Advice/opinion needed on my situation!!!

[outblog]

Advice/opinion needed on my situation!!! (email corresponding attached)

Hi, guys

This is my first post here. just registered minutes ago to post. I've been reading some posts here but still a newbie for sure. Here's my situation:

I was an adjunct instructor in a university this past semester teaching a grad class. Half way into the it i developed strong feelings for a girl in class. I didn't show or do anything during the semester so there wasn't much interaction with her other than class discussions or office hours, which are typical student-instructor type.

After turned in the grade (also my appointment was over), i sent her a (light-hearted) greeting email. She replied in about 5 days with a short email telling me her summer plans. I replied right away with a longer email and this time she replied after 2 weeks (she was traveling to other state and then to Europe then). I wrote back again after one week(my 3rd email), but this time she didn't reply.

I got uneasy waiting her 3rd reply, but it never come. So after about half month i sent her my 4th email asking for coffee together and her number.
It's been a week so far no response from her yet.

So I have 2 questions (actually 3) hope to hear your opinion:

Question 1: Is there still hope - should I continue contacting her, if so what's the best way to go?

Question 2: Did I do something wrong with my approach so far?

This girl is the best crush I have in years so i would really appreciate it if your guys could help me on this!

Also i am attaching some of the email correspondence here. Sorry for the long read.

Email #1 (my initial greeting email, J is her, outblog is me):

Hello J,

How are you? Hope this email find you enjoy your break. This is a greeting from you previous instructor (not any more . Are you a little bit surprised to receive my email? Actually I wanted to write to you much earlier. You know, it’s always pleasant to see you and talk to you, although we never really chatted outside the class. Now that the semester is over, I just want to send you an email and say hello to you.

Anyhow, the summer is here. You must have exciting plans for it. Hope you enjoy every moment of it. And when you have time, don’t forget to shoot me an email and let me know how you are doing.

All the best

- outblog

Email #2 (her reply, i deleted some names):

Hello,

I certainly am glad the summer is here. It was a long semester and I am glad it is over. What do you plan on doing this summer?

This weekend I am going to **** to rock climb. I am very excited. I think it will be fun. Then I will be home for a few days and I am going to **** for our studio. We are going to ****. I am also looking forward to that trip, although it will be more academic than this weekend!

Other than those things I will be climbing a lot and bike racing becasue those are my two favorite things to do.

-J

Email #3 (my 2nd email, a little bit long, omitted here)

Email #4 (her reply to my 2nd email):

I am sure you will have a fine summer. often i find things to do right around **** and it proves to be some wonderful times.

i had an excellent time in ****. the climbing was super cool. i did so much. we even stayed an extra day because it was so much fun! i jumbed off a sixty foot cliff into the water while i was there. it was so much fun. the rush was amazing. i really can´t wait until next year when i will do it again!

now i am in ****. it is quite fun. i road my bike around yesterday. it was lovely once i was out of the city. we are doing much academic work but on our days off i hope to travel to some other cities like ****. honestly though i just might ride into the miuntains because i lvoe the countryside so much.

well i will talk to you later,

-J

Email #5 (my 3rd email with no reply, omitted here)

Email #6 (my last email asking coffee together and number, no reply so far):

J,

It’s been a while since I heard you from ****. How are you? I am not sure if you are back in **** now. As always I hope you are enjoying you days wherever you stay.

I think we should have coffee together when you are back! If this is a good idea, then I need you phone number, what is it? I will call you up later. My cell phone number is (xxx)xxx xxxx.

talk to you soon

outblog

 

[Jestor]

Hi, guys

This is my first post here. just registered minutes ago to post. I've been reading some posts here but still a newbie for sure. Here's my situation:

I was an adjunct instructor in a university this past semester teaching a grad class. Half way into the it i developed strong feelings for a girl in class. I didn't show or do anything during the semester so there wasn't much interaction with her other than class discussions or office hours, which are typical student-instructor type.

After turned in the grade (also my appointment was over), i sent her a (light-hearted) greeting email. She replied in about 5 days with a short email telling me her summer plans. I replied right away with a longer email and this time she replied after 2 weeks (she was traveling to other state and then to Europe then). I wrote back again after one week(my 3rd email), but this time she didn't reply.

I got uneasy waiting her 3rd reply, but it never come. So after about half month i sent her my 4th email asking for coffee together and her number.
It's been a week so far no response from her yet.

So I have 2 questions (actually 3) hope to hear your opinion:

Question 1: Is there still hope - should I continue contacting her, if so what's the best way to go?

Question 2: Did I do something wrong with my approach so far?

This girl is the best crush I have in years so i would really appreciate it if your guys could help me on this!

Also i am attaching some of the email correspondence here. Sorry for the long read.

Email #1 (my initial greeting email, J is her, outblog is me):

Hello J,

How are you? Hope this email find you enjoy your break. This is a greeting from you previous instructor (not any more . Are you a little bit surprised to receive my email? Actually I wanted to write to you much earlier. You know, it’s always pleasant to see you and talk to you, although we never really chatted outside the class. Now that the semester is over, I just want to send you an email and say hello to you.

Anyhow, the summer is here. You must have exciting plans for it. Hope you enjoy every moment of it. And when you have time, don’t forget to shoot me an email and let me know how you are doing.

All the best

- outblog

Email #2 (her reply, i deleted some names):

Hello,

I certainly am glad the summer is here. It was a long semester and I am glad it is over. What do you plan on doing this summer?

This weekend I am going to **** to rock climb. I am very excited. I think it will be fun. Then I will be home for a few days and I am going to **** for our studio. We are going to ****. I am also looking forward to that trip, although it will be more academic than this weekend!

Other than those things I will be climbing a lot and bike racing becasue those are my two favorite things to do.

-J

Email #3 (my 2nd email, a little bit long, omitted here)

Email #4 (her reply to my 2nd email):

I am sure you will have a fine summer. often i find things to do right around **** and it proves to be some wonderful times.

i had an excellent time in ****. the climbing was super cool. i did so much. we even stayed an extra day because it was so much fun! i jumbed off a sixty foot cliff into the water while i was there. it was so much fun. the rush was amazing. i really can´t wait until next year when i will do it again!

now i am in ****. it is quite fun. i road my bike around yesterday. it was lovely once i was out of the city. we are doing much academic work but on our days off i hope to travel to some other cities like ****. honestly though i just might ride into the miuntains because i lvoe the countryside so much.

well i will talk to you later,

-J

Email #5 (my 3rd email with no reply, omitted here)

Email #6 (my last email asking coffee together and number, no reply so far):

J,

It’s been a while since I heard you from ****. How are you? I am not sure if you are back in **** now. As always I hope you are enjoying you days wherever you stay.

I think we should have coffee together when you are back! If this is a good idea, then I need you phone number, what is it? I will call you up later. My cell phone number is (xxx)xxx xxxx.

talk to you soon

outblog

It seems like you got needy. Pursuing women is always a slippery slope since as a guy you're always tempted to compensate and better secure the deal. Plus, modern women don't respond well to courtship type behaviour, even if they are attracted.

IMO sending an email just telling her what your own fun plans are, without even hinting at wanting to see her is the way to go. She can always hit you up if she wants.

There is no fix for this because the solution always starts from the very beginning of the interaction. It's ok to initiate contact as long as you never ask for anything. Let them warm up to you, and then decide if you're interested enough.

 

[outblog]

Thanks a lot for the reply, Jestor.

You think i acted needy? oh i didn't even realize that. I was kind of conscious about the needy thing and reminded myself not to be like that from the beginning. Maybe I was doing so without knowing it myself. subconsciously maybe. sigh.

your suggestion of further contact sounds a good one. thanks

It seems like you got needy. Pursuing women is always a slippery slope since as a guy you're always tempted to compensate and better secure the deal. Plus, modern women don't respond well to courtship type behaviour, even if they are attracted.

IMO sending an email just telling her what your own fun plans are, without even hinting at wanting to see her is the way to go. She can always hit you up if she wants.

There is no fix for this because the solution always starts from the very beginning of the interaction. It's ok to initiate contact as long as you never ask for anything. Let them warm up to you, and then decide if you're interested enough.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Do not contact her again unless she intiates - she knows that you are interested in her - you should have asked her out by the second e-mail - you would have known the answer right away. From her non/late responses I would say she is not interested.

Was she surprised that you contacted her? You can't see her reaction over e-mail - best to do this in person and look for her body language!

 

[Dongfu]

You have given her no reason to call you, meet you or anything else. You sound like a beggar when you talk to her, and your broken English is hard to follow.

This situation is hopeless, given your current method of operation.

I would not attempt to interact with any more women until you get a basic understanding of how the game works.

 

[aussiegoat55]

To outblog:

The tone and diction of your emails comes off as being a nice guy, needy, desperate, and wussy. Also a little too formal, too cheery, what with all your excitement and how "lovely" things were.

The wussy sentences are below,

[[Actually I wanted to write to you much earlier. You know, it’s always pleasant to see you and talk to you]]

[[Hope you enjoy every moment of it.]]

[[As always I hope you are enjoying you days wherever you stay.]]

[[If this is a good idea, then I need you phone #]]

You should've condensed it to 1 short, brief, and sweet email. "Hey, let's get coffee sometime." If she says yes, then proceed with working out the details, if not, then you know her answer.

So what I wrote may not have been to your liking but it's what I see. You need to change your diction and talk like you would in normal, friendly conversation, without elaborate words that make what you're trying to say wooden and weak.

Good luck on improving.

 

[outblog]

She was in Europe then. Email was my only option. I would have asked her out in the second email if she wasn't out of town.

Do not contact her again unless she intiates - she knows that you are interested in her - you should have asked her out by the second e-mail - you would have known the answer right away. From her non/late responses I would say she is not interested.

Was she surprised that you contacted her? You can't see her reaction over e-mail - best to do this in person and look for her body language!

 

[outblog]

ok, i guess i am not that experienced like a lot of guys here. that's why i came here for advice in the first place. and yes, English is my 2nd language, there's still a lot for me to improve.

You have given her no reason to call you, meet you or anything else. You sound like a beggar when you talk to her, and your broken English is hard to follow.

This situation is hopeless, given your current method of operation.

I would not attempt to interact with any more women until you get a basic understanding of how the game works.

 

[outblog]

aussiegoat55,

thanks for being specific and to the point. It's more clear to myself what's the problem with those emails. Now when i read it it does sound needy and desperate. On top of that it is still hard for me to tell the subtle difference of tone in English not being a native speaker.

Besides, about the "excitement" and "lovely" comments, that probably shouldn't be considered needy, at least i didn't intend to be, actually i write other people just like that as well.

i do appreciate your valued advice.

To outblog:

The tone and diction of your emails comes off as being a nice guy, needy, desperate, and wussy. Also a little too formal, too cheery, what with all your excitement and how "lovely" things were.

The wussy sentences are below,

[[Actually I wanted to write to you much earlier. You know, it’s always pleasant to see you and talk to you]]

[[Hope you enjoy every moment of it.]]

[[As always I hope you are enjoying you days wherever you stay.]]

[[If this is a good idea, then I need you phone #]]

You should've condensed it to 1 short, brief, and sweet email. "Hey, let's get coffee sometime." If she says yes, then proceed with working out the details, if not, then you know her answer.

So what I wrote may not have been to your liking but it's what I see. You need to change your diction and talk like you would in normal, friendly conversation, without elaborate words that make what you're trying to say wooden and weak.

Good luck on improving.

 

[outblog]

bump..

 

[PhatE1vis]

Not sure if you can salvage this situation, but I have a question for your for similar ones in the future:

If you have to rely on e-mail and the girl speaks only English, do you have a trustworthy native speaker available to you? Maybe you could show them the e-mail first to get the tone right? I've seen the same thing happen with to another guy with a girl friend of mine...the tone just didn't come off right.

I can't imagine trying to talk to a girl in another language. KUDOS to you for the effort!

 

[outblog]

come to think of it, i should have posted my email draft in this forum BEFORE i sent to her. but it's probably too late now. i guess i blew it already...

Not sure if you can salvage this situation, but I have a question for your for similar ones in the future:

If you have to rely on e-mail and the girl speaks only English, do you have a trustworthy native speaker available to you? Maybe you could show them the e-mail first to get the tone right? I've seen the same thing happen with to another guy with a girl friend of mine...the tone just didn't come off right.

i wish i could be better talented in language. my english sometime is still a pain in the ass to me

I can't imagine trying to talk to a girl in another language. KUDOS to you for the effort!