contact "challenge" doesn't really fit in my situation, first because she didn't dump me, and second because I don't feel the need to talk to her anymore, it's just that she keeps to initiate contact with me. We still talk almost everyday but only things that don't matter , and for a short time.

Yet...When I see her, the world still change and I forget everything I learnt, which is frustrating for me afterwards. Last time we met was a few months ago and altough we almost didn't talk at all ( were in a group of friends ) , I still couldn't sleep 2 nights in a row, and spent drunk 2 days in a row.

I told you this to give you a better understanding of the situation,I hope I don't bother you with it.

and that is why no contact is what you need, you are still linked to her and you still care, she keeps fishing for your atencion everytime she want you just go, remember what no contact is, to heal yourself, not for you get woman back, that can happen but it shouldn't be the reason, amke yourself busy, if she send a msg ignore say you are busy.

for aproaching I feel it was always easy if I didn't know anyone around (at least for me)

also everyone did pass for what you are going, some jsut feel it more strong then others, and others just lie better, right now what you should be doing is studying and having fun, don't need to go to clubs to have fun or make friends, just find something you like and do it

 

[IndeedSir]

As he said, you don't want to try and win her back. You need to literally ignore her or if that feels too harsh, just blow her off quickly. You can do this politely at parties. She'll likely ask what's wrong etc. Tell her nothing is wrong and make an excuse to stop talking to her. Any excuse. Again, this isn't to get her, it's to help you move on. And it will work. I know because of done it. Now the woman I thought was perfect for me forever is a shadow of the quality women I've met and been with.

If you're looking your best and working game then go meet women. I highly doubt you've internalized even a hundredth of the concepts on here. Not until you can walk up to an attractive woman you are interested in, stand tall, look her in the eye while holding a good conversation and using kino to escalate sexually WHILE not really caring how it's going to turn out have you even started. That's the beginning, really. If you can do that then why do you care about this girl? Go meet women. There's a better one ten feet away.