Advice?

[Pivot]

Hey guys,

I know this is my first post and asking for help first is probably a bit LQ, but I felt like it was the best place to ask.

Here's the situation: My brother goes to a school with few people. He invites the whole grade to his party (like 8 kids), and he's in 1 grade below me. One girl (we'll call her Rebecca) is constantly sarcastically saying "I love you" or "No I want to hug him" and things that are obviously showing she likes me, but it's also pretty obviously sarcastic. No obvious sarcastic tone, but since no one would ever say things like that with everyone else around, I'm 99% sure it's sarcasm.

One girl had to leave the party early. She's kind of a slut, and my brother broke up with her months ago. But she asked for my # so I gave it to her. She started texting me post-party and brought up Rebecca and asked if Rebecca was being flirty. I said "yes, to everyone". So she affirmed Rebecca did it to everyone... Then I mentioned how "her boyfriend must be pissed tho", to see if Rebecca did indeed have a boyfriend.

Now, she said in reply: "she has a bf?". I said "I think, Gym?". She said "Oh. Yeah". So, apparently this girl doesn't know Rebecca that well, does she?

Then she asks if I like Rebecca. Still haven't replied. She saw my hesitation and asked something completely unrelated, but I still am not replying. I might want to go out with this girl who's texting me, but if Rebecca does in fact like me, I would want her more.

If this girl texting me (Susy) isn't friends with Rebecca, it means she's only asking me to see if I'm "up for grabs" so to speak, which would mean saying a direct "yes, I like her" would be a double lose. If she IS friends with Rebecca, and is asking me because Rebecca asked her to ask me, then that'd be great. But IDK if they're friends very much, and I don't want to risk it.

I also prefer to be direct, but I don't want to make things weird. Also, this girl Rebecca was trying to sit on my lap in the hot tub at the party, and I kind of denied her because I didn't want to show that I enjoyed it >_>. So now she thinks I dislike it when she sits on my lap... *sigh*

Btw, I never see these girls. Ever. They go to a different school, and I'm not in their group, and only connected by my brother.

Sorry for the wall of text, but I wanted to describe it in detail. Here are the questions:

1) How do I figure out if Rebecca indeed does like me?

2) What do I reply to Susy?

3) If Rebecca does like me, how will I advance the situation?

Going to an all boys' school, there are few opportunities to get with girls. I need to make the most of this one. Thanks for reading this, and thanks for your help =)

EDIT: I decided to just respond to her. Although, please give opinions of this response anyway xd. So the last texts she said was "And do u like her?" and "Do you by any chance watch supernatural?". So I said "My bad xd was watching a movie. yes and no".

I can always say I didn't mean "like like", if things go wrong.


~Piv

 

[narcissist]

Whats wrong with spinning both plates?

Dont talk to Suzy about becca. And dont talk to becca about Suzy.

Always be ambiguous with a ****y smile and divert their questions like that, never directly answer. You want an air of mystery.

Another thing. Who cares if you go to an all boys school? There plenty of opportunities outside at malls, at the gym, on the street, at the movie theatre.. Approach all women. Dont limit yourself.

Get your brother to throw another party. Make sure becca is there. Then take her away from the crowd and make a move. You will then be able to gauge the situation and see if she is interested in you. She seems to be interested but if you don't make a move that interest will dissipate quite fast. Seize the opportunity

Once again though your putting all your eggs in two baskets, namely becca and Suzy. You want to.. Actually need to have more options. Go out and cold approach.

 

[Pivot]

I already replied... But I replied in such a way that she may think my "yes and no" response was directed at her latter question.

Like I said, she talks in a manner that seems to be sarcastic most of the time. If I called her aside and asked her straight up, she'd say some sarcastic response. Oh, and I almost forgot, she has a boyfriend xD (who apparently hit on Susy ._.)

Plus if she rejected me, it'd ruin the party for me probably, and maybe her. Would dating this girl texting me (very plausible/easy) to make Becca jealous work? Textbook, not sure if it'd work.

Thanks for the response.

 

[narcissist]

Lol don't pull her aside and ask her! You pull her aside and kiss her. But if you arent smooth then this could be a disaster. Just get her number, or ask her in person to a 1 on 1 date

If she is interested she will reciprocate the kiss or say yes to the date. If she doesnt, then she aint interested. Plain and simple.

Dude she was trying to sit on your lap. Telling you that she wants to hug you and that she loves you. Therefore if you pull her aside and kiss her and she DOESNT kiss back or if you ask her out and she says no, then she is weird as fvck and is clearly an ATTENTION WH0RE

Dont make things complicated. Who cares if she seems sarcastic. Youre over thinking things. The girl was SITTING IN YOUR LAP IN A HOT TUB.

Plus if she rejected me, it'd ruin the party for me probably, and maybe her.

If a girl rejecting you ruins your fun and happiness then you have more to worry about then whether this girl likes you or not.

A girl rejecting you should NOT PHASE YOU. You should embrace rejection. Why? because then you don't have to waste your time on a LOW INTEREST GIRL.

If you have issue with rejection then once again I suggest you go out and cold approach thousands of girls. Rejection wont bother you after doing that. Also you should be focused on your inner game if rejection got you phased.

Would dating this girl texting me (very plausible/easy) to make Becca jealous work?

Not if becca isn't interested in you.

How do you find out if she interested?

Next time you guys are at a party together make a move - kiss her, or ask her out 1 on 1 on a date, or get her number and set up a date via text or phone, or kino her and see if she's receptive then escalate as you see fit. Any of those will be good indicators.

She's already given you good indicators though, you should have already made a move.

 

[Pivot]

Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm too smooth when it comes to "just do it" actions .. And I can say that rejection wouldn't really phase me personally, but I know there'd be that weird atmosphere after which I'm not a fan of.

I'd probably be more the kind of person to do a bunch of small little tests to see if she has interest first, before I go and throw it all up like that. Like an incremental system that's a little more fail-safe. I guess there's some guides about that on here? Only problem is, like I said, I never see this girl, like ever. So how would I implement an incremental system to see if she's interested, if I hardly ever see her?

BTW, if this changes anything, that girl asked me twice over if I liked Becca. I said "maybe ", then she "Oh -_-". So looks like she liked me, and was just trying to see if the playing fields were open =/. Now she doesn't really want to talk anymore.

EDIT: And now she's asking whether I like her or not. -___- Making things difficult. I'd say sure, but she's not my "main target" so to speak, so I simply said 'to determine whether I like someone or not, I have to get to know them first".

 

[narcissist]

Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm too smooth when it comes to "just do it" actions .. And I can say that rejection wouldn't really phase me personally, but I know there'd be that weird atmosphere after which I'm not a fan of.

Well then, what are you doing to make it so that you become good at being smooth? What actions are you taking which will improve your "just do it" game?

The atmosphere is only weird if you make it weird. Its all perspective. If you get rejected but continue to have fun after then it wont be weird. If you get all smug and upset because you were rejected then yes it will turn weird.

My advice, don't let it phase you. If in your mind it isn't weird then it wont be. Dude it is a pretty simple concept. You direct your reality.

I'd probably be more the kind of person to do a bunch of small little tests to see if she has interest first, before I go and throw it all up like that. Like an incremental system that's a little more fail-safe. I guess there's some guides about that on here? Only problem is, like I said, I never see this girl, like ever. So how would I implement an incremental system to see if she's interested, if I hardly ever see her?

Why implement small tests that ARENT AS EFFECTIVE at gauging interest when you can do 1 BIG TEST to gauge it far more efficiently?

I know why. You don't want to FACE YOUR FEAR of rejection.

Lets take a look at both sides and the pros and cons of each side.


Small incremental tests


Less effective, and harder to pick up on interest.

Shows timidity - horrible when you are trying to keep a girls interest

takes longer to gauge interest therefore wasting time

Because it takes longer, escalation is thus postponed

because escalation is postponed she may lose interest

because she may lose interest your escalation wont work - she wont be receptive

because your escalation wont work you will have figured she never had interest to begin with

because you figured that, your incremental theory doesn't hold evident proof of working, in EXPERIENCE

therefore you will never truly trust your gut instinct using this path


This is exactly why you are here asking if this girl has interest in you. Because YOU DO NOT KNOW how to gauge interest effectively, and this has been determined because you use the small incremental test theory. You are better off using the "Enter action with boldness theory of interest gauging"

I am very curious though. Can you please tell me how you would actually go about seeing if she is interested in you, if you were to use this small increment theory of yours?

Enter action with boldness theory of interest gauging (just do it - actions)

Benefits

you enter action with boldness - this shows confidence and that is always a good character to have when attracting women

You find out right away whether she has interest or not - therefore you don't waste time

If she is receptive to your interest gauging action then you can go from there

From there you can gauge how high or low her interest is and how you can go about either KEEPING INTEREST HIGH or BUILDING INTEREST HIGHER or simply dropping her because her interest is too low.

No time is wasted - therefore opportunities are seized.



Facing fears

It is evident that you are afraid of rejection. If you weren't you wouldn't be implementing this timid small increment sh1t. Regardless this girl either IS or IS NOT interested. You need to face your fear and find out. Rejection is better than regret. Right? right.

If you never face your fears then you will never ever truly be good with women, or with anything really. The only way to become proficient at things is to do things that make you uncomfortable. You dont want to do it because it will put you in an "awkward" position. I say fvck that. She put you in the awkward position by making all those attempts at gauging YOUR interest if she isn't receptive to your moves on her.

Man up. In 25 years do you think you will give a sh1t about this girl? noooooo you wont. So just make the move. Small increments will only make things worse.

BTW, if this changes anything, that girl asked me twice over if I liked Becca. I said "maybe ", then she "Oh -_-". So looks like she liked me, and was just trying to see if the playing fields were open =/. Now she doesn't really want to talk anymore.

EDIT: And now she's asking whether I like her or not. -___- Making things difficult. I'd say sure, but she's not my "main target" so to speak, so I simply said 'to determine whether I like someone or not, I have to get to know them first".

Wait how old are you? serious question.

Don't ever blatantly tell a girl you like her EVER.

Why don't you just ask susy to go on a 1on1 date? why are you texting her so much. Stop. Just call her. Ask her out and go in person. Escalate, then fvck. So simple.




Last but not least.

Answer these questions.

Are you going to cold approach other girls?

How are you going to work on your inner game?

Are you going to face your fears and how do you plan on doing that?


Good luck.

 

[RiceandChicken]

Man, I'd prolly pass out if I wrote that much. Fantastic stuff narcissist!

 

[Pivot]

Thanks for answering so thoroughly. I definitely got a lot of good info from that. I have a few inquiries though.

Hopefully the Don Juan Bible I'm reading will help me to become more "smooth". I get what you mean with perspective, and I'm okay with altering my mindset to feel normal, but I care if she feels weird. Even though, in this situation, she would've rejected me, I'd still like her (a girl I like rejecting me does not make me like them any less; rather, it just informs me I no longer have a chance), and therefore still care about if she feels weird.

@ Small-increment theory: It's not really *my* theory, per say. I'm just using obvious things to help me gauge interest. IE: Get close to her and see how she responds, ask double-meaning questions and gauge response, etc. Ideally I'd look somewhere for more tactics.

@ Interest: The thing is, she hardly knows me. She knows my personality I guess, but that's the extent of it. I've seen her 2-3 times, each one being due to my brother. Wouldn't it be better if she got to know me more, before she made her decision on whether she's interested in me or not? That's why just being super direct and going for a "yes/no" answer from the getgo doesn't seem as good to me personally. If she doesn't even know herself yet whether she's interested in me, how can she make a decision based on anything?

Here's the main thing, though:

In 25 years do you think you will give a sh1t about this girl? noooooo you wont. So just make the move. Small increments will only make things worse.

I'm not just trying for a quick-fvck, or a 1 month date, bang, dump session. I'm not even looking for a 5 month date-bang-dump session. That's not fulfilling to me. I'm looking for a girlfriend. Someone I could be with, ideally, indefinitely until some incompatibility sparks a breakup. I'm not just looking for sex, or escalating the relationship to that. It's not my main goal. It'll be a side effect of what I'm aiming for. Sex isn't much without being coupled with love. I can buy sex off the streets for $50, and good sex too, but it'd never satiate me: it seems fake in my eyes. I'm not religious or anything, this is just how I think. My aim is a serious relationship.

This is the fatal error in Don Juan when I read it. It's about some guy with 9 numbers and 4 girls on hold who could give less of a fvck about one in particular -- that's not the attitude that gets a serious relationship. That's the attitude that gets a quick fvck, all the b1tches, etc. I don't need all the b1tches because I could give less of a fvck about what people think, and like I said, sex isn't my main goal. In order to completely desensitize oneself to rejection, one would have to be able to completely not give a sh1t about the girl rejecting him. That's psychologically impossible for me, since I'm hitting on the girl because I give a sh1t about her in the first place.

Susy's not the one I'm really interested in, BTW. I'd hit on her only if Becca is impossible.

I'm 15, but I'm a little hesitant saying it because I'm bracing for the "come back in 3 years" responses.

Thanks again for all the help. I'm not trying to argue or anything BTW. I'm just curious what you think about the above, thoughts, and the like.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Ok 2 things.

For incremental escalation, google "escalation ladder"
Basically the theory of that is "if you can hold her hand, you can also have sex with her"
Remember that holding her hand is making a move. If it isn't obvious and intentional, you aren't doing it right.

Next, you are being too romantic about this. You think talking to more than one girl will make you less likely to have a good girlfriend, but really it will give you options. Being a Don Juan is not about not caring, rather its about caring for multiple people at once. By spreading the love, you have more options and girls will appreciate having you and not disrespect you.

You won't remember these girls in 5 years unless you kiss somebody