advice on where to go from here

[mrgentleman]

ive known/ been semi seeing this girl for about 2 months now. the situation was always a little sticky because i knew she wasnt looking for a long term relationship because she was still getting over her last relationship and just wasn't in the mood for working at it, the drama, etc. however, these two months have been great, we've hung out lots and we even started getting physical. i guess for a serious relationship, 2 months is a pretty short amount of time to start sleeping with someone especially when this girl is pretty conservative. when we started sleeping together, she kind of started to freak out becuase it was becoming exactly what she had feared, a "real" relationship. i guess she also snapped back into her senses that considering we had really only known each other for 2 months, we had to slow down.

im pretty serious about this girl and i really don't want her to get away so i decided to initiate and told her that i wanted to give her space to get over her ex and time to get in the mood again for a full serious relationship and that we'd remain friends for the time being. we're both at the same university and there will be plenty of opportunity for us to hang out in groups and with friends. i got the feeling that she really needed to take the time to get her mind clear of her last bf and to allow her to become ready for something serious again. im feeling that i can also use this time that we're not "together" to just let her have more time to get to know me so that we can develop that friendship base. i want to have a layoff period for some amount of time but i still want to keep the periodic 1 on 1 lunches, coffee runs, etc. she is definitely still attracted to me and i just want to give her the time. i'm in no hurry to jump in a relationship and messing around with lots of different girls has never really been my thing so im actually willing to wait.

now the questions:
-how long would you guys suggest laying off before maybe just getting back to 1 on 1 hangouts?
-did i do the right thing or am i just fooling myself and ****ed up majorly?
-any opinions? please remember i'm not in this for a one time score or just a ****buddy but something really serious

 

[flexion_]

You shouldn't be instigating all these major discussions about how the relationship should be going. You will self-distruct it if you keep going down that path it will just fall apart.

Keep doing the things you have been doing from the start of this relationship. Stop the slowing down non-sense now.

When a girl slows down it means she is losing attraction for you - the ex-BF has nothing to do with it.

On the converse don't smother her - thats probably what was happening to get to her to say lets slow down a bit. Focus on other parts of your life and don't make her the center of it.

 

[SeldomSeen]

RE:

just take it slow and easy. Remain in view but dont pursue to heavy. And dont over analyze everything or ask her alot of questions about where you stand and what she wants because you wont get the answers you're looking for. You want to show her that you're interested but every now and then you want to throw in a few mixed signals to get her emotions working. When it comes to these types of situations the wrong move is to be in a hurry. Slow cooked meals are better than microwaved.

 

[mrgentleman]

well im sure the exboyfriend doesnt have too much to do with it but its more the fact that she doesn't miss the drama, the fights, the whatever in a relationship. im still curious though: what do you guys suggest when it comes down to being distant but still maintaining interest? still use kino? stay away from that?

 

[SeldomSeen]

RE:

Originally posted by mrgentleman
well im sure the exboyfriend doesnt have too much to do with it but its more the fact that she doesn't miss the drama, the fights, the whatever in a relationship. im still curious though: what do you guys suggest when it comes down to being distant but still maintaining interest? still use kino? stay away from that?

women say they dont miss drama but everyone of them craves just a little drama in their drab lives. You have to give them moments of pleasure and sprinkle it with moments of doubt or a bit of pain...