Advise Please

[RainKing]

Ok Guys, I’ve been lurking here for around 6 months now. I have read the bible, and many, many posts. I have started to get numbers, and have pretty much gotten back in the game, thanks to SOME of you guys.
I have always been ****y and funny, and have had no trouble getting women. I am good to the women I am with, I don’t like to think I’m a nice guy, but I am defiantly a good guy.

The problem is with the one that hurt me so badly.

She was my live in for 5 years, we were to be married.

I still have feelings for her, although she knows this, she also knows I’ve not been waiting around.

She started this sh*t, cybering… and then finally, after I got my ring back, meeting men in person.

Yes, we have lived apart awhile now, and I have been ignoring her for several months.

The thing is we were best friends for almost 2 years before we woke up naked together and SHE said “I Love You”. I was totally taken aback, but pleasantly surprised, and truth be known I had loved her from the start. I told her just a few months after we met “I think I could love you.” but she told me NOT to love her, because she was damaged. I dropped the subject, never to be brought up again.

Well… 6 years later, I realize how truly damaged she is.

I had hoped she would realize in these months what she had lost, and I guess she has.

It was her best friend.

She called me a few nights ago, lost, drunk, blind and crying about 100 miles from home. She had ripped a contact, and come to find out had an ulcer on her cornea, so she was in a bad way. She couldn’t see the road signs.
Long story short… I got her home on the cell phone.

The next night she invited me to dinner, after dinner more crying and telling me how sorry she was for the way everything turned out. She tells me I’m her best friend and she has missed me terribly. Then proceeds to tell me about how all the guys she’s dated are flakes and losers and that I’m the only one she could ever depend on.

I thought I had left it behind, but she has my heart torn up again.

No, she doesn’t know.

Today she called and wants me to go with her to her Family's for Thanksgiving. I know it’s a bad idea, but the truth is I want to go and tell her I don’t want to be her friend, much less best friend.

I still have very deep feelings for her, but I don’t think I could be just her friend anymore, although she wants to be friends with benefits, and tells me we never know what the future holds. I know it would hurt too much to see her going out with other guys.

I know the answer SEEMS easy…

NEXT
(I tried that, she sucked me back in so freakin easy, but at this point it seems my only option.)

Fvck 10 more… (Did that already.)

I know when I finally find one that gets my IL up there I will be fine again, but for now she has me all messed up. I guess it boils down to, do I want to be her friend or not.

I think not, but my heart sure wants to drag me into AFC land.

Any and all advice and/or thoughts would be appreciated, and I know… I’m in AFC land, she just doesn’t know.

 

[Six-String Samurai]

You haven't convinced me that she's the perfect one for you. Sounds like she sends you into an AFC coma. My advice is to suck it up and next her. You'll forget all about her when you find the hottie with the high IL.

 

[PRMoon]

Suck it up soldier! You're in a rough spot, too bad. She's obvoiously playing sick games with you, life is tough. A friends with benefits relt. with this girl will get you hurt again, and so the world spins on.

Obviously you didn't NEXT her to the fullest extents that you need to. Even though you were married before, and you were best friends, blah blah blah you need to cut all the unhealthy ties with this girl. I would go to Thanksgiving with her family and afterwards tell her that you don't think its a good Idea for you two to see one another anymore OR I'd not go to thanksgiving dinner with her and her family and tell her then the you don't think its a good idea for you two to hang out anymore. Either way hanging out with her firends or otherwise is only going to leave you looking like a chump. As long as she knows she has some kind of power over you, she'll take advantage of you and probably throw sh*t in your face down the road. You need to suck up what ever emotionaly ties you have for this woman, understand them then weight them against the pain you'll be feeling a few months down the road when she bust you up again. At which point you should realize its time to move on completely and tell her to lose your number.

 

[Julian]

Man i could not even begin to relate. However from the sounds of it all she causes you is anguish..

 

[Crotch Sniffer]

That sucks.

You need to be a man though and put this behind you.

Dont let the problems and misery the SHE BROUGHT ON HERSELF mess you up.

If you plan to be her friend, then you both need some time and space to recover. You just cant switch gears from an intense 5-year relationship to "just pals" in a matter of months.

Let her know this.

In the meantime, if I were you, I´d be boning as many cheap sluts as I could lay my hands on. I´m talkin bout the real RAUNCHY bimbos who know how to suck a mean ****!

This will solve all your problems. I guarantee it!

 

[Big Pappy]

I fell your pain, brither man. Currently, you might think it sucks ot be you. It does not. You've done everything right. She knwos what mistake she made. I've been there myself. I had to just cut off all contact. It just bothered me too much to even think about her being with someone else.

But, time heals all wounds. Soon, you'll wonder if she'd doing all right, and you can call her and be her friend. You'll be able to do this, because you'll have another lady who is better for you than she was. It just takes a little time.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Run Forrest Run!

 

[Slickster]

You've semi-nexted her and what happened?

She realized that you were something special and she may have lost you. She came crawling back to you for one reason. It wasn't to get back together with you. If so she would have said so. She came back for support.

You were best friends and now she is alone. She wants to string you along as a "friend" because she is too weak to go on alone. She will continue to look for your replacement (without any concern for your feelings) and when she finds him, your friendship will end. Simply because she won't want to mess things up with the new guy. Oh, you might stay in touch with her. You'll be acquaintances but not friends like you think.

Women do this all the time. They either wait until they find someone new and then break up with you OR they break up with you first and string you along as a "friend" till they find someone new.

It's happened to me several times. It won't happen again.

Stay away from her!!! Its for your own good. If she's wants to be part of your life it won't be as friends because there are too many emotions and feelings for that to be possible. If she wants you back, fine. You should make her beg.

I really feel for you RainKing. I've been there many times. Its so tough. I hope the link to this post may help you.

 

[RainKing]

Thanks Guys… I knew once I spoke up you guys would be here for me…

I still haven’t decided if I will go to dinner or not, but I do know I have to tell her I wont be her friend.

Originally posted by PRMoon
Either way hanging out with her friends or otherwise is only going to leave you looking like a chump. As long as she knows she has some kind of power over you, she'll take advantage of you and probably throw sh*t in your face down the road. You need to suck up what ever emotionally ties you have for this woman, understand them then weight them against the pain you'll be feeling a few months down the road when she bust you up again.

So true, I have come so far, I don’t need to be dragged down again.

I have read the “get her back” posts with some interest, and followed all the advice I thought would be practical. I have kept hoping against hope that it would work, when I knew in my heart it was stupid to even think about.

When she called and truly needed help, her best friend came out without hesitation and helped her get home. I have never agreed to the friend thing

Originally posted by CrotchSniffer
If you plan to be her friend, then you both need some time and space to recover. You just can’t switch gears from an intense 5-year relationship to "just pals" in a matter of months.

Let her know this.

In the meantime, if I were you, I’d be boning as many cheap sluts as I could lay my hands on. I’m talkin bout the real who know how to suck a mean ****!

Good one… Serious and made me laugh… As we talked the second night I told her I wouldn’t be another man in her stable, and for me it was probably too soon to be friends. Oh... and as for the RAUNCHY bimbos (God love ‘em) I think I’ve had my fill for now. I think they were a phase when this all went down, and helped me get my confidence back.

Originally posted by Big Pappy
…time heals all wounds. Soon, you'll wonder if she's doing all right, and you can call her and be her friend. You'll be able to do this, because you'll have another lady who is better for you than she was. It just takes a little time.

I know this is so true, like I said I have been getting numbers and hooking up with nice girls. I know I have had oneitis, even if it was the strong silent oneitis. I need to let someone in. I have hurt too many girls in the last few months, and I know that’s gotta stop. I’m going to try and look at this as another stage in the breaking away process. Once I find the one I want she will be history, completely and totally.

Originally posted by Slickster
You were best friends and now she is alone. She wants to string you along as a "friend" because she is too weak to go on alone. She will continue to look for your replacement (without any concern for your feelings) and when she finds him, your friendship will end. Simply because she won't want to mess things up with the new guy. Oh, you might stay in touch with her. You'll be acquaintances but not friends like you think.

This is the thought in the back of my mind that I couldn’t get to come to the top, and the one that hurts the most.
It is also the one that helped me figure out what I’m going to do.

It will be a sad Thanksgiving, but a new stage in my journey begins tomorrow.

Thanks All…