Advice needed

[anour]

And did you comply after he told you that?

I feel like there is a lot of context missing from your story, but to give an abbreviated answers: never let another man openly disrespect you in this manner in front of other people. I would actually say ESPECIALLY in front of other MEN. If you gave some meek response or just complied immediately he definitely is perceived as higher value than you are at this point. I would have at least pulled this guy aside afterwards and done what Diver suggested just 1 on 1 and told him (maybe with some other people in ear shot) to never speak to me in that manner again.

Don't lose sleep over this and use it as a learning experience. We have all been in this situation. I went through a similar situation back in law school many years ago although I didn't back down. Almost came to blows but the guy and I actually ended up becoming friends. Life is strange. You will get it next time.

Thank you for your detailed response. I like the fact of never allow being disrespected in general, it’s our human birthright to be respected. Yes he is being percieved higher value now, how can i tip the scales to my favor? I’m thinking of poking him without showing it to get him to say some dumb thing again and set boundaries on the spot to balance power and come out on top. My question is how can i do that?

 

[anour]

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I agree, we also don't know how the other guy brought up his sentence. Perhaps it was in no way meant to sound serious

It was meant in a hateful manner and degrading manner, that’s how i felt it tbh.

 

[Gamisch]

I agree with most posters. He barks, you growl. When its personal, its personal. BUT , I personally would only apply this when BULLIED.

In this case you were late. Next thing, you started talking while a exercise was going on. Put in this mix the after effect that the hottie in the group gravitates towards another dude. The lesson is you allowed every dude to get a moment of shine and build frame over your back. You allowed this to happen. Twice in a row. If nobody corrects you, then YOU are the one cucking them,an entire group of adult men. You should silently join the group and /or go to the organization. Social etiquettes. Also massively important to know when you deal with women.

If it was me I would've told I him to shut the F up . But once home I would've wished I responded like a grown up..especially realizing the reason why I allowed dude to act like this.

My first paragraph, I should add that being a pitbull ready for action obviously comes with a price. You gotta pick your battles wisely, and don't get into too much altercations unnecessarily. Things can go south really fast.

 

[Gamisch]

Thank you for your detailed response. I like the fact of never allow being disrespected in general, it’s our human birthright to be respected. Yes he is being percieved higher value now, how can i tip the scales to my favor? I’m thinking of poking him without showing it to get him to say some dumb thing again and set boundaries on the spot to balance power and come out on top. My question is how can i do that?

Sigh..you are trying to get back to zero(your perception)with some woman you dont know , by fighting the Alpha (again your perception) in the group. Instead of looking in the mirror, you make it about HIM now.

You went to this thing for yourself, your own personal growth. Next thing it's about a woman. And now it's about a dude and a woman already. Stop.

Dgaf about that dude. Don't worry so much about it. Let it go . Maybe the are other people or women or exercises that might benefit you.

You are way too insecure and sensitive about the situation. You balance this out by not giving a F. That it. Just another day. Same thing applies when dealing with women by the way.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

how can i tip the scales to my favor? I’m thinking of poking him without showing it to get him to say some dumb thing again and set boundaries on the spot to balance power and come out on top. My question is how can i do that?

This is really immature. I know you are upset at yourself for failing to properly respond in the moment but don't be a baby and start trying to fvck with this guy just to assert your dominance and get revenge. Just move on with your life and if he is disrespectful again, deal with it then. It is just going to make you look insecure and childish and make it obvious to everyone there, including him, that you have been stewing over this for days.

While I understand and agree with what some of the others have said about your being disrespectful by coming in late and side-tracking the exercise with your own conversations, what he said to you was still disrespectful and un-called for. He could have brought you into the exercise by addressing you directly, politely, explaining what you missed and getting you started on it instead of just barking orders at you like that. He only said it to you because he assessed you and determined that he could get away with it. If you were a really big, menacing looking dude, do you think he would have acted exactly the same? No.

I would have looked him in the eye, maintained eye-contact and said, "Hey man, don't bark orders at me like that again."

He might reply something like, "Well you're being rude. We are trying to do this exercise, you come in here late and side-track us"

And I would have responded with, "That's fine and I'm sorry if my coming in late interrupted people, but that still doesn't give you the right to bark orders at me like that. If there is something you want from me, you can address me politely instead of issuing commands."

 

[MtmVaott]

This is really immature. I know you are upset at yourself for failing to properly respond in the moment but don't be a baby and start trying to fvck with this guy just to assert your dominance and get revenge. Just move on with your life and if he is disrespectful again, deal with it then. It is just going to make you look insecure and childish and make it obvious to everyone there, including him, that you have been stewing over this for days.

You can move on by asking yourself if you really want to be filled with negativity because of someone else. If feeling this way is what you want.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

That is sound advice Venom, i already hit the gym, i need to start learning how to box.

Yes, and do so with haste.

How can i poke him to get him to say something like that again this thursday (we have the next meeting then) and then set boundaries to rebalance power play and be the leader?

2 solutions...

1. Put your pride aside for now and be ready for the next time, should there be a next time.

2. Passively confront him alone, such as in the parking lot (or where ever) and say something like "Bro, I just wanna holla at you alone and tell you that that sh!t you said last week was some bullsh!t".....or any variation of that.

Now, that is EXACTLY what I would say.

That may be too much for you, but hey, you asked lol.

I have a very low tolerance for stuff like that, bro.

I dm’ed you bro maybe you can enlighten me about the part where you have a post lined up

I didnt receive it. Try sending it again for me.

 

[anour]

Yes, and do so with haste.



2 solutions...

1. Put your pride aside for now and be ready for the next time, should there be a next time.

2. Passively confront him alone, such as in the parking lot (or where ever) and say something like "Bro, I just wanna holla at you alone and tell you that that sh!t you said last week was some bullsh!t".....or any variation of that.

Now, that is EXACTLY what I would say.

That may be too much for you, but hey, you asked lol.

I have a very low tolerance for stuff like that, bro.



I didnt receive it. Try sending it again for me.

Bro it ain’t no too much, i can’t handle disrespect either. Where i come from you get smacked the **** up straight up. Unfortunately, i’m somewhere in Europe, so i gotta pay for his **** if i break him.