Advice on something deep (not really girl related)

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

I have this fear of leaving moving out of my house. I'm 25 and I know it is time to move on . . but its comlicated. I lost my older brother years ago in a car accident, and it hit my parents, my mother in particular, really hard. My other older brother moved out a few years ago and is now married. So it is just me and a little sister now. I fear what my moving out will do to my family . . like they'll think, "that's it, its over."

I have even brought this up and my mother tells me that its all in my head and they don't care, its good to move out, and I shouldn't worry. But then I also think of my little sister being left alone with just parents. She's really anti-social and just works, and basically has no social life. Any advice on this?

 

[Sicx]

I know its your family and all but you cant take care of them forever. You have to decide when its time to move on.

 

[Metaphysical]

You're old enough to be your own man and take on the world. You gotta mature mentally and being by yourself is the perfect way to do that. It will make you responsible over your own life and you will change a lot of your attitudes about life and especially how much you "need" or shall I say "dont need" women.

 

[sherineo]

may be you are not really worried about your family or your sister ...but really about if you'd be able to survive without them (by survival I mean stay happy...)

 

[brewbaron]

you'll still be within range of them right? so you can visit whenever you want. sounds like you are scared of moving out and your brain is coming up with reasons why you shouldn't. having said that, I feel you. I moved out a year ago but I still spend a good bit of time at my parents house, like you I want to take care of my mom and my girlfriend also lives nearby. its never black and white I guess.

 

[trd323]

I asked my parents what defines a good parent? their simple answer was, they have given me enough life skills to survive on my own and function fully in the real world.

I think they would be more proud of you for getting your own place, starting a new life, getting a job and just living as an adult. However, still keeping in touch with them.

As far as your sister is concerned, I would take her out sometimes and teach her about your experience in the real world and how to make friends.

 

[Pathgen]

I have a younger brother who is 13 and a bit of a pain for the last year. He was doing crap that was getting him into a lot of trouble. When i moved out 2 months ago for college. I noticed a total change in the way he reacted towards me. He listens to me more know when we talk over the phone. I didn't mean for it, but me moving out kind of gave me more respect in his eyes or something. Now my words seem to effect him more. For example my mom has been telling him not to cut class for 4 months. When i recently told him to stop he did.

I don't know if this applies to your situation, but my point is maybe you will be able to influence you sister in a more productive way away from home.

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

She's really anti-social and just works, and basically has no social life. Any advice on this?

Give her some thing to read .
Most of pickup material is pure psychology , not related only to women . With these tricks you can get higher status on social circle .

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Thanks . . it may actually help my sister if I moved out. So she'd realize it can't go on like that, in the house all day. Maybe it'll be a kick in the ass. On the other hand, maybe she'd have an emotional breakdown or something.

I ask all this here because I know the biggest part of all this stuff is having confidence, being your own man/growing up, etc. and this is one of the things that prevents me. I'm living like a kid almost, and a large part of why I'm doing it is so my family doesn't fall apart.

With me & my sister at home its like we're still that family, like when I was a kid. If I leave, it feels like that will be it. That family I grew up with, is disbanded. My family is gone. Wow, I seriously think my leaving would destroy my family. Clearly, as you can see, not getting women is a small issue compared to the crap in my head . . (I am already seeing a proffesional, before anyone suggests it . . just starting out. Incidentally though, reading Pook's "15 lessons" post made me feel happier than any of the sessions I've had so far)

Well, I admit, its easier too (in some ways), not having the responsibility of an adult . . but I have to grow up and be my own person now, even if its harder. Maybe I am doing it for me . . maybe I'm the one who can't let go. I don't know . . it can't go on like this though. I'll be Principal Skinner, living with his elderly mother at age 50 . . I guess this reply was just to vent.

 

[Pathgen]

Ok, I had a similar issue. I was all excited about moving out to college. However, a week before i left I got scared. I looked around and saw the place i had lived in for 18 years in a different light. I felt like things would never be the same again. I would never fight with my brothers in the same car like kids or go to my local hangouts... At least until summer break.

The thing to remember is that your never going to be a kid again with your sister. You can try to recreate it, but it will never be the same. However, you can be on your own making your way in life which can be equally as fun. 10 years from now you are going to be faced with starting a family... maybe? When that happens you are never going to be single living on your own again.
Its a natural cylcle that we have to go through until we are planted in the ground. Just have to flow with it and appreciate it at all stages.

Thats my two cents:box:

 

[JFun]

Are you sure you're not projecting issues with your family as an excuse for your own fear about moving out and being on your own?

IMO it is impossible to mature and progress and grow as an individual (and as a man) if you still live with your parents.

For your own mental stability and maturation, move out. Your family will be sad, but they'll get over it. You can always come home and stay at home during the weekends.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

It is possible that I am projecting the issues, or at least making them bigger than they are (the fear of them being hurt is real) . . but I don't know if its a fear of living on my own, but of moving on in life. Going further, taking a big step, and getting closer to the end of it all . . I do have that fear as well. Time passing. Getting closer to the end/death, or the end/death of loved ones . . Ugh.