Advice on this girl (not the typical kind)

[Ascyus]

I know this is very long but any insight is much appreciated.

So we are both in our second year of university and I would really like to develop a relationship with this girl but im not so sure as to how to go about it. Firstly I want to begin by saying that this girl is probably what most of the forum readers would describe as average or ugly. In fact I didn’t really notice who until her friend introduced us to discuss about an assignment, I mean I would see her in class but I would always overlook her because I was busy looking at the obviously good looking girls. At first she was very shy around me and at times I would see her glance at me here and there. I never really talked to her but enjoyed our conversations when we did. When our final examinations were commencing we would spend up to four hours just chatting through messenger. I was beginning to feel that she liked me as she would always smile when she saw me, had a very subtle voice me when talking to me and letting me borrow her study notes. Then we had summer break and over this time I began to think about her a lot. We didn’t talk to each other and I missed this. So over this holiday I really wanted to improve myself to make me more attractive, and I really questioned as to whether she liked me, and if she did that I would act upon it. So I started googling ”signs of attraction” (lol) and looking back at our encounters she showed most of these signs. Then I actually found this site and I thought that it would really help me because im not really experienced in this field and many of these tips are a real eye opener. So I read some and I thought that when the semester started that I should try it on girls in my class.

So when the semester started I began to really like her. I started to disregard the obviously good looking girls and pay more attention to this girl. My friend defiantly finds her unattractive and before I liked her we would always make fun of her (but not in front of her.) and I know in his eyes she is about a 3 or 4 (same with me at first) but to me she is like the most beautiful girl in the class now I mean her eyes and smile are absolutely gorgeous. So I decided I wanted to have a relationship with her but it seems that most of the tips wouldn’t really have any affect on her. She is a really smart girl and I think she has never had a boyfriend, in fact many guys do not talk to her (most are my guy friends) and not to mention that I just found out that she doesn’t have a cellphone (omg she is 19).

So I don’t know what to do because she stopped going on messenger and the only way I can flirt is in person. I actually read about kino and I found it very amazing. So I decided to try it on her and it was astonishing. When we were in class I put my arm next to hers (to ask her a question) so we both touched but she quickly pulled away. I interpreted this as bad but minutes later she asked me a ridiculous question about the work (which I knew she knows the answer to cuz she is a nerd) and she really gazed into my eyes. From then we started spending more time and would always bump into each others shoulder when walking to the next class, I actually did this on purpose cause I sensed she liked it and the way she looked at me was like she wanted me.

I started to be fun around her a lot (like teasing her that she is left handed, pretending I lost her book – she actually was really sad when I told her but playfully hit me when she found it in my bag) and putting her friends fallen hair on her and she would always laugh.

But it seems that something has changed I don’t know if she sees me as a friend or not as she is very different at times. Like when we are alone she is all sweat, kind and quirky but when I am with her friends she is quite mean to me. Could you tell me what this means? For example if I say something wrong, she will always point it out and make a big deal like “were you listening??” or “that doesn’t make any sense!!!” and she will kind of insult me like saying that if she was a dragon she would breathe fire on me (lol? Somehow dragons were involved in the convo). I don’t know if she is jealous or not because when I talk to her friend who is quite good looking, she will always interrupt and answer on her behalf, I don’t know if its some kind of defense mechanism.

So I really don’t know if she sees me as a friend or maybe desires me. I would really appreciate any advice like maybe try more kino or something. Maybe its Oneitis or something im not sure….. but the more I feel she doesn’t like me the more im beginning to like her good looking friend. Maybe I should ignore her and pay more attention to her friend? Will this push her interest levels up?

Oh and btw i have only complimented her in being smart and funny but not pretty maybe i should say this? Because its true that her personality made her beautiful in my eyes.

thanks

 

[SandHawk]

Sounds like you're one of the few newbie signups that actually took time to read up some of material to begin with. Props for that.

But I hate to burst your bubble, this is like any other girl situation with a guy who is clueless on what to do, how to escalate and change options in his favour. Chances are, you've waited for too long and she decided to stop having feelings for you and just see you as a friend.

Since you've tried a few things on her, and she does show a few good signs(returning kino, looking you in the eye, smiling when you're around) and a few bad(esp. the jealousy signs when her friends gets your attention), I'd say you still have a chance with her.

The jealousy one is in my opinion a bad one, as it could turn her into an clingy girl craving for your attention, but it's also an IOI, that she wants your attention and doesn't like it when her friend gets it.

Next move? Take her on a date! Honestly, find something fun to do and ask her out. Say you want to go bowling, go up to her(when there are no other people around to interrupt this obviously), and just tell her "Hey, I'm going bowling on <date:time>, and I'd like if you'd come along with me". Go for an action date, where you go do stuff instead of staring at each other eating food. Make sure it doesn't last too long(2 to 3 hours) and when walking around, try putting her arm hooked into yours(kino).

While on the date, gently escalate your kino carefully. So no groping of her boobs/ass, but go from gentle arm touching to massaging her shoulders. Esp. great if you're bowling because you could go "Hey, lemme loosen up your shoulders, otherwise you'll never beat me", massage her shoulders/neck. If she's winning, tickle her a bit, try some hugging. If she's all receptive for that, you could go for the "You have a hair in your face" trick, where you wipe an imaginary hair from her face in a C, from her forehead, along her cheek, down to her chin. If she allows this, it usually means you can kiss.

Good luck. And if she's says no, do her friend instead.

 

[Ascyus]

Thanks for your advice SandHawk, was expecting more feedback but thats ok.

I dont think im ready to ask her on a date as she is being really quite around me and not wanting to be with me lately. Just today i sat next to her good looking friend (whom she is always with) and when i tried to start a conversation with her, she would again answer on her behalf as if she didnt want us to talk to one another. I can definitely sense some kind of resentment whenever i try and talk with her friend. Dont you think i can use this to my advantage?

Ive been looking back and realizing that i have been trying too hard to gain her affection like always smiling when we talk, its as if its lost its meaning and that she just expects it everytime. Dont you think that if i stop smiling and spend more time with her friend that she will try and 'prove' herself to me? Maybe if i stopped doing all the things i do to make her like me (like smiling) that she will miss this? Or spend more time with her friend?

So as i see it, im the one trying to impress her which is a nono from what i read, so will making her jealous and showing that i have other priorities with girls make her be the one trying to impress me.

Please inform me if my way of thinking is wrong (i dont like to play mind games and she isnt the kind of girl that plays hard to get games maybe she just wants to be friends or maybe she is just really stressed as all assignments/tests are in 2 days and she hasnt started or maybe im just over analyzing things) and I would love to hear if making a girl (or women) jealous can benefit or not benefit an individual in short/long term. Sorry if it doesnt make much sense, really have to rush to do an assignment lol.

 

[Kailex]

I read this thread and felt that there was nothing else to add onto SandHawk's advice as it was spot-on.

That's probably why there was a lack of feedback, but given your newest response, I'll reply.

Here's where your problem begins:

So when the semester started I began to really like her. I started to disregard the obviously good looking girls and pay more attention to this girl. My friend defiantly finds her unattractive and before I liked her we would always make fun of her (but not in front of her.) and I know in his eyes she is about a 3 or 4 (same with me at first) but to me she is like the most beautiful girl in the class now I mean her eyes and smile are absolutely gorgeous.

She went from being a nothing to being everything in your eyes. Subconsciously, your whole attitude towards her changed and now you were putting an HB-4 on a pedestal she didn't "deserve". All of a sudden, you were chasing her instead of the other way around.


Second, you took way too long to even make a move on this girl.

Want to know how you find out if she's interested or not?

Ask her out.

Simple. To the point and you get rid of the analyzation of whether you two stand on "friend" grounds or not.

So as i see it, im the one trying to impress her which is a nono from what i read, so will making her jealous and showing that i have other priorities with girls make her be the one trying to impress me.

You really are hung up on this girl, aren't you?
You KINDA got it right... you shouldn't be trying to impress her. That part you got right. But your aim shouldn't be to make her jealous... it should be to fill up your time card. Do more things, get a hobby, hit the gym, SOMETHING. Go out with other girls, but don't do it to make her jealous... do it because you need PLATES.

And now... read this and see if you just learned something about yourself.

i dont like to play mind games

so will making her jealous and showing that i have other priorities with girls make her be the one trying to impress me.

and I would love to hear if making a girl (or women) jealous can benefit or not benefit an individual in short/long term.

Either you make a move for the friend or you make a move for the HB-4, but make up your mind NOW.

And go out with other women too.