"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Advice please...

styleman

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I was sitting on a train, I was on the inside seat and had put my jacket on the outer seat. I had my ipod on full volume and this girl got on the train a couple of stops later, and possibly said something (I could not hear because my ipod was on full volume) and gestured for me to move my jacket. Note that the train was not full by any means. Either way, I picked up my jacket and she sat next to me. She then continually softly bumped into me, she was trying to make it seem accidental, I could see that and I ignored as much as possible (until this time I hadn't taken a good look at her). Then I took my ipod off for a few seconds, and was changing the song (I wanted to see what this girl's deal was) sure enough after a couple of seconds, she asked me 'What time does this train reach London?' I answered her, then sent a few emails on my blackberry, then she asked to look through my music on my ipod, and we got to talking a little. I asked her why she was talking to me, and her response was that I 'looked normal'... at this stage I got a bit ****y, asking her what that was supposed to mean, and told her that I was transporting myself, and not expecting to meet new people on the train. She seemed a little flustered by that comment, but was adamant on continuing to talk to me. By this stage I'd got a proper look at the girl, and realised that she was actually very pretty (around an 8), the reason I hadn't noticed this before is because I've often sat on trains and never spoken to anyone, and was sort of in my own world... So we continued to talk for the remaining two hours, and she got almost my whole life story out of me. She asked me whether I had a girlfriend, I told her that I was seeing a few girls, which was met with a reaction of disgust, and she tried to persuade me to narrow down to one girl. I got her blackberry pin, and she asked me to add her on facebook.
I chatted with her a bit over blackberry messenger, and have basic small talk with her, she always asks what I'm doing about the several girls that I'm seeing, started off saying that I'm not doing anything, then I saw that perhaps this is what was hindering her from meeting me (she doesn't live in London, and every-time I ask her if she has plans to come to London, she does not reply) so I told her that I'm starting to narrow things down, and have got rid of a few of them (a lie). So then I asked her again if she'd like to come to London for dinner, and still no reply, although she still replies to any small talk...
Please help, I do quite like this girl...
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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styleman

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Do you think that the fact that I was curt with her on the train only just sunk in?
To me it seemed like she was very interested, and I was not, now its the total reverse because she blocks out certain questions...
 

Dannyrt34

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After i read your story you may have seemed a tad bit rude. I'm not sure what tone you used with her when you asked why she was talking to you and stuff. But saying stuff like that does make you seem more uptight. I can't tell you what she thinks of you now, but if you get a date, just be fun with conversation. You really didnt do bad tho, just remember niceness isn't always bad
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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styleman

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Dannyrt34 said:
After i read your story you may have seemed a tad bit rude. I'm not sure what tone you used with her when you asked why she was talking to you and stuff. But saying stuff like that does make you seem more uptight. I can't tell you what she thinks of you now, but if you get a date, just be fun with conversation. You really didnt do bad tho, just remember niceness isn't always bad
If you're talking about the 'I'm transporting myself' comment, it wasn't said in a rude manner, more so a surprised manner, somewhat playful.
One mistake I made here, that I can see straight away is taking her Blackberry pin instead of her phone number... It was the first time I've done that, and it seemed like a pretty good idea, because I mostly speak to my closest friends on Blackberry Messenger, but it seems that women react better to a man's voice!
 

Prodigy746

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You texting her is the problem.... If you had called her like you were suppose to , she wouldnt have a chance not to answer your questions. Try calling her and if she doesnt pick up leave a msg for her to call you back. If she dont call you than forget about her.

STOP TEXTING
 

styleman

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Prodigy746 said:
You texting her is the problem.... If you had called her like you were suppose to , she wouldnt have a chance not to answer your questions. Try calling her and if she doesnt pick up leave a msg for her to call you back. If she dont call you than forget about her.

STOP TEXTING
I didn't get her number, and asking her number over blackberry messenger seems a bit awkward...
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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styleman

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slaog said:
She's an attention wh0re. She likes the attention. When you ask her to London she completely ignores you which is very ignorant IMO.


Forget about anything developing and then see where it leads ie keep an open mind but expect nothing.
Thanks for the good advice.

One problem is that I'm running out of things to say over texts... Meeting would clearly open the communication channel... Any ideas what to talk about?
 

bouji

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Seems like she's after the attention, but then again looks like she had very high interest in the first encounter. An interesting scenario.

I say hell with it, ask for her number over messenger, if she says no, you don't have much to loose.
 

bouji

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styleman said:
I was sitting on a train, I was on the inside seat and had put my jacket on the outer seat. I had my ipod on full volume and this girl got on the train a couple of stops later, and possibly said something (I could not hear because my ipod was on full volume) and gestured for me to move my jacket. Note that the train was not full by any means. Either way, I picked up my jacket and she sat next to me. She then continually softly bumped into me, she was trying to make it seem accidental, I could see that and I ignored as much as possible (until this time I hadn't taken a good look at her). Then I took my ipod off for a few seconds, and was changing the song (I wanted to see what this girl's deal was) sure enough after a couple of seconds, she asked me 'What time does this train reach London?' I answered her, then sent a few emails on my blackberry, then she asked to look through my music on my ipod, and we got to talking a little. I asked her why she was talking to me, and her response was that I 'looked normal'... at this stage I got a bit ****y, asking her what that was supposed to mean, and told her that I was transporting myself, and not expecting to meet new people on the train. She seemed a little flustered by that comment, but was adamant on continuing to talk to me. By this stage I'd got a proper look at the girl, and realised that she was actually very pretty (around an 8), the reason I hadn't noticed this before is because I've often sat on trains and never spoken to anyone, and was sort of in my own world... So we continued to talk for the remaining two hours, and she got almost my whole life story out of me. She asked me whether I had a girlfriend, I told her that I was seeing a few girls, which was met with a reaction of disgust, and she tried to persuade me to narrow down to one girl. I got her blackberry pin, and she asked me to add her on facebook.
I chatted with her a bit over blackberry messenger, and have basic small talk with her, she always asks what I'm doing about the several girls that I'm seeing, started off saying that I'm not doing anything, then I saw that perhaps this is what was hindering her from meeting me (she doesn't live in London, and every-time I ask her if she has plans to come to London, she does not reply) so I told her that I'm starting to narrow things down, and have got rid of a few of them (a lie). So then I asked her again if she'd like to come to London for dinner, and still no reply, although she still replies to any small talk...
Please help, I do quite like this girl...
Seems quite unusual that you didn't look at her for that long...
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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slaog

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styleman said:
Thanks for the good advice.

One problem is that I'm running out of things to say over texts... Meeting would clearly open the communication channel... Any ideas what to talk about?
It's not what you talk about its how you talk. My guess would be to approach it from a point of view that you've put her in the friend zone. Don't chase her at all and see if she comes to you.
 

styleman

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bouji said:
Seems quite unusual that you didn't look at her for that long...
As I said, she caught me at an off moment.

Anyway, I want to peruse this girl, but seem to be getting nowhere, surely someone has some advise on how to sort things out?
 

styleman

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f283000 said:
whyd you tell her your whole life story? if she ignored you when you asked her out for dinner it's already over brother. Time to move on.

Because she was pestering me for it on the train.

I must say that I don't think its over, I didn't ask her to dinner so to say, I asked her when she would next be in London.

Not to be closed minded, but I'm pretty experienced, and this seems like a very unusual situation. At first she showed extremely high interest, now she is not so bothered...

In all my experience, I cannot say I've done anything wrong...
 

StephenG7585

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as sh*tty to hear as it is, the fact that she's blowing you off when you suggest coming to london is not good news. it might not be THE END OF THE WORLD, but obviously it isn't what you want to hear. prepare yourself for the worst, and when you've convinced yourself that fundamentally this is something you could get over in 2-3 days if it doesn't work out (considering you've stated you have other options), go for the phone route. like the other guy said, you can't duck that question on the phone. if she textually blows you off about the phone number like she does about the london visits, i'm sorry to say it but there's nothing you can really do except blow her off entirely. there's always a chance, however minute, that she'll get frustrated that you've dismissed her entirely and she'll change her mind, but count on the worst. that way, you'll learn to never get too disappointed and more often than not you'll be pleasantly surprised with tons of stuff. best of luck
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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