AFC friends

[Max Power]

I'm sure this has been discussed before at length, but it's one of my current problems.

I know a lot of people, but only have two friends who I regularly hangout with. We have a lot of common interests and same sense of humour.

But they're both AFC and happy to be that way. One is married and every time we go out his wife texts him and he has a curfew. (I know). The other is divorced, makes zero effort on his appearance and pretty much won't go anywhere but crappy pubs frequented by married tourists or strip bars. He's also fairly negative and resistent to this DJ stuff. I don't shove it down his throat, but when situations arise I offer advice, but he doesn't listen.

The thing is, I'm afraid that hanging out with these guys is starting to become a waste of time and resources. They are my friends and I consider them like brothers, but it's becoming like hanging out with a crazy uncle or someone you don't really want to spend too much time on. Plus they're negative.

I'm just wondering what can you do? I don't want to drop my friends, but then again I'm starting to feel like hanging out with them is a waste of time and I'm more productive when I'm out by myself meeting new people.

 

[wjh]

people grow; sometimes apart. recognize those in your past, but forge new relationships and enrich your own life to the best of your abilities.

 

[betterthandead]

life's too short to worry about those who won't benefit you.

 

[verysuave]

I'm sure this has been discussed before at length, but it's one of my current problems.

I know a lot of people, but only have two friends who I regularly hangout with. We have a lot of common interests and same sense of humour.

But they're both AFC and happy to be that way. One is married and every time we go out his wife texts him and he has a curfew. (I know). The other is divorced, makes zero effort on his appearance and pretty much won't go anywhere but crappy pubs frequented by married tourists or strip bars. He's also fairly negative and resistent to this DJ stuff. I don't shove it down his throat, but when situations arise I offer advice, but he doesn't listen.

The thing is, I'm afraid that hanging out with these guys is starting to become a waste of time and resources. They are my friends and I consider them like brothers, but it's becoming like hanging out with a crazy uncle or someone you don't really want to spend too much time on. Plus they're negative.

I'm just wondering what can you do? I don't want to drop my friends, but then again I'm starting to feel like hanging out with them is a waste of time and I'm more productive when I'm out by myself meeting new people.

I have friends like these. Don't befriend them. Just make new ones you can go macking with. They will still come in handy in the sometimes or in the future.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Don't drop them as friends, but hang out with them less. If they act negative around you, don't call them to hang for awhile. Show them that you don't want negative people in your life, and if they value your friendship they'll make an effort to change.

I would advise against teaching your married friend DJ stuff UNLESS his marriage is in trouble. If it isn't, that will only turn his wife against you and make him resent her. Not to mention, he's likely to screw up the application of such principles big time, which could result in some irreconcilable fights. Let sleeping dogs lie.

 

[Warrior74]

Don't blame your friends!

You don't need their permission or their help. I think a lot of men get into the habit of going out with friends and hoping they'll get them laid and it doesn't work like that.

If your problem is that your friends simply don't want to go to the right places, well in that case you either need new friends or you have to stand firm and take the lead and decide where you and your friends go.

Yah. This is good advice.

My friends are some of the post unmotivated afc type guys....potheads, crap jobs, live at home with their folks, no education. We all met through our love of music and djing. But I'm a college educated professional, I run a business, I don't smoke pot and I'm buying my first house. They never stop me from getting laid. I can't blame them for that. I'm the defacto leader of our group...I call the shots...and if they disagree I go and do what I want to do.

When I was learning the game and stepping into my manhood, I put them down for a while. I had to have time for myself to become the person I wanted to be. Now I hang with them, just not as much. I also travel in other social circles they don't feel comfortable with. I've lost one or two friends who say that I have changed, or that I'm putting on airs. But you can't live your life pleasing other people. You have to do what's right for you. Your real friends will support and repect your changes.

 

[Max Power]

Yah. This is good advice.

My friends are some of the post unmotivated afc type guys....potheads, crap jobs, live at home with their folks, no education. We all met through our love of music and djing. But I'm a college educated professional, I run a business, I don't smoke pot and I'm buying my first house. They never stop me from getting laid. I can't blame them for that. I'm the defacto leader of our group...I call the shots...and if they disagree I go and do what I want to do.

.

For the record, my friends are also college-educated professionals who are more financially successful than me, but that has no bearing on their AFCness.

I have tried being the defacto leader of the group and calling the shots, and what has happened is I end up going my separate way and end up wondering "why did I even bother going out with X in the first place."

And how many times can you meet up with your friends and then separate and go somewhere by yourself? I mean after a while aren't they gonna think you're not a good friend cause you always take off on them?

Anyways, l agree with most of the advice being given here and I don't blame them if I don't get laid, that's my responsibility. It's just a social circle issue I'm dealing with.

 

[dopexile]

Dude, if you hang out with low status males then that makes you look low status. There's no need to burn bridges but no one would go out intending to pick up girls with losers.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I call these type of people energy suckers. They're taking energy from you. You're worrying about them. You're wanting to help them. You're there to listen to them. But in the end, there is only so much you can do. You just get drained.

Its been suggested here already to open your social network. I am of the opinion that you can still keep these mates as well as your DJness. I suggest that you only hang with these friends in athletic/sports/active context. Go to the gym with these guys. Go snowboarding or skiing with these guys. Go sky diving with these guys. Do things with them that gets the adrenaline pumping.

Many benefits will come from this. First, it will get you and their blood flowing. Getting good exercise raises endorphins, testosterone, and gets everyone in a better mood. When they're in a better mood, they'll complain less and be easier to be around. Also, it will be an event all the guys look forward to. When everyone looks forward to that ski trip to Aspen and anticipate the good vibes everyone gets from the event, the less likely the boys will complain. Lastly, with everyone in a better mood - you'll start seeing your friends in a better light. And, they might end up being guys you have fun hanging out with again.

Hopefully, these positive endorphins leak their way to the rest of your friend's lives - work, romance, etc. - We all get into ruts in our lives. That's why we have boys, brothers, homies, mates, crew - whatever you want to call them.

 

[Warrior74]

For the record, my friends are also college-educated professionals who are more financially successful than me, but that has no bearing on their AFCness.

I have tried being the defacto leader of the group and calling the shots, and what has happened is I end up going my separate way and end up wondering "why did I even bother going out with X in the first place."

And how many times can you meet up with your friends and then separate and go somewhere by yourself? I mean after a while aren't they gonna think you're not a good friend cause you always take off on them?

Yah I get that. It can't be helped. I can't follow people who don't know what they want and where they are going. And I have dropped some of those friends because of that.

Anyways, l agree with most of the advice being given here and I don't blame them if I don't get laid, that's my responsibility. It's just a social circle issue I'm dealing with.

Do what you gotta do. If they fall by the wayside so be it. Friends are not for life.