"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

AFC Backsliding on the Road to DJ

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PhatE1vis

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My road to self improvement has been going so well. I've been becoming a better man, not just with women but in all aspects of my life.

HOWEVER, I made a total chump AFC move with a girl today. She's gone for good, I can feel it. I'm totally frustrated right now.

I'm curious to see what you experiences have been? A consistent march forward to DJism, or the occasional bump in the road?

Any examples?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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M

Magma

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Maybe give some specifics on what you did that was so AFC. I myself am a RAFC, and I have to fight those AFC tendencies on occasion. You cannot have success without experiencing failure. The two are not mutually exclusive. Each "failure" brings you one step closer to a new reality. Learn from it and move on. Forget her. Dwelling on it is AFC. F**k it. There are many women out there that qualify for your time and attention.
 
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PhatE1vis

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OK, specifics:

I was with a girl a little while back, just a casual thing, a few dates and some good sex. She knows I'm involved with other women and didn't like it, so we decided to part ways (well, she did).

We still keep in touch, her as my "friend" and me because she's a nice piece that I'd like to get with again. It gets weird at times because she knows what I want and it's not what she does.

So, we're both went to the same concert recently with different friends. Small venue, so not hard to bump into each other. I happened to see her but she didn't see me. I didn't bother approaching her because she was with a friend, looked like she was dressed to find guys, and I was with another girl. Just would have been weird. Plus, knowing that she was on the prowl for other guys made me feel a twang of jealousy (AFC backslide #1)

Now, the next day we chatted about the concert and I mentioned that I saw her. (AFC backslide #2; I should have just kept my mouth shut).

She starts accusing me of being afraid to talk to her, what kind of friend avoids a friend, etc. etc. I tried to justify myself (AFC backslide #3).

My self assessment:
1. I should have gone up to her at the concert and intro'd her to the other girl. If I was cool with the situation, it would have worked to my advantage all around.

2. If I decided not to approach her, I should have never mentioned that I saw her.

3. If she found out that I saw her, I shouldn't have tried to justify my actions.

Let me know what you think.
 
M

Magma

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Hmmm. Work on the inner game. You're letting this girl control your emotions. Also, I noticed a key word in your initial post: you said "I am totally *frustrated* right now." You might want to ponder that one. Once she broke it off initially, that's it. You can't go back. Move on and learn from it. Even if she's a "nice piece," as you put it. I also think that her accusations of you being afraid to talk to her (after divulging you saw her at the show) was a sh1t test. My two cents...
 
F

Francisco d'Anconia

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PhatE1vis said:
...I'm curious to see what you experiences have been? A consistent march forward to DJism, or the occasional bump in the road?
Click to expand...
Use every result from your actions as a learning experience.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

Read more...

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PhatE1vis

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Thanks, guys. Good food for thought.

Yes, inner game. I think that's where I'm falling down. She's totally controlling my emotions here. Doesn't matter what I do on the outside if I'm whipped on the inside. I'm letting her make me feel like crap, even though I know she may not even be intending to.

I can see where the frustration is coming in - I repeat this pattern a lot (which I'm working to stop now that I'm getting more clarity). I find a good thing, it comes to a natural end, I don't let it go, and it hurts me.

I'm going to do a search on inner game now.
 
O

Obsidian

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It's like being a recovering alcoholic, Elvis. You just have to fight it every day!

I think your only real mistake was feeling the need to justify yourself to her, tho. There's nothing wrong with seeing someone you know without saying hi. Maybe it would seem suave to go introduce her to your other girl, but who gives a f*ck. It might just as easily come off as trying to brag (because you WOULD basically be trying to brag).
 
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