Advice on hard to read co-worker

[TheMist]

Hi everyone!

I'm new to these message boards, so I hope that I'm in the correct place for this post. To give a bit of back story, I met this girl through my work place. She quiet, really shy, doesn't initiate conversations at all. I could work a shift and if I don't talk to her, we wont talk. Not to say when I do talk to her, she's not interested, but just that I have to get the ball rolling.

Back in september 2013, around the end of the month, we got talking and I asked for her number, expressing interest in continuing our conversation. We talked a fair amount, and I pushed for a date (just a simple lunch/dinner). She declined, said she was busy and we'd talk later. That night I texted to ask how her test went and she immediatly replied with something to the effect of "Test went great. Listen I really like you a lot but I hardly have the time right now (she's hardcore about university) for myself, little alone to share with another person. I'm really sorry, but I do like you." I reciprocated with the I like you as well (at that point we'd known each other over 6 months, so not sure if revealing that was good) and said that maybe when her schedule clears up we could try dinner, and that I'd talk with her later. She mentioned immediatley that she still wanted to talk with me blah blah blah. I agreed, though after that we only had the odd conversation here and there, I wasn't looking for a texting buddy... don't really like texting all to much as is.

On a side note. I hate texting with a passion. I like disscussions and have conversations usually in detail. I also joke around a lot. As many know, long winded texting is not the best idea and joking around can be difficult. She however perfers texting because she dosen't want the major distraction of a voice and having to hold the phone. Which is understandable, she is usually doing homework. So I caved and started texting. We texted quite a bit, but I found she wouldn't hold up her end of the conversation, I was always having to ask questions to get anything out of her. At times she would even stop responding to me in the middle of a conversation, and either ignore the fact that she did it, or use an excuse (my favorite being: "I got distracted, Sorry!" :crackup: funny, she was riding on a bus...) She also responds with such short responses, feels like she's barely interested in our conversation.

A few months passed and in December, she contacted me out of the blue for something minor (might have been to take a shift at work for her) suffice to say, I declined but we got to talking and after she implied she had plenty of time now that she was on break, I asked her out again. It may not have been a good move, but whatever, live and learn I guess. She wrote back "Maybe I'll have to see what my schedule is over break, my family has stuff planned". I waited and in the end she had to decline, to which I basically asked her out right, am I waisting my time here, yet again-may have been a bad call, but shush nobodies perfect. She immediatly said I'm not, and we left on a good note, with me saying (in a jokish style text) "next time you have to ask me out can't always make a fool out of myself you know", I went back to radio silence (life got real busy).

Out of the blue two weeks ago, we had a shift together and she randomly asked me out. So we made plans went out twice during winter break. The first date was good, conversation was steady with only a few pauses but they weren't to awkward. Date ends with a kiss/make out session. Second date happens a week later (she was only open to going out on the weekend, even though we had a week off for university). We watch a movie at my place, get intimate (close stay on unfortunitly). All signs pointed to her enjoying my company. She was cuddling into me, took my hand during the movie. Was very active in our intimate moments. She even randomly started giggling at multiple points, and expressed how happy she was at this very moment. So we end the date. School comes into play, but she tells me she's willing to keep dating on the weekends, and even say she might be willing to have study dates during the weekdays.

We schedule a date for this weekend past. Everything seems good. She came up with what to do this time, didn't really give me a chance to (She texted me, I asked for schedule, she gave the detail on her weekend and then immediatly said "can we go to a museam or for a nice walk" I mean points to her for saving me time). Any way, fast forward to the day before we are supposed to go out... she cancels. Now I was a little off put for two reasons. She didn't bother with an excuse and she didn't try to reschedule (her text: "I don't think I have time to go out tomorrow I'm really sorry!")

Me being at work (second job, not the one where i met her) and a little fustrated with some important stuff going on at the time, I didn't really think about what I was sending back. I just sent back "Oh, okay, wanna try next weekend? Throw me a text when you can..." the last part because I know she was arriving at work.

So I went about my day, did some stuff I had to get done. 7:56 roles arround, 3 hours after I sent my text, she texts "Yeah (I assume to the rescheduling), I'm just at work now! I'm on break". I sent a text back a few minutes after thinking, "Hey hows work going, or should we talk later? she replied with a "yeah" I said "Okay have a good shift, I'll call you tomorrow " she said "Okay " and thats everything.

As per my question, I'm just looking for advice, maybe what I did right and what I need to improve, and be as harsh as you feel neccessary. This girl and I may not work out but I'm looking to improve for the future.

Cliff Notes:
-Asked a shy girl out from work, got rejected for legitimate reasons (twice). Said she still wanted to text and she likes me.
-Texting her is infuriating but she is against phone calls (we have managed one). She text small responses, and hardly ever trys to imput her own thoughts on anything, or ask questions and she has a nasty habbit of randomly exiting a conversation (Does this a lot actually, even after two dates).
-Cancelled the day before date three, no excuse other that she didn't have the time and made no mentioned to reschedule, though responded with haste to my text message asking if we could try next week.

Also to add a small detail. Even though I suggested I would call, I decided against it and just decided to cool off for the next few days. Figured I text her tomorrow, and let her know I've been busy and that I'll call on wensday night after 7.

Sorry for the word vomit, but I just need advice. Thanks a bunch.
-Mist

P.S- Ignore any grammatical errors... [/SIZE]

 

[CaptainSaveAh0]

Didn't read the essay,

All I know is, shes a co-worker, so don't pursue this.
Too many of my friends ( including myself ) have gone down this route and it never ended well.

Had a situation where my friend lost his job after an affair with the secretary.

Don't sh1t where you eat

 

[El Payaso]

I just read a small book. Quite simply, she's not worth the trouble. She doesn't even sound interested and is probably just stringing you along for her own petty amusement.

 

[TheMist]

I appreciate the honesty and sorry about the length. So in your oppinion rescheduling is a fools errand?

 

[CaptainSaveAh0]

I appreciate the honesty and sorry about the length. So in your oppinion rescheduling is a fools errand?

Ya most likely. Sounds like she will bail again. Her reasons for bailing were never valid reasons.

No matter how busy a girl is, if she is interested in you she will find some time to see you. Even if it is for just 1 hour in the day.

Sounds like the interest is low and it is best to move on. Make sure you are in control of the situation and try not to let a woman get in control like she is now.

 

[TheMist]

Sounds like the interest is low and it is best to move on. Make sure you are in control of the situation and try not to let a woman get in control like she is now.

If its not to much trouble, could you elaborate on what you mean by me giving her control? I'm genuinly curious as I normally try to avoid it (girl got under my skin a bit).

 

[CaptainSaveAh0]

If its not to much trouble, could you elaborate on what you mean by me giving her control? I'm genuinly curious as I normally try to avoid it (girl got under my skin a bit).

By that I mean that she is flaking on you and you are constantly having to try and set up a date or text her, you are putting in all the work while and in the end she is still flaking on you. She is just in control of the situation while you are trying to please her.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Don't Mess With Co-Workers

Cliff Notes:
-Asked a shy girl out from work,

Never do that again. There's entirely too much risk involved to your job security when you mess with co-workers. Things could have easily broke bad with you concerning this flakey chick.

got rejected for legitimate reasons (twice).

That was one time too many and no her reasons weren't legitimate because if she was feeling you, she would have accepted the initial offer.

Said she still wanted to text and she likes me.

She doesn't like you. There's no guys in her life that are making her 'gina tingle, and using a sports a analogy, "her bench is depleted." To go further with the sports analogy, you're in her minor league system and was called up to the big leagues for a few games. Don't get it twisted, potna, you're nothing more than a legionnaire in her legion of followers.

-Texting her is infuriating but she is against phone calls (we have managed one).

1. She isn't against phone calls. She's against phones with YOU. Do you think if Channing Tatum wanted to talk on the phone with her, she'd turn down the opportunity?

2. You lost control of the frame by capitulating to being her text buddy. You should have told her that you only communicate via the telephone and you only use texting for logistical purposes. This was a test of excremental fortitude and you failed, miserably.

She text small responses, and hardly ever trys to imput her own thoughts on anything, or ask questions and she has a nasty habbit of randomly exiting a conversation (Does this a lot actually, even after two dates).

This is exactly why Rex is against texting. She knows that in an actual phone conversation she would have to give you 100% of her attention. Where as with a text, she can text at her leisure, if ever. This should let you know that she has zero interest in you.

-Cancelled the day before date three, no excuse other that she didn't have the time and made no mentioned to reschedule, though responded with haste to my text message asking if we could try next week.

She had a date with the dude she really wanted to get to know carnally and her response to you means nothing. She flaked and flaking is inexcusable, it's a sign of disrespect. Due to your previous dealings with this chick, her view of you as a man and your manhood is probably very low and she more than likely views you as a "nice guy."

Also to add a small detail. Even though I suggested I would call, I decided against it and just decided to cool off for the next few days. Figured I text her tomorrow, and let her know I've been busy and that I'll call on wensday night after 7.

1) What do you hope to achieve by calling her?

2) How does calling her benefit you?

3)This chick doesn't like you, doesn't want to spend time with you, thinks you're a nuisance, and only keeps you around to assuage her boredom and supply herself with male attention. Calling her on Wednesday night after 7 isn't going to much in changing her already low and negative opinion of you. Quite the opposite is going to happen, calling is going to put you firmly down the path to power simpdom.

This is chick has already proven that she'll take whatever it you're trying to give without reciprocating your feelings or showing any appreciation whatsoever, so before you end up being one those bitter dudes that's mad at women for taking your kindness for weakness and spupposedly taking advantage of you, you need to leave ole girl alone because absolutely, positively, NOTHING and I stress NOTHING good can out of this.

 

[MOTU]

Good sh!t there MaximusRex!

 

[Dunpy]

Okay so let me tell you that I don't really agree with this never go for co-worker ****. I've done it in my previous job, kinda what you did with this girl and banged another one. Also, we were like 20-25ish people so from that, I consider 2 quite good and risky. Tha's what I like, the risk. I NEVER got busted they NEVER told anyone so all this bs about co-worker no-go is just ignorable if you ask me.

HOWEVER you have to keep yourself to some rules. Lemme just tell you the important part for you.
I had the exact same situ as you have now. The making out part the flaking part everything.
First thing you want to do, is check yourself. Can you OBJECTIVELY judge her actions? Most likely you can't. Why? Because you are too ****ing attrected to her and you think she sends mixed signals. She might, though highly unlikely. BUT if you still consider there is a slight chance she might be interested in you, go for it. HOW I do it, you might ask. Well, without making a fool out of yourself.
Some of the lads before me have it right: you have to have control. That is your man_f*cking_hood.

So what did I do in your shoes? I called her. Lovely chat, we scheduled a date she was enthusiastic. Then she flaked. I never ever called that b*tch again, and for a solid 2 months I didn't even reply to her texts or chat messages though she was all 'forgive me' and 'let's meet' (at work I kept it extremely polite and cool and we didn't have to work together every day). She kept engaging for weeks and weeks and I was still polite and cool and ignored her. The end.

Now, this might seem like I lost a hot chick (solid hb8) and where's your happy end then? Well, after I decided she doesn't deserve AT ALL my attention, I gave it to other girls and I enjoyed and I kissed and I f*cked them.

BE realistic. Do you REALLY think there is a chance of getting laid or you just THINK TOO MUCH? If the latter (and oh yes, 80% it is) don't torture yourself move on & game other girls.

 

[VikingKing]

1. you care way to much already, your emotionally invested.
2. never date co-workers, if it goes bad, or you dump her it will have negative repercussions.

 

[VladPatton]

I didn't read the book, so here's a general list in regards to confusion and work girls:

• Leave work girls alone, they'll fück up your job
  
• If you cannot gauge interest, you must ask her out to instantly find out
  
• There is no magic solution, you have to step up and ask for a date
  
• Girls that have high interest will not confuse you, and will make it 110% clear they want to date you

 

[rascal99v]

I pushed for a date (just a simple lunch/dinner). She declined, said she was busy and we'd talk later.

she immediatly replied with something to the effect of "Test went great. Listen I really like you a lot but I hardly have the time right now (she's hardcore about university) for myself, little alone to share with another person. I'm really sorry, but I do like you."

Dude, let me give some simple advice. If you have to push for a date, that means the chick doesn't want to go out with you. Women will go out with guys they like, you don't have to push for a date. It's a given. Hard to read women are women who are not interested in dating or fvcking you. You can easily read chicks who want to hop into the sack.

You aleady asked her out to go, you got excuses. If she wanted to go out with you, the date would have happened already. She already told you in the nicest way possible that she doesn't want to date you. Each attempt you make to call or text her to go out makes you look even more desperate. She knows you want to go out, she doesn't want to go out. Understand that and move on. The more you bug her to go out, the farther you drive her away. The only way you are going to get a date out of her, is if she decides that on her own. She is putting up this much resistance right now to go out. What do you expect to get out of it? You're not going to get laid, so it's not even worth your time. Find somebody else and get on with it and get over her.

All you have you do is read the beginning of the second paragraph to learn that this chick isn't interested. In fact, she spells it out for you in perfect English. If this was a dude to her liking, she would be texting and fvcking him, guaranteed. She wouldn't use University nonsense as an excuse to be busy. Chicks will make the time no matter how busy they are if they like you enough. They don't waste their time on dudes they don't like. Look for another chick and don't try to date a co -worker either.

1. She isn't against phone calls. She's against phones with YOU. Do you think if Channing Tatum wanted to talk on the phone with her, she'd turn down the opportunity.

2. You lost control of the frame by capitulating being her text buddy. You should have told her that you only communicate via the telephone and you only use texting for logistical purposes. This was a test of excremental fortitude and you failed, miserably.

This is exactly why Rex is against texting. She knows that in an actual phone conversation that she would have to give you 100% of her attention. Where as with a text, she can text at her leisure, if ever. This should let you know that she has zero interest in you.

:crackup:

Here's some more anti text bashing by Rex that makes no sense.

Rascal says that Rex is wrong about texting.

In fact, it was texting that showed this guy that she wasn't interested. It helped him out. Now he can look for other women because her lack of interest was perfectly screened through text.

And if Channing Tatum was texting her, don't you think she would be texting him in 2 seconds? :yes:

What are we looking for in women fellas? Are you ready? We are looking for interest. If a chick has low interest via text, your phone call ain't gonna make her panties wet. That's why calling doesn't make any difference. Low interest is low interest, it isn't going to change if you try to use a different method.

Dude, it was her lack of interest that caused her not to be interested. Texting had nothing to do with it. Why is this so hard for these guys to understand that?

When a chick is showing no interest via text, she sure as hell won't have any new high interest if he decides to call.

Chicks text the men they don't like at their own leisure. They text the dudes they want to bang in 2 minutes.

Where as with a text, she can text at her leisure, if ever. This should let you know that she has zero interest in you.

You just contradicted yourself with your own anti texting stance. You prove my point to be correct. :yes:

You admit that texting at her leisure shows her to have zero interest. Correct? If she has high interest, she would be texting him in two minutes. He would be the top priority would he not? So, if she has zero interest via text, why would you think she would have higher interest when he decides to call? She would not.

Low interest is low interest dude. It isn't going to change using a different method. Her panties aren't going to get wet when the phone call comes through. That's what you anti texting dudes don't seem to understand :yes:

Thank You for proving me to be correct once again.

however, you refuse to admit that have a fear in having conversations with women until it's absolutely necessary. Period, point, blank.

:crackup:

What are you talking about? Fear? There is no fear. You think that because guys text chicks, that they are afraid to talk to them? LOL

Dude, when you get a bunch of numbers, you don't have the time to be talking to all these chicks on the phone. You use the fastest way possible. That is texting.

Chicks who don't like you aren't going to waste their time talking to you. They only talk to guys they really like. So, you're wasting your time calling when they don't like you. They will ignore your call and you will end up texting them anyway. Which is what men do on here when their calls get ignored. They text the chicks anyway to find out why they didn't answer. So after all that, they still text the chick to find out she wasn't interested.

Your theory is a myth that has been proven false. :yes:

it would never occur to you that she's bored out of her mind in class or what the hell she's during.

isn't going to give you an accurate range of her interest level because you have zero idea where she is or what she's doing.

:crackup:

Who cares what she is doing. Why do you care what she's doing? If she has zero interest in texting you, she would rather listen to the boring lecture than text you. Chicks will take time out to talk and to text men they like.

At least in a phone conversation, you can basically figure out if she's engaged in what it is your saying. It isn't the text conversation that has her interest, but rather it's the previous in person interaction. Just because YOUR personally in a text comfort zone that spares your ego from inevitable rejection doesn't mean that everybody else should be, especially when it goes against their better judgement.

Answer this question for me Rex. How are you going to find out if she is engaged in what you're saying or to hear the tone in her voice, when she has no interest in accepting your phone call?



To the OP: Quit bothering this chick, you're working too hard for her and getting nothing out of it. She knows it too. Focus on other women instead and mabe she might get sme interest for you, but don't count on it.

 

[Maximus Rex]

It Depends

Rex admits that he has approach anxiety, however, you refuse to admit that have a fear in having conversations with women until it's absolutely necessary. Period, point, blank.

Whether or not chick hits you back isn't necessarily incumbent on her interest level per se, but what's she's doing at particular point in time. For example, when I'm in sociology class or International Terrorism class, I notice a lot of chicks texting away. Now according to you, if a chick is having a lengthy conversation with me between 9:00 and 10:30 A.M. or between 12:15 and 1:30, you would default to her having a high interest, it would never occur to you that she's bored out of her mind in class or what the hell she's during. A rapid succession of emoticons within a fifteen minute period isn't going to give you an accurate range of her interest level because you have zero idea where she is or what she's doing.

At least in a phone conversation, you can basically figure out if she's engaged in what it is your saying. It isn't the text conversation that has her interest, but rather it's the previous in person interaction. Just because YOUR personally in a text comfort zone that spares your ego from inevitable rejection doesn't mean that everybody else should be, especially when it goes against their better judgement. Now carry on and proceed to get excited and gitty over :cheer: :flowers: you see that a broad has sent you over the phone.

 

[TheMist]

First of all, thank you. I only just started to take this kind of stuff seriously in my life (trying to get better with women). Second, I'd like to clear up some misconceptions. First off Rex, I never became her text buddy, I hate texting, so I stopped talking to her each time she said she was to busy to date. Second, not sure if I put this in the essay above, but we have been on two dates in the last week. She came up to me and asked me out during work. As for the texting, her responses are usually quick, just I feel like its hard to read her and most of the time she just answers question rather than actively moving the conversations forward, which can piss me off. I feel like I may have implied she never shows interest, which isn't truthful. And the phone call's aren't something I push for often, I work long hours so phone calls I just accept the texting, because it is easier than taking my attention away from work. And finally, when I say pushed, I should have said asked her out.

No matter what I choose to do considering I have known her for a while (we've been friends for almost 2 years), so I may try rescheduling once, but if she flakes again, I'm done. I'll tell her it was fun, but her lack of time is an issue, and go dark, go out and start approaching more (I actually am going to actively start regardless). The advice is appreciated.

 

[Greasy Pig]

A woman who is passionately interested in (fvcking) you won't confuse you. In fact she'll crawl over broken glass to jump on your dyck if she's keen.

Put her in the backburner now. Only pain awaits you if you continue this folly any longer.

 

[asa_don]

Rascal and Vladpatton are spot on. She doesn't want to date you, she only wants to be friends. Don't keep pushing it because you will ruin the friendship by making it awkward wanting more.